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16 reviews in total 
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Airborne (1993)
Could've been better., 6 April 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

To be fair this isn't a bad movie if anything it's actually pretty good but I do think it's a little disappointing. Let me say a few flaws about the movie. 1. There are times where I feel like i'm watching a commerical. 2. Some of the characters are just jerks for no reason other than to be a jerk. 3. Nikki is completely shallow. 4. Seth Green is like a girl in this movie. His hair is girly, he was wearing a headband when Mitchell was telling about Friday, and the scene where he was trying on different clothes. Well watch that scene with that girls wanna have fun song. Now that I covered what I don't like with this movie allow to talk about why I like it. While Mitchell's personality is on par with a Disney prince he's still an enjoyable character for the most part. The skating stunts are very good. The writing can be funny at times. The race at the devil's backbone was a really good race. It was a really intense race and the crashes looked pretty realistic. Although I was wondering why the devil's backbone went everywhere. What, is the garage part of the Devil's Backbone? Is the stairway part of the Devil's Backbone? Even your GPS would give up at this point! Also when Mitchell jump over the car? Unless your wheels are encased with Flubber, you just jumped the shark. Oh, I'm sorry, "Peppy." But don't let my words get in the way of the movie. Also the soundtrack was good. Either way it's 91 minutes of your life you're not getting back. This is one of those films that should be placed in a time capsule. I'm not saying it totally sums up the '90s, but it sums up how the media saw the '90s, and it's just every '90s cliché that existed at the time. In that sense, it's sort of a wonder. I don't know, but if you're looking for good generic stupidity from the decade where the band Hanson were popular, this would probably be your best bet. Take it for what it's worth.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
If you like it fine but this is the most unoriginal movie i've ever seen., 31 March 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

So this brought back the movie musical? So movies like Chicago Hairspray & Sweeny Todd are all because of this awful movie? Well I have another question: Does Moulin Rouge still hold up after so many years? OF COURSE NOT! It didn't even hold up when it 1st came out. But everyone was amazed with how great and original it is. Yes there's nothing more original the playing songs we all know and love and reusing plot lines the even Twilight would laugh at. (auidence gasps) That right I said it. Twilight is better and more original than this. 1st let me say what I like about it. 1. The movie looks brilliant. 2. The Cinematography is good when you can see it. 3. As the movie goes on the editing does slow down allowing us to see how well the shots are set up. That's all the nice things now let's talk about the bad stuff. 1. The remixes they did aren't good and the only good song is Zidler's Rap. I don't know what it's called but that's the only good song. 2. The editing goes by so fast no shot lasts more than 5 seconds. As the movies goes on it does slow down as I already said. 3. It's loud, stupid and there's no dramatic backing for it in any way. 4. Satine wants something more? What else could she want? To be an actress? Oh yeah this isn't enough. Being hailed as a goddess, men wanting you, women wanting to be you, performing every night to hundreds of people greeting you with applause. Yeah, I can see how being an actress would be ENTIRELY different from this! 5. They use the word love over & over & over and they never explain what it is. We just know that it's really, really good and everyone wants it. They just say the word over and over more than they actually do analyze it. 6. The woman who gave the Duke the hint that Satine and Christian have been seeing each other. WHO THE HELL IS SHE?!?! She's not a main character or side character.7. With the Duke wanting to kill Christian why didn't Zidler get out of the business deal with him? 8. With Satine dying why didn't she tell Christian? Hell why didn't tell the Duke that would probably turn him off! IT MAKES NO SENSE! Hurt him to save him?! THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD! All she has to do is tell him the truth and figure out a plan together! How the hell is she saving his life if he's destroying him psychologically? What's worse: dying with the one you love or being emotionally assassinated by that same person. So Satine's breakup with Christian is about as convincing as Edward's breakup with Bella, but thankfully, Christian is about as smart as Bella, so he completely falls for it. 9. Truly in love? That's such bullshit! (mocking) Oh, all you need is love lovelovelovelove...Who treated anyone they truly loved this way? Why would you slutshame her in front of an entire audience of people? Who calls that love? That's not love, that's bitterness! Oh sure, her actions are abjectly stupid and she's the victim of bad, stupid writing. But him? He's just despicable! He's evil! For as many times as he sings about LOOOOVE, he treats her in the most insulting, dirty, mean-spirited way that you can treat a human being. And the dwarf's over here like "Oh, she wouldn't do that!" and yet him, the one that's in love with her can't figure this out? "Oh yeah, love! I forgot about that! That's right! I'M know what, I'm not even sorry, but we're still in love. SO LET'S SING ABOUT IT! In front of everyone and everything's okay! Oh wait, you're dead. Awww." How would you feel if your loved one had some stupid misunderstanding that sprung from bad writing and then threw out all of their negative, horrible bile in one fell swoop...IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY! 10. So just as Christian gets done calling her every word for "whore" in the English language, the dwarf suddenly drops down and--what a shock--quotes more songs. So the whore he said he would never be manipulated by is now letting himself be manipulated by, it just so happens that she's telling the truth? Singing fixes everything. F*CK THIS MOVIE!

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
"Grown Up Alice Returns To Underland", 23 March 2014

So let me get this straight. In Alice in Wonderland, the story based on the Lewis Carroll novel, Alice is not a girl, she's a woman, she's not in Wonderland, she's returning to Wonderland, and Wonderland itself, in fact, isn't Wonderland at all, it's called "Underland". UNDERLAND?!? UNDERLA--?! That sounds like a made up world in a Fruit of the Loom commercial! I'm sorry. How the flying f*ck am I supposed to take an adaptation seriously when you can't even get one word, ONE F*CKING WORD OF THE GODDAMN TITLE RIGHT?! I'm gonna say it. CARE BEARS IN WONDERLAND IS A BETTER ADAPTATION THAN THIS! (audience boos) Yeah, come on! I said it! I said it! Who wants some?! Come on! Come on! Apart from at least giving us what the f*cking title promises, Care Bears in Wonderland, and not Underland, is still mad nonsense where everything is backwards! The villain of the movie wants to bring sense and order to it; that would be a legitimate threat to their world, so the fear in the movie is 100% justified! Here, the queen is just a jerk, but as long as she's as crazy as the rest of them, which she supposedly is, Wonderland- Oh, I'm sorry- Underland shouldn't care! Because, unless you missed what was constantly hammered in, both the story, the book, every interpretation ever made, THEY'RE MAD! THEY'RE ALL F*CKING MAD! So what should they care about any of this crap? And don't get me wrong. Care Bears is an awful movie. It's really bad. They do some stupid s*it, like making the queen nice, a whole bunch of other...crap, but in terms of which one is closer to the spirit of what Alice in Wonderland is? I'm sorry, the Care Bears got closer! They embraced the insanity of Wonderland! This one is ashamed to even be called Wonderland! F*ck! That! S*it!

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Whoever's watching it, sleep with something... for your own good., 15 March 2014

TMZ you know, the...worst humanity has ever put the...history of the human terrible that I hate getting a clip to show you because I feel like getting the footage is giving them a fraction of support and that makes me feel like the devil. that f*cking bad. And yet people still watch them like they're saying something important, when all they're doing is praying somebody will blow their brains out to preserve whatever measly shreds of journalistic decency they have left. If you're actually dumb enough to watch past the first two seconds without realizing it's sucking whatever intelligence you have, then you deserve your purgatory of rubbing tabloids on your genitalia, thinking you're getting laid and claiming to others you know how the world works when really, you're just crying your virgin ass to sleep every night while eating your Dorrito and Cap'n Crunch sandwiches! No, seriously, you stab God every time you see this show! You rape a kitten every time you don't change the channel! As my title says: Whoever's watching it, sleep with something... for your own good.

"Doug" (1991)
The scariest, ugliest, most horrifying creation that Nickelodeon studios has ever produced, 28 February 2014

DOUG! Now perhaps some of you are wondering why I think so harshly of what appears to be a relatively harmless cartoon. Well let's just say you knew someone with a very similar name. Someone who grew up with that name all his life. And happened to be raised at the exact same time this show came out. Do you think any jokes or funny remarks in connection with this show could possibly affect his life in any negative way? Do you? DO YOU?! But with that said, this was a pretty lame show. I mean the show was pretty much just about a kid who went to high school. And that's it, it was pretty much just about a kid who went to high school. Doug, or Doug Funnie if you want to know his full name, has some very odd friends, like Mosquito Valentine. Bud Dink. His dog, pork chop. And Patti Mayonaisse. What is up with these names, what you didn't have room for Johnny Pictureframe, Larry Toiletpaper, or Susie Contraceptive? Urgh. He spends most of his time going after Patti Mayonaisse because, well, she looks pretty. And apparently that's all he needs. Also, what is up with everybody's skin color in this show? Did the town get infected with radioactive poisoning? On top of that, the music always sounds like it's literally farting out its soundtrack. Listen to some music that's suppose to sound scat. There's also this bully named Roger who constantly tries to make Doug's life a living hell. Why? Because all kids with leather jackets are just bullies now, didn't you know that, it's like an official law! He also travels around with his pet cat named Stinky who probably lives up to his namesake. I think the best way to describe this show is that it's kind of like an early episode of The Simpsons. They're not funny, not well animated, and surround in a world of awkward uncomfortableness. But whereas The Simpsons got funny, Doug just psychologically tortured anyone named Doug for life.

Sonic Heroes (2003) (VG)
Sonic games are about speed., 10 December 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is a really good game but the problem is this: Sonic games are about speed. Some Sonic fans say it's about platforming & exploring rather than speed. I don't like to insult people but to the Sonic fans who say the games aren't about speed. Are you complete f***ing morons? If they focus on platforming & exploring speed needs to be removed or else you get Sonic Heroes as a result. Sonic Heroes is designed for you to gain your speed very easily and to be able to keep it but the levels aren't designed for that. Sega & Sonic Team just don't know how to please Sonic fans anymore because some say they're about platforming & exploring while some other say they're about speed. How are Sonic Team & Sega suppose to know which style to choose? Even if they give the ones who say it's about platforming & exploring they'll complain that it's not a Sonic game cause it was too slow. Pick a side and stick with it you jackasses. If you think Sonic games are about platforming & exploring play Sonic Heroes. If platforms give you a boner you'll be hard as a brick wall very quickly.

Steel (1997)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
I liked it, 31 October 2013

Many people hate Steel and to honest I can understand why but I saw it when I was a kid and I liked it. Even today I still like it. Sure Shaq is a bad actor but this movie he was actually trying, unlike Kazaam!. In that movie he wasn't even trying because the script was so bad for Kazaam! it wasn't even worth trying. While Steel he actually tried his best, even if you hate this movie you have to admit the music is really good. While the movie was so bad it killed superhero movies for the 90's it's worth it just to here that theme song in the movie. While I like this movie I still wouldn't recommend you watch it. If you wanna check it out feel free to do so but you'll probably have the same reaction as everyone else. They all say it's awful. In my opinion I like Steel don't judge me it's my opinion, you don't have to like it but everyone else hates it. Thanks for reading.

Hook (1991)
1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Without Spielberg good movies would not exist, 10 October 2013

To be fair, while I love Hook, I can understand why people hate it, because while I love it, Hook does have it's fair share of flaws but how can you have a bad movie when Steven Spielberg is the director? He is the greatest director of all time in my opinion. At times the movie does drag but it's a charming, heart-warming, family flick that entertained lots of people, while those who like Hook say, it's not one of Spielberg's best, I disagree, I consider it to be one of his best. The story was great, the acting was amazing, I mean seriously, Robin Williams? That guy is a great actor. Aladdin, Good Will Hunting, Runaway Vacation, honestly this guy is a brilliant actor. Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook? Perfect decision. The issues of father-son relationships, learning how to behave, those issues could not usually work in a movie, but this one did it very subtle. This movie mixes action, adventure, drama, and a little comedy to go along with it. If you haven't seen Hook, check it out, pick a side and see what either you've have been missing or glad you've been missing. Thanks for reading.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
He said he'd be back!, 8 October 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

What can I say about T2. It's the greatest Sci-fi Action movie ever made. The effects were awesome, the chases were awesome, Arnold was awesome, Linda Hamiliton was awesome, everything was awesome! It took everything that was awesome about the first Terminator movie and multiplied it a million times. Since I don't really have a lot to say about T2 i'm going to count down my top 10 favourite scenes from T2.

10. Fighting the T-1000 at the mall.

9. Saying goodbye.

8. Destroying the T-1000.

7. Hasta la Vista, baby!

6. Helping Sarah escape.

5. The Truck chase.

4. The Helicopter chase.

3. Your foster parents are dead.

2. Sarah trying to kill Dyson.

1. Blowing up Cyberdyne.

Now I really can't say much since this movie has been talked about to death. So all I can say is if you want awesome sci-fi action watch T2. Hasta la Vista, baby!

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
A great clone of Mario Kart, 17 September 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"WARNING! This review contains spoilers. You have been warned!" Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing is awesome. Most people prefer Mario over Sonic and while I love Mario he's not as good as Sonic. Anyway this game is basically a better verison of Mario Kart. Yes, I said that. While Mario Kart is good I play Mario Kart 64 instead of the Wii verison but it's not as good as this. This game is easier to control because you have a controller instead of that Wii steering wheel. This games race tracks are more colorful, more fascinating, with more characters, SEGA went the extra mile to make sure this game was good and that hard work payed off. Just when you thought Sonic was doomed SEGA bounced back and remembered what made Sonic great: the game play. Not the graphics but the game play. While graphics aren't everything this game offers good graphics, great game play, and great track designs. SEGA, thank you for this wonderful racing game.

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