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The Bunny Rabbit as a Frustrated Vegetarian, 16 July 2014

Carl Lindbergh is back with "The Bunnyman Massacre" (2014), his second entry in his "Bunnyman" franchise; and I understand that a third one is in the works. This one is a low budget fusion of "Motel Hell" (1980) and "Kiss & Tell" (1997); and yet another homage to the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974). Unfortunately, none of the female cast is remotely in the sexploitation class of "Motel Hell's" Monique St. Pierre or "Kiss & Tells" Heather Graham – in other words no viewer will be at the edge of his seat hoping to see any of them take off their tops.

Unlike Pamela Gidley's murderous "Beta Carotene" character in "Kiss & Tell", this bunny is (once again) in an actual rabbit costume with a happy face, the kind of costume commonly seen at a community Easter Egg Hunt. The incongruity gives Lindbergh tons of visual juxtapostioning opportunities, the inspiration and entire basis for the "Bunnyman" franchise.

Lindbergh seems to have taken some time to write a very humorous 26-minute black comedy segment, pitched it to some financial backers, and then shot the first one fourth of his film. During this segment the title character breaks movie conventions by attacking a school bus of children on a rural road and then eats dinner with his associate Joe. We learn (during a Mad Hatter inspired dinner scene) that Bunnyman's rage comes from his frustration at being required to stay a vegetarian, because bunnies don't eat meat.

After 26 minutes you are convinced that Lindbergh has a winner here, with it shaping up into the most original black comedy treatment the genre has ever seen. All he has to do is maintain the tension and suspense, which he could easily do by alternating quick kills and unexpected escapes, using a little misdirection to make it impossible for viewers to sort out targets from non-targets.

But by the 30 minute mark you realize that he has already shot his bolt in the initial segments and has simply cobbled together and tacked on sixty minutes of listless moronic filler to get his film up to feature length. The only exception being an inspired sequence of barrel rolling – the best of which involves emptying the barrel for reuse.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

Zapped (2014) (TV)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Dancing Queen "Bee", 12 July 2014

Ill-conceived and poorly executed Disney movie, probably the worst since "Princess Protection Program". The tone is "I Love Lucy" slapstick, arguably dumbed-down several notches even from that.

Zendaya is not a dramatic actor (actress), nor are most of the cast members. She does a good comic monologue at the start of the movie and then the wheels fall off. She would make an excellent news commentator, game show host, or comedy club performer, but her dramatic acting is borderline embarrassing. Oh for the days of Kay Panabaker or Amanda Bynes, who could have brought something (audience identification or actual comedy - respectively) to this role.

The strength of the production is Emilia McCarthy, who shows an unexpected range in the role of bad girl queen bee, nicely overplayed. It's extremely unusual to find a young actor with this much versatility. Like Juno Temple, McCarthy could believably play anything from an extreme airhead to an over-the-top queen bee like this one. And her physical appearance is the sort than adapts to sell a variety of personality types.

Although McCarthy helps attract boy viewers (who otherwise would despise this thing), she is the kiss of death for the rest of the cast because her scenes with them expose the staggering talent disparity for all to see.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child..

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
It's Time To Go Cray-Cray, 9 July 2014
9/10

The dah-dah-licious treat of this episode is not the brain freeze story but Dove Cameron's "Froyo Yolo" pop music video about frozen yogurt. It appears that all the creative energy for a year of the series was withheld and then unleashed to create this two-minute parody segment. The music video is a surreal blend of Britney's "Oops", Tom Petty's "Alice In Wonderland" homage "Don't Come Around Here No More", and Gwar's "Saddam A Go-Go" bit from "Empire Records".

It has already gone viral on U-Tube, with over a million hits on Disney's official version, perhaps attracted by the prospect of watching Cameron sing while flanked by an ostrich and two Emily Osment lookalikes in "Hit Girl" wigs.

Even more amazing is the decision to edit in assorted reaction shots of the Rooney family's horrified first viewing of the video. Thus providing a bizarre commentary on their own lameness. The first time I watched I thought these reaction shots took away from the spectacle, but after repeated viewings I've come to appreciate the irony that the characters of such a formulaic series are horrified by the idea that originality and creatively have somehow leaked into the production. If you tire of the reaction shots there is regular version that the Disney Channel is currently using as a promo for the series.

The episode contradicts its own theme, as the creative parody represents selling out to commercial influences and the vapid bubble gum song at the end represents being true to artistic integrity.

A quality segment such as this music video (in such a sea of Liv & Maddie mediocrity) supports the idea that the series is a huge inside joke; with aggressively dumbed-down scripts in the service of a wider audience but with the cast and crew using their creative energies to inject a deliberate lameness into the characters. Broken any codes lately Claudette?

I love froyo, uh-uh-oh Its so yolo, uh-uh-oh Frozen yoghurt is my favorite treat Sweet and yummy froyo's all I eat 'Cause you only live once

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Disparate Characters, 3 July 2014
9/10

First there was "Laverne & Shirley", then there was "Sam & Cat", and now there is "Maya & Riley" - although Disney calls it "Girl Meets World". If the first episode is any indication, the Middle School version of this old formula is several notches above its adult predecessors (as well as most recent Disney productions).

Sabrina Carpenter (Maya) and Rowan Blanchard (Riley) are fierce in-your-face talents and the director confidently closes the distance between them and viewers with tight close-ups and frequent reaction shots. Carpenter and Blanchard have great chemistry and nicely help each other to sell their characters - their scenes together played on a significantly higher level than anything else in the first episode. It reminded me of the connection between (Grace) Mae Whitman and (Hannah) Alla Shawkat on the Fox Family series "State of Grace" back in 2001-02.

From the repeated use of the friendship dynamic between two very disparate girls, it must strike a cord with a lot of people. Here as with "State of Grace", it gets a relatively serious treatment where neither girl is a thug or an airhead; and where the comedy is more screwball cerebral than "I Love Lucy" slapstick.

One particularly inspired segment has Maya performing a 20-second monologue in a subway car, tracing her imagined relationship with the new boy in their class from chance meeting to break-up. The script gives Carpenter a lot to work with and she demonstrates that she is worthy of being entrusted with this kind of high quality material.

Especially high marks should go to the Costume and Wardrobe Department, as real creative attention is paid to Maya and Riley's outfits. As in "The Clique" (2008), an especially good costume designer decorates each scene with a creativity that transforms a teen series into a visual treat.

The glaring casting error is Peyton Meyer as resident hunk Lucus, as Meyer is almost 16 and destroys all credibility in attempting to play a 13-year old boy. 7th grade boys do not tower over the girls in their class - 7th and 8th grade are the years when the girls are taller than boys. This rings false enough to require considerable suspension of disbelief energy from all but the most clueless viewer.

The series is essentially a spin-off of Disney's 90's show "Boy Meets World", with Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel from the earlier show now playing Riley's parents. Instead of Squiggy, viewers get Farkle (Corey Fogelmanis), the son of "Boy Meets World's" Stuart Minkus, but played like a younger version of Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer from "Daria". Farkle appears to be destined to be a bigger factor in the series than his father and this has the potential to be the kiss of death for the series. If they can minimize the slapstick and keep the main focus squarely on the Maya & Riley friendship, the series will be another "State of Grace" and that would be a very good thing.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Roofies?, 26 March 2014

Imaginative but poorly written film noir style farce about Los Angeles detectives attempting to solve murders with multiple references to small mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha (insert "rabbits" here). It's not "Brewster McCloud" or the Coan Brothers, but it would loosely fit into their genre or at least it appears to have been so intended. Unfortunately the farce qualities fall victim to the flat cheapness of its "Legend of Billie Jean" (1985) production style.

The editing is perhaps the worst you will ever find although that could simply be a reflection of the limitations of the footage the editor had to assemble.

My guess is that the Arquette family talked someone into giving them $300,000 in exchange for being allowed close access to an assortment of hot actresses during the filming. The actresses appear to have been sedated for this purpose, drifting between the producer's trailer and the filming like a bunch of freshman girls who have been sampling the roofie-laced punch at their first fraternity party. I doubt if the cast was paid as nobody takes off their top.

A young Rose McGowan looks great in tight red leather pants (see poster) but appears on the verge of falling asleep at any moment. Heather Graham is equally sleepy but dully costumed. Pamela Gidley has a great time playing a character named Beta Carotene; she appears to be the only one fully awake, perhaps high on Vitamin A. The Arquettes listlessly interact with these three name actresses along with an assortment of aspiring actresses whose careers were obviously not advanced by this production.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

Detention (2011)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Welcome Back Ned, 4 February 2014

If you were thinking that expanding the Nickelodeon series "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide" into an R-Rated feature length film would be a very bad idea, then you should check out "Detention" (2011) for solid confirmation. Ned, Mose, and Bitsy are back and on an extremely painful-to-view "Heathers" does "Airplane" homage thing. But Devon Werkheiser and Lindsey Shaw have been replaced by Josh Hutcherson (who seems to have skipped the same acting lessons as namesake Josh Hartnett) and Shanley Caswell, and Bitsy has changed her name to Ione. It could be that Shaw has changed her name to Caswell but nobody is saying.

Spencer Locke is allowed to carry her Bitsy characterization to new levels and is really good in this, or maybe it is just that she is the most effortlessly erotic actress in history and I can't be remotely objective. Whatever, she is the main reason to watch and you will most likely spend a lot of the viewing wishing she had more screen time and that there were more extreme close-ups of her expressive face.

You hate to say innovative about something this derivative, but it is a fair assessment of "Detention". From the "Girls Just Want to have Fun" opening sequence (the same 1985 spoiled girl bedroom scene - here Alison Woods channels Holly Gagnier) to the "Breakfast Club" (1985) detention to the "Freaky Friday" "Back to the Future" plot devices; this is a teen movie tribute without the obvious title of "Not Another Teen Movie 2". Unfortunately scotch taping this stuff together without a higher wattage script means that the whole is a lot less than the sum of its parts.

"Detention" would greatly benefit from having actual humor in place of its endless failed attempts at humor, although at least the continually failed humor provides a kind of unity to the film. Forty-something directors writing dialog for teenagers is generally a bad idea, Joseph Kahn grew up in the 80's and his homages are lost on most target audience viewers. This disconnect can occasionally work in films, when it fuses into a Coan Brothers style poke at movie conventions; but that requires a movie where the absurdity is subtle and not one where the audience is repeatedly bludgeoned with the absurdity sledgehammer. "Detention" constantly seeks your attention, like a psychedelic one-trick pony mad for a carrot. If it had been made two years later it could serve as a posthumous tribute to Tony Scott, the master of ignoring any reality checks when moving his self-delusions to the screen.

On the other hand you have to admire a film that makes absolutely no effort to connect with its target audience, that doesn't happen often because feature films are supposed to have at least a faint hope of a financial payback.

It does have a fun commentary featuring most of the cast and crew. You won't miss much by simply watching it the first time with the commentary on and that will save you from a life wasting second viewing.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

A Long-Time Favorite, 26 January 2014
10/10

The recently released remastered DVD edition looks good but strangely does not have captioning - perhaps not that strange because Altman's layered dialog is a nightmare to caption but much is missed by the absence of captioning.

This has been on my list of top ten films since I first saw it 40+ years ago. It withholds at lot from the initial viewing and you discover something new each time you watch it.

"The film has references to other films, Altman's own work, and other places. Altman refers to Bullitt (1969) by including a character named Frank Shaft, who is a detective from San Francisco." The name may have inspired the name of Richard Roundtree's "John Shaft" character, in a more subtle parody from 1971 ("he just took my man Leroy and threw him out the God damn window").

"Homages to The Wizard of Oz (1939) have been noted in the film, as Margaret Hamilton, who played the Wicked Witch of the West, is the music conductor seen during the opening credits. She is seen wearing ruby slippers in the film. Hope (Jennifer Salt) who supplies Brewster with health food, resembles Dorothy, as she wears a distinctive gingham dress, has pigtails and carries a basket. At the end of the film, she is shown in the cast as Dorothy carrying Toto." Shelley Duvall plays a Raggedy Ann airhead character (without Luna Lovegood's redeeming qualities) and actually appears as a Raggedy Ann clown in the final scene.

"Brewster McCloud" is a film that presents society as circus performers and life as a circus, if you haven't figured that out by the end Altman hits you over the head with it as he goes out with perhaps the best black comedy ending of all time. Throughout the story a bird-like narrator, sometimes on camera and sometimes in a voice-over commentary, discusses the traits of various birds; traits that are shared by the human characters in the story, although that leap is left to each viewer. Allusions to birds are found throughout the story, from the orange Plymouth Roadrunner to the names of several assisted living facilities.

The title character (played by Bud Cort) is much the same naive Private Boone character Cort portrayed for Altman in "MASH". The difference is that Brewster is on an ambitious quest to literally fly. Which involves intensive physical training when he is not busy designing and building a set of Wright Brothers inspired wings.

During the course of his project Brewster has to be rescued several times and stay focused on his goal of flying. In this he is assisted by personifications of Faith (Sally Kellerman) and Hope (Jennifer Salt). Kellerman's character is actually named Louise and functions as his guardian angel, although if Hope is Oz's Dorothy then Louise is Oz's Glinda.

"Hope" is conceptually what self-pleasuring is all about and she demonstrates this when thinking about Brewster. Freud's dream of flying as symbolic of the sexual urge is explained to Brewster by Louise and at first glance Brewster's loss of virginity and its attendant loss of idealism is what dooms him. But I see it being more the loss of his humility. And it is his new found arrogance that drives away his Faith. She exits by the Astrodome's huge commercial gate which slowly closes after her exit, trapping Brewster inside the structure. He can utilize his wings in what is essentially a large bird cage but he cannot escape. The dome representing the constraints and limitations of society and outside the dome representing freedom. One assumes that had he not driven her away that Louise would have assisted him in leaving the dome. There is a bit of "The Incredible Shrinking Man" in this idea of needing to become infinitesimal in order to merge with the infinite.

Given that most of the cast were Altman regulars, it is remarkable how successful he was with his physical casting. Duvall, for example, has not just the physical rag doll look (note the Raggedy Ann wallpaper in her apartment and the emphasis given to her huge eyes) but her most striking feature is her thinness - a physical manifestation of her character's most striking feature - shallowness.

It is a nicely layered film that works well simply as a social satire of American values and conventions. Many of these details will escape the notice of the first time viewer, such as in the scene of Patrolman Johnson's family at dinner. He has three sets of twin sons gathered around the dinner table in their Little League uniforms, the smallest two playing for a team named "WASPS".

In the end the circus audience watches in satisfied fascination as yet another high flier overreaches and falls back to earth. The "Greatest Show On Earth" presided over by controlling ringmaster Haskell Weeks (William Windom), perhaps a nod to cinematographer Haskell Wexler with whom Altman hoped to one day collaborate.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child. Comment

Hard Rain Gonna Fall, 1 December 2013
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"If you make believe hard enough that something is true, then it is true for you", says Ned Merrill (Burt Lancaster), by way of advice to little Kevin Gilmartin in Frank and Eleanor Perry's 1968 masterpiece adaptation of John Cheever's short story "The Swimmer". The multi-layer film is all about Ned's capacity for denial and delusion. He has convinced himself that by successfully swimming home through the succession of estate pools in his wealthy neighborhood, that he will restore his life to what it was before a series of self-inflicted misfortunes ruined him and broke up his family.

That Ned's regeneration is centered on swimming pools is appropriate, since bathing is an activity our culture associates with purgation and revitalization. But the cultural convention is turned on its head here and the successive soakings instead wash off layers of denial, culminating in a cleansing rain shower which reveals to both Ned and to viewers the full scope of the ugly reality under the veneer of his illusion.

In the film, Ned's challenge has more layers than in Cheever's original short story. Cheever used the swimming pools primarily as a metaphor, with Ned's life sequentially compressed into his afternoon odyssey. The downhill slide of Ned's life is reflected as he moves through the neighborhood, his reception at the first pools is positive, but at later pools is either neutral or bittersweet, and finally is openly hostile. As he moves along his energy level drops and he gets physically colder, by the end the once virile alpha male can barely stumble to the front door of his house. In the meantime we are reminded several times that Ned is disoriented as to the season of the year, just as he is disoriented as to the season of his life.

The Perry's insert an additional level to the film, one more centered on Ned's promise to himself that successfully completing his quest will make his wishes come true. By the time Ned articulates to Kevin that believing hard enough in something can make it true, we already know that in his mind fantasy has taken over from reality. And we flash back to how his playful interactions with Julie Ann Hooper (Janet Landgard) were their most passionate when she was recounting her youthful daydreams.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

R.P.M. (1970)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
"Stop! I Don't Wanna' Watch It Anymore", 18 October 2013
3/10

Filmed on "The University of the Pacific" campus in Stockton, R.P.M. (political REVOLUTIONS per minute) at the time of its 1970 release was regarded as the worst of the "counterculture-revolution-on-campus" sub-genre of films. It has not improved with age and almost 45 years later is notable only for two good "Melanie" songs "Stop! I Don't Wanna' Hear It Anymore" and "We Don't Know Where We're Going" which play over three nice montage sequences of the President of fictional Hudson College coming and going to the campus Administration Building.

Its fundamental problem (other than having hacks like Stanley Kramer as acting for-the-camera director and Erich Segal as writer) is that the focus is on adults rather than on students. Although casting an aging Gary Lockwood as the student leader meant than no viewer at the time imagined the film would ever have an authentic texture. Even the extras playing the sundry students look to be in their thirties; perhaps their list of demands included unrestricted access to the swimming pool in "Cocoon".

The adults are Ann-Margret (Rhoda) and Anthony Quinn (Prof. F.W.J. 'Paco' Perez), whose performances simply do not complement each other in the few scenes they have together (blame Kramer's directing). Ann's big emotional scene midway through the film is an absolute mockfest moment. Poor Ann was one of those women who did not age gently but rather by plateau; she hit her first one in the late 1960's - almost overnight losing all her youthful glow. The idea was to make a 53 year-old professor seem hip because he lived with his 25-year-old graduate student, but the age disparity seems less between them than between Rhonda and a typical graduate student.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Getting Back on the Old Bi-Polar Pony, 30 September 2013
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"But look at the world..." says Charlie in reply to his daughter Miranda's accusation that he takes nothing seriously and views the world as existing simply for his amusement, in Mike Cahill's lyrical masterpiece "King of California". The bi-polar Charlie is played by Michael Douglas and sixteen-year-old Miranda by Evan Rachel Wood. The story is told from the put-upon Miranda's point-of-view and supplemented with both her voice-over narration and the occasional flashback.

In the flashbacks a younger Miranda is convincingly played by a pre -"Sonny with a Chance" Allisyn Ashley Arm. Arm was not just an excellent physical match for Wood, but a stylistic one as well; the two actresses share a non-verbal acting style, gently teasing their portrayal of a character who does a whole lot of on-camera processing of her father's often baffling and exasperating antics. In several flashbacks single parent Charlie sends his nine-year-old daughter to school with a diorama of a California mission (presumably the one in San Fernando) they just constructed, littered with "the bodies of the Chumash Indians, who died of Syphilis and Influenza, infected by the missionaries". The film's most visually compelling sequence is nine-year-old Miranda striding home hurt and angry after the diorama has landed her in trouble at school, betrayed by her father's poor judgement.

Charlie is obsessed with the notion that the long-lost treasure of Spanish explorer Father Juan Florismarte Torres is buried somewhere near their Santa Clarita Valley house. Cahill's screenplay borrows from "The Hours"; as Miranda reads the Torres journal in voice-over, she and Charlie retrace the path of his expedition across the valley in search of the treasure he buried. There is a political element to the story in the juxtaposing of descriptions of old California with images of the suburban sprawl that has obliterated much of the state's history. This is further illustrated by Miranda's adaptive qualities and Charlie's stubborn refusal to adapt; it is the only significant difference between the two characters and introduces a lot of poignancy into the story because the quality they admire the most in each other is the one they do not share.

For Miranda, having Charlie as a father is a Southern California version of "Alice and Wonderland". Her self-reliant character is positioned midway between Alice and young heroine Jeliza-Rose in Terry Gilliam's Tideland (2005). And she shares many of their virtues; innocence, courage, curiosity, wonder, kindness, intelligence, courtesy, dignity, and a sense of justice. While she shares Alice's irritation with the rude and illogical situations they encounter in their respective wonderlands, she is considerably more adaptable. Alice was a confident and proper little Victorian girl who expected a certain standard of behavior, while Miranda and Jeliza Rose are skilled at making the best of a variety of sucky situations.

Physically Wood has never looked better, like Audrey Hepburn she is more dazzling with minimal makeup and everyday fashions - including a McDonald's uniform. She simply glows in the final sequence's extreme close-ups, standing on a bluff above the beach as she processes the predicted illegal landing of a group of Chinese boat people. And in this moment she totally sells the story, which at its core is simply the story of a father and daughter with a unqualified love for each other.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.


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