Reviews written by registered user
lonicelee

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21 reviews in total 
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7 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
For kids only, 12 October 2008
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Unlike Jumanji, this is NOT for anyone smarter than a 5th grader. They use typical kid shortcomings instead of writing a clever script. Much of the story didn't make sense or was simply unbelievable. They seem to just make stuff up to fit what they wanted - some things floated in space including the sputum and the astronaut, but the kids were totally unaffected by 0 gravity. The guy stuck in the game, the Zorgons we never see, the robot repairing itself forever, all seemed like lazy writing and directing. The youngest kid screws up constantly and says I'm sorry at least 40 times. I was so sick of this needy, whiny child that I didn't care if they made it home or not. I'm sure there are parents who don't know how to discipline their kids so some will find this believable. Those who feel parents should address rude and co-dependent behavior early, will lose patience with this mess of a movie driven by redundant bad behavior.

0 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
I am fantastic!!!, 28 January 2008
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I loved this movie. Kept me on the edge of my seat and Will was absolutely superb. I think he was Oscar worthy. He carried the entire film and showed a wide range of emotions. *** Spoiler Alert *** Someone complained about why he was hunting when he had food at his house. You might want to ask that of anyone who hunts in the US. Most do it for sport and considering his situation (only taped TV shows, no human contact, etc.) it's easy to believe he was just bored and wanted something different to eat. There were a few plot holes and things that were unexplained but that's life. As with all movies based on books, they have to leave something out. Compared to much of the junk that's being made, this is definitely one to see. Will be in my DVD collection as soon as it goes on sale.

Turistas (2006)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Moron Turistas, 25 August 2007
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Great scenery and a few intense action scenes but it's always hard for me to care when people end up in dire straits due to their own stupidity. **** SPOILER ALERT **** Josh's character was the only voice of reason yet he still went along with everything. No need to complain if you're not going to do anything about it. I haven't traveled a lot, but I know that most tourist destinations have very depressed areas just a few miles away from the lush tourist areas. They were far away from anything lush so it was really naive to be shocked that they were robbed when they had no way to secure their belongings. They were lucky not to be raped, etc. on the beach. And the dumb sister...."what do you mean everything?" Did she not know the meaning of everything?? In a time of rampant identity and every other kind of theft, just dumb to be so trusting. Yet Josh's question about "Aren't the police supposed to be worse than the criminals" shows they were just morons to not do everything they could to leave the area asap. And the moronic behavior is what drove the entire movie. Chasing after a kid in a slum to get a hat???? Hiking barefoot through treacherous terrain to get to a safe house???? Swimming through dark caves because a local says it's incredible???? Picking a fight with the local while running away from the bad people and exposing your location???? Standing there with a blank look after the woman says to run???? Lots of Darwin Award winners and honorable mentions here.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Good movie - not so much!!, 18 August 2007
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Good special effects but a poorly done movie overall. I was unable to unhook my brain as others have suggested. I didn't know anything of the book it's based on nor the history of Nemo, etc. so I should have been the easiest viewer to impress. I totally agree with another reviewer who said "the implementation is rather abysmal". *** SPOILER ALERT *** These people had talents but most weren't that extraordinary to logically survive sprays of automatic gunfire. All of Nemo's fighting scenes looked fake. The only things extraordinary about him were his ship and car. I've never been to Venice but my first thought was how is this ship going to fit in their tiny canals. There are many other moments like this where you think wtf? If it weren't for Dorian Gray, Mr. Hyde and the Nautilus, it would have been a total waste of film. In the DVD extras, Sean Connery said he didn't "fancy" the script at first. He thought it was too "tricksy". But then he thought about movies like the Matrix and how things were done with special effects so he went ahead. A few changes might have helped but I don't know if this could ever be a good movie since the story is so bad. Some complain that Mr. Hyde was too over the top. He was one of the few things I enjoyed. Just an angry version of Dr. Jekyl would have been as boring as Tom Sawyer's character.

Life (1999/I)
3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
I LOVED it, but it's not for everyone, 21 July 2007
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is a bittersweet comedy because of the subject matter, but it contains great comedic performances. I was happy to see such a wonderful ensemble cast. Miguel Nunez, Bernie Mac, Anthony Anderson, Bokeem Woodbine, Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Guy Torry, Nick Casavettes, Ned Beatty, Rick James (1st appearance after his stroke), etc. effortlessly portraying men of that era. Lisa Nicole Carson, Clarence Williams III and others were flawless in their bit parts. But not everyone will get it or enjoy it. The "N" word is used frequently, there's a lot of profanity and some harsh realities are revisited. ***** SPOILER ALERT ***** But scenes like "Jangle Leg pitching woo on the job" had me cracking my side and I want to go to Ray's Boom Boom room. Each time I watch it, I see something new. To the end, "Biscuit" stays in character running like a girl. Before it's over, Eddie and Martin look almost dead. But, I appreciated the late justice as most of the real stories weren't resolved while the victims were still alive. And the images will not allow us to forget or ignore that part of our history. Then the outtakes at the end had me laughing again. To me, a classic and even more great stuff on the DVD.

3 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Can't be a great movie when the story sucks, 20 July 2007
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I doubt anyone will read this since there are pages and pages of great reviews. But, I had to comment since I gave it only a 5; considered a 4. *** SPOILER ALERT *** Watching someone buzzed is funny for about 10 minutes unless there's a good story to keep me engaged. Racy dialog for 1998 I guess. It's now 2007 and it felt weak. Sorry your stepmom is a nymphomaniac, etc. just wasn't that funny or clever. More like cute. Believable characters, but I really didn't care. Everyone was just so stupid. There were a few funny lines, but the majority of the "jokes" were more about overwhelming ignorance than humor. I chuckled a few times. After an hour of the ignorance, it was predictable; the chair falling forward was no surprise. Stupid low brow physical comedy mixed with sort of high brow comedy. Like laughing at someone for using their salad fork during the entree. No deep belly laughs. "It really tied the room together" was funny the first time he said it. Decent twist but after viewing it a 2nd time (since a few reviewers said they hated it the first time then loved it later), I still don't know what proof The Dude had of the husband's motivations. The ashes in the coffee can - another chuckle. Them blowing all over Dude with him just standing there; stupid.

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Clearly a kids flick, 8 July 2007
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I guess it rates at least a 5 with kids. I hate movies where the main character acts like an idiot. Hard to be sympathetic. Ben's character spends a lot of time looking confused while things happen to him. *** SPOILER ALERT *** He just sat there while the tiny men shot him with darts. Finally, he put up a hand to protect his face. I guess it required too much coordination to cover his face and move at the same time. The Lions escape and the Monkey somehow gets the keys again. The idiotic guard must have left one of the doors unlocked since we saw him lock one successfully (and trick the Monkey with the baby keys). Then more of the guard's inability to multi-task. He can slap the monkey but can't grab him nor the keys. And then after multiple near death experiences, he brings his son to work. Smart move! He counts down to when the animals come to life with no thought of locking up the Lions first. Just your average idiot Joe. It goes on and on like when he gets overpowered by three senior citizens. Should have been called Dumbo at the museum. Definitely written for an immature audience.

Alpha Dog (2006)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Sad, stupid commentary, 7 July 2007
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Sad because it's based on a true story and sad that some people are actually that stupid. I would say sad directing, but I don't know how much was his vision versus reality so I'll withhold judgment. Sad visual effects...the final scene was ridiculous. Bottom line - sad waste of 2 hours. *** SPOILER ALERT *** The crazy brother was totally unbelievable. Why was he trying to borrow money to pay off the guy if he was such a bad ass??? And the sister who shrieked constantly was probably the dumbest. If you know someone did something, just go to the police. DO NOT go to their house and warn them. None of their motivations made sense. I agree with the other reviewer. They must have been on much more than marijuana. Only complete idiots would think they'd get less time for murder than for kidnapping. And kidnapping would have been difficult to prove with him walking around freely. Apparently none of these kids watched CSI or any other medical examiner show in the past 20 years. Unfortunately, no one got any backbone until after the guy was killed. They all deserve the death penalty. Hopefully, this movie teaches people to avoid idiots otherwise it was a total waste of film.

1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Constant snooze, 17 June 2007
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Still wondering what was 'riveting' or 'thrilling' about the movie. Logic kept me from enjoying the story. *** SPOILER ALERT **** While I can believe that drug companies would do something like this, it didn't make sense that she didn't know they'd kill her. I mean if they were already killing test subjects how could she think she'd be any different? Then she kept asking the "friend" what he was going to do with her report. "You promised you'd help me". Was he the only option? She couldn't go on "vacation" and give copies of her evidence to someone with a crew and big budget? The title should have been "Death Wish in Africa". She was frequently being warned about things yet she kept trying to influence change by handling things quietly or embarrassing an official at a public gathering devoid of media. It also didn't make sense that she wouldn't tell her husband in order to "protect him" but did nothing to protect herself. Then you have the hubby running around after after numerous threats and having the u-know-what kicked out of him, yet he doesn't have any form of protection.

Like others have mentioned, character development was minimal. They went from making love to married. Honorable subject but poorly executed. BTW, those reviewers who say Drug companies would never do anything like this should do some research. There are numerous drugs that have been pulled because of related health issues or deaths. However, I have not heard of any huge settlements just seen a lot of lawyer ads asking if you have had a heart attack, stroke, etc. after taking such n such. Paying off a few whiners after making huge profits probably isn't a big deal. I'm beginning to wonder if FDA approval is required to release a drug.

Undertow (2004)
8 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Atrocious!!!, 7 April 2007
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

***** Spoiler Alert ***** One of the worst movies I've ever seen. The opening sequence was good (which is why it deserved 1 point instead of 0) but it ran out of steam after about 20 minutes. After another 40 minutes, I just wanted it to end. It was clear the uncle wanted the gold coins but no one picked up on that. Then the boys stood around and listened while they argued. Only after the father was killed did they do anything. Then after the uncle tried to kill them with the shovel, they knocked him down and ran upstairs. They ran repeatedly instead of taking advantage of a dazed or injured uncle. The entire movie was a series of ludicrous setups. It was amazing that a boy who mainly ate paint and dirt (and was too fragile to work around the house) was able to run for miles and do manual labor. And despite a fall from a second story window and multiple attacks, the uncle had only a slight limp and a small cut on his forehead. It just wasn't believable and after so many stupid choices, I didn't care if the entire family died. They never explained why he ate paint. They clearly didn't care about the coins so why keep running with them? How did that nasty girl not see the huge bulge from the coins in his front pocket? How did the older brother stab the uncle? Where did he go when he went underwater? Everyone was a dumb as a box of rocks except for the uncle with nine lives.


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