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I am also someone who hopes to direct a real film one day (and hopefully make a career out of it) and I have started editing tributes on youtube...its not much but its SOME sort of a start, right? Besides that, I am taught at school the rest. One of my many idols for "art films" is Werner Herzog. Even his "boring" or "silly" films are great.
I have an opinion that I will voice but I AM respectful of other peoples opinions because I have changed mine on a number of occasions.
Hercules Returns (1993)
While I liked it as a kid...not so much any more.
Okay, so, where to properly start with this film? I saw it a lot as a kid and thought it was funny. Some jokes still SORT OF work (ala "what does that man think he's doing with his hands on MY Labia?" - Labia in this case being the name of a character). However...I will try to judge this fairly and even as its aged, this movie is...not good.
The movie is about an employee to one of the biggest film distributors in Australia. He decides he's not happy with the stuff he's making and decides to quit to open up a theater that hasn't been opened since the mid 60s. He decides to open it up via airing the last movie that it showed - which happens to be Ercole, Sansone, Maciste e Ursus gli invincibili...which is in Italian without any subtitles (due to his former boss trying to sabotage the competition...how the biggest film distributor in Australia would fail to a small theater in Melbourne is anyone's guess!). So they decide to dub it. Which is as dumb as all hell due to just how much work Foley artists actually do. Getting it all right in one take would be impossible. I know "just turn off your brain" but for a plot where I can describe EVERYTHING in the film within one paragraph, suspension of disbelief on par with a group of average minded people managing to build a fully functional time machine...in 1485 should not be required here.
Why is THAT important? Its the only thing that links the first 30 minutes to the rest of the film (I'm not joking about that) and it really isn't the best way. Why the hell couldn't it just be a cheap dubbing studio or something? Sure, the film would have no plot but as is, it only has a plot for less than a third of a 70 minute film! Literally! Also, the movie ends with the film being a hit among critics and audiences (despite none of them really questioning the 90s pop culture references made in the 60s). Now, I know the film isn't exactly the most well known of the genre but wouldn't SOMEONE notice the dubbing quality in universe of the filmed parts? Then the movie ends with a female employee with cartoonish strength punching the said head of biggest film distributor in Australia...how the movie ends with a party and not the heroes becoming homeless is anyone's guess!
However, thats not the part that most people remember about the film - its the actual dubbing of Ercole, Sansone, Maciste e Ursus gli invincibili...a movie originally marketed as a comedy. So, dubbing this for comedic effect is already pointless as, the original film was ALREADY made to make you laugh. Not only that but...it fails for the same reason most think the Sharknado movies fail. There are literally a TONNE of bad dubs out there (look for anything anime around this time - Let The Right One In, Stalingrad, to name a few) and what makes bad dubs or bad movies appealing is if they went out actually TRYING to make a good dub or good movie and f*cked it up. The way this movie works is *drop trou and takes a crap* "Tell me what that is" "Its a crap." Bravo, the silly dub is silly...why is THAT funny? Not only that but considering how much of the movie is in this movie versus how much of the movie is actually in the film...a third of it was cut. So even as is, Ercole, Sansone, Maciste e Ursus gli invincibili is completely misrepresented in this even if you didn't count watching this as seeing that film.
So as is, how are the jokes? Well...it mostly relies on sexual innuendos. Some of you may be aware of the Labia commented earlier in the review. There's also the fact that one of the new characters - Machismo, who isn't a flaming gay stereotype. No, he's THE flaming gay stereotype(despite the fact that Australia made "The Adventures Of Priscilla", its treatment towards homosexuals are conservative to say the least - to a point where homosexualism in this movie is played up as a joke expected to be as funny as it was in say, the 60s). There's also that a major plot that Hercules must wrestle Samson and if Hercules looses, he must marry him and there's also the name of Labia's lover in this movie...Testiculi. There's also a short character in the film called "Stretch" and finally, the name of Labia's hometown - Chlamydia. Now thats not ALL this movie has to offer in terms of humor - there's Hercules being dumb and wanting to be a Nightclub singer. As is, I don't remember much else, aside from Ursus being a bouncer that kicked everyone out of a diner, ate the food and forced the people inside to perform Olivia Newton John. He also delivers the only funny homosexual joke in the film - "I want a man" "Oh, like THAT is it nancy boy?" The thing is...I don't MIND politically incorrect humor - in the right doses its fine, however, what I have a problem with is "What about that exotic dancer that does the thing with the vaccum cleaner" "But she sucks!" just doesn't really make me laugh.
So...if that sounds like your sort of movie, go ahead. However...while I don't hate this movie as much as this review would lead you to believe, I still don't like the film. The reason I still like SOME of it is because of nostalgia still holding up in SOME places. The reason why I don't...well, read the review again. So if you're interested, watch but I would officially say "watch a dub that tried to be good but failed" instead.
A sequel that improves on the original
So far, I think the Terrance Zdunich/Darren Lynn Bousman writer/director combo is just great with its musicals. I adore Repo! The Genetic Opera and I really liked the original Devil's Carnival in spite of its faults. So I was fired up about this film like you wouldn't believe. However, the problem I had with that is that I originally saw The Devil's Carnival through a friend and I had tried on and off ever since to try and find the original and had no luck, but with both movies just recently being sold on iTunes I bought both movies without even thinking twice. And...yeah, this is a much better movie than its predecessor.
Okay, in the original film it ended with The Devil deciding to start a war with God after he found out he could forgive everyone of their sins "cheaply" and send them to Heaven. In the first film it primarily focused on Hell. This film decides to focus on Heaven and is a pseudo prequel to the first and focuses on the character origins of Painted Doll (aka Emilie Autumn). One of the problems this movie has is that I really wish it tried to tell the origins of a few of the demonic characters and how they fell...for example, imagine hearing the origins of The Twin or Hobo Clown. At double the running time of the original film, it had every chance to make that happen. As is, however...it just feels like Bousman showcasing Emilie's talent and saying "Yes, I CAN make a credible musical with her in it" in preparation for her own musical "The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls". I'm ALREADY psyched up for that. This movie doesn't need that angle to get me excited.
So the plot is that, in preparation for the upcoming war, The Devil anticipates that Heaven would send a character called The Agent (Adam Pascal) to try and sort everything out. So he reads a story to a cloaked figure about what happened to June (Painted Doll) and how she was kicked out of Heaven. It turns out Heaven is a 1984/Bioshock world where everything looks like it came out of the 40's and a character called the Watchword (Barry Bostwick) spies on everyone for sins that could send them to Hell and each inhabitant has to assume a job with actual higher ups in Heaven comparing it to Noah's Ark.
One thing that I SHOULD warn people about though is remember how I said that the last film had ended with The Devil preparing to start a war with God...the farthest we ever get in this film is the first attack. I don't mind that as we had to at least see Heaven first but, for those that want the epic war of the afterlife...you'll just have to wait for Devil's Carnival 3 for that.
There is one thing in this film that actually helps one of the biggest problems in the previous film - in the last film a girl called Tamra was sent to Hell for trusting too much...seriously. This film helps that out by saying that the God in this world is a knifing prick with double agendas and manipulating people into feeling worse about themselves, even if they've done nothing wrong (he asks The Agent to watch over June and seduce her and there's no other way to see it other than he KNEW that she'd take that forbidden book - the one with the apple on the cover...yes, seriously - and be sent to Hell)...so, this goes without saying, if your religiously catholic, don't watch this because, I guarantee you, you WILL get offended. Me personally...I think its an interesting take on religion, to tell you the truth. I'm neither one way or another when it comes to religious beliefs but making God out like that, while it has been done before, its quite interesting.
So...considering this is a musical, how are the songs? Again, this has been improved since the last film. The song "Hoof And Lap" has been stuck in my head for days! "Fair Game" is also a much better song for The Twin as a character to be showcased in than "Beautiful Stranger" (although honestly I like both songs) and as far as I can remember, the only really bad song in this movie is "The Watchdogs Hour" (sorry Barry...you can't sing anymore!) whereas the original had at the very least two - "The Devil's Carnival" (which is briefly in Hoof And Lap and works a lot better there) and "Kiss The Girls" which appears in a sequence thats entirely pointless and for a 55 minute film...thats impressive. Also, considering we get a lot more songs from both Heaven and Hell, they both have their own distinct sounds which is something I admire as it would be easy to make them both sound alike in each and every way.
Overall, this movie is definitely not for everyone and I may be bias in saying this but...I really liked it and I'd love to see more from this film series. If your interested in a musical that does everything it can to try and push boundaries in how they're made, and you happen to be a fan of Repo!, I'd suggest checking it out but if none of the above sounds like your cup of tea...I'd seriously suggest giving the entire series a miss.
Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
Not exactly a worth successor to the original.
I only recently discovered Elvira through the first film - Elvira Mistress Of The Dark. Honestly, it was entertaining enough to warrant my buying a DVD of the show (which includes "The Satanic Rites Of Dracula" and "The Werewolf Of Washington"). So I went ahead and watched the sequel...sort of...and...this movie only holds up due to its ideas!
So what are these ideas? Okay, its a spoof of Roger Corman movies, particularly the Edgar Allan Poe ones he did (not specifically stated but with the Pit and the Pendulum scene, its hard not to miss) where Elvira and her maid are in 1851 (as far as setup goes, a movie about a horror host being set before films were even invented isn't the strangest thing on display here) and short on money. So they hitch a ride with a Dr Bradley Bradley whose on his way to Castle Hellsubus. While there, everyone remarks on how much Elvira looks like Lady Hellsubus who committed suicide some 10 years earlier and was the first wife of our villain Vladimir Hellsubus (I'm not spoiling that he's the villain...just read the name he's got. He's played by Richard O'Brien. How do you not IMMEDIATELY see that he's the villain just from my review?).
As a setup goes, thats not awful. In fact, I'd say its close to damn near inspired. Having someone famous for making fun of bad movies being in a self aware bad movie. It doesn't even go over the top with the premise like Sharknado does in a desperate "WE KNOW THIS IS CRAP! LAUGH!" over and over. As for the other elements that are good - Richard O'Brien is probably the most chuckles you'll get from this but only because he looks like he's having way too much fun with the part (and honestly, Richard Chamberlain backing out and being replaced with O'Brien probably saved the film an extra star). The costumes and set designers can be very proud of themselves. It looked and felt like a classic B-movie while still being a...modern B-movie.
So whats bad? Well, all of the above would work if the jokes were written with any form of subtlety. I know I just said "It doesn't even go over the top with the premise" but that was the premise, not the actual humor of the film. Things like one liners about modern pop culture that aren't even funny just detract the entire film. For those that haven't seen it, allow me to demonstrate by quoting some lines that are actually in the film:
"The village people say this house is haunted" "Who listens to The Village People anymore?"
"Shut up! What are you trying to do? Go for an Oscar"
The whole FILM is filled with references like that! Its no less funny when you watch it than when you read it.
Even if you took the references out, the jokes aren't as "on form" as Mistress Of The Dark. Why? The music score. Now that'll immediately warrant the reaction "how could something like the music score impact on the delivery of jokes?" Well, you know in cartoons where the people behind it play goofy as hell music when they're warranting a laugh or even just to get the audience ready for "something funny is gonna happen."? This film does that in every scene. Literally. I counted. The jokes aren't even on form enough to warrant that. So what we have here is a music score trying too hard to be a cartoon with jokes that aren't even funny enough to carry the film.
As for the technical stuff outside of "costumes" and "sets"...oh god. The visual effects in this film are awful. Its mostly done with CGI...CGI in a film that had the overall budget of $1.5 million. I know Cassandra Peterson had to finance the film mostly all on her own but the visual effects in the 80's movie look a million times better and this came out some 13 years after. Hell the Sylvester McCoy Doctor Who intro looks better. Maybe you could say my judgement of the visual effects aren't great considering what was in the budget but needless to say, no matter what eye you look at it through, the CGI doesn't look good. Some of the more practical things like the Pit and the Pendulum, the iron maiden being closed in on people and the corpses all look fine though. Which is rather weird.
Whats sad about the film is that the quality of the writing this time around is the single biggest blunder of the film. If this was given a few more drafts, who knows how much longer the series could've gone on for? It could've spoofed so many genres. Maybe the series would have subtlety...okay, thats impossible. But you get what I mean. This film series is, in general, supposed to be fun and yet, the failure of this film sank all chances of it, or any other film in the series, getting another film.
As for everything else I didn't mention, its all on my very strong opinion of..."not great not horrible".
So my final thoughts? Yeah, this movie is bad but its mostly just "dumb sequel bad". Even then, I've seen plenty of bad sequels that are far worse than this (this wouldn't even break my top 30) and I got some entertainment here and there with a few jokes that worked but thats the killer part - "a few". A lot of the problems are just too great for me to fully enjoy it enough to even consider it "okay". So check it out if you're interested but...just be prepared to not fully enjoy it.
I loved it.
Emilie Autumn is a music artist who has, in her own fanbase, been met with two sides either they love everything she does and think she's wonderful OR...they believe she's lying about everything she "portrays". Honestly, (as a quick review of her music in general), I'm in the middle of this. Sure she's over the top and over dramatic but thats all part of her style. She's sarcastic with her lyrics (don't believe me, listen to "Thank God I'm Pretty" or "Marry Me"...and one reviewer thought she was serious with the level of feminism said in this video). However, in all three of her singing albums, she's redefined everything about herself both musically and how she looks. The only similarity is that it should sound weird - all the albums I've heard sound weird. Yay.
Anyway, I have read the other two reviews for this video and honestly, I felt as though my 2 cents needed to go into this video. Firstly, I have been a junkie for Darren Lynn Bousman's music stuff ever since I saw Repo! The Genetic Opera (in fact, I discovered Emilie's music through the first Devil's Carnival movie) and while I was still putting my toe in the water, so to speak, I discovered this was her only music video. While its not going to break my personal top 10 music videos of all time, I enjoyed it.
Okay, firstly, the "plot", its a performance clip where it attacks the romanticism of insanity, conformity, anti-feminism and all with a sarcastic touch to everything (ie, what other feminist anthem would have bisexual curiosity in its video? The "Asylum girls" are forced to perform on stage and they were all forced to wear the same clothes until Emilie changed it. Sounds like romanticism of insanity to me. That last one also doubles up as her attacking conformity), so I have to ask what the other reviewers were expecting because thats everything Emilie Autumn is. Am I biased? Maybe, but even with a fair playing field, the question still stands. Its like getting upset in a Nikki Minaj music video because she wore short shorts and drew attention to her ass for 4 and a half minutes. Now do *I* like Nikki Minaj? No! But getting mad at doing everything she promised she'd do is rather pointless in my eyes.
If you want me to be moderate with this clip though and not immediately downplay two other reviewers on the site, I am well aware Emilie's music and stlye isn't for everyone so I can definitely see why they don't like it. Onto legit flaws, there's one question; when its the video set? The Victorian Era? Well, no because at the end when they're performing and got rid of the audience, they bring in a new one a lot more appreciative of the music all in modern alternative clothes. I know they were fans that Emilie selected but the budget didn't stretch far enough to get them in Victorian era dress? There's also a scene where, to distract the audience they have from the delay for the girls, the Asylum Revue dress up some of the men there as women. Its fitting for the song with the lyric "even if you're only a boy you can fight like a girl" and they throw cabbage at them. Its just...look how many times the cabbage is thrown but never hits anything or anyone. There's that and, this clip is generally about the girls breaking free and killing all those who oppressed them, it really should've been a music video for "Time For Tea".
So thats "Emilie Autumn's Fight Like A Girl" or "FLAG" for short, its literally everything you'd expect from Emilie. Its also a good enough place to start if you want to see more of her work. However this isn't one of her best songs. Hell, I could literally pick 10 different songs off that album alone that are better fits for music videos, but for what it is, its a well done representation of who Emilie is and what her style is. So, if you're interested go watch it.
So far, my favourite episode of Forever Knight
Recently I just got into this show and in general, I've heard its basically "Angel 2.0" but as far as I'm concerned...this show is overall the much better show! The idea of a vampire wanting to become human is nothing new, I'll admit to that, but this show takes it in another direction entirely - to give him a job as a cop so he sees both the very best and very worst of humanity. Seriously, this episode is only the 5th episode I've come across that actually has vampires in it outside of Nick and the occasional appearance of Lacroix and Jeanette.
Anyway, the plot involves a woman (who I'll call Norma because...that was her name) who shot a store beautician and was shot herself for stealing some makeup. Nick tries to inform the relatives, being upset because its a sad reality of what humanity has to deal with, to try and 'beautify' themselves. When Natalie does Norma's autopsy, she finds that she's has aged 30 something years in the 2 hours since she was in the morgue. We then see the same sort of violent behavior from two other people that worked at a spa where Norma worked (who I'll call Agnus and Bernice).
While this is all going on Nick has flashbacks to a woman who asked him to turn her into a vampire to stop her own aging, who was turned by Jeanette. Unlike most episodes though, these flashbacks are absolutely, no mistake whatsoever, 100 per cent necessary for the episode.
Anyway, Agnus is arrested for her violent outburst and requests a "Dr Jergen". Meanwhile Nick looks for Bernice who, herself, has aged 20 years in the few hours since he last saw her and it turns out that "Dr Jergen" is the woman from the flashbacks and she's been giving them vampire blood. Her blood. Bernice comes to the realization to just "let age happen" and Agnus is accidentally killed by Schanke and the vampire who did this realizes the collossal mistake she did (although, one flaw with the episode is that we never see her pay for the crime she committed).
Okay, whats good here? Where do I start? Firstly, the episode's subject matter, while rather course, is a very easy one to attack. The idea of women who just want to be beautiful rapidly aging with no control over it whatsoever holds amazing emotional weight considering these people, regardless of what you'd believe, aren't really bad people in any way, they're just desperate. When it comes to body image being portrayed on the small screen, I've never seen it done so well in anything else I've seen. The acting is all superb with the cast regulars (who I'd often say are either hit or miss with a general board of "eh?" as acting) are ALL at the top of their game and the guest stars are all fantastic. They even portray addiction in this episode (which was done before on this show in an episode I'd call complete crap "Feeding The Beast") and the idea of a woman, not even in her 30's, just letting herself age 50 years is probably one of the most perfect, bittersweet endings they could've had. You understand why she eventually gave up, but you also feel incredibly sorry for her and her situation, no matter how happy she seemed at the end of the episode. And I still haven't written every reason why this episode is my favourite.
Whats bad? Not much else besides that. There's a scene where a personal trainer gets one of the women to work out more which accidentally comes off as a rape scene, they make jokes about Schanke being accidentally attracted to a 15 year old girl in a makeup ad (...creepy much?!) and, of course, as I mentioned earlier, we never see the villain of the episode get whats coming to her. Did she kill herself knowing she inflicted upon them what she herself feared? Did she get arrested and watch an early morning sunrise? Did Nick kill her? Any one of these would've been a satisfying end.
So overall, this, to me, is a perfect representation of what this show is. Seeing humanity through the eyes of a being that has seen us make the same mistakes over and over. In something like personal beauty, this show couldn't have hoped for a better episode. My overall reaction is definitely check this one out.
David Bowie: Lazarus (2016)
An Ode to Bowie (1947 - 2016)
I actually followed Bowie's Vevo channel on Youtube quite considerably, since he made his comeback in 2013. I saw this in my YouTube notifications and saw it. It was before Bowie died and back then, I liked it enough but I didn't really understand its meaning in the video or the song. And...literally 2 days later, Bowie died. I reacted how most fans reacted. Then, some time later, I decided to watch the video again and...what was going on seemed more obvious now than before.
So, what did I get out of this song? Well, by the time this video came out, Bowie had only days to live. The song makes details about his life such as "when I got to New York, I was living like a King" and making details to his death itself (the "warning" that he was going to die is in the video, only when I first saw it, I waved it off as a metaphor!) and the tone is very somber. The video itself cuts between Bowie on a hospital bed as "Button Eyes" and him writing like crazy.
So what does any of that have to do with anything? If you ask me, the video and the song was his way of saying that sadly, he was dying but he also had many many more ideas that he could've written and made into songs, but simply didn't have enough time. Which, to me, makes this video all the more sad. Bowie was an evolutionary artist. Most artists of a certain time period pick out a style and stand by it. Bowie evolved, experimented and even went as far as to completely reinvent himself and his music by the decade. In the 60's he was more psychedelic, in the 70's more of a Glam Rock personality, in the 80's he became more of a ballad/dance artist, in the 90s he turned to Electronica and in the 2010's, he sort of did a "best of everything I did before" thing. With all of that in mind, seeing this great artist trying furiously to get more work out there with this song as a way of saying "I can't do any more, I want to do more but I'm dying so here's what I'll leave you with" makes it impossible for me to really even critique it on the same level as a normal music video.
So, I know this review may seem useless in retrospect considering that with his death, a majority of people may have already done this but, I'd really suggest checking it out. Its not because "if you like a great tune to jam to, you'll love this" but more...the grim nature of what I described above. The theme and overall message is so "there" that I can't even watch the video without tearing up a bit. With that in mind, you should know what to expect from this.
For David Bowie - Jan 8, 1947 - Jan 10, 2016.
Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)
As an overall comedy...its pretty good.
I came into this film with just the barest of knowledge on who Elvira was. I knew she was a horror host in the 80s and some of the 90s and she took off a lot more than any others did (unless you count MST3K) and...that probably would've been it. So, rather curiously and in a way that I can't really explain why, I decided to watch this to get a firm foundation for her character and maybe her show. In the end, it was quite an enjoyable little film.
Okay so the plot will probably sound familiar in one way or another - A horror show host named Elvira quits her job as a horror host at a local TV station after finding out its being bought by a pervert who wants to take sexual advantage of her and wants to start up a show in Vegas but to achieve that, she has to come up with $50 000 and, by coincidence, her Great Aunt has just died and the reading of her will is in a few days in a town thats...conservative, to say the least. She is mostly treated badly from everyone there with the exceptions being the teenagers of the town and the local film theater manager, whose the love interest. And it turns out her inheritance is the house from The Munsters (no joke, its the same house!), a punk rock dog and a recipe book which her only other relative (her Great Uncle) wants to get his hands on, on the grounds that its a spell recipe book and wants to use it to become the "Master of the Dark".
Okay, whats good here? Well a lot of the jokes do hit the nail in the head, most of the time, in getting a laugh however corny they may be, its a surprisingly creative way to make a film about a horror host, all the actors do well for their parts and its great to just see the film play out. What do I mean by that? A lot of the time Elvira has a "conspiracy" planned against her by the head of the town, Chastity Pariah. Maybe its different for some people but the amount of times the supposed "moral figure" of the town proves just how insane she is and how Elvira the "harlot" is probably one of the few voices of reason in the entire film is just funny to me. My favourite scene is just as Elvira discovers she's a witch and she can do all this, the townsfolk that have all wronged her have a "morality" picnic, as a celebration of the fact that they've kept their morals and values in check. She puts in a potion she brewed up which...turns it into an orgy (well as much of an orgy as you can get from an M rating) (also, while I'm doing this, as much as it will be hard to believe, considering Elvira's reputation the whole 'turning the picnic into an orgy was completely by accident!) and the very next scene is of a town meeting where they constantly blame the other person they were with for coming on to them and being "sex crazed deviants". Again, your opinion may vary on how funny that is.
Whats bad? I'm not going to act like there isn't anything. Sometimes the fantasy sequences are a bit tedious, some of the jokes didn't quite make it with a few leaving me groaning but the worst thing, for me at least, was that after everything's done, spoiler alert, Elvira achieves her dream of going to Vegas and we see what her act is. Which goes on for 4 minutes and while the film wasn't awful by this stage my reaction was along the lines of "Movie...your over. Why are we focusing on this when its not even funny?"
So is it for everyone? No. The best way to describe this film is "imagine if Hocus Pocus (1993) and The Addams Family (1991) had a child that happened to star one of the most successful horror hosts ever". Get that image in your head, add a tonne of cheese to it (yes, even more than either of those two films had combined) and thats this movie. So if your in the right mood, go check it out.
I'm ashamed to have the same name as someone involved.
As much as a post like that is unsurprising, I thought this short film was complete crap. I genuinely saw it because I share a name with one of the people involved and I wanted to see this on those grounds alone.
For starters, this movie takes missing the mark and turns it into an art form. For one, the movie is supposedly about child abuse. An interesting and ballsy subject to take on, especially in a short film. However, the entire film is a fetish film - having a kid dressed up in diapers pretty much takes up more than 8 minutes of the film. They try to keep the disguise on by having the older version of the girl narrate vague and pretentious crap like "how can a human hate so much?", its to a point where I'm not convinced she even knew they were filming a fetish film. It fails as a seriously "shocking" child abuse film due to the fact that no one is given any development as characters. This film is 16 minutes long, there's no excuse!
Now onto why this doesn't work as a fetish film, now I'm not a member of the ABDL community but the reason this doesn't work is simple - it mainly centers around a young kid. If you are aroused by this or get off to it, its pedophilia. I'm not aroused by adults wearing diapers but that is fine if you are. If no one is hurt doing it, there's no problem. However if you bring in a kid, its pedophilia. Seriously, the only reason it took me so long to review it is simple - I was afraid that I'd be accused of it.
So my overall question about this film is a simple "who the F*CK was this made for?"
If you'd like me to get off of why this film fails even the bear bones of what its disguised as AND what its trying to be, the acting is mostly awful (but nothing in this movie is really "Oscar" material writing) and the picture quality looks like crap, even by the standards of what was available for independent filmmaking in 2006 (I'm giving the picture quality the benefit of the doubt, either way, it all looks like crap). There's that AND the sound (particularly the narration) has a weird "buzzing" in the background as its being played in the film.
So my final sum up of the film is that its a movie about child abuse that secretly wants you to have the way she's punished as a fetish, everything looks like crap, everything sounds like crap and no one acts right in this movie. I ALWAYS try to be open minded to films and all as a way of saying "Maybe THIS element is well done" or "Maybe THIS could've been better"...the only way THAT could've worked for this film is if you treated it like an ACTUAL child abuse story and not just a fetish film that borderlines child porn. I literally can't recommend it to anyone so...just avoid the film as much as you can.
Doctor Who: Voyage of the Damned (2007)
This was my first ever exposure to Doctor Who and...it turned into a LONG HIKE for me to take this show even a little seriously after this.
Doctor Who is now one of my all time favorite shows (if you look on my profile and "Top 10 TV Shows" list, trust me, both Classic and New Who are there) and that owes no favors for this episode.
So the plot technically starts with a short film called Time Crash, the only fond thing about this special, because it has its own IMDb page, sucks for the rest of this special but I'll give you a brief rundown - Doctor runs into past incarnation of Doctor, they bicker as usual, both actors look like they're having fun, they move on. While they got the characterization for Peter Davison's Doctor wrong...its a really great short and its what got me into Classic Who (even though I started with a Tom Baker story, go figure).
Anyway, the story begins with a Space Ship thats modeled after The Titanic flying around outside Earth's orbit...so no one watching the sky NOTICES this? It'd be pretty hard to miss and The Doctor goes aboard this ship and befriends Kylie Minogue as an alien Stewardess (to be fair, I won't pick on her acting, partially because I'm not sure how much acting experience she's had and partially because...thats only a small problem) and he meets a couple of other aliens dressed in Cowboy suits because...it was a trick from the snobby aliens who said it was fancy dress...even though THEY'RE wearing Early 1910's dress. Don't think too hard about that. There's also an Earth expert who gets everything wrong played by Richard from Keeping Up Appearances(and thats the height of comedy in this episode...oh what, you thought a story about aliens replicating a space ship out of the Titanic would be completely comedic?), the only alien looking alien called Bavacavalatta (I have no idea if I spelled that right) and a stereotypical "asshole" join The Doctor.
Anyway, the General from Tomorrow Never Dies and The World Is Not Enough pilots the Titanic into the path of oncoming meteors mainly because he's mentally flipped. So the goal is that The Doctor has to crawl his way, with the other passengers to the command bridge so they can stop the Titanic falling to Earth (because the WHOLE WORLD needs to be in danger to get emotional investment) while also fighting off "Information Robots" that are in the design of Angels (which, to this special's credit, look really good). Anyway, after a few of them die, The Doctor gives this speech thats supposed to be epic (considering the plot, is THIS where you'd REALLY put an "epic speech"?) and The Doctor asks for the help of one of the other...pilots(?) played by the Werewolf from Being Human and one of the people Russel T. Davies considered for the role of The Doctor after Tennant left (even though I LIKE Russel T Davies...NO! Thats miscasting if ever I've heard it!).
Anyway, The Doctor meets up with the robots and he manipulates them into taking him to their leader (and he acts like he's never said that before even though he said that as Christopher Eccleston, the FIRST DOCTOR FROM NEW WHO AND FROM A SCRIPT THIS SAME WRITER WROTE!) and it turns out that the owner of the company who made this trip possible planned for this to happen (yes I remember what the first sentence was of the previous paragraph!) so there could be a major disaster, killing over 6 billion people because he lost controlling interest in the company and this would bring him back because of the sheer loss of lives...even though he's ON the cruise. One wonders why if that was to be a major disaster he planned to happen (even though that would rely on knowing the Captain would flip) why he'd even be in the same star system? If it failed, he could still make a decent case for his company takeover so...I really have nothing on why he's even there.
Anyway, Kylie Minogue manages to kill him by driving a forklift into him (he's in a 'head chair', a wheelchair if the person using it was just a head) and even though she could've easily, Kylie doesn't bother to get out of the forklift as she's driving it over the edge (at a whopping speed of 5 miles an hour!) and she dies...anyone that stupid was asking for it. The Doctor goes up to the bridge, saves the Titanic JUST AS it was passing over Buckingham Palace (for some unbearably unfunny moments where the Queen and royal guards are in a panic about The Titanic falling) and he manages to pull up just in time and just as The Queen thanks him, even though, old or new, Elizabeth II has never met any incarnation of The Doctor.
This is a really crap story, all around but the cherry on top of the cake is that this episode is dedicated to the memory of Verity Lambert, the first producer of Doctor Who and one of the first Female Producers at the BBC. She was a legend and gave birth to the show as fans know and love it today. And as a personal fan of the William Hartnell era of the show, what she deserved was a story on par with Genesis Of The Daleks, not THIS! This entire episode is BAD! Even by the standards of bad Doctor Who. It would've been laughed out of the writing room in the Colin Baker era and that Doctor had to fight bombs that turn people into trees! Its like one of the writers had a bet that they could get their kid's worst fan fiction of Doctor Who broadcast on Television. Whoever that kid was, I hope he improves as a writer and his father won big.
Of all Stobe Harju's Poets Of The Fall music videos, this one is my favourite
One of the joys of watching music videos directed by Stobe Harju is that they are ALWAYS visually interesting. Even his Nightwish movie Imaginaerum falls into that category. This one, though, kind of follows through a lot better on the "translation" element from audio to video a lot better than his others.
So the song is generally about looking within yourself for the absolution to take a stand against things you find wrong in the world. Thats just how I interpret the song. Its open for debate but thats just me.
So with a premise like that, whats the music video like? Well its where the band are in a boxing ring doing a "performance duel"...against themselves and they're being watched by themselves with giant spiral masks on their faces all while one of them stabs needles into an orange that drips black sludge which later explodes into a spray of black sludge.
Its hard for me to explain in words but...with what they do with it, it works. Reading it, I could understand why some people would call it silly but...it works.