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You can't polish a turd, pilgrim
This is quite possibly one of the worst shows on television. I can say this in full knowledge as I've read the graphic novels. Those were really good. This show is a dilapidated anus!
All the writers have done is take the characters from the comic and place them in a similar town, with some similar things going on. They have gone so far off base with the story it shouldn't even be called Preacher anymore. All the stuff that made the book amazing has been ostracized from the show. Sure they try and mesmerize you with insane violence and gore and smile and say "look how far we can take things". But nothing will seer so deep into your mind as Quincanon naked screwing a giant woman made of meat!
All the characters are either cliché and boring, Jessie and Tulip. Or they've changed their backstory to no real point, i.e. Arseface and The Saint of Killers (cowboy). The last one really gripes me. The saint of Killers backstory was so cool. But either no real budget for the show or the writing team just plain sucks?
What's really sad is all those poor masses that think it's something. These people have been starved for something new and they're swallowing this half cooked piece of chicken? If only they knew what could of been? More than half couldn't tell you what's going on in the show? 10 episodes to get a point? really?
This show was nothing more than a hallow promise. We can bring you the insanity of Preacher on AMC!? No, No you can't. This show follows the ball-less approach of other shows, Lucifer and Constantine. Nothing more than a sad attempt at a half baked idea.
Shoot 'Em Up (2007)
A truly awful movie... just plain bad
I got to see this film for free at the San Diego Comic Con. We waited in line for 2 hours and almost didn't get in. We had to pretend to be press, and ended up sitting just in front of the writer/director, who was extremely excited to be there. He gave a short ecstatic speech before the film, about how the studio let him go out and make the movie he wanted to make. Well, I hope they've learned their lesson.
This film is a mishmash of bad one liners and action-movie clichés. There really is no plot. Maybe you heard that the director sold the studio on this film with only a set of gun fight concepts... apparently it's true, as this film skips haphazardly from action scene to action scene.
The basic "plot": Clive Owen, playing a guy only known as Smith, tries to intervene as a woman with a baby is menaced in a dark alley. Smith was just minding his own business, sitting on a bench eating a carrot (just like Bugs Bunny.. and yes, he does say "what's up doc" at least once) when he jumps into action. He's not able to save the woman, but he takes the baby, and teams up with a lactating hooker (Monica Bellucci, whose agent must have been on vacation when she got this script). They go on the run to try to save the baby from bad guy Paul Giamatti, who makes Gary Oldman in The Professional look understated.
Lots of action scenes ensue: In one early scene, Smith abandons the baby on a playground carousel, only to discover the bad guys are about to snipe the baby from the street. He takes aim with his handgun and shoots the bar on the carousel, causing the carousel to spin and ruin Bad Guy's shot, then shoots the bar AGAIN while it is STILL SPINNING, to make it spin faster, then hits it AGAIN! Yeah, that was some pretty fancy shooting..
In another car chase scene, he chases a bad guy, who drops his gun on the pavement. Smith, while driving about 80 MPH, casually opens his car door, leans out and scoops up the gun. I know somebody who tried to pick something up off the ground while driving. He was lucky just to get a broken wrist.
This scene ticked me off. I guess this could be a spoiler, but there really isn't any plot to be spoiled: In a final confrontation with Bad Guy, Smith doesn't have a gun, but he has bullets. He puts several between his fingers and thrusts his hand into a fireplace, causing the BULLETS TO EXPLODE and shoot Bad Guy. Look--you know why there is a barrel on a gun, right? It's because bullets need something to guide them... they cannot be aimed by themselves... I was so insulted by this point, that I almost turned around and told the director he was an idiot and I hope he doesn't make a single penny from this film.
So that's pretty much it. There's little plot, no character development and the director obviously thinks that bad one liners ("Now that's what I call blowing your load", "what's up doc", etc) and cartoon violence is all that it takes to make a movie. This movie is the idiot version of Smokin' Aces, completely lacking any cool dialog or innovative action. Trust me. You've seen this all before, and it was done much better.
My eyes are bleeding!
I love Equilibrium. It was (slightly flawed) genius. If you haven't seen it, go rent it, instead of watching Ultraviolet.
That said, director Kurt Wimmer should be castrated with a rusty salad fork for his embarrassingly stupid and obnoxious homage to all things Milla.
Wimmer is apparently obsessed with Milla Jovovich, to the point where he has created a film dedicated to how hot she looks in a belly-baring top and skin-tight pants. Ultraviolet is nothing more than a muddled and insipid music video, featuring Milla leaping around, kicking bad-guy butt video game style, but with no blood. They keep sending more guys against her (700 at one point) but she keeps beating, shooting or slicing them.
Gosh, that actually sounds better than the film really was! But here's the problem: it's the same fight, over and over. And the entire film is so overly stylized that it seems entirely made up of Milla or others posing just before a fight, or posing in mid-kick, or posing over a dead body after a fight. It's just so much posing and no actual payoff, so it becomes monotonous.
The plot is so convoluted and contrived that Milla's opening line "I was born into a world you may not understand" is appropriate. But by the end of the film, you not only won't understand, you won't care.
And the one-liners in this film? Wow. I was aghast that the line from the trailer made it in: "Are you mental?" Action films are known for cheesy one liners (Arnie anybody?), but when they're as awkward as this one (and several others), nobody's laughing.
I love it when a chick kicks butt. But if that's what you're looking for, rent Aeon Flux. At least that film had a semi-recognizable plot, with action that moved the story forward and decent acting. I hereby nominate Ultraviolet for a Worst Movie of the Year Razzie Award!