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j-jessie-weaver

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20 reviews in total 
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0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
I'd rather watch "Family Guy," "Scooby Doo!: Legend of the Phantosaur" and "Animals" than this piece of crap ever again., 1 May 2016
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It's hard for me to believe that I used to love "Pokémon" when I was younger. I owned a few of the VHS tapes and some of the toys. Nowadays, the only "Pokémon" related thing I enjoy is the video game, "Pokkén Tournament" for the Nintendo Wii U. I don't like the anime series anymore; However, I find "Pokémon: The First Movie" to be nothing but a piece of stupid, nonsensical, filler crap. That is literally how horrible this film is.

My parents took me to see this movie back in the 90's when I was a child and I ate it up like candy. Unfortunately, my opinion on it has changed. It has got to be one of the worst animated films I've ever seen. It is rotten to the very core and gives a terrible message to its target audience.

Not only is the message confusing, but also hypocritical. These characters take these creatures out to battle, yet when they see them fight clone versions of themselves, they have the gall to turn a 180 degree angle and say fighting is wrong. Congratulations, movie. You've made the characters of "Pokémon" into lousy, pathetic hypocrites.

As if the plot of the film wasn't bad enough, there's also these ridiculous filler scenes with Team Rocket, and they aren't the main antagonists in here, Mewtwo is. The writers could have just left them out of the picture completely. They have no excuse to be in the movie whatsoever.

If I had a choice between watching this movie and looking at paint dry on the wall, I'd pick the paint. "Pokémon: The First Movie" is garbage. No, "garbage" is too good a word for it. It's an absolute disgrace to animated films, and I feel ashamed of myself for loving it as a child.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
One of the worst "Scooby-Doo!" movies I have ever watched., 24 March 2016
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is THE movie where Scooby Doo and the gang basically prove they have run out of mysteries to solve. I would like to point out this came out a year after the atrocity that is "Mystery Incorporated." There comes a time where you ask, "Will it ever stop?" Scooby Doo has become Warner Bros.' cash cow, and it shows in this horrible installment, "Scooby-Doo: Legend of the Phantosaur." I don't remember when I watched this and I'm glad I don't. This movie was so bad, I couldn't even finish it.

Shaggy ends up having severe panic attacks during a mystery. You'd think that'd be normal for him, but here's the real kicker; HE IS LIKE THIS THROUGHOUT 95% OF THIS DARN MOVIE. I am dead serious. The first scene literally has him screaming at the top of his lungs for over an hour. At that point, I wanted to scream, "SHUT UP!" at my computer screen. It doesn't even matter if he gets hypnotized in the middle of this film to be brave, you know he'll just go back to being the cowardly crybaby he is.

Now, onto Fred, Daphne, Velma and Scooby. Cheese and rice, what've they done to them? Were the writers even remotely trying? Fred and Daphne are as dull as dishwater in here and the same goes for Scooby. Velma gets a crush on a boy who looks and acts exactly like her. She completely forgets she has to solve a mystery. Just great. Velma has gone from a smart aleck brat in "MI," to a girl who only cares about a crush than her friends. What a wonderful message to the kids of this generation.

The animation and story are utter bull crap. It's the same lifeless animation from "MI," except ten times worse. The overall nature of the plot is forced and shoved down the audience's throats and the climax gets rushed in the span of five minutes. That is where I stopped on this movie. I couldn't take the stupidity, anymore.

If you're a long time "Scooby" fan, like myself, stay away from "Legend of the Phantosaur." It doesn't deserve to be looked at, let alone watched. I thought these movies couldn't get any worse and can just imagine Don Messick, Casey Kasem and Jean Vander Pyl spinning in their graves at this one.

"Animals." (2016)
9 out of 29 people found the following review useful:
If this lazy, ugly excuse for a "cartoon" is a comedy, then, the horrible movie, "The Room" is a masterpiece., 6 February 2016
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I cannot believe how low creativity has sunk these days when it comes to entertainment. "Animals" has to be the ugliest, most useless excuse for a cartoon I have ever seen.

Let's start with the biggest problem this show has; The animation. The awful animation in "Titanic: The Animated Movie" looks as if it were made by Disney, Warner Bros. and DreamWorks compared to this crap. The animals move like they've been taken out of a children's storybook videocassette from 1992. There is NO excuse whatsoever, for a cartoon that was released in 2016, to look this horrible. At all. The coloring is very dull and too dark. They put little to no effort into it.

Now, onto the voice acting and dialogue. Cheese and rice, the voice acting and dialogue aren't even TRYING. It's like they threw the actors into the recording studio and told them to talk amongst themselves.

One example I saw, was a scene where an alley cat outside of a window was trying to greet two white, domestic cats inside of an apartment. The two cats say to the other, "No espeake Español" in the most unemotional, annoying tones you could possibly imagine. Not only that, but the joke was completely unfunny. They even put "World's Dumbest" co-star, Chelsea Peretti into this production as the voice of a poodle. I don't like Peretti's humor very much, but she deserves better than this.

After seeing the original YouTube shorts that are based on this show and clips of it from the trailers, I can honestly say "Animals" is the absolute worst animated adult cartoon I have come across. The animation is abysmal, the jokes consist of nothing but sexual and toilet references and the voice acting sounds like it was done in two seconds.

Skip this at all costs. If you want to see an actually funny adult cartoon, watch "The Simpsons." RATING: 1/10

Cute, endearing and fun for all ages, except..., 10 December 2015
7/10

I first came across this show a couple days ago and immediately became hooked on it. Although, I'm not the target audience for "Little Charley Bear," which is ages two to three, I can honestly say this show is downright adorable; from its concept to the characters.

Charley himself is the cutest little guy you will ever see. The show teaches children to use their imaginations in their own way and that things will go wrong if you get too excited. This is the lesson "Barney & Friends" failed to give to kids; However, there is one problem with "Little Charley Bear" that made me give it a 7 in this review.

The CGI animation looks like it came out of a video game. Almost in every episode, you can see the pixels in Charley's fur, including his and the other characters' shadows. The backgrounds look a tad dull and there's hardly anything in them at all, which is the case with Charley's room. If the cartoon had just been an animatronic bear puppet in a live action setting, then I would've given it a higher score.

I can recommend this show to anybody who has young children or who just loves watching these things for the sake of it. "Little Charley Bear" is adorable, from start to finish.

Stellaluna (2004) (V)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
A shallow, lame film with unlikable characters. Read the original book instead., 25 October 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I first came across this movie on Netflix and decided to watch it. Having listened to the book when I was a child, I thought this film would be a treat. Unfortunately, that was not what I got with this adaptation of Jannell Cannon's "Stellaluna." Most of the characters are either entirely annoying or completely unlikable. Pip, Flitter and Flap are very cruel to poor Stellaluna and even have the gall to mock her at some points.

Stellaluna was one of the few characters, including her biological mother, that I actually sympathized with. The rest of them are intolerable; Especially that stupid, egotistical jumping spider, Askari...

The only two positive things I can say about this movie is that the animation and the song Stellaluna sings are beautiful. The animation itself brings the characters to life and it looks fantastic.

However, I doubt the animation and that one, decent song saves this movie from being a piece of garbage.

If you want to show your kids "Stellaluna," read them the original book. This film will be a waste of time for them and it should never have been made.

No wonder this adaptation got panned.

6 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
The Worst Episode of This Show I Have Ever Seen in My Life, Bar None., 4 September 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Being a fan of "The Simpsons," I feel offended and insulted at how utterly horrible "Lisa Goes Gaga" truly is. I just watched the episode on my computer and I now see why fans of the show hate it. It is the absolute worst thing this cartoon has ever put out.

The episode's first half is about how miserable Lisa is. It's almost like she's turned into Meg Griffin from "Family Guy;" an adult cartoon I hate with a passion. I was never a fan of Lisa, I find her to be an OK character, but she didn't deserve the cruelty that was given to her in this episode.

Then, all of a sudden, Lady Gaga comes to Springfield to try and make Lisa happy. I don't like Lady Gaga or her music, and her voice acting in this is terrible. She doesn't even try to put emotion or energy into her animated counterpart and just comes off as a shallow puppet.

The jokes in "Lisa Goes Gaga" are anything but funny. They range from downright mean-spirited to incomprehensibly stupid. There's one scene near the end where Moe gets run over by a train. How is that funny and how can the writers expect us to laugh at that? I can only hope this show does not go into "Family Guy's" route.

"Lisa Goes Gaga" is an episode you won't enjoy. It's mean-spirited, ugly and disgusting. The only part I liked was Gaga and Lisa's duet on stage, but that's about it. Even that nice moment can't save this episode from being atrociously awful. My advice is, avoid it.

17 out of 57 people found the following review useful:
Insensitive, offensive and evil. Pure evil., 11 June 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie is not only the worst animated film I've seen in my whole entire life, it is the most disgusting, insensitive, atrocious, abysmal, putrid and offensive piece of trash that dares to call itself a cartoon. Titanic's story should not be sugarcoated and made for THREE YEAR OLDS!

As if "Titanic: The Legend Goes On" wasn't bad enough, "The Legend of the Titanic" has the gall to tell its target audience that "nobody died" in one of the most tragic disasters in history that killed a thousand people. What I am going to tell you in this review will get even more horrid.

What's that, you may ask? Oh, I don't know, how about this idiot octopus named Tentacles, after being tricked by gangster sharks, throwing an iceberg at the ship?!

But, wait! That's not all! The writers intentionally rip off James Cameron's film! How do I know this? Let's look at four reasons why.

1. A woman named Elizabeth has to marry a man she doesn't love; FYI, Maltravers.

2. A gypsy prince named Don Juan sees Elizabeth and later on, they fall in love... after sharing one line of freaking dialogue! I am so close to screaming right now.

3. Maltravers has his manservant, Jeffery spy on Elizabeth and Don Juan.

4. The beginning of the movie is told through flashback by an old mouse to his grandchildren. Sound familiar?

Not only does it borrow heavily from the James Cameron movie, it makes fun of the disaster and transforms it into a "save the whales" plot that has absolutely no place in the true story.

If they wanted to make a movie to save the whales, they should have come up with another plot instead of throwing it into a tragedy where 1,500 people perished in the freezing water.

Oh, but I'm not done, yet. Remember when I mentioned not a single person dies in this movie? Tentacles, while the Titanic is about to break in two, grabs it with his tentacles and puts it back together. I don't seem to remember an OCTOPUS COMING OUT OF THE WATER AND SAVING EVERYONE ON THE TITANIC BY KEEPING IT FROM BREAKING IN HALF!

Yeah, I'm sure the history articles and Cameron regret not putting that into the ship's story! At least, the 1997 masterpiece didn't have brain dead people and talking animals!

To sum up, "The Legend of the Titanic" is despicable. The animation is awful, the history is BEYOND insulting, and having no one die? The victims of Titanic are spinning in their graves.

This movie is a travesty and it baffles me human beings were behind it. This and "Titanic: The Animated Movie" should have never been green lit. It's a crime this movie, its sequel and the other film even exist.

2 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Absolutely disgusting. It does NOT deserve to exist on this planet., 27 October 2014
1/10

This "movie" practically takes a heartbreaking disaster that happened years ago, stomps on it, spits in the faces of the people who died, then proceeds to laugh at the both of them. I have never seen a movie so atrocious, abysmal and retched, that I hope I never have to watch it again. "Titanic: The Animated Movie" is a huge example of how not to turn a historical event into a kid's cartoon.

First off, the animation is incredibly horrible. I have never seen animation this lazy. Did the filmmakers' even TRY to put effort into it? No, of course, not. They were probably being just as lazy or didn't give two craps. I've watched TV shows and movies where the animation was very bad, but at least they were tolerable. This is just pathetic. The Titanic itself looks like it came out of an N64 console. A three year old could do better than these guys at animating.

The characters are bland and are nothing but rip offs of characters I saw from other movies, especially Disney. Angelica and William are basically clones of Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukator from the original James Cameron film, except the "poor" and "rich" roles are flipped.

There is also a family of mice that looks like Fivel's family from "An American Tail," two Dalmatians with red and blue collars, (where do you think that's from?) and various similarities which bring up one word: "Plagiarism."

Not to mention, there is a rapping dog in this film. No, I am not making it up. A RAPPING DOG IN SOMETHING ABOUT THE TITANIC! Can somebody please tell me, how anyone in the right mind, thought that was a great idea? Is this movie trying to be a comedy?

Comedy is something for movies that are written to be comedic, and it is not, in any way, appropriate for a historical subject .

Stay away from this piece of crap. If you think this'll be a good film, think again. It is beyond insulting, the animation and editing are the worst I have ever seen, and it is bound to make you angry at your species who made this.

At least, when Winsor McCoy created his silent cartoon about the Lusitania disaster, he got it right.

2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
A "Big Time" Piece of Utter Crap, 30 September 2014
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I'll never understand why Nickelodeon had the gall to put this trash on the air. This show is a disaster in every sense of the word. The characters are completely unlikable, especially Carlos and Kendall's mother. Carlos has the personality of an immature child and I. Q. of a rock. A three year old has more smarts than this idiot. Kendall's mother is just an overreacting stereotype. I forgot to mention that all of the characters overreact to the smallest things. It's beyond ridiculous! Gustavo is a terrible music director for the main protagonists. You want proof? Here it is; He yells and screams at them, abuses them. etc. In one episode, he gave them ELECTRIC SHOCKS by pressing a button on a controller. I'm sorry, but that action, right there, is inexcusably cruel. If I were one of the members of this band, I would have quit, let the man go bankrupt and watch his company crumble to the ground. What a wonderful character Gustavo is! (Sarcasm, how I love thee).

Another major problem with this show is the acting. I have never seen such horrible acting on a show in my life. Don't even get me started on the cartoon sound effects. They worked in "Ned's Declassified," despite being a little annoying, but they fail to get a laugh in here.

"Big Time Rush" is utter crap. The acting is atrocious and it throws every pathetic little joke at you in the sad hopes of getting a laugh. If you want to see something by Scott Fellows that's funny and entertaining, watch "Ned's Declassified." That show is a hundred times better than this.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Not All That Bad, 9 September 2014
8/10

I have never actually been a fan of "The Flinstones," but this movie is the cutest thing I have ever watched. The thought of Pebbles and Bamm Bamm becoming parents is like a fan fiction come to life. It's just adorable. The animation is excellent and the characters have a certain charm to them. After seeing "I, Yabba Dabba Do," which was also good, on TV a couple times, I stumbled across a clip of this movie and just had to see it. I'm glad I did. Sure, the cartoon's not without its flaws, but they're drowned out by the sweet and tender nature it has to offer.

I give "Hollyrock-a-Bye Baby" an 8/10.


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