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TheRetardedVacuum

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63 reviews in total 
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Ambitious but still feels somewhat lackluster, 26 September 2014
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

**ONE OR TWO POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD**

This is the first Dustin Mills movie I've seen so far, I have heard many good things about his other films such as Puppet Monster Massacre and Easter Casket so I really hope Bath Salt Zombies is not up there with his more acclaimed output because, despite the fact that I somewhat enjoyed this movie, I still found it to be lacking in several places.

First things first, let's start off with the good. The set pieces looked fantastic and the movie is extremely well-shot for such a low-budget. Some of the gore effects are decent if ultimately unsatisfying, but unfortunately most of them are below par (more on that later). There are two scenes of nudity for T&A fans, one of which shows pretty much everything, and both go on for quite a long time. The cartoon segments are cool, and the puppetry is well done (the best scene in the movie involves a dog mutated by chemicals).

Now for the bad. For one, the plot is bare bones, what you read in the IMDb summary is as deep as it goes. The sound is all over the place, whenever people are talking the volume could be quiet as a mouse one second and blaring the next. There really isn't that much gore and, while a few effects look decent enough, a majority of what is there is really nothing to write home about and looks rather poor (any blood splatter from gunshot wounds is just red fog imposed on to the screen with CGI). The make-up for the titular Bath Salt Zombies is rather laughable. And, to top it all off, we get a stupid and frustrating non-ending.

Despite these flaws, I did find the movie to be moderately entertaining in places. But unfortunately, the bad outweighs the good. I will still be checking out Dustin Mill's other films eventually, I do like his style, so hopefully he is capable of impressing me.

The Toxic Man (1995) (V)
Really silly SOV splatter trash, 28 June 2014
5/10

The plot of Myrkkymies (aka The Toxic Man) centers around a man who falls into a puddle of toxic waste while walking home from work, his skin melts and he becomes a bloodthirsty mutant who goes around killing a bunch of people. Also some other stuff happens, there's a killer on the loose who went crazy from chopping too much wood, and a guy kills his friend because he cheated at poker, yes you read those last two paragraphs right.

This is a short splatter film shot on a camcorder by a bunch of teenagers, so it's pretty much a given that the production quality is going to be almost non-existent, the entire film is basically just the entire cast acting silly in front of the camera. That being said, it is pretty amusing, and a lot of passable gore effects also make this one worthwhile.

The group of people that made this film are known as Trash Video, and from what I hear, they have greatly improved in their film-making skills since they made this film, so I am eager to check out their other works.

Pointless short sequel is boring and adds nothing new, 22 June 2014
3/10

If you have seen the original Inner Depravity you've practically seen this one too.

There are a few parts of the film (particularly the scene right at the beginning) that are a lot nastier than the first film, and the gore effects seem to have improved slightly, but the nastiness isn't as rampant as it was in the original and most of the film is quite boring. The still images depicting mutilated female corpses that went by in quick flashes in the original are lingered on endlessly here, eliminating any shock value they may have had before.

At least the film is short, running a mere ten minutes, same as the first. So, while I can't exactly say it was a huge waste of time, I still wouldn't recommend it.

Pretty watchable piece of short twisted trash, 21 June 2014
6/10

The "plot" of Rémy Couture's short film Inner Depravity Vol. 1 simply shows a masked man brutalizing, raping, killing and mutilating women, not always in that order. Well, that's about as deep as it goes plot-wise. The film's sole purpose is simply to show sick, twisted images of necrophilia, gory torture and mutilated female corpses for ten minutes. All of this is set to a pounding industrial/metal soundtrack which is very pleasing to the ears.

The images of dead, mutilated female corpses that flash on screen throughout are very graphic and very nasty, though they go by pretty quick (some don't even say on screen for half a second). The scenes that actually show the killer "in action", are only moderately graphic. Either way, the movie shows off some nice gore effects.

Also, the killer snorts some drugs, the words "God" and "Disabled" randomly flash on screen, and there's a statement about how "mankind has become a master in the art of cruelty", but I'm not about to defend this movie as any sort of social commentary.

Either way, I'm kind of ashamed to say I enjoyed this one in a sick, twisted sort of way. The faint of heart, weak of stomach, or people who like their movie's to have a plot should stay far, far away. However, if you are a gore hound or other form of twisted folk, you should get some enjoyment out of it.

Death Run (1987)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
A commendable effort, 22 May 2014
7/10

I was actually genuinely surprised by this one. While far from stellar, Michael J. Murphy's low-budget post-apocalyptic action epic Death Run is definitely a commendable effort.

The plot of Death Run centers around Paul (Rob Bartlett) and his girlfriend Jenny (Wendy Parsons), who live in the midst of a nuclear war and are put in a cryogenic sleep so they can survive the oncoming apocalypse. They awaken 25 years later in a wasteland ruled by a man known as the Messiah (Patrick Olliver). Paul and Jenny are captured by the Messiah, and Paul is chosen to compete in the Death Run. What is the Death Run? Will Paul be able to escape with his girlfriend before he gets the chance to find out?

The movie starts off decent enough, the plot's interesting, scenery looks good, there are mutants affected by radiation that also look pretty good, the action and fight scenes are mostly sub-par, as expected, but acceptable considering the limited budget. But the movie's missing something, gore for one thing (the movie teases us on several occasions), but also the indescribable DIY charm that makes these type of low-budget movies so enjoyable is somewhat lacking.

Luckily, the movie does pick up (namely after one memorable scene involving cannibals) and we are treated to some better action, and some OK gore mostly consisting of stabbings and arrows being shot through people, as well as a couple of severed heads. But I have to say, when we do find out exactly what this "Death Run" thing is, it's a bit of a disappointment.

Another point in the movie's favor would be the short running time, running barely over an hour, which I think is perfect length for this kind of movie.

Some moderate gripes aside, Death Run is worth a watch in my book and I personally think it deserves a lot more attention than it's getting. It's no masterpiece, just a bit underrated.

Incredibly odd indie comedy took all of my expectations and savagely beat them over the head, 20 May 2014
6/10

Is that a good thing? To be honest I'm still not entirely sure.

The cover and plot description of Fatty Drives The Bus shown here on IMDb doesn't even scratch the surface of how utterly bizarre this movie is. I did enjoy the movie to a certain extent, the assortment of bizarre characters are memorable, and the film has a very oddball, surreal sense of humor, which I can get into. There are several scenes where I found myself laughing out loud, and others where I felt very uncomfortable.

Unfortunately there are some scenes that are very slow and go on for way longer than they needed to, some of the scenes are just plain stupid, and, quite frankly, some scenes are just too weird to be enjoyable.

I really don't know who I would recommend this to, as you do need to have a very specific sense of humor to enjoy it. If you are a fan of comedians such as Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, I would say at least give this one a shot.

"You know, Indians lived here before the white man slaughtered them, now all that's left is the totem pole. Hmmmmmm, I wonder if it would fit up my a**!" - The Narrator

Hallucinations (1986) (V)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Silly but equally creepy SOV splatter debut from the Polonia Bros., 18 March 2014
8/10

The plot of Hallucinations, the Polonia Brother's first movie, is that brothers Mark and John (played respectively by Mark Polonia and John Polonia (R.I.P.)), and their stepbrother Todd (played by Todd Michael Smith) are home alone while their mother works a double shift. Suddenly, they all start having gruesome hallucinations, and none of them knows why. Their mom calls telling them she's going to be gone another day, and the three brothers must work together to figure out the cause of the hallucinations before it's too late.

First, let's talk about the hallucinations themselves. Some of them are pretty funny, but some are also surprisingly scary. Among said hallucinations we have a hilarious scene where a cat is torn up by a sentient chainsaw, a man vomiting and crapping out a purple liquid and then crapping out a knife, a man being attacked by a pipe creature in the shower, and another man being attacked by a demonic baby doll.

Now let's talk about the explanation for the hallucinations. For most of the movie, it is suggested that a "monk" who talks to one of the brothers may have something to do with them, but for the most part things are kept pretty vague, that's a good thing, the lack of explanation adds to the creepiness of the movie. We actually do get an explanation towards the end of the movie, but it doesn't make any sense.

Now let's talk about gore, gore hounds who are also fans of SOV horror and are therefore willing to look past some budgetary constraints are going to be treated to some surprisingly decent gore including the chainsaw scene with the cat I mentioned earlier, a wrist slicing, blowtorch torture, and a surprisingly good decapitation.

Another reason this movie is so scary is the fact that the only people in the movie are the three teenage brothers, who are home alone, and there seems to be nobody around who can help them, so they are forced to fend for themselves and face whatever force is causing these supernatural events alone. That's scary.

As far as technical issues go, some of the normal SOV issues are present, particularly the fact that it's shot with a home video camera. Keeping that in mind, the quality is a lot better than some of the other SOV movies I've seen. Lighting isn't really an issue here. The sound cuts in and out every once and a while, and towards the end (when everything is explained) the music drowns out the actors. Being a veteran SOV viewer, I can look past things like that as long as they're not too extreme, it's pretty forgivable here.

Scary, creepy, gory and silly all at the same time, Hallucinations surprised me, in that the Polonia Brothers actually made a good movie, rather than just an entertainingly bad one.

Call Me Crazy, But I Actually Liked It, 24 February 2014
7/10

A F**king Cruel Nightmare (I'll call it AFCN for short), is a homemade splatter movie that's wholly illogical, pointless and shows no semblance of any sort of plot. However, not only is it incredibly gory, it's unforgettably bizarre and even somewhat engaging.

The story of AFCN is that a man is plagued with horrible nightmares where a masked killer savagely tortures and kills several seemingly random people. Is it just a nightmare, or is it more than that? Confronted by a dark past, the man must confront his inner most demons and plunge into the deepest depths of his mind to unlock the secrets of his f**king cruel nightmare!

Um... Okay, that's not what happens at all.

The real "story" of AFCN does center around a man who's having a nightmare. In this nightmare, he wanders through a corridor, in each room a person is being tortured by a person in a mask. One by one, he looks in each of these rooms and watches the brutal acts of torture inflicted on these people.

This is the first 30 minutes of the movie.

Eventually, the man wakes up, puts on a mask and goes back to sleep. Where another masked person leads him down the corridor again. Again, he looks in each of the rooms and watches as people are brutally tortured, but this time, it's the victims getting revenge on the masked people and torturing them. This is the rest of the movie.

So, yeah, this movie is basically just a continuous montage of people being tortured to death one by one, with some random scenes of a masked person mutilating himself in between. You would think this would make for a very boring 90 minutes, but this is not so because of several factors. All of the kills are incredibly gory, very sadistic, brutal, sometimes pretty creative and, mostly, keep from becoming repetitive.

The kill scenes, which are already pretty gory to begin with, keep getting progressively gorier as the movie goes on. Starting out with gratuitous blood splatter and progressively goes into full-on dismemberment and mutilation. It all looks great considering this is a low budget movie.

There are also some nasty scenes including a necrophilia scene and some gory penis abuse. Some of it is pretty cringe-inducing, but it's also very fake and unconvincing, and never actually disturbing.

If you're looking for an extremely gory movie to watch, and are willing to look past any flaws, including complete lack of coherency, as long as the movie delivers on gore, then I fully recommend AFCN.

Oh, I almost forgot, they say the name of the movie in the movie, that's another plus.

16 out of 31 people found the following review useful:
Fittingly Enough, This Movie Sucks, 8 February 2014
3/10

I'm not one to bash or criticize other people's opinions, but quite frankly I'm amazed at all the positive reviews.

In my mind, if your not a girl between the ages of 8 to 16 then this movie has nothing for you. This movie was not funny, it was annoying, actually it was really annoying. The harder it tried to be funny, and the more irritatingly stupid dialog spewed out of these generic teenage character's mouths, the more annoying it got.

While the gore is rather heavy by PG-13 standards, the action scenes were nothing to write home about for the most part.

I found the movie to be a little hard to follow, but not because the plot itself is confusing, actually it was because the movie had a very hard time keeping my attention, mostly because I didn't care about many of the characters. I didn't care about Generic Hot Teenager #1's secret crush on her teacher, I didn't care about Token Annoying Girl, I didn't care about Generic Bad Boy Chick Magnet, and I definitely didn't care about Stereotypical B**** Character and Stereotypical B****y Head Mistress.

Well, now that I've bashed the movie into the ground, I would like to say that I actually think that the VA series could have some potential to be good if, no, when they make it into a franchise. If they would lose the clique teen vampire movie plot line, and not skimp out on the gore, or at least make it more interesting. We'll see what happens.

I think I'm being a little hard on this movie, I was actually going to give it a 4, but then I decided to lower my rating, hoping in vain that I would even out the scale a little bit. This does not deserve the 7 that it currently has.

Generic, clique, annoying, stupid and boring. But it could have been worse.

3.5 out of 10

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Enjoyable for what it is, 8 February 2014
5/10

This one of the very first (if not THE first) films by Alex Chandon, director of Bad Karma and Drillbit, two enjoyable SOV splatter flicks, as well as the feature length films Cradle of Fear and Inbred, which I have yet to see.

The "plot" of Chainsaw Scumf*ck is simple, some guys are hanging out in their apartment, somebody rings the doorbell, one of the guys answers the door and finds out that somebody is a masked maniac who wants to kill them all.

Being that it's shot with a 1980's home video camera, the video and sound quality are terrible. Shots are often very blurry, especially during the gore scenes, which makes it difficult to tell what's being cut up.

By regular standards, this is a terrible film, as it's basically just some friends goofing around with a camera, but can be enjoyed for what it is as long as you don't expect anything more than some friends goofing around with a camera.


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