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My ratings board:
1 - Horrible
2 - Really, really bad
3 - Bad
4 - Close Enough
5 - Okay
6 - Good
7 - Awesome
8 - Excellent
9 - Masterpiece
10 - Astonishing!
The Most Laziest Film Effort, That's What I Describe O.C. Babes
This so called "film" is a JOKE. Not one good moment, not one good piece of acting, or one piece of evidence that Creep Creepersin has talent, because believe me this is the worst piece of effort ever put on the internet AND DVD, I kid you not. Let me count out the problems with this movie.
Lack of effort or time put in this masterpiece? Check.
Producers and make up artists so lazy that Creepersin has to use footage from NOTLD to back up the fact that he has no talent? Check.
Long opening AND closing credits that annoy you? Check.
A boob shot only put on the cover just for views and to feel horny but you felt like you were touched in the wrong places? Check.
Laughably bad acting? Check. Overuse of sound quality once it goes from annoying to extremely annoying? Check.
The sad thing is, a title like that spells failure, as it comes to common knowledge the only zombies we get is just footage from a better movie, like Night of the Living Dead, not kidding, and the whole slasher isn't so gory to the point that the director doesn't have talent. It's also the first film to be shot in EIGHT F--CKING HOURS. Yes. Creepersin would have taken the time to make a good zombie film with action packed scenes and decent makeup, that way the movie would look potential. But the director, as talentless as Ulli Lommel or David DeCoteau, he wanted this film done and rushed, just to be known as the first film to be shot in eight hours. If you want to spend eight hours filming something, make a freaking short film, not this dragged, poor effort, lazy attempt at a Horror movie with the running time of 69 minutes, which the film is half movie, half opening and ending credits, and footage from NOTLD.
Chainsaw Scumfuck (1988)
Now I usually don't write reviews for films like this, but I just wanted to bring up that I am impressed by this film's visuals. It is pure 80s cheese with a dark feeling when you watch it. Enter Chainsaw Scumfuck, a movie with no plot, but who cares? It's all gore and bloody short as well. A man with a chainsaw killing off random people with shaky camera movements, yep, this is a perfect example of what true Shot On Video films used to be, since all the modern ones went mainstream and focused much on the nudity. This film has all, it's from the director of Bad Karma and Drillbit, which are not so bad short films with decent special effects and cool camera angles. This short will bring up all the laughs and wonders cause it is just so good. I like the music in this as well. Remember other Shot On Video films where they had metal music for their films?
Vampire Dentist (2006)
As A Comedy, This Still Blows!
Vampire Dentist is a movie that somehow had a decent idea executed really badly. Two dentists start working at a warehouse where they take patients in for appointments, while at the night, vampire dentists come in the night and turn the other patients into vampires, where they go out on the night to create a whole army of vampires. Nothing literally happens in Vampire Dentist as we recall that it goes like this: Patients come in, actors pull toilet humor, blue tinted footage of vampire attack actor, patients become vampires, vampires hang out. Wash, rinse, repeat. Not only is Vampire Dentist a big disappointment, it is a big bore fest as well. I thought after the 48 minutes we were gonna get some action, but basically what actually happens is vampires attack one or another and turn them into a vampire, and that's the whole film. The sets are ugly. Could they not pay for more rooms because the whole office is shoved in one big spot. There is almost no gore. This might be answered due to the movie's budget and that we were ripped off. Every thing is off screen so we never get to see any brutal violence, instead the actors pull cheap stunts for laughs and gags. Cut me a break. The vampires in this movie really have no personality, they all dress the same. There's a difference. There's this other vampire who appears randomly, and I was thinking to myself 'who is this guy and what is he doing here'? Don't get too excited. He has limited screen time and only appears to speak a few gibberish. Vampire Dentist may be considered the worst movie of all time, but I don't think I agree. I think it's the worst vampire film, period. Twilight is my most hated vampire movie, but I think this is way worse, although the special effects are okay for its budget, but sadly it doesn't do charm for this movie.
Evil Spirits (2008)
It's A Trap!
Oh why, why does Justin French even make movies that are so bad, I mean really bad, and yet he calls them good? You really think focusing on a woman is entertaining for him? Or is that he likes lady tits so he made a movie about it and nothing else? Boobs and ass don't galore anything good in this movie. It's all endless footage of the woman taking a shower, having a seizure, hanging in a hotel, and tortured by the possessed mass murderer who looks like he's having a seizure, because believe me, he acts like he's from a mental institution. I cannot even describe much more about this film. It's just so bad. So bad that no review can point out any flaw because the film has no acting, no suspense, no blood or gore, and also NO EVIL SPIRITS!
How does movies like this suck so bad I'll never know.
Frozen Flesh (2008)
I understand the poor ratings. Poor, poor souls...
You know what we learned kids? If you don't have talent, then DON'T MAKE A MOVIE. You don't want to end up like Justin French! That's right, kids! I'm talking about the guy behind this piece of dump. He's made some, oh not good, but not bad, but REALLY boring and the most awful sheet I've ever witnissed. What is this anyway? I can't watch this any longer. I had high hopes for this film, thinking it would be another one of those cheesy gore movies. Plot? It claims to have a killer burglar cooking and literally eating his victims. This could be one of the most best things to ever come to film, but what do we get? 112 fricking minutes of NOTHING! How do these films get made? Just how? Justin does show some hints and facts that he REALLY doesn't even try at all. Also why is the only character in this movie named "The Mass Murderer"? He does no killing at all, but only swings at the air at the not bloody knife, that we're supposed to believe that's the victim, but this movie has only one actor, so we'll just say he's swining at no body. The whole movie... Well what do you wanna know? It must be seen to be believed! Now let's get to the effects. The only budget put into this movie is that fake hand you can always get at a halloween store, and chocolate syrup poured into a sink, thinking that's blood. So, what to say about this. IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS THE END.
Doctor Bloodbath (1987)
The next worst movie next to Death Nurse.
Wow! What a fun and awful time I just had when I found this movie at a site, which I created an account there (the website name is VeeHD), posted by my good friend Komrads. Just take a look at the title. It just makes you want to go see the movie. It made me wanna see it, I wanted to! But after fifty six minutes of my life I've sat though this mess I'd rather grab my VHS and watch Death Nurse on a endless loop, because this movie was so bad it didn't feel like a movie. It felt like a home video that Nick and his family recorded because they had nothing better to do. Instead of using the CI footage (the entire stock was just that cemetery scene nobody cares about) Nick now intends to use stock footage from Satan's Black Wedding, by which, why? That movie had darkened lightning so it just doesn't fit. Most of the actresses I didn't care for. They are sexy, but they are not good for their career. And this is where I say Typical Nick. The deaths are always the same trash. Kill the woman and show the remains for almost a second, and loads of cheesy special effects. No babies were harmed by the making of this "movie".
Criminally Insane 2 (1987)
Nick, you're criminally insane
Criminally Insane was one of Nick's first horror films after he retired from his porno flicks I have not seen yet. The first was recommended for me. Pretty good effort, original story, fake blood but looks realistic and loads of suspense. This sequel... not so much.
This film is just the first criminally insane except it's mixed in with new footage that looks like something you can use for your home videos or school projects. What ever or not nobody uses those cameras anymore cause they're so old. Story? Pretty much the first film except it's dumbed down and the editing is non-existence. Scenes drag on for almost five minutes much. It might has its funny moments where the members have the "corn beef hash" is dog food and they act like they didn't eat anything at all. How Nick thought this was a good idea he must be on drugs or either high. I would give a zero but zero isn't an option so here's a one star rating. *coughs* You're welcome.
Death Nurse 2 (1988)
Again, another film where we have to see the same footage from Criminally Insane. I liked "Criminally Insane" but stop it, just stop it! This isn't Crazy Fat Ethel 4! It's not even a sequel either! This is just a 56 minute mess. I couldn't bare to watch anymore of it. Why does this still exist? Seriously, I have been asking this for years now! The actresses return as different characters, only because Nick has no life or friends that he can hire, but I bet they can make a better movie than Death Nurse.
This could have the worst quality I've seen in a while. It could have the worst camera too. I mean, in one scene, everything was just so noisy I thought that was just the sound of fart noises mixed with rare VHS audio. Least this sequel doesn't have the hole digging scenes from the first film.
Death Nurse (1987)
Oh My God! Kill Me Now!
The movie starts out with Priscilla Alden playing as Edith, who works as a nurse, lives with her brother in a suburban house. They kill new patients to keep up the bill for their state care. Okay, the plot is decent, but that's the only good thing about the film. Alden also has a nice creepy laugh.
I was very disappointed by this film. It's simply one of Nick's worst movies, and I felt like I got the biggest b*tch slap in the face. I mean what happened? This film is so incredibly boring that I couldn't get along with the plot any longer. The opening and ending titles, this movie doesn't have any. It's only footage that he ripped from Criminally Insane. There is very little gore, and very little kills. The whole movie itself is poorly edited, there isn't any originality into the sets, the sets were only re-used from Satan's Black Wedding for this movie. Nick, what were you thinking? It doesn't take this much to make a simple horror movie. You put effort on your other movies, they had nice quality, good sound, and it looked it you took time to make those movies. This looks like some crappy home video you and your family recorded, put it together with two VHS's, and sold it off as a "horror" film. Not even I would enjoy it.