Reviews written by registered user
Eternal1976

7 reviews in total 
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29 out of 55 people found the following review useful:
So much for subtly..., 31 March 2007
3/10

There are places for political commentary in film, but "Masters of Horror" is not one of them. I get enough of this stuff from Newsweek and every other editorial in the newspaper. Now I've got to watch this in horror movies? C'mon! All I wanted was a good zombie schlock film, not another "Bush is bad!" rant. If Joe Dante wants to express his politics, let him go on Air America. And if you must insist on making a "message" film, be a little more sly about it. This had all the insinuation of being slapped in the face with a dead fish.

By the way Joe, do you really want the left-wing voting block to be associated with brain-dead zombies? Might want to think about that before making another political horror movie (God help us).

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Crap, 22 December 2004
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

*MINOR Spoilers* I just finished watching this movie. How disappointing.

Now, don't go assuming I say it's crap because of the death penalty message. I'm against the death penalty, as well, but the story was so convoluted and the acting so terrible it made me cringe. How did Kevin Spacey go so wrong in taking this role? How did he do so wrong in it? And that death-penalty abolitionist, the one who fakes her own murder, she should never be allowed to act again. Of course, I found the level of histrionics to her character (aside from what she did to Kevin Spacey's character) repulsive.

To off-quote Homer, "This was the suckiest bunch of suck sucks to ever suck a suck."

7 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Good, but not as good as most say, 16 December 2004
7/10

I'm not bashing this movie. I like this movie, and I even own a copy of it in my growing DVD collection. However, upon viewing it a second time it's not as good as I originally thought. In fact, I find it damn slow. The fight scenes between Spidy and Doc Ock are great, but they are few and far between. And there's too much philosophizing/moralizing for my taste. Still, it's worth the investment in time and money. Toby is good as Spiderman, but the standout performance is Alfred Molina, who should get a Best Support Actor nomination, although that's a pipe dream.

Hopefully, Spiderman 3 will be more action-based, now that his moral conundrum and romance buildup resolved.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
"Come on you dumb vegetables and get cooked!", 17 August 2004
6/10

Is this movie great?

Hardly.

Is it enjoyable?

Actually, yes.

It's dumb, lame and borrows heavily from Dawn of the Dead (including a pilfering of its Goblin scoring). But fans of the Italian gutmunchers should be, at least, bemused by the Italian SWAT team that heads to New Guinea (why them, who knows?) to investigate... something. Turns out a cute nude reporter and her Frank Zappa-looking cameraman are there, too. Soon, the carnage starts as zombies and stock footage galore attack cast and audience members without mercy.

Acting ranges from non-existent to overdone (with nothing in between). With a little creativity, one could turn the stock footage scenes into a drinking game. Still, this movie holds a special place in my heart as one of my first Italian zombie films.

Recommended only for fans of the genre and MST3K-wannabes.

6/10

3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
A Spiraling Hugeanomicon of Suckatude, 17 August 2004
1/10

And to think I was excited about this movie coming out.

When I left the theater, I was literally slackjawed by the ineptness I had witnessed. Then I went and read the book (yep, all 1100+ pages), and quite frankly I don't know how this colossus of sci-fi rambling got published.

In the year 3000, humanity is on the brink of extinction by a race Bob Marley Klingons called Psychlos, who have come to Earth to economically exploit it. Our hero, Johnny Goodboy (Barry Pepper), leads a rebellion with still-operating Harriers and nuclear bombs. Go figure.

John Travolta (Terl, the lead Psychlo) should be ashamed of himself for bringing this to the screen. And we should all be ashamed for watching it. Avoid like radiation-saturated breathe gas.

1/10

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
You will enjoy it if you accept it for what it is., 14 August 2004
7/10

For what it's worth, AVP is not that bad a movie. In fact, it's pretty enjoyable if you just accept it as a simple mindless excursion from reality; a type of movie I call junk food for the brain.

Predators (or Yautja, for the dire-hard fans) come to Earth once a century to hunt aliens as a blooding ritual. There hunting ground for this is an ancient pyramid under the Antarctic ice, but a ground of scientists have discovered the temple and are now caught in the middle of the fight.

Simple story, not particularly great acting (but not terrible, either). The plot felt a bit rushed, but good special effects and relatively exciting battles between the predators and aliens make it enjoyable. Worth the price of a early show, at the least.

7/10

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Makes you want to shoot a nailgun into your eyes, 10 August 2004
1/10

House of the Dead...

One day, through the miracle of satellite T.V., this movie will reach the depths of space to some alien civilization. With curiosity, they will watch this strange signal from another world, and afterwards they will come to Earth and annihilate humanity for polluting the cosmos with this garbage.

This cinematic dog log should be put in a burning paper bag and left on Uwe Boll's front porch. It doesn't even have the charm of an Italian zombie exploitation flick (films which I am fond of FYI). If any of your buddies suggest renting this tripe, revoke their movie selecting privileges for life.

What else can be said? I'd review the plot, but there is none.