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fibreoptic

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104 reviews in total 
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Zombieland (2009)
Good film but where are the zombies?, 10 November 2009
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've been looking forward to this movie for a long time and for the most part it is good. The comedy is quite clever, what little gore there is is good, the acting is OK (Woody Harrelson is excellent). The story could be better but i found the two girls tedious and annoying. You can always trust a chick to get in the way of a decent horror flick. But OK this is a zombie film so let's not look too deep into this. It is fun but my one big gripe is that with the exception of the first 20 minutes and the last 20 minutes there are very few zombies at all. It's mostly them just driving along with no view of the living dead in sight and we get to Bill Murray's mansion with no view of the living dead in sight, OK the zombies are in it now again but the zombies might as well have been the cameo instead of Bill Murray. If i watch a movie called Zombieland i expect to see a load of zombies throughout.

Otherwise this is a fun, cheesy and stupid horror flick that relies on pretty much Woody Harrelson to carry it which he does well. I give it an 8 because i'm a total zombie fan but if this was as good as the rating it has on IMDb i would have easily have given it a 10.

Jim Carrey excels himself in this wonderful movie, 16 October 2005
9/10

I was round my mates house when he decided to put on a movie and just said it's "Lemony Snicket's" and then the elf came on dancing all merrily. All i could do was look at my mate funny thinking that maybe he had lost it a bit but continued watching.

Thankfully the gay elf disappeared and the real movie began and even at that point when the real movie began i had my doubts. Afterall i couldn't help but notice the Nickelodeon title at the beginning! I thought it was going to be something like 'Harriet The Spy'.

Was i wrong! As soon as Jim Carrey came on screen the fun really did begin! In Lemony Snicket's Jim Carrey excelled himself and took his comedic acting to a whole new level with his character of the very evil actor Count Olaf. At this point in the movie i was wondering why i had never heard of this film let alone seen it. I usually know all movies that are out.

It's about 3 children whose parents die in a suspicious fire and are given to potential parental guardians which usually doesn't turnout well because of Jim Carrey's evil character which is stalking them because he wants to be their guardian so he can kill them and get their inheritance.

This movie is very magical in a way as it's not really set in a certain time or a certain place. Some of the costumes are from the 19th century but some of the technology is from the 1950's and onward. The locations in the movie are also wondrous like Aunt Josephine's house on the side of the cliff which didn't look very safe from the get go. The flesh eating leeches, Count Olaf's poor disguises and the conclusion of 'Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events' makes it a wonderful movie for both child and adult alike. Very fantastical indeed.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The only Police Academy movie that counts, 24 September 2005
9/10

What can be said about the Police Academy movies? Well, if you take all seven and judge them as a whole then you'd come to the conclusion that they suck and be done with it. On the other hand if you take the first one and judge that by itself then you may, like me come to the conclusion that it's one of the funniest movies of the eighties.

In my mind i won't let the sequels taint this brilliant comedy full of slapstick humour and downright goofiness. When i compare Police Academy to most of the comedies of today then i appreciate it even more.

One thing that bugs me is that Michael Winslow is under used in this. It seems that he is involved in very little and is only there to make cool sound effects. I would have liked him to have been involved in the story more.

Regardless of that little annoyance this is still a brilliant movie which is far superior to the sequels. An eighth Police Academy is in the works as i type this and all i have to say is that it is a big mistake. Comedies of today on the whole suck and combine that with the fact the last few Police Academies were terrible, i shudder to think what the final outcome will be. The first will never be bettered.

"Futurama" (1999)
4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Cancelled before its time!, 12 April 2005
10/10

Futurama was fresh and funny. It had a few more series left in it but i guess The Simpsons is more established and profitable. In my opinion The Simpsons should have been cancelled and not Futurama. Simpsons went stale a couple of years ago. Bender and Fry are my faves with Fry saying the most stupid things but unlike Homer when Fry says or does something stupid it is believable. For example, when the crew are trapped back in 1947 the Professor says to Fry "If for example you were to kill your Grandfather you'd cease to exist" and Fry shrieks "BUT EXISTING IS BASICALLY ALL I DO!!!". Cancel Simpsons, BRING BACK FUTURAMA!!!!

Moonwalker (1988)
14 out of 22 people found the following review useful:
I think most people will get some entertainment outta this, 25 March 2005
8/10

With all this stuff going down at the moment with MJ i've started listening to his music, watching the odd documentary here and there, watched The Wiz and watched Moonwalker again. Maybe i just want to get a certain insight into this guy who i thought was really cool in the eighties just to maybe make up my mind whether he is guilty or innocent. Moonwalker is part biography, part feature film which i remember going to see at the cinema when it was originally released. Some of it has subtle messages about MJ's feeling towards the press and also the obvious message of drugs are bad m'kay.

Visually impressive but of course this is all about Michael Jackson so unless you remotely like MJ in anyway then you are going to hate this and find it boring. Some may call MJ an egotist for consenting to the making of this movie BUT MJ and most of his fans would say that he made it for the fans which if true is really nice of him.

The actual feature film bit when it finally starts is only on for 20 minutes or so excluding the Smooth Criminal sequence and Joe Pesci is convincing as a psychopathic all powerful drug lord. Why he wants MJ dead so bad is beyond me. Because MJ overheard his plans? Nah, Joe Pesci's character ranted that he wanted people to know it is he who is supplying drugs etc so i dunno, maybe he just hates MJ's music.

Lots of cool things in this like MJ turning into a car and a robot and the whole Speed Demon sequence. Also, the director must have had the patience of a saint when it came to filming the kiddy Bad sequence as usually directors hate working with one kid let alone a whole bunch of them performing a complex dance scene.

Bottom line, this movie is for people who like MJ on one level or another (which i think is most people). If not, then stay away. It does try and give off a wholesome message and ironically MJ's bestest buddy in this movie is a girl! Michael Jackson is truly one of the most talented people ever to grace this planet but is he guilty? Well, with all the attention i've gave this subject....hmmm well i don't know because people can be different behind closed doors, i know this for a fact. He is either an extremely nice but stupid guy or one of the most sickest liars. I hope he is not the latter.

3 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
I found this good but it never kept my eyes glued to the screen., 14 February 2005
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

When this was shown on TV i paid it very little attention. It seemed boring, so very boring. Fortunately my nephew got the DVD box set for Christmas sooooooo i ahem borrowed it. It took me a couple of days to get through it and yes i still found some of it boring. It seemed more of a soap opera at times than a war time action drama. The film makers were trying to show the viewers fine little details of what soldiers and officers alike had to contend with but did we really need to know about Captain Nixon's drinking problem? I know he was an officer but he wasn't an officer in the field making the most important of command decisions.

It's mostly about Easy Company who were just one of the companies dropped behind enemy lines just before the D-Day invasion starts. We start off following their training and then they go to France to do their stuff. We follow most of the main characters from beginning to end while also following many of the characters that were just in one or two episodes.

The whole thing is quite impressive for a mini series. Band Of Brothers has good effects, nice realism and pretty solid acting from most of the cast. Only problem is that it expects the average viewer to keep track of all these soldiers that pop up all the time. To be honest, most of them all look the same. When one of them died i knew it was somebody who had significant importance but i couldn't place the face. I even lost track of who Lt. Speirs was and i thought his character was cool as heck! Of course, this is American made so we follow the mighty American army win the war all by themselves with little mention of the Russians or the British or any other country. Typical Yanks but i guess the American audience don't want to watch anything other than Americans kicking ass. Aslong as we have America to save us from Nazis, Communists, Terrorists, Aliens and any other threat to befall mankind we'll all be fine and dandy.

This is so worth watching but to be honest the first 5 episodes are kind of boring. I enjoyed the last 5 episodes the best. Some of the action scenes took far too long and that's why i kind of lost interest in places. I don't necessarily want to hear explosion after explosion for 20 solid minutes at a time. Damian Lewis' American accent was spot on and it was quite hard to believe that in reality he's really a fellow Brit. Round of applause to the guy. Good mini series but not many people could watch it all the way through again. Think i'll just stick to my documentaries.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Surprisingly good!, 30 January 2005
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Before i sat down to this i thought it would be a stupid kiddy comedy movie like something off Nickleodeon but i was wrong, this will appeal to adults just as much (if not more) than children. It's about a hardened kill happy Major who doesn't have anything else left to do in the army so his commanding officer gives him a job training a bunch of cadets.

Daman Wayans is fantastic as Major Payne and really makes the character shine. This movie isn't about a bunch of unruly kids making Major Payne's life hell but more like the other way around. The children try hard to get rid of him but their attempts are all futile. It takes a good three quarters of the movie before the kids warm up to the Major. It really is a bit too formulaic near the end but i still think that this is a top notch movie mostly due to Daman Wayans. This guy should be in more stuff. A really funny movie that is for everyone and just when you think it's going to turn sickly sweet in a couple of the scenes....well you'd better watch it to find out. 9/10

3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Doesn't quite work but nice idea though, 29 January 2005
7/10

Getting four actors and putting on them the faces of Hitler, Churchill, Stalin and Roosevelt with the help of powerful computers to create a factual story that happened on July 20th 1944 may sound like a good idea but when put into practice the concept unfortunately doesn't work. The faces of the world leaders of 1944 look very very stiff like they've all had a serious stroke and is so very obvious when they talk. I was like "just talk properly!!!" and occasionally they look like zombies straight from a George Romero movie! This is mostly about what if all these world leaders had a film crew following them about their daily businesses on July 20th 1944. The film is made to look like archive footage but i think the main reason was because the CGI faces looked so unrealistic that they thought that making it look old might make it less obvious to the viewer.

The actual historians in this looked and sounded fake like they were actors pretending to be historians. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't but they didn't seem like your typical historian like you would get in any other kind of documentary which i've seen hundreds of.

The background detail is pretty much perfect though and the story is interesting. One thing that bugs me is that even though it is quite detailed they failed to mention that this failed plot to kill Hitler was the main reason that Field Marshall Rommel was ordered to commit suicide even though he knew little about it. Way to go guys. Forgot to add that little detail.

Oh yeah, what it's about. It's about a group of high ranking officers of the German Army who decide to assassinate Hitler because they know he is messing everything up and they don't want Germany and Eastern Europe to fall in the hands of Stalin's Communist Russia.

I caught this on the Discovery Channel last night and i was a little disappointed with the computerised faces. This should have been made in ten years time or something when i think computers would be able to achieve this idea flawlessly. There is a little bit of untampered archive footage in it so it deserves a watch though even if it's for the story alone. 7/10.

Dark Harvest (2004) (V)
2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
A nice try at mediocrity, 27 January 2005
4/10

Dark Harvest is a very low budget production made by a bunch of rank amateurs which manages to come off as a kind of semi-professional movie. Unfortunately the poor effects, wooden acting and unoriginal story makes this a very mediocre horror slasher at best. By no means is Dark Harvest the worst horror movie i've ever seen, it just isn't anything special and has nothing in it to warrant a second watch or hope for a sequel. You know a director has doubts about their own horror film when a) there is some pointless nudity and b) the movie's so short they add some rather boring outtakes at the end credits that nobody really cares about because the movie wasn't that good! A slightly better movie which i can't help feeling was the inspiration for Dark Harvest is the eighties movie 'Scarecrows' which is an OK movie but still pretty average.

Dark Harvest isn't as bad as some of the other comments say it is but don't think that you will be entertained much either. One thing i also have to comment on is the character of Angela who has a really terrible English accent! What was the point in that?! To maybe give it a certain touch of class? Yeah right! English people do NOT say "WAAHTAAH" when they mean to say "water" and i don't care what part of England they are from! If you can't find a genuine English actress or a non-English actress who can put on a brilliant English accent (not many of them about) then DON'T BOTHER! Sheesh! Final score: 4/10

13 out of 18 people found the following review useful:
The best Fist Of The North Star there is, 15 January 2005
10/10

I've just got through watching the first 36 episodes of the TV series of Fist Of The North Star on DVD and until a couple of days ago i thought the TV series came after the movie. The movie comes after the TV series. I have to admit that even though the series has more info and detail about the fighting styles etc i think that the movie is slightly better. It has better animation, better voice acting (in English) and is less repetitive. I watched the movie just over ten years ago and was quite literally blown away by it. It has action, adventure, comedy, gore, thrills, spills and for those people disgusted by the sex scenes in Urotsukidoji you'll be happy to know that FOTNS is sex free.

FOTNS is obviously to some extent based on Mad Max but a heck of a lot better. Only thing that bugs me (just like the series) is that the gore scenes are usually blurred or we see peoples shadows exploding. Kind of annoying. Also there seems that there are a few gaps in it which makes me wonder if there has been a scene or two edited out or cut down (atleast in the UK version).

I'll quickly give a brief summary of the story. It's about a guy called Ken who must get his girlfriend back from his former best friend Shin who beat up Ken, kidnapped his girlfriend and left him for dead. Ken walks through the barren wasteland (it's set after a nuclear war) and kills bad guys with his style of fighting. If he punches anybody they explode shortly after. In the meantime his eldest brother Raoh has amassed an army and is trying to conquer the world. There are also a couple of sub plots. One has this guy called Rei (or Ray?) looking for his sister and is also looking for the guy responsible for kidnapping her.

All this leads to an explosive finale. Fist Of The North Star along with Urotsukidoji is my favourite Japanese anime movie of all time. A definite must see but avoid the American live action film. That sucked the big one for sure. This great anime gets a perfect 10/10 from me.


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