Reviews written by registered user
fibreoptic

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89 reviews in total 
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Zombieland (2009)
Good film but where are the zombies?, 10 November 2009
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've been looking forward to this movie for a long time and for the most part it is good. The comedy is quite clever, what little gore there is is good, the acting is OK (Woody Harrelson is excellent). The story could be better but i found the two girls tedious and annoying. You can always trust a chick to get in the way of a decent horror flick. But OK this is a zombie film so let's not look too deep into this. It is fun but my one big gripe is that with the exception of the first 20 minutes and the last 20 minutes there are very few zombies at all. It's mostly them just driving along with no view of the living dead in sight and we get to Bill Murray's mansion with no view of the living dead in sight, OK the zombies are in it now again but the zombies might as well have been the cameo instead of Bill Murray. If i watch a movie called Zombieland i expect to see a load of zombies throughout.

Otherwise this is a fun, cheesy and stupid horror flick that relies on pretty much Woody Harrelson to carry it which he does well. I give it an 8 because i'm a total zombie fan but if this was as good as the rating it has on IMDb i would have easily have given it a 10.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The only Police Academy movie that counts, 24 September 2005
9/10

What can be said about the Police Academy movies? Well, if you take all seven and judge them as a whole then you'd come to the conclusion that they suck and be done with it. On the other hand if you take the first one and judge that by itself then you may, like me come to the conclusion that it's one of the funniest movies of the eighties.

In my mind i won't let the sequels taint this brilliant comedy full of slapstick humour and downright goofiness. When i compare Police Academy to most of the comedies of today then i appreciate it even more.

One thing that bugs me is that Michael Winslow is under used in this. It seems that he is involved in very little and is only there to make cool sound effects. I would have liked him to have been involved in the story more.

Regardless of that little annoyance this is still a brilliant movie which is far superior to the sequels. An eighth Police Academy is in the works as i type this and all i have to say is that it is a big mistake. Comedies of today on the whole suck and combine that with the fact the last few Police Academies were terrible, i shudder to think what the final outcome will be. The first will never be bettered.

Moonwalker (1988)
16 out of 25 people found the following review useful:
I think most people will get some entertainment outta this, 25 March 2005
8/10

With all this stuff going down at the moment with MJ i've started listening to his music, watching the odd documentary here and there, watched The Wiz and watched Moonwalker again. Maybe i just want to get a certain insight into this guy who i thought was really cool in the eighties just to maybe make up my mind whether he is guilty or innocent. Moonwalker is part biography, part feature film which i remember going to see at the cinema when it was originally released. Some of it has subtle messages about MJ's feeling towards the press and also the obvious message of drugs are bad m'kay.

Visually impressive but of course this is all about Michael Jackson so unless you remotely like MJ in anyway then you are going to hate this and find it boring. Some may call MJ an egotist for consenting to the making of this movie BUT MJ and most of his fans would say that he made it for the fans which if true is really nice of him.

The actual feature film bit when it finally starts is only on for 20 minutes or so excluding the Smooth Criminal sequence and Joe Pesci is convincing as a psychopathic all powerful drug lord. Why he wants MJ dead so bad is beyond me. Because MJ overheard his plans? Nah, Joe Pesci's character ranted that he wanted people to know it is he who is supplying drugs etc so i dunno, maybe he just hates MJ's music.

Lots of cool things in this like MJ turning into a car and a robot and the whole Speed Demon sequence. Also, the director must have had the patience of a saint when it came to filming the kiddy Bad sequence as usually directors hate working with one kid let alone a whole bunch of them performing a complex dance scene.

Bottom line, this movie is for people who like MJ on one level or another (which i think is most people). If not, then stay away. It does try and give off a wholesome message and ironically MJ's bestest buddy in this movie is a girl! Michael Jackson is truly one of the most talented people ever to grace this planet but is he guilty? Well, with all the attention i've gave this subject....hmmm well i don't know because people can be different behind closed doors, i know this for a fact. He is either an extremely nice but stupid guy or one of the most sickest liars. I hope he is not the latter.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Surprisingly good!, 30 January 2005
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Before i sat down to this i thought it would be a stupid kiddy comedy movie like something off Nickleodeon but i was wrong, this will appeal to adults just as much (if not more) than children. It's about a hardened kill happy Major who doesn't have anything else left to do in the army so his commanding officer gives him a job training a bunch of cadets.

Daman Wayans is fantastic as Major Payne and really makes the character shine. This movie isn't about a bunch of unruly kids making Major Payne's life hell but more like the other way around. The children try hard to get rid of him but their attempts are all futile. It takes a good three quarters of the movie before the kids warm up to the Major. It really is a bit too formulaic near the end but i still think that this is a top notch movie mostly due to Daman Wayans. This guy should be in more stuff. A really funny movie that is for everyone and just when you think it's going to turn sickly sweet in a couple of the scenes....well you'd better watch it to find out. 9/10

21 out of 27 people found the following review useful:
The best Fist Of The North Star there is, 15 January 2005
10/10

I've just got through watching the first 36 episodes of the TV series of Fist Of The North Star on DVD and until a couple of days ago i thought the TV series came after the movie. The movie comes after the TV series. I have to admit that even though the series has more info and detail about the fighting styles etc i think that the movie is slightly better. It has better animation, better voice acting (in English) and is less repetitive. I watched the movie just over ten years ago and was quite literally blown away by it. It has action, adventure, comedy, gore, thrills, spills and for those people disgusted by the sex scenes in Urotsukidoji you'll be happy to know that FOTNS is sex free.

FOTNS is obviously to some extent based on Mad Max but a heck of a lot better. Only thing that bugs me (just like the series) is that the gore scenes are usually blurred or we see peoples shadows exploding. Kind of annoying. Also there seems that there are a few gaps in it which makes me wonder if there has been a scene or two edited out or cut down (atleast in the UK version).

I'll quickly give a brief summary of the story. It's about a guy called Ken who must get his girlfriend back from his former best friend Shin who beat up Ken, kidnapped his girlfriend and left him for dead. Ken walks through the barren wasteland (it's set after a nuclear war) and kills bad guys with his style of fighting. If he punches anybody they explode shortly after. In the meantime his eldest brother Raoh has amassed an army and is trying to conquer the world. There are also a couple of sub plots. One has this guy called Rei (or Ray?) looking for his sister and is also looking for the guy responsible for kidnapping her.

All this leads to an explosive finale. Fist Of The North Star along with Urotsukidoji is my favourite Japanese anime movie of all time. A definite must see but avoid the American live action film. That sucked the big one for sure. This great anime gets a perfect 10/10 from me.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Decent slasher let down by stupid end, 30 December 2004
7/10

'Evil Dead Trap' is about a late night female television presenter who hosts a show about extreme happenings caught on camera. Kind of like a sick version of that sucky British show 'You've Been Framed'. One day she gets a video of a woman being mutilated which has been sent in by someone. At first her and her colleagues don't take it seriously but with the clues given on the video tape her and her work mates go and check it out.

Once i got this movie it took me a couple of months to get round to watching it. A few minutes into it it gets quite gory and then that's about it for the gore. Not much horrifying gore after that at all. In the spirit of slasher movies Nami's mates start getting picked off one by one. She meets a strange mysterious guy and we have a killer that kind of looks like the fisherman from 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'.

Not much suspense here but the location was good. A nice abandoned military base or whatever that isn't on any map. I'm going to cut to the chase. Near the end we think the killer's a schizo but ends up having a baby brother monster inside of him who is in fact the real killer and (this is where it gets confusing) both brothers get burnt to a crisp but still manage to come back. The brothers actually get impaled before being burnt to a crisp and then once again attack Nami. The evil brother is a monster baby that comes back at the end out of Nami's body (after somehow managing to transfer himself in there during the previous fight).

The conclusion of this movie is pretty weak. Somebody delivers a lighter to Nami's work (a lighter which has significance earlier in the movie) and i'm like "who delivered it!?" The monster baby inside of Nami or the monster baby's cremated bro? Er don't make sense. The actual monster does look pretty bad and hardly moves. Oh well. The build up was pretty good and i liked the music mainly because it wasn't your typical slasher movie music but still managed to work well. Worth watching f'sure but don't expect a great ending (or lots of gore). 7/10

Wild Poses (1933)
6 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
HAHA yes excellent!, 30 December 2004
9/10

I've never seen any of 'Our Gang' before mainly due to the fact that they have never in my lifetime been shown on British TV. Well, at least not to my knowledge. Also 'The Little Rascals' haven't been shown since i was a little kid. I was very impressed by nearly everything in this little comedy gem. The kids are excellent and Spanky is just so amazing it's genius. The way he acts all goofy and at such a young age is quite an achievement and i'm glad they caught this fantastic child actor on camera while they had the chance. I really do sympathise with the photographer though and Stan Laurel's poke in the eye is a bit dodgy. I'm going to try and find some more 'Our Gang' episodes. Superb! 9/10

Club Dread (2004)
1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Bill Paxton's best ever performance!, 27 December 2004
9/10

Club Dread absolutely ROCKS!!! Most of the characters are excellent (even Putman with his dreadful English accent) and as far as Bill Paxton is concerned, i've never really liked the roles which he has played in the past but him playing Coconut Pete is absolutely fantastic, kinda like the way Johnny Depp played Jack Sparrow in 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' but maybe not quite as good but still frickin awesome. Bill actually recorded a few songs (him singing) just for this movie and even though they are kind of gay they're still kind of catchy and have caught myself humming them every now and then.

Club Dread is a comedy more than a slasher and even sends up the slasher genre in places especially the end. This isn't a spoof...(apart from near the end) but is a pretty good comedy which you aren't really supposed to take too seriously. It has good characters and nice locations. It is a tad predictable though. If you want to know who the killer is just look for the least important main character and bobs ya uncle. Great movie. 9/10

9 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
The year 3000?, 9 December 2004
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Dracula 3000 is supposed to be set in the year 3000. Hmmm, OK. Obviously clothes and hairstyles haven't changed much. There is also a crusty old VCR in the ship that was lost in 2950. OK er VCR's are pretty much half extinct now. The guns in it were unimpressive for the year 3000 and the paralysed guy had a really crap wheelchair, not even a motorised one. C'mon, by 3000 i would have thought they would have had hover wheelchairs or the medical technology to make paralysed people walk.

Apart from the props and set not matching the date it also borrows a bit from 'Event Horizon'. Everything was pretty much going fine, i really can almost forgive the out of place things until Dracula finally appears and adds a giant iceberg sized lump of cheese to the proceedings.

The story LOL is about haha Dracula being picked up by a cargo ship *snigger* from a planet of vampires called 'Transylvania' which he is the last vampire of lmao because the planet is dying. This vampire planet is situated in a galaxy called the Carpathian Galaxy HAHAHAHA which this movie is set in. Through the captain's journals we find out that his crew are being turned into vampires (by Dracula i guess). 50 years later Captain Van Helsing and his crew of morons try and salvage the ship.

This movie sucks, it really does. Coolio was OK until he gets turned into a vampire and then his acting goes way way way over the top. Dracula was unconvincing and near the end where Van Helsing and Dracula are fighting is not only pathetic but a total cop out. Also, the plan to fly the ship around the sun and fry Dracula to a crisp would have been a good idea if only the ship they were on had more than one window but the characters overlook that small fact. Also, check out the coffins exploding for no good reason. I won't even mention the pathetic poorly executed ending and its abrupt nature. NO Director, that's a BAD Director!!!

Why the heck were big names starring in this amateur pile of s**t!? Why are they trying to commit career suicide? Casper Van Dien's acting in this is the same as his acting in every other movie he's been in. I think the dude should stop acting every character like it's the same one. The only redeeming feature this movie has is Tiny Lister. The man simply rocks but even he wasn't enough to save this movie. 2/10

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
What went wrong!? *sob*, 8 December 2004
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I can remember being a fairly big fan of Star Wars after my parents took me to the cinema to see 'Return Of The Jedi' when i was only seven. I was awe struck and instantly started to collect the weekly 'Return Of The Jedi' comic book. Round about 1984 in the comic it said that there were plans to make the 3 prequels but it was all hush hush. I remember thinking how awesome it would be. Well, as we all know the Star Wars prequels were along time away from being made in 1984 so when 13 years later i heard there were plans to actually make them with the latest effects i was over-joyed. Hmmm, i think you know where i'm going with this. I waited for two more years and when i finally got to see the first of the long awaited prequels. That's the day i lost my faith in George Lucas and CGI.

I was extremely disappointed. I mean it is called 'Star Wars' and it has Jedi's and light sabre's in it. It also has the Emperor in it but it totally did not feel like a Star Wars movie. I really don't know where to begin.

The Structure was poor for a start. The first couple of minutes at the beginning was fine then it just lost it. Talk about rushed scenes. One minute Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are sitting in a room on a Trade Federation starship and the next they're on Naboo with Jar Jar and then 30 seconds later they're in an underwater city. I was like "what's just happened?!". The plot is weak as heck too. Darth Maul was under-used and had very little depth to his character. There was far too much CGI used which made me feel like i was watching an animated movie. The film is just so very shallow. I didn't even care when Anakin blew up the Trade Federation ship at the end. Also, there is Jar Jar Binks who is by far the most annoying character ever! He is so much the definition of something that was supposed to be funny but ended up so not being. What was Lucas thinking!!!? About 95% of people who have watched 'The Phantom Menace' hated that floppy eared t**t! This is probably the reason why Jar Jar is hardly in 'Attack Of The Clones'.

I basically think that the actors did a decent job, all the blame is Lucas's fault. I really was disheartened. I watched it again the other day just to see if i was really being too harsh on it and y'know, i disliked it even more. As a movie on its own it's average but because it was the first ever Star Wars episode and that i had waited about 15 years to watch it it was quite poor. The pod race was pretty cool though. 'Attack Of The Clones' is better but not by much. I just pray to god that 'Revenge Of The Sith' gets it right. 'The Phantom Menace' in many peoples opinion is a let down. 5/10


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