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Los sin nombre (1999)
What?? Did I miss something??
My best friend and I chose this movie to accompany our popcorn and wine for Girls Night! We turned down the lights, poured ourselves a glass and got underneath our blankets for what was sure to be a fright fest!
Okay so the first hour or so went by slowly. Scratch that it went by REALLY freaking slowly.
All of a sudden there is movement beneath the blankets....a tentative head emerges. " Umm do you think something is going to happen soon?" She asks me.
"Sure" I said. "It didn't do too badly on IMDb right?! What was it? 6/10? Something has got to happen soon. Just watch it".
I'm not going to lie...there were points in the remaining hour of the movie where I seriously considered walking over to the corner of my kitchen and banging my head silently against the cold brick wall. Just for some kind of mental stimulation.
Alas, we perservered and reached a point where there is a reveal of sorts between two characters. Lyndsey and I sat bolt upright and she reached over...clutching my hand.
She looked at me. Eyes shining brightly with hope and anticipation. "This is it, she breathed...something is finally happening...."
We turn back to the TV , clutching each other, barely daring to breath.
Surely these last 2 hours of slow, monotonous, Nameless nonsense will be worth it....
Surely the respected, intelligent members of IMDb wouldn't give an average but respectable score of 6 to a Spanish piece of diaper rash?
The credits roll and we sit back. Looking blankly at each other through the sudden stillness.
What a pile of garbage that was!
300: Rise of an Empire (2014)
How many slow downs and speed ups does it take to disguise a bad movie?
The very nature of this movie can be described as close up after close up after close up of blood splatters, fire embers and stabbings.
Cue slow motions, speeds ups, and a lack of artistic talent and you have yourself the long awaited sequel of 300.
A good give away that a movie really sucks is when the directors try to disguise the poor writing and plot with over using movie effects.
Throw in a cheap, vulgar sex scene and you have yourself something that will attract viewers who merit a film on level of gore and breasts.
This sequel butchered what it was to be a 300 movie fan.
It will take your breath away
The only reason I even considered seeing a film with a title that begins "The Secret Life of..." is because Ben Stiller is in it, and though he has most certainly partaken in a few bloopers he remains one of my favorite actors of our time. I figured that if the movie turned out to be a farce, I would at least have discovered a film with Ben Stiller in that I Didn't enjoy which would be a new cinematic experience for me.
Now if you read just a few reviews of this movie you're going to hear the word "scenery" mentioned a lot. Let me just clarify by "scenery" I don't mean "rolling hills of green and glistening dew drops on the golden screen" - I.E monotonous visual CODSWALLOP that one may use to describe films like Lord of the Rings or The Sound of Music. I mean "scenery" in the sense of PREPARE TO HAVE A REVOLUTION IN SENSORY PERCEPTION.
You are not buying a ticket to a comedy, or a drama, or by any means a movie that is any way realistic in a reasonable sense of the word. Bear that in mind.
Also bear in mind the bigger the TV you can watch this on the better.
Consequently this is one of the only movies that I would recommend actually paying to see in the movies. OR, if you are really cheap, wait until it becomes available on DVD, find someone with a really big TV, befriend them just long enough to watch it, and then tell them how much you actually hate them, and leave, taking your DVD with you.
Bland but Flavoursome....
A curious film to behold, in parts captivating and enticing, it dwindles into somewhat of a pointless parody where one is unsure quite where Andrey Zvyagintsev was going with this one..or if he even knew himself.
I shall explain. We are introduced to two curious characters. Elena, the doting housewife/carer and Vladimir - the provider, stern as he is sensible. The film unravels and is successful in its purpose to entertain us, we have questions, curiosities as the audience, we admire Elena and her stoicism, her domesticity, and her obedience.
As the film progresses we question the roles we have assigned the characters, and as it continues on our original thoughts start to spiral in an uncontrolled kind of chaos, until we reach the climax of the film, and find ourselves lost in some kind of demented Russian imagination.
Turn the lights off, sit back and prepare for a climax of the senses.
What you are about to experience is both visually and aurally exquisite. Nothing short of a manifestation of pure emotion.
Yeo-reum Han is breathtaking in her role as a beautiful 16 year old child, bound to a boat in the middle of an ocean with her companion, 60 year old Seong-hwang Jeon. An elderly fisherman, he cares for her every need, feeds her, bathes her, and sleeps above her in an old bunk bed, desperately clutching for her hand in the middle of the night.
You will begin this film as a spectator, and you'll leave the film with a small part of your soul and heart invested in this masterpiece. Ki-duk Kim teaches us what pure love looks and sounds like, and its a realisation that will haunt you for years to come.
A haunting tale of guilt and innocence
Mikkelsen, nothing short of fantastic as usual in his role as a nursery school teacher, single father, just an every day guy, looking for love along side his canine companion, "Fanny". But when a secret threatens to shatter his life he finds his world crumbling down around him, in a whirlwind of devastation and betrayal.
This film is superbly acted out with some excellent scenes, depicting the true horror of an over-active imagination and a gullible audience.
Some critics claim this film is unrealistic in some of the characters, most specifically, the teachers and their reactions to certain events in the film. But if you can overlook what you would expect to happen and accept the reality for a lot of people in this position, then you will find that "Jagten" evokes a tremendous sadness and horror.
From start to end and it leaves a haunting realisation in its wake that's difficult to shake off, even for the most accustomed viewer.