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mmxool

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Battleship (2012)
419 out of 532 people found the following review useful:
chicken burrito and kentucky fried chicken, 27 April 2012
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is my first ever review on IMDb and after watching this movie a few hours ago I was compelled to register on IMDb so I could play the Battleship guessing game with you (similar to the original Battleship, only that it's not).

Q1: How does a radio telescopes work? Do they

A - Detect and collect data on radio sources

B - Shoot some type of visible light laser beam to another solar system in the hope to communicate with aliens?

Answer: B - It's hard for someone to imagine how a signal is sent.

Q2: What would be the best way for an alien ship to travel once on earth?

A - Fly

B - Hop on the water (in one direction) like a cross between a water strider and a frog

Answer: B - Also staying true to their weapons system which only work line of sight.

Q3: Once the alien destruction robots are launched to attack and weaken the human defense, do they

A - Destroy 20 unarmed helicopters

B - Ruin a field where kids are playing baseball

C - Destroy the only remaining docked Battleship equipped with Harpoon and Tomahawk missiles

D - Attack some concrete pillars holding up a section of a freeway

Answer: A,B,D - Who would ever think that the USS Missouri had a better chance of attacking the aliens as opposed to a freeway.

Q4: Your a bad-ass alien who traveled ten's of light years to take over another planet, what do you bring as a personal weapon?

A - A ray guy than can evaporate anything in sight

B - Any other type of projectile weapon

C - A knife that looks like a screwdriver

Answer: C - The only weakness being that it takes this weapon 20 seconds to warm up, giving a double leg amputee enough time to walk up to the armored alien kick-box it in the head and take off it's helmet.

Q5: The humans have fired a tomahawk missile at your alien ship. What do you do?

A - Try to shoot it down with your own weapons

B - Try to maneuver your ship out of the way

C - Have your alien ship hop directly into the missile

Answer: C - Oh yes that's right the alien ship is only equipped with grenades and it can only move in the direction it is facing.

Q6: Your building an alien war ship that will be used to take over a planet. What material do you use to protect the bridge?

A - A type of super strong metal

B - Glass

Answer: B - Taking over a planet is not so easy when a few sniper rifle rounds breaches the hull on the bridge and kills the alien commander.

If you got 0% then watch the trailer and save yourself from having your intelligence insulted.

If you got above 1% then steal a chicken burrito, become captain of the navy in a few years and save the planet from an alien invasion by taking commands from an officer 20 ranks below you.