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Almost Human (2013)
so bad it's just really bad.
It's the year 2048 and we have robot police teamed up with human police. The robot police are a bit rubbish they 'die' just as easy as the human police and there does not seem any logic in having them.Our hero kennex (karl urban) is a human cop but given the acting you can't tell. He loses a leg(having already lost his dignity by being in this show)fighting against a by numbers big bad gang/organisation - you know those criminal enterprises with tendrils in every aspect of the city and that you know will lead to the hero being betrayed. Having lost his leg he gets a mechanical one and a new(old) robot partner. New as in in new to Kennex but old as in a discontinued line, because that line developed emotions and the show is then just about the human who is part machine and the robot thats a bit human like. A cop buddy show with a twist, Kennex hates robots but he slowly begins to respect his partner you would never guess that would happen would you? It is a dreadful predictable show, it has no logic and maybe one day Karl Urban will start acting not just being in things.
Sheriff Longmire works in wyoming, he has an obligatory dead wife and a daughter it seems he has never told he loves. He also has a sassy sexy (well she's supposed to be) deputy and a handsome deputy after his job. Lomgmire is old fashioned but he's modern so he shoots bad guys but is so culturally sensitive he can deal with native Americans and mennonite christians as if he had a Phd in both cultures - and we are only at episode 2 - I'm waiting for the episode he deals with teenage goths.
This series feels like it was written in the 50's or early 60's, its trying so hard to be morally correct it just ends up being boring and self righteous. Their is a false forced semi romance between Longmire and his female deputy and he maybe an alcoholic but as he is such a good guy he either wont be or will cure himself.
The plus side is the dramatic scenery.
escape to nowhere
I have tried to like this but its a lost cause. Some inmates and staff vanish from Alcatraz and return in the present day. I'm sure having 60 odd prisoners stories to tell seemed like a great way to pitch for 60 odd episodes but its just dull. The actors don't engage either between themselves or with the poor viewer and the over the top musical score tries vainly to evoke drama and tension where none exists. Overall a very poor show more by by than sci-fi. I'm sure Sam Neil who is a very fine actor found the money a good enough reason to do this but please a little effort. The female lead is just so unremarkable you don't care if she lives or dies and Jorge Garcia is so wooden he could audition for Pinocchio. I just hope this gets cancelled it really is that bad.
Thor - god of blunder
I like superheroes I really do, but decent 'live' action superhero rarely work. I enjoyed all 3 Blade films, 2 of the Spiderman films and thought Chris Nolan's Batman Begins and The Dark Knight surpass every other superhero film by some measure the rest of the genre have been pretty grim.
So onto Thor on the plus side it wasn't as bad as Green Hornet but its a close run thing. The Storyline (if it can be called a story) is Thor becomes too big for his boots in Asgrard, gets exiled to earth where he has some 'hilarious' fish out of water experiences before regaining his humility, immediately gets his powers back and everything is put right.
I'm not going to criticise this film because its plays fast and loose with Norse mythology - its based on a comic book or criticise the fact that it departs from the Marvel characters storyline, all the superhero films tend to do that - its just a very bad film. For something supposedly fantastical its just forgettable. I had no interest in any of the characters the dialogue was awful the special effects nothing special at all the editing was dire and the acting one dimensional.
Along with the Captain America film it felt like a very long trailer for the forthcoming Avengers film. Personally both films have made me dread the release of The Avengers. From now on i think i'll stick to Marvel's animated out put its better than the cinema releases.
The River Murders (2011)
A Terrible Movie.
We've had horror porn now we have cop porn, I think the script writers had bets on how many times they could use the word 'vagina' in a 90 min film. Ray Liotta is just not a good enough actor to hold a film together without the support of a De Niro or the like. Ving Rhames looks embarrassed to be there and Christian Slater is just as terrible as he usually is. The whole cop as suspect thing has been done to death and this film adds nothing to that genre - discussing how many sexual partners the suspect cop has had just adds to the wholly unsavoury flavour of the film. Don't hold your breath waiting waiting for Rich Cowan to direct a decent film he just has no ability he could turn a silk purse into a sows ear.
so poor its not even punny
I came late to Eureka but i was given a cd box set, I never realised my sister hated me that much. The idea is a thick US marshall passes through a weird town where everyone is a superbrain and of course he has his young attractive but rebellious daughter in tow he becomes sheriff of said town and every episode the dumb guy solves the problem that if unchecked will destroy the town of Eureka and the rest of the world. The scripts are dreadful the actors don't even try and who can blame them, if this rubbish can get a 4th series why should they try. Warehouse 13 is often compared to Eureka but at least Warehouse 13 has some genuine charisma, its quirkyness is developed and seems organic not just written by numbers. Eureka is sci fi for a soap generation and it can't even do soap that well just avoid it unless you are about 10 years old.