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I am also someone who hopes to direct a real film one day (and hopefully make a career out of it) and I have started editing tributes on youtube...its not much but its SOME sort of a start, right? Besides that, I am taught at school the rest. One of my many idols for "art films" is Werner Herzog. Even his "boring" or "silly" films are great.
I have an opinion that I will voice but I AM respectful of other peoples opinions because I have changed mine on a number of occasions.
Oh and I'm disqualifying internet movies considering if I didn't, over half the list would have them in it.
A mesmerizing music video
Before I start, I want to explain something, I freaking love Poets Of The Fall and their music. I actually stumbled across them when I was around 12 when I was just finding out there was actual good music of today and with the exception of a forgettable 5th album, I have enjoyed everything they've done.
Now the song itself is a love ballad that, quite frankly, any idiot would've just made the music video just with a couple that break up at a Carnival. But this director, Stobe Harju, decides to make it about a girl wearing a gas mask and a Gothic Lolita dress and her relationship with a carnival attraction that is played by the lead singer, Marko Saaresto, she gives a giant lollipop to the two other band members, Olli Tukainen (I hope I spelled that right) and "Captain" and goes to another attraction where she has to break plates for freedom and she breaks them leaving the carnival attraction behind.
So I may be very bias towards the music and, the "story" of this video is clearly from someone who was either really creative or really insane. So how is the style? Everything is CGI and considering this is an independent band from Finland, you'd expect its not up to scratch. It is. Imagine if the cinematographer from Repo The Genetic Opera got together with Tim Burton and asked if they could do something together...its just as trippy and "dreamlike" as it sounds. I can't explain why, but it fits really well with the video, you'll see what I mean.
Now there are also two versions of this music video - the original made in 2006 and the "Remaster" made in 2009. I'd say the original does look a lot more like the Carnival settings are actually rusting but I'd say the Remaster cleared up a lot of the technical bugs in the original (there is a clear moment where you can tell there was supposed to be a fade from one clip to the next in the original, but there isn't). So if any, watch that.
So, overall, if you have never heard of this band, I'd suggest checking it out. If a ballad isn't really your thing, I would probably steer clear but trust me, for those that want something interesting and different, I'd probably hold this up with the highest of all recommendations.
Super Shark (2011)
Even for an Asylum shark movie, this is the bottom of the barrell
With the advent of the Sharknado phenomenon, a movie that got popular for being a tongue in cheek turd (it was meant to be bad), I thought that I would try out a film with a similar premise of unbelievable lengths; Supershark. What drew me into this film? The fact that it has a shark thats the size of a submarine that can not only withstand missiles but also walk on land and can fly! The appeal I was trying to get out of it was something like Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes or the previously mentioned Sharknado. Where, its dumb, its nonsensical but thats the whole point. What we got instead was a magnum opus to sh*t.
So my one biggest problem with the movie is that we barely see the shark. I think its in the film for a grand total of 30 minutes at best, less than half the run time (sadly) where what we get is two other plot points - a journalist trying to uncover the EVIL oil tycoon for using a chemical that could break down solid rock (apparently that was where the Supershark was hiding, surprisingly I'm not questioning it for this kind of movie). The second plot involves a love triangle between a group of life guards - one guy and two girls that happen to be friends. I will give credit to the second one, the Supershark does finish that one off but what we get is mainly the oil tycoon plot.
Okay If I'm begging this kind of movie to be over the top, dumb, its time for the director to rethink his life. I mean, you don't need to go to film school to make one of these movies - yes, I expect horrible acting, I expect some of the worst CGI I've ever seen, I expect moments of impossibility happening but I also expect dumb fun. With this film, I can give it at least 3/4 but the last one is the most important element and without it, everything else just feels like "why am I watching this".
Oh and if you're expecting smut to save the film, your sadly wrong. This is a PG movie. The only thing that comes close is a contest where whichever woman looks good in a bikini wins. Its not a plot point in this film, more of a scene. I'm not usually into smut in entertainment but in a B grade shark movie where if it had fan service in it, just one scene, it would've saved the movie, that is pathetic!
So overall, this is a movie where a shark can fly, walk on land and withstand a tank and even for someone who kind of likes these movies, its pretty underwhelming. If you want to see an over the top shark movie that relies on "it was constructed to be bad" watch Sharknado 2!
The Nostalgia Chick (2008)
Honestly, I think this is a good example of internet reviewing.
The Nostalgia Critic is by far one of the most famous of internet critics, however in 2008, Doug Walker decided to have a spin off show that would look at Nostalgic movies that were targeted at a female audience. From that, we got Lindsay Ellis as the Nostalgia Chick. A very different breed of animal from her male counterpart.
For one thing, I don't actually think her reviews are that funny. Sometimes they are but for the most part she delivers her reviews in a serious light. So as a spin off to a satire review show, you'd probably think its awful but for the jokes that are there, they're delivered in a dry, witty way that its actually a welcome change of pace from the "scream" reviews that Doug Walker throws out, its almost like The Cinema Snob at some points.
I also admit that out of anyone on Channel Awesome, if I want a review that would not only be the most informative but also the one that could "sell" the movie, I watch Lindsay's review. Even though I don't agree with everything she says about movies (example, I actually liked Labyrinth and The Fifth Element, I don't like Wall-E) but I at least know that with each movie she reviews she has a well thought out argument that justifies why she feels the movie is crap or if she likes it.
So overall, this isn't the same style of comedy that you'd normally find on Channel Awesome but in all fairness, Lindsay does explain her thoughts on movies rather well, to a point where it never feels like she's just blindly hating. If you're into web critics, go check this show out.
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Now before I start, I want to make it absolutely clear of 2 things; 1. I liked the original Thor movie, it wasn't great but I'd call it entertaining enough that, if anyone wanted me to sit through it again, I wouldn't object. 2. I know that this might sound like "Oh, Morbius is just going on with the same old thing, he didn't like The Avengers so he obviously will just blindly hate on every Marvel film" no, I can assure you, in this review I have measured up each pro and con as fairly as I can.
The plot is basically the same thing you've seen in a ton of these films; bad guy tries to take over the world, hero tries to stop them and get a love interest into the mix. There isn't that much else besides that. Its been done to death in these films and for the most part, done better.
However, I do have to defend other aspects of this film before I get to the complaints. Firstly, the CGI is amazingly well done. The acting is from just about every player, pretty solid, the action scenes are all really well done and I'll at least say, its watchable.
Now onto the complaints, now you would've probably seen the first film. Assemble in your mind each and every single complaint; the love relationship is underdeveloped, the humor is bad, the writing is bare bones simplicity and it under uses the movie's best talent. This film has all of those things but to a worse off degree than the first. As if, instead of saying "How do we improve this over the original?" they said "How do we make more flaws in writing than the original?"
First off, the movie's talent is just, as I've said twice, under used so much that its pretty much ridiculous. Stellan Skarsgard is the worst one because as much as Anthony Hopkins and Christopher Eccleston are under played, at least they don't have this god awful humor. What passes off as a joke in this film? Skarsgard running around Stonehenge naked, Skarsgard not wearing pants, and the oh so funny antics of Kat Dennings, even though the Jar Jar Binks comparisons are a little harsh, she's still pretty bad.
The love relationship is just terrible in this movie. Natalie Portman and Chris Hemsworth have little to no chemistry and most of that, I blame on the writing. Now, okay, when it comes to other blockbusters where Portman played the love interest, it had worse writing (STAR WARS EPISODE 2) but in this, they share little to no scenes together, they barely talk to each other alone (and wouldn't she question "hey, what was up with that alien army I saw you fighting on TV?") and they don't even say goodbye to each other when the film ends. However, to their credit, both actors are trying, good god are they trying, but nothing works and after reading that, how can it? Apparently the Bifrost Bridge is repaired...out of nowhere, so what is keeping them apart? In the first one, it was made clear, in this one, its like Thor has ADD and can't decide whether he wants to be with her or not. But, oh, that would ruin Marvel's formula. Um...f#ck formula! The Marvel formula has been in use since 2008 and its getting tired! Captain America 2 had the "f#ck formula!" attitude and its by far the best Phase 2 movie.
So, overall, I don't hate this film, there are certainly good things about it but enough for me to like it? No. While its not the worst I've ever seen, it is an annoying film with the "playing it safe" bland formula Marvel has decided on what works. Hello. Can just one Hollywood movie take a risk? That's what makes people remember it.
Vampire Academy (2014)
One of the most wretched movies of the year and considering my views on current movies THAT IS A NEW LOW!
Okay, I am a fan of vampire books (not the ones this film was based on but to its credit, it can't be worse than this) and movies. I went in with the mentality "it can't be worse than Twilight", no offense to fans of the books but...it very nearly is.
I will start with my vote for the worst thing about the film. It fails to explain one thing about the new mythology of Vampires nor what this "Vampire Academy" is even really meant to be about. Okay, they try within the first 5 minutes of the film but let me just tell you what else they throw in and expect you to try and remember this;
-2 fight scenes
-A kidnapping storyline
-A "dual feeding" storyline and why thats a bad thing
-A telekinetic connection between the two leads explained over a plot point
You are expected to remember all of this and follow the story when all that sh!t happens IN UNDER 5 MINUTES! If you want audiences to take your mythology seriously, SPEND TIME DEVELOPING IT! Even Twilight did this better. Okay, Twilight f!cked over the vampire mythos and everything about it but at least they spent time on it so the audience isn't thinking "what the f#ck is going on?!" I never thought I'd live to see the day when Vampire Academy becomes complicated.
Okay, so the story is that a vampire princess and her wannabe guardian (for her character, think Kenzi from Lost Girl minus the humor and anything else that would make her enjoyable) are fighting off a threat to the Princesses life. And a majority of the film is "they think its this one guy or girl but it isn't". Also throw in 2 love relationships, an "outcast nerd" subplot, a vampire dying of...vampire degenerative disease and a plot point about the Princess trying to climb up the popularity ladder again. Is it just the theme for modern Hollywood to just throw in a ton of plot and just hope it all holds weight? First The Amazing Spiderman 2, now this. And for those that think because I think its complicated I don't get it, watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, Don't Look Now, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Fata Morgana and Wings Of Desire. All of these films I consider confusing at least at one point or another but I like them.
Now okay, if the plot isn't worth it at least the characters can be right? Wrong! These leads are SO ANNOYING! Mostly what they do is try to get back at the worst written bully I've ever seen in a movie (no joke) and figure out "do I like this boy?" and, as I said earlier, trying to regain popularity. Um...hello? Threats have been made on your life! Why don't you use your title as Princess to, I don't know, BUILD A SECURITY SYSTEM FOR YOUR SCHOOL OF VAMPIRES SO YOU CAN FIND OUT WHOSE WRITING BLOOD MESSAGES ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL! Oh, I'm sorry for using my head. You go focus all your energy on regaining popularity while this psycho stalker kills your cat (no joke, thats in the movie) and hangs a bloody corpse above your front door...THINK!
Oh and the characters try to throw in a moral at the end, because after reading THAT paragraph above you'd just LOVE that for your teenage girl. Its that popularity and bullying are meaningless...when I said this had worse writing than The Worst Witch did you really think I was kidding?
When it comes to vampire films, I'm a fan, really. However the writing of this film makes The Worst Witch look like Lord Of The Rings. I mean a German vampire film I saw called We Are The Night was brilliant. It took its time for the mythology to set, the stupidity level of the main characters is only as far as "not doing a good job of cleaning up blood" and the characters were interesting. And I know most people are like "oh I can't watch subtitled films" well you can read can't you? So whats wrong with looking at a screen that has both action and text over it? And if you REALLY can't do that, go watch the English dub.
Overall, this film is one of the worst films I've seen in a while. Its not because its a "chick flick" or something like that. But its because its a stupid movie with even dumber characters and even worse, it tries to throw in a moral. I've never read the books, all this film did was turn me off to an even greater extent.
The Spoony Experiment (2008)
My favourite web critic
When it comes to internet critics I'll watch you'll probably see a very short list; Nostalgia Critic, Nostalgia Chick, Brad Jones (as The Cinema Snob or not), Oancitizen, The AVGN and occasionally Angry Joe. However, my absolute favourite critic is The Spoony One.
Now I should mention my one and only complaint with his videos, for most internet critics they usually have videos that last for 20 minutes or so. 50 at the max. This guy? His review for Final Fantasy X rakes it in at a 110 minute runtime and thats not the only video with that runtime, I mean his review for Ultima IX is, again, nearly 2 hours long. Now not all his videos are that long, its just most of them are and for anyone who wants to sit through his videos in one sitting, that can be a problem.
However if you asked me to edit these videos down to a 20 minute runtime, I'd tell you to play Ultima IX followed by Highlander The Source. These rants against why sound doesn't carry in a vacuum in the Wing Commander movie is all justified for one simple reason. Sure, his reviews are as funny as an internet review can get but there are other times when I take his reviews seriously. Why? His long run times for reviews are all him complaining about things that he feels passionately about. Things that basically destroyed his childhood and betrayed it.
So overall I really like this guy because, yes, he reviews some really funny things and he does, rightfully trash these things to death. He is a representation of a betrayed fan base getting back at creatively selling out and he does have a really great wit about him. If you're already on the internet, chances are you've already heard of him somehow, if not, check his videos out.
The Avengers (2012)
Disappointment that still catches up with me.
Anyone that has seen my activity on The Avengers boards know my opinions of the film aren't all that high. To fully explain how disappointed I was, I have written up 4 reviews on IMDb and yet none of them, I feel, have fully captivated what I felt among leaving the theater. I saw IMDb reviews, I saw the ticket line that went out the cinema, through the food court and out the door, I saw the name of a man I idolized creatively tied onto this, Joss Whedon, and I saw that this would be what my childhood went into (because, believe it or not, Marvel, in part, was my childhood). To say I came out disappointed is like saying people got hurt at Hiroshima, understatement of the millennium.
Before I start, I will name some good things about the film. The cinematography did get the lighting and framing right that looks like an actual comic book come to life, the acting, for what they're given, is okay, and for the most part the CGI is actually pretty well done in terms of making things like the Helicarrier, the alien army and The Hulk come to life.
So with that in mind, what would be my complaints? Okay, have you ever seen a Joss Whedon TV show? Then you'll know the formula of "they argue and a tragedy strikes to make them band together", have you seen an alien invasion film? Then you'll know the routine of "the world is in danger, we need the best we can get". Have you ever seen a comic book film? Then you'll know the routine of "the hero(es) face a threat, they stop it and yet come out victorious". I don't know, I was expecting more from this film especially considering at the time I saw it, it had the IMDb rating of 9.1/10.
When it comes to a fun film, of course you don't need to make it dark, serious and as depressing as all hell but when it comes to the greats; Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Die Hard, Batman 1989, Superman 1 and 2, you get the idea, they all had elements that did make people say "something is at stake". In Superman 2, we had this all mighty and strong hero reduce himself to a weakling while others who are like him take over the world. In Star Wars (Empire and Return), that film tested the hero morally in the sense that he couldn't kill his own father for obvious reasons but it was brought back with the humor (which, unlike this film, didn't go too overboard). In this film, the only one that dies is someone who is brought back to life later so not only did that rule out the thought of "there's something at stake" but it made the motivation for the team to band together, eventually, entirely pointless.
However, I need to address something else, the humor. Oh God, the humor. Now, I'm not against humor in films but this film threw every joke it could in the way of the audience to get any giggle it could but keep in mind the best joke is "I am a God you dull creature, I will not be bullied by-" *beats the crap out of him*. That joke got an applause in the theater I was in, that gives you an idea of what the humor of this film is like.
Another problem is that Loki is too weak to be matched with The Avengers, sure, he has his army but before they invaded he was beaten in combat 3 times, once in an earlier film. Not exactly feeling the weight of him as a villain if the heroes have demonstrated that they can defeat him at every turn they've encountered him! Oh and Thor is in this film, if you remember the first film you'll see that the only means of teleportation between worlds was destroyed, they made a sequel to Thor and do they explain in the sequel or this film how he managed to get back to earth for the events in The Avengers? Establishment, whats that?
Essentially, the major problem with this film is that it plays way too safely and its predictable. Nothing happens in this film that makes you feel like "I care for these characters, I want them to make it out okay" nor "this villain is way too powerful for any of them to take on alone, I hope they make it out okay". If you want your audience member to be invested, you NEED these things to be going through the mind of the viewer. This is not on the basis of a Werner Herzog, Wim Wenders or Stanley Kubrick film, this is on the basis of Star Wars, Superman 1 and 2, Die Hard etc. Basic films that had these elements in them that made them classics.
Overall, I have bitched and moaned about this film for ages but nothing can really capture how disappointed I was with this film. It basically turned me into a cynical bastard that was aware of all the tricks and manipulative tools used to make this film have so much hype. To be fair, it could be okay for any die hard comic book fan but for those that expect this to be anything more than "another comic book film" or "another Joss Whedon film" or "another blockbuster"...you're better off not seeing this.
Okay, I generally don't do reviews on IMDb unless I actually feel as though I could contribute something as a point of view towards the film or TV show. This is not an exception. I was hooked into the show from the first episode onward.
The plot is that a student named Sakakibara Kouichi enrolls in Yomiyama High School, Grade 9, Class 3. It turns out that the particular class he enrolled in has its own urban legend; 26 years ago, a student named Misaki, who was really popular, died during the mid year break. A student eventually said that Misaki wasn't dead and Misaki was in the class, still learning. Back in present day, however, Kouichi meets a girl at Yomiyama high called Misaki and the other students deny she ever exists.
That is all I will reveal about the plot in this review. This is actually one of those horror/mystery genre titles where if you have little to no exposure about the plot, you will be guessing everything. It also is one of those mystery shows where the final twist isn't a letdown. I have seen way too many mystery films where the build up was really good but the reveal as to what was really doing all the damage just ruined everything and made it stupid. The same goes for a TV show. And to see a show where they don't only keep the mystery well hidden but the reveal isn't a letdown, that is just great.
I also have to admit, this show does portray a creepy tone throughout the entire run. It never gets to the stage of truly being terrifying but I have to admit, with some of the things that went on, I was actually creeped out by some of the stuff that happened. Kudos to them for also making the first horror title in years that actually, you know, was creepy.
Now when it comes to things like the animation of this show...it looks fantastic. Okay, if you aren't really into the anime style of drawing then you probably won't like the style of the characters sometimes but the texture of some of the setting and the Gothic anime style makes it seem so rich in atmosphere that it works really well to the shows advantage.
The other thing is that the voice acting (at least in the Japanese version) is spot on. The way they act makes me want to know more about these characters, for example a lot is left in mystery as to Misaki's character and with all the gruesome deaths that happen in the show (none of which are caused by her...I won't say anything else) she mainly keeps to a calm voice throughout all of the show. Some might say thats bad voice acting but it makes the character more interesting. The English dub...well, the animation was nice.
So overall, I loved watching this show. I completed it in 3 days flat and I enjoyed every second of watching it. I will definitely put it on my "Top 10 TV Shows" list. So if you're into the idea of a horror and/or mystery premise which is surprisingly well put together, check it out.
I went into this film knowing nothing about it. I didn't know who Barbara Hutton was nor what kind of lifestyle she led. I sat through the entire near 4 hour run of this film and every second is worth it.
I will be honest, this movie packs a lot of plot in so I will keep it as short as I can. Barbara Hutton inherited her Grandfather's fortune, who was F. W. Woolworth, but her mother committed suicide when she was young and every person she meets either wants to get control of her money or acts like she can buy off her happiness, which includes the many men she marries.
Now the acting is fantastic. While Farrah Fawcett doesn't look like how Barbara did in real life (I looked up her photo), through the emotion she portrayed of just loosing a son, it was amazing, and that was only in the last third of the film, the rest packed with more situations equally as tragic and Fawcett puts in exactly the right amount of emotion. You get emotionally drawn into the situation and characters because the actors were emotionally drawn into the situation and their characters. And from what I have read about her life, this miniseries is pretty accurate towards what happened. If you also take a look almost none of the actors look like the real people they're portraying but in the end, that doesn't matter, every single one of them puts in the amount of effort required for their role.
Now the one thing I have to complain about is that the version of the film I have is not fully restored as in, it looks like an 80's TV miniseries and of something that is legit, there are numerous shots where the boom mic is seen at the top of the shot. I don't know if they didn't think it was worth another take or if they thought they could get away with it but, either way, its pretty distracting. There is one more thing, the makeup for the actors is almost, for the first half of the movie, non existent in increased age. I mean Barbara's father lived until he was 63 and they cast a man who was nearly at that age for the entirety of the film and they don't even try to hide it. Maybe it was a limitation of the network but again, its still distracting.
Overall this film is a well made dramatic retelling of the life of a woman who, sadly, had a pretty bad life and this movie does everything it can to tell her side of the story and it does so incredibly well. I suggest if you hold even the remotest of interest in this film, see it.
Cruel Intentions 3 (2004)
The worst of the series.
Okay, I am not the biggest fan of the Cruel Intentions movies, in fact the only reason why I watched all 3 of them is because I really like the Dangerous Liaisons storyline and I want to see how they could possibly carry it on. The original Cruel Intentions film was basically a retelling of a story about sexual deviency, originally set with adults of the French Aristocracy, set in High School and the way they try to make this work...Its pretty clear why this isn't everyone's cup of tea. Not because its shocking, but because it doesn't work. The second one, I will give credit, actually entertained me but because that movie assaults its audience with so much stupidity that its hard not to laugh at it. Its damn near one of the funniest movie ever made.
Now when it comes to this film, its the worst of the series.
The plot of this movie is split up into thirds. As in, one plot will take up one third of this movie, its that confused as to what the Cruel Intentions should be. The first plot is a bet that Merteuil has with Jason that she can sleep with a nerd named Patrick and then some bland guy who is in touch with royalty but that goes belly side up because during the date with the English guy (I'm sorry, I don't know his name) Patrick comes over with flowers and proves to him that she had sex with him. Patrick then reveals to her that this was his doing the entire time and he and Patrick were in cahoots with each other the entire time, which leads to the one biggest question, what the hell did either of the two guys get out of it?
So the guys then decide to compete with each other for sexual "points" as such. One of them has sex with a girl who is engaged and a girl who is happily with a boyfriend. This plot starts 20 minutes in and ends by the hour mark. The THIRD story is that because they both succeeded in their quest on the exact same night, they decide to make a bet that they can bed Merteuil. It turns out that Patrick is being played the entire time and he ends up going to prison for raping Merteuil.
I will give the acting of this movie credit, it does try to pull something off but considering they needed to split up the character of Valmont into two people to show the two faces to his personality instead of just having the one actor, that should tell you what the writing is like. Oversimplified, even for a Cruel Intentions movie. There isn't any character at all in this that has any depth; Merteuil is evil, Jason is a player, as is Patrick. There, the main characters and the height of their depth, all described as a list.
I will give it credit in one area that this was pulled off. Instead of High School, its set in College and that is one area where I have to give it credit for. It tries to update it to an older age while keeping the "look" of a Cruel Intentions cast. Does it work? Even here, no.
Overall, there is a slightly variant degree as to why this one is worse than the first one but its like measuring the pain of being stabbed in the chest or being shot in the chest, either way, its gonna hurt. If your a fan and you are a completionist, go check it out but I'm not sure that you'll enjoy it but if the filmmakers of this didn't put any effort into making the movie, why should I in my review of said movie?