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Anus Magillicutty (2003)
Truly, a tour-de-force of greatness
There are few movies that can rouse the passions in even the hardest of hearts. "Anus Magillicutty" is one of those movies.
It's a sweeping pageant of ecstasy, sorrow, and rendezvous that enhances the spirit of any who watch it. Truly, this movie is a work of art unparalleled by any in its class and genre.
"Anus Magillicutty " is the story of Anus Magillicutty and in this elegant simplicity, so much of the film's character is revealed to the viewer. It is direct and uncomplicated, but at the same time it evokes a kind of primal vivre that renders the viewer speechless for the duration of the film.
It's a passion-play of amazement and wonder as every scene flickers by in a sweeping torrent of film-making glory.
But what did I like most about the film? Specifically, the milieu.
What can I say?
This movie was, without a doubt, absolutely terrible. I only payed $1.75 to see it, and I feel like I was stolen from.
What part of this movie made sense? There was no sexual chemistry between Rayne and Sebastian, the random cut-to scenes with Rayne's father were completely useless, pointless, and ridiculous, and the only point of the movie seemed to be to see as much nipple as possible.
Yes, "BloodRayne" was based on a video game, and movies based on video games seem to have a history of being terrible, but this shouldn't have to be the case! If they had just changed a couple of things about this movie, it might have actually worked out.
First of all, the presentation of the background information was very sloppy and distracted from the rest of the film. This could have been done much more concisely. There should have been some kind of attraction evident between Rayne and Sebastian since that sex scene was just plain awkward. The training montage was as ridiculous as it was pointless. There were many other ways that could have been approached without lengthening the movie or distracting from Rayne's ultimate goals. The cut scenes should have been eliminated completely since there was no point at all to see her father sitting in his chair constantly. The dialog should have been written by someone with a more professional grasp of how people actually talk, and for the love of Pete, use some contractions, people! It's not going to sound any less fancy to say "it's" instead of "it is" when you're referring to some smoking beheaded chunk of former vampire. None of the side characters were sufficiently explained and BIlly Zane just appeared to be there as a money-drawing famous actor than as an actual, necessary, part of the plot. Certainly the character's part was useful, but he didn't need to be shown at all. The letters would have more than sufficed and would have given more insight into his daughter's eventual betrayal.
The acting was horrid, the writing was worse, and the direction was abominable. Uwe Boll must be stopped for the love of all that is holy. He can't be allowed to make another movie like this.