smalone-1 Reviews

Jake Johannsen: This'll Take About an Hour (1992 TV Special)

Funniest Comedy Routine in the History of the Universe

[10/10 · 19 January 2005]

I had a copy of this that I watched dozens of times before losing it in a fire in 1998, but from what I remember, Jake's 1-hour routine is probably the best-timed, best-written, and best-executed comedy ever put on television or film. This ranks up there with the classic Pryor films, and Steve Martin's Wild and Crazy Guy concert at Red Rocks (and even tops them at parts). What sets this apart is that when Pryor and Martin perform, you know that they've been practicing each part of their acts and they line their bits up with standard set-up/embellishment/punchline formats. Johannsen has done that, too, but truly convinces me that he is digressing for the first time, as it's happening. He begins telling you about an experience, which can be funny, but invariably leads to a much bigger, or funnier chain of events, just as a conversation would go with someone you just met (only much funnier). Another plus is what Jake avoids. I don't recall much reliance on sound-effects, facial mugging, lame impersonations, repeated lines/catchphrases used to prompt audience responses, or other signs of desperation that way too man people use in routines these days. Jake just tells the lines, maybe makes a relevant gesture while applause and laughter are going on, then moves on. Additionally, too many comedians have that quick line, followed by an "uhhhhhh" while the audience catches up followed by the next joke. Jake knows when to shut up, let the laughter and applause happen, and then simply continue his thoughts afterwords. His transitions are great. Before you know it, you've moved from hearing about his plane ride, to locking his keys in a running car, to waiting for the telephone repair guy. The flow is excellent.

The only downside I can determine (more for Jake, than for the special) is that he is a comic based on style and delivery, not just content. What's funniest about his routine is not necessarily the punchline, but all the small asides within the anecdotes and lines. After seeing him perform, it is unlikely that people will go around repeating his lines since the material is basically one long string of funny stuff, not part and parcel jokes. People can grab a few one-liners, or a catchphrase from another comedian's (like George Carlin, Dice, Kinison, etc.) routine and repeat them, creating word-of-mouth advertising for a comedian, leading them to get curious about the act and create a following. With Jake, you can't pass-on the funny parts quickly, or with any hope of giving full detail. You can only pass on the style, but that's hard to do. Getting people interested in Jake's performances requires getting them to see one in its entirety to build up from there. That could be why so few people know who he is, relevant to lesser comedians like Ray Romano, Jerry Seinfeld, and the like.

If you ever get the chance to see this, take it. And pray that Jake has a revival and can do more specials in the future.

Captain America II: Death Too Soon (1979 TV Movie)

Capt. America II: The MST3K Starter Kit

[14 September 2004]

I managed to catch Captain America II on Sci-Fi a few years back and I couldn't help but feel that at some point during its making, the producers threw in the towel as far as trying to make the movie true to the original work, make sense, and be believable (even on a comic book level). I didn't see the entire film, but the final 40 minutes or so are wonderfully horrible and worth seeing, especially if you're feeling down on yourself and need to see other people failing more miserably than you. Because I didn't see the whole thing, I'll only go through and point out some of my favorite parts instead of reviewing the whole mess. There's no fair way to assess this piece of junk other than to say I couldn't make a better movie (unless I was given at least 45 minutes).

Somehow the 'plot' of the movie leads our hero to Christopher Lee's evil compound where he's holding the girl hostage, or has some death chemicals, or some secret something. Whatever. Steve Rogers needs to get in and he waits across the street in his van (which is like the van the A-Team uses, not a moving van, which would be more convenient for hauling a big motorcycle) for the better part of the day, timing the opening and closing of the gates with a wrist-watch chronograph. I guess digital watches were new-ish then and kind of a big deal, so they make sure we see that his is super-high-tech because it counts up from zero. Notice how he starts and stops the watch. He uses such fiercely exaggerated movements, you'd think he was fighting the spasms caused by the 'Rage' virus in 28 DAYS LATER. I can't remember how much time the doors typically stay open, but they must cycle long enough for Rogers to do the following:

--See the doors begin to open --Get out from behind the wheel to the back of the van --Completely change into his Capt. America costume while maneuvering around the motorcycle stored inside. --Starting the motorcycle and getting it revved up to the level that it creates enough exhaust smoke so as to look cool when he bursts through the rear doors (How did he reach the handle from the seat of the bike and still be able to exit IMMEDIATELY after the doors are open?) --Speed across the street --Avoid the cars exiting the compound --Make it through the gates with plenty of time to spare (or so it seems in slow motion)

Once inside the compound, which is comprised of about 10-20 different buildings, Capt. America races DIRECTLY to the building with the hostage/potion/secret/whatever. He's so confident he's in the right building, he rides the bike INSIDE and goes right to the office he needs to reach. Luck guess, Cap'n.

At some point, he and the bike get separated and he must descend a flight of stairs outside a building. Instead of bounding down the stairs at full speed to avoid the most inaccurate sniper fire from above, Capt. America comes to an almost dead stop so he can awkwardly slide down the metal railing all Tommy Tune-like. Personally, I think it's silly, but I'm not a superhero so I don't know the best, most heroic ways to cover 10-15 feet of stairs.

He gets back to his bike and gets lost in the compound. While he went directly where he wanted to go earlier, his exit strategy is lacking. He rides around and around and around before stopping dead (again) at an exterior wall. He has no escape. He's trapped. Or is he? Cap performs one of the most creative ways of getting around the nuisance of a 15 foot block wall by doing what anyone would do in that situation-THROWING the motorcycle up to the walkway at the top of the wall. Sure it's a riced-out J-bike, but it's still gotta be heavy. Conveniently, the bike lands on both tires and the kickstand equally. Then, before you can catch your breath from such a stupefying event (even for a made-for-network-TV movie), he leaps up and jumps to the bike, or at least the railing for the walkway, in one of the worst examples of a cut-away/visible wire stunt/reversed film sequence in post-Triassic Period history (Why didn't he jump over the railing directly to the bike? Right, because he had to jump off the railing backwards.).

Once on the walkway, he's gotta make an exit because Christopher Lee is escaping. Cap rides full speed to the end of the wall and before going over he hits a button that transforms his bike into a (possibly powered – I can't remember) hang glider that he flies directly to Lee's hideout in the woods. It makes one wonder why he wasted half his day timing the front gates when he could have either thrown his bike over the wall, or, more easily, flown the bike in. Whatever.

There's a final confrontation between Cap and Lee in which Lee shoots at Cap, but the bullets are blocked by Caps trash can lid shield. Cap uses the shield to take Lee out, but instead of throwing it right at him, Cap throws the shield like a boomerang way, way, way, WAY up and around Lee. He wasn't even close. Lee's probably still got some bullets at this point, but rather than use them to gun down Capt. America, he takes the time to watch the shield (obviously on a wire being guided by a boom pole since it teeters like a quarter slowing down after spinning upright) slowly circle around until it makes contact and kills him. Someone touched on this in another review and correctly pointed out that the scenario could have been different if Lee had simply ducked, or had taken a step to one side or the other. Better luck next time, Mr. Lee.

There's some kind of resolution after that, but it's generally a happy ending and typically lame. If you ever get the chance to see it for yourself, be prepared to feel the urge to kick in your TV screen at least once in every scene because of the flaws/cheapness/bastardization of the original material/general lameness of the whole production. However, if you like really bad, stupid movies, this is golden garbage for you.

One additional note: I don't read many comics, but I would imagine Captain America deserves more than being portrayed the way he is in not only the two TV movies, but the 1992 debacle, as well. While the '92 movie was supposed to be a major release, it has moronic scenes like the one with the Red Skull tying Cap to a missile fired from Europe to Washington D.C.. Cap rides the thing all the way across the Atlantic and waits until The White House is in sight (what?) before he decides to kick his heels against the tail ailerons of the missile, thus deflecting it and sending it toward the Pacific Northwest. Fortunately, the rocket still has enough fuel left over to go a few thousand miles more to Alaska or some such area that can be inexpensively represented by shooting in Canada once Cap wakes up 50 years later, completely fine and not brain dead, kinda like a short-term John Lone in ICEMAN. Rubbish.