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Milking dry meats here...
Glorious as an eternal ass cat may be we can't all just sit around and let strange fantasies of midget herding and goat punching overtake our rational need to drown Christian Bale's pets one by one in front of him and his family.
When I set out to right the wrongs of apartheid no one believed in Jerry Sandusky's innocence. It turns out that was the right way to go. As is discussed at great length over the course of this video film Mr. Sandusky was in fact, a full blown mini corn hole abuser.
As Jodie Foster so eloquently puts it to close the video-film, "Yeah, I'm a dude now. Suck on my bean bag, hoes". I think we can all relate to that. The tranny Jodie Foster will fill even more trousers. Not that anyone really thought she wasn't already a dude.
We all know Jodie Foster has had a pants rooster tucked in down there for a very, very long time.
Earth to Echo (2014)
This Dong needs to be Smashed
When Astro starts pounding off to the mental defective from Syria you will swear you've found god, just not your own god. This god wears diarrhea stained chaps, chews Tabaco and fills up the pants of every trucker this side of the Mason-Dixon.
When you've seen one movie about lot lizards you've seen them all. This movie was shot in Libya but they want you to believe it's shot in the valley, but that's total bullsh**t. You can tell by the way the homeless rape their pets. Its a very rhythmic thrust compared to a Californian hobo who likes to savor the doggy door with squeezing of the animals bean bag.
At the end of the day this is a movie about Uruguay's educational system and it's many flaws. But there are moments of triumph as well.
In conclusion, I've watched a movie.
I'd rather have eaten a fresh dog loaf...
To be an American in America you've got to hold your ball with both hands and finger the rim with three fingers sometimes.
After rehab we can all have some Nyquil and play a game I like to call "first one to sleep gets a sore b hole!!". This is a classic American sport played mostly by the jet-setting elites and their pet homeless people.
The trick is, if you want to fit the most in anyway - if that is your goal, you got to slide it in real slow. Especially the tip. Good thing for Mr. Travolta that Sean Penn is hung like a squirrel.
After the trial most of America's cast contemplated the hard compromises they might have to make for the sake of tightness, tenderness and the ability to hold in loose stool. When all is said and done, the rim shots were inevitable.
In conclusion, America is a movie.
I keep filling my trousers with rooster.
Life Itself (2014)
The Dark Magic of Eberts nasty bits....
So me and my friend gary follow this pack of homeless chaps into a known crack den to kidnap a stray dog for my sister/mom's birthday party when we were treated with an advanced screening of a video-film named 'Life Itself'.
Also, magic Johnson died in 1992. The doppelganger we now know as Magic Johnson is actually a former janitor that was living outside what is now known as "the staples center". He was giving out handys to any hard up Jewish boy with a ten dollar sheckle and then we see jerry buss dressing up this HJ and BJ giving, sex offending, man milking homeless individual who may or may not have been a registered sex offender. Now I have to listen him talk about basketball while my brother/son spits in my dogs mouth? It's just not right.
So this movie, which isn't even 22 minutes long, turns out to be some teenagers snuff film re-edited to look like a remake of snow white. It was magnificent, I filled my pants 2 times and was so high I gave a handy to one of the homeless gentleman passed out in my hot urine.
I'm obviously Jesus Christ but for copyright purposes I will abstain from asking Larry Craig to oversea all bathroom stall maneuvers.
Deliver Us from Evil (2014)
Like punching a pants rooster for 2 hours...
When the young hungry teen fills his pants with excited rage Danny Glover begins to turn on his dong smashing machine. Regret is what we all felt as crotch after crotch gets smashed beyond all Tom Hanks revival efforts. When Murtough finally tires he brings in the anal gapers. Riggs then photo bombs the rape/conquer photo op.
If the castle full of pre-teen incest milf video tapes truly exists why would pre-teen Jesus's biceps grow to the size of a fresh Honda Hatchback? He had to flex it or the baby would have turned to a life of crime and sex work. I think we can all agree that my uncle drives a celica.
Are we to assume that Ethan Hawke hates the judan more or less than the kung fu warrior H P Lovecraft? When he stops stashing bodies in his sex closet and starts blasting out b-hole vis a vis "the Rape Van" we can all rest easy.
Easily I hate what Guy Pierce eludes to as a nation of anal gapers. Sometimes you can only fit so much up in there without significant rim damage.
In conclusion, this is a movie.
Also, I'm Tom Brady's father?
The rape scene was too long
It was just too much Kevin Costner dong pounding out tight tender 5 year old b hole. What kind of movie doesn't at least balance it out with some proto-Sandusky shower scenes or maybe some confused teenage auto erotica but no, they just gotta wave Costner's meat sword up and down town for almost 2 hours.
When they finally bring in the homeless guy's dog for his glorious 'money shot' we all released into our trousers. There is just something special about watching a homeless man totally lose his s@3t emotionally as his sweet old dog gets beat and raped over and over and over again.
Oscar worthy? Yes.
The Girl on the Train (2013)
Not worth the "Money Shot"
When the train leaves the station this girl has no idea how deep it intends to go down her tunnel.
The opening scene is a majestic display of honest emotion while "the Girl" verbally abuses her young daughter Mary-Elizabeth Mastrantonio over the state of her pubic mane. After the verbal dressing down The train girl delivers several firm wallops to her daughters backside. The movie really takes a turn when we find out that it wasn't her young daughter, but a hobo's pet lemur. Just complete tom foolery.
Then comes the bible references listed in order of relevance to double penetration scenes. It really opens your eyes to the world of pre-teen milf incest bang outs. You will think Jesus squirted holy b hole juice all over your lips.
Now we finally learn the true identity the men running the man meat Train and they are all hungry teens from the upper middle class.
Her hair diaper glimmered with a new coat of man milk.
Hold your breath for the sequel, it will probably fill your trousers.
These Monkey's finally lose their tails...
To become dangerous Apes. Not to be confused with a tale of forced intercourse, this story of one monkey's struggle against the tyranny of the evil warlord Dong "slamhole" Chong in an epic demonstration of overt pre-teen milf incest art.
It is slightly unbelievable that a single monkey can accomplish all of these tasks before ape-hood. It's one thing to see a strong ape decked out in fine silk and angry milk steak dominate a room full of ghouls but when you see a pre-ape monkey before it loses it's tail to become a full gorilla doing the very same, reality takes a backseat to thick hair diapers and monkey tails.
When you understand the British monarchy you may begin to understand the nature of pre-Sandusky public showering. Now a days its a sea of trousers with any number of pants rooster's struggling for freedom.
The message of "apes" was clearly pro-rape and therefore I can not in good faith fully endorse this video-film in all countries for insurance purposes.
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)
Coulda been worse but filled my heart....
The one wish I came away with was that more trousers had been worn in the name of drug addiction. When I smash my clown down deep inside my pants suit I fully understand the nature of the amount of sin this dragon betrays upon the lessor Amish/Jewish school boys.
As we discuss the scale of this dragons bush it then begs the question - Why haven't more men with down syndrome taken liberties with animals? I've been told time and time again that most mentally retarded "jenny Mccarty" clones make the finest of all urine repositories. I have attached the well known "tom Cruise" doctrine for all to read. Please hold all questions pertaining to the legality of forced 'dutch ovens' and the limits of animal intercourse if said animal is in a drug induced coma until after the murder.
As an American, I am free to say, Jerry Sandusky is not a magical character but rather a convicted sex offender. The amount of offending is on par with most Jewish rabbi's.
Someone just filled my pants.
Sherlock: The Sign of Three (2014)
Weakest of the bunch...
Just a tiny notch above the awful 'clip show' tripe most shows end up doing after a significant measure of success and staying power. At least they used new material, however the effort seems absent. Self indulgent and lazy is my opinion of this episode. It will still appeal to the serious fan but if your new to the show don't make this episode your first watch of the entire series, you may come away with the wrong impression of the overall quality which is actually quite wonderful
The length of the wedding speech seemed, well, like pandering. Benedict has that silky smooth voice (like wiping your b hole with silk) which is usually quite hard to tire of. He came awful close in this episode.