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midnight_playah

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12 out of 27 people found the following review useful:
Absolutely no redeeming qualities!, 12 November 2010

Out of everyone I know, I'm the one that always defends the movies I see no matter how poor they are. I always ask my friends to have an open mind when watching a film in order to get the most enjoyment out of it. I've finally, for the first time I can recall, been unable to heed my own advice.

This "film" is the worst piece of crap I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. My sense of self respect will never forgive me after after subjecting my grey matter to this kind of abuse.

I hope the "actors" in this roadkill made enough to pay the administration cost for their GEDs, cause they'll need to find different work. This level of acting needs its own definition or class. It doesn't fall under any known category of professional performance art. The acting in this wet fart makes Killer Klowns from Outer Space look like The Shawshank Redemption.

Now, I could theoretically look past the mind-numbing banality of the acting, or the oatmealishness of the hideous strippers (who, by the way, don't strip), or even the childish and nonsensical story. But the one thing that I found absolutely unforgivable was the "special" effects. Never before have I seen true special effects made by true special kids from the classroom beside the boiler room. These effects looked like they were lifted directly from a bootleg Japanese copy of Zombie Massacre for the NES circa 1987.

Usually, I can recommend bad movies on the basis that they are so bad they're good. But this is just plain bad. I hope anyone who invested in this bucket of yuck found a high enough window to jump out of. I almost feel like I'd rather be dead than live in a world where this film exists.

I cannot in good conscience recommend this film under any circumstances. DO NOT even watch it for a laugh, as you will wind up sobbing into your couch cushions like a freshly scolded toddler.

0 out of 10