Reviews written by
blueberry_mustard_101

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76 reviews in total 
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1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Brother Theodore + Phillipine monster rampage = Perfect harmony!, 27 September 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Is there anything better than Brother Theodore narrating over badly- lit footage of adult chasing each other with plastic fangs? What if a director cameo is included? Brother Theodore recorded an additional monologue to use for the trailer. Both are a scream.

We learn that the source of vampirism has been tracked to a foreign planet, and John Carradine and his crew is send on a mission to said planet in a cardboard rocket. The crew communicating with their command central, is shown by having a blown-up photo of a video- transmitter placed over the image, with two people sitting in front and the screen being cut out.

We see a different spaceship going into orbit, taken from the movie 'The Wizard of Mars'. A model rocket is placed on a stone, and they have landed on the planet, that turn out to have a strange atmosphere of a blue, green and red tinted image! This made it possible for Al Adamson to pad the movie with tinted black and white scenes from other movies. We get to see the ridicules dinosaurs from 'One Million B.C.' borrowed again-again. Otherwise it's all obscure Philippine caveman movies.

The latter is what makes it all totally worthwhile. Endless context- less battles with midgets, lobster-men, bat-monkeys and Neanderthals with walrus teeth. It's possible to spot a guy with snakes on the shoulder, that also was featured on the poster. It's probably Zuma, a popular comic book hero in the Philipines. To top all the random madness, the American actors try hard to look like they are in the middle of it all!

Being intoxicated while watching is optional but recommended.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Almost starring Christopher Lee, 16 August 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie almost has Christopher Lee as the narrator! It's something that requires an explanation. Someone, somehow got an agreement with Lee, that he would be filmed sitting by a desk and tell random ghost stories. By his dapper look in leisure suit, with white socks in loafers, you can tell how much he cared. The scene ended up wrapping this movie as the opening and conclusion. The actual movie makes no attempt at connecting to any of what Lee says, but it still somehow justified his name on the poster.

Would it surprise you to know that there is no use of meatcleavers in the movie either?

The actual movie is about a professor lecturing classes about demons and ghouls. For his lectures he use a handful of painted illustrations that would make awesome covers for comicbooks or rockalbums, but they seems really out of place in the world of academia. But by the look of his students age-range, it seems unlikely that any of them ever will graduate anyway.

Some of the students unfortunately are a Manson-family like gang, and the leader has gotten a grudge on the professor because he suggested that they opened a textbook if they wanted to graduate. One night they all go to kill the professor and his family in a scene that is a prime example of how not to introduce characters. We are told that the professor lives with his daughter and that's it. But there is also a wife! We never get a clear shot of either the daughter nor the wife so there's no way of telling who's who. Then we see some guy in a kitchen eating a sandwich! That's the son, but it takes a long time before we can figure that out. The family are all massacred anyway, but the professor only end up paralyzed, and he still manage to gather a demon with his thoughts to carry out a bloody revenge.

These supernatural slayings following are kinda awesome and kinda strange and it's sometimes hard to tell what actually is supposed to happen. Like when someone is killed by cursed cacti, it takes a while to get a grip of it. There is also a detective following the deaths, but he is killed before we are any close to a climax. The mentioned demon illustrations also doubles as special effects, by being filmed with shaky came to eerie music. But much surprisingly we actually do get to see a glimpse of the demon, that looks like swamp-thing with a beard. And don't forget Christopher Lee's closing curtain of even more nonsense.

Keeping living zombies in your house is not a good idea., 6 August 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Known as 'Ogroff: The Mad Mutilator' and 'Mad Mutitalor'. The title within the film, made out of cardboard letters pierced to the ground, is just 'Ogroff' though. This was the debut of Georges Mount, the owner of a video store in Paris who probably wanted something of his own for renting. The result is either a product of demented incompetence or pure Gallic perversity.

If you were a home-going outsider filmmaker in the 80's, the cheapest methods of filming would usually be video or 8 mm. Both had their advantages and weaknesses. Shooting on video, you could get the image and the sound on the same stock, and that was useful if you had no idea about what you were doing. The downside being that the quality of both image and sound would be garbage, at least in 1983 and many years to follow. Shooting on super-8 were an affordable way to actually use real film the power that came with that. But then you would also need separate audio recording while shooting, making it all a little more difficult for the inexperienced.

'Ogroff' is shot on super-8, but the sound was either lost or never recorded in the first place. Stock music covers most of the action, but occasionally the music is put on hold to make sure that we can hear the few badly dubbed lines here and there. For a movie like this, that seems like the most correct way to do it!

First a family is slayed by a backwoods killer who looks like Mankind minus the sock-puppet. The little girl and the father are chopped to pieces. Then the mother is chased around for eternity, she try to stop a passing car but the driver call her a bitch and leave her. Then she spot a man on a bicycle, but it turn out to be the killer in disguise. She is captured but get loose. Then she is captured again and brought to the killer's tastefully decorated lodge and crucified. It's probably a good thing that the gore effects isn't very convincing as brutal as the ideas are. The killer might be named Ogroff but we never know. He slays everyone he pass for no obvious reason, other than feeding the pack of zombies he hides in the basement. A single girl is sparred though, maybe because she reminds him of an antique portrait photo of some woman he hides. Then she sleeps with him!

A lot of death and dismemberment, and all with the distinctive style of a drunk nightmare, making the experience rather sublime.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
The timelessnes of gorillas and nudist-films, 15 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Did anyone ever find gorillas scary? Sure thing, REAL living gorillas can easily tear off your face, and they usually eat their own feces. But the man in the gorillas suit? It's just that so many cheap horror movies had that as the monster, mainly during the pre-war years, 'The Monster Walks', 'The Ape', and 'The Beast That Killed Women' that came out as late as 1965! It's a great title though. Like 'The Beast in Heat'. But I'm pretty sure only one woman is killed.

The movie almost run in real-time. Whenever someone need to move from A to B we can see them walk all the way instead of a quick cut. Most of the plot is also a flashback as told by a hospital-ridden witness to the police. In the middle the visiting hours ends, so the police leave but promise to return the next day. We are somehow lead to believe that the witness is the hero of the story, but it turns out he really just is a random guy who was thrown in a lake by the gorilla.

It's all set in a nudist camp with a long wait-list for a membership. The women all know it's a nudist camp because they are mostly naked but with their backs turned. The men seems to have misunderstood though, because they all keep their boxers on. But with the type of men casted here, that is a good thing. A gorilla kill a single woman, and the owner of the nudist camp gets really nervous that the guests is going to flee. Only four people leave a camp where a murder has been committed, but I often hear that business wise you should only listen to the negatives.

While the scariness of the gorilla is low there is plenty of other things that captures the attention. Like the amount of garbage on top of the soda-machine. Or when the para-medics arrive to pick up the woman killed by the beast, they gladly enlist the help from the crowd to pick up the corpse! The police enlist a female-officer to act as bait for the gorilla, but she doesn't get a gun, and the two male-officers enlisted to watch her both fall asleep. Finally we learn that the gorilla is owned by an old lady, but who she is, and why she has kept a gorilla in her home is of no importance. When the police pick her up there is an audio loop running that I can't tell if it's supposed to be the noise of a unseen crowd or of birds.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
One for the pro-life activists, 28 June 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie is quite rancid in almost every department, but for a movie of this kind that just seems the most right. Taking place in a scummy brothel that doubles as an abortion clinic, a newly aborted fetus is disposed of in the crapper, but is influenced by chemicals in the sewer pipes and mutates into a monster hellbent for revenge! I don't know, but this premise seems like it has quite a pro-life attitude! The monster is a very decent piece of Giger fan-art with fanged jaws that doesn't quite fit inside the mouth. It encases the whole building inside a gooey holster and kill off everyone one by one. Wonderful crappy gore, boobs, and dumb inappropriate jokes makes this a delight along with the hilarious stereotype characters. Like this blaxploitation tough guy who along with the young mother of the monster makes the only likable folks in the bunch. Just as one would think it topped the tastelessness, it just takes a little step further. Then there is the credits, that rolling over a scene of an old man and a Damien-like kid watching indifferently while some random guy's face explodes!

Bread and Circus (2003) (V)
Ground-level vaginas, 9 June 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In scene of wonderful z-grade crafting brilliance a vagina on earth is impregnated by a cosmic being. Then the vagina gives birth to a full- grown adult who is picked up by monks, showered, suited, and finally handcuffed to a briefcase and instructed to follow a clearly marked path. Obviously he's not the only one being created that way, but certain circumstances cause him to leave the path and start an armed revolution!

What happens next is difficult to describe and do justice. It even seems like some of the actors play different roles. The budget must also have been limited to very few locations: An old factory building and a stately mansion housing a king in classic robe and crown. So most of the film is shot in the great outdoors. All quite scenic though.

What you would care about anyway would probably be the ample splat- stick. The description as a Norwegian 'Bad Taste' is not at all without merit. A lot of awesomely ludicrous machine-gun action and cannibalism. And a amazing scatological sodomy-gag that alone could make the movie worthwhile! This is a fun time for all!

Who knew?, 5 June 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The movie opens with this classic cliché of a shapely Asian maid undressing, while our lecherous anti-hero is peeping on her. A narrator lead us to believe that this dirty old geek, Ralph, is a senior virgin living under the will of his over-protective mother. Just as that is said the mother surprise him in his peeping. Then the narrator proceed to present the title, but also informs that this is by the makers of a movie called 'A Strange Rampage'! I've never seen another movie start that way! My guess is that they wanted to cannibalize this part as a trailer because that's really what it all looks like. We are told everything we need to know about the plot, and to make it all even more strange the real plot of the movie turn out to be completely different! The mother and the maid is never seen nor talked about again!

Ralph is no virgin either. He actually seem to have no end of luck with the ladies and get laid all the time even when he don't want to! Like he is abducted by hippie-chicks who lure him into an LSD orgy! The trouble with women is they always cheat on you. Ralph should know as he had a wife who preferred a gorilla over him! The gorilla looks like nothing but a guy in a costume, and it's still a shock to discover, that it's because he totally is a guy in a costume! As in, also according to the plot is it a guy in costume. It's weird, and this goofy sex-comedy abruptly turn to psychotic homicide!

Most of the movie seems to have been shot silent with a narrator added in post-production. But it's all just the flash-backs as told by Ralph when he is sipping booze late night at a bar. These parts are more efficient and shot with the sound. One of the great joys of watching movies like this is trying to wrap the head around what the film-makers where thinking. It seems like they started out with one idea, and they worked aimlessly until it all turned into a very different mess. That ending! If you get the title you should be able to guess parts of it, but it will still not disappoint!

A date at a motel! Romantic!, 29 May 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

How brilliant! There just wasn't any other sexploitation movies made about adultery and spouse-swapping. In this one everybody gets lucky, except for the hair-dresser who probably wasn't interested anyway.

As a time-capsule this movie makes a great example of why womens- liberation was highly required! A woman spend all day at home, taking a bath, go to the hair-dresser to gossip, and is visited by a lover who only hit her for cash! It seems to me as a pretty accurate depiction of how a home-going woman's daily life wasn't the most exciting.

The women in the cast are all above average to look at, with a single one playing a stewardess being a marvelous high-light who I wish had more screen-time. But it might be difficult to keep the attention at the feminine wonders with the quite un-appealing male-cast! All of them are balding and out of shape! And they all act extremely inappropriate! At least as seen with today's standards! A salesman invades a private home with a woman in the state of undress, and refuse to leave before she buy his vacuum! A manager of a motel is spying on lovebirds before interrupting them and also refusing to leave! The strangest scene is on a parking lot, where two gentlemen are busy leering at a woman in trouble with her stockings. Suddenly it's interrupted with a quick cut to the classic title-card of the Donal Duck cartoons, only it's not the real Donald Duck but a very weird bootleg Donald Duck! It could be some kind of visual juxtaposition, but that seems a little too clever for this movie, so how did this Mutant Donald Duck end up in the film?

The trailer promises humor and action! At least it's true on one count!, 25 May 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie promises to expose what women do when men is not around. Basically it's all nothing but one long fly on the wall journey through an apartment complex, spying on the women apparently living there. Alone in their homes, they are all in the nude, but it would be a shame to claim that any of them do something of particular interest! They are just sitting around, reading, dressing and un-dressing, and other mundane stuff, so I felt nothing but cheated for that promised eyebrow raiser.

Then again, one lady is toying with a doll that turn out to be a voodoo doll, and she discover that it have the power to remove her clothes with trick-photography! Then suddenly a stranger spying on her from the other side of the street also have a voodoo doll and start messing with her!

But this is more than a nudie film! This is in fact a film about the making of a nudie film! The single audio-track consist of someone claiming to be the director and who isn't very keen on his own film's lack of substance! All the time he make sarcastic comments on the running gag with a goofy delivery boy or the obvious lack of action. He even criticize the pure un-adulterated sexism of the various situations, which seems kinda ballsy in a movie which entire raison d'etre is blatant sexism! Are we to believe the credits, these commentaries were written by the real director's wife! I'm very happy she did that!

Rio Nudo (1969)
Naked gorilla boobs? Or not?, 23 May 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A mondo-style travelogue through the Brazilian night-life and it's of the very lowest kind.

Of course these movies usually was a mixed bag of real and fake. In 'Rio Nudo' the fakes are so obvious they can fool no one. The sideshow gorilla-woman for instance, is really just a naked broad with loose hair and brown paint scattered randomly on her body. I doubt they even filmed that in Rio but made it up quickly as a final intuition safely at home. As effortless at it is, she does at least have big knockers so there's no great reserve after all.

Also very fake is some secret shots of local prostitutes doing their thing. We are told that the ladies are putting their life at risk letting photographers hide in their closets when customers are visiting, but then how did they manage to shoot the sex with scummy men from multiple angles and crystal clear? Oh well, the ladies are at least looking good.

I get why they faked so much, because the really authentic parts are mainly various drab nightclub performances, only really highlighted with some true oddities like an audience looking at the girls through a plate with a key-hole on it! Oh yeah, and they did film some pretty awesome street musicians but that is brief.


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