15 ReviewsOrdered By: Date
Sushi Girl (2012)
Bloody disgusting!
3 February 2013
A character called "Fish" (Noah Hathaway ) is released from Prison after serving six years for a diamond heist, he meets up with his accomplices whom he protected during his sentence, for a 'celebratory' meal, a lavish array of sushi, all laid out on a beautiful young woman...well it beats a Bernie Inn I suppose!

I wasn't expecting much from this film, I'd never even heard of it until now, just a seen it all before yarn, but what you get is an intriguing blood soaked plot, plenty of twists, a more than satisfying 'twist' finale, and a cool Tarantino style exploitation cast of Tony 'Candyman' Todd, Sonny Chiba, Danny Trejo, Micheal Biehn and an almost unrecognizable Mark Hamill looking like the love child of John Presscott and Eddie Izzard!!

A bloody enthralling slice of cinema that the aforementioned Tarantino could have served out.
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An unexpected well made action/thriller.
10 December 2012
Now I'm a massive fan of the 'Bourne series of films, part one I thought was rather average but the following two episodes were top notch, hard assed intelligent thrillers, the films that shaped the later day Bond movies (Casino Royale etc)

So when I read that there was to be a forth film in the series, without Matt Damon and Director Paul Greengrass, I had incredibly low expectations, but I'm pleased to say this another gritty, intelligent film, Jeremy Renner (Hurt Locker, The Avengers, The Town) is excellent as you would expect, the movie zips along at a fine pace, I've got to admit that the final 'chase scene' was rather bloated, but this doesn't detract from what a fine entertaining thriller this is.
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12/12/12 (2012)
'Wonderfully' bad!!!
7 December 2012
Warning: Spoilers
A woman gives birth, during the birth the baby kills the Surgeon and Nurse, then things get even sillier....

Quite simply this is without doubt one of the most hilariously awful films I have ever seen!!!

The 'acting', 'plot' and 'special effects' ( I use these terms very loosely) are not just B-movie but Z-movie, so atrocious are they.The whole film is littered with head scratching plot holes you could fly a 747 through, for example:


As I said the Surgeon and Nurse die during the birth of the baby, this doesn't seem to bother the mother Veronica (Sara Malakul Lane) as she lies there with her baby, next to Cops and two dead bodies!!


The Police are called when the parents suspect there is an intruder in their property, a Detective (sucking a lolly pop) turns up literally 20 seconds later!!


Veronica's husband kills himself by drinking boiling water, she doesn't seem too affected by this either....


Why does the Detective whilst looking for the intruder pick up a dead rat by its tail, look at it, then put put it down again as if it was a suspect?!


How has Veronica managed to get a super fit body only 6 days after giving birth?


Why, when discovering a dead Police Officer outside her house, does Veronica not call 911 but leave the Detective a voice mail message!?!?! (and why does he not turn up until later in the day?)

The dialogue is hilarious, my favourite being this exchange, Veronica's sister has just showered and is getting dressed, evil baby is 'watching'

Sister-"VERONICA GODDAMIT! Your Baby is a pervert!!"


Sister-"I was changing and it was watching me!!"

The ending is the icing on the turd flavored cake, the evil baby show his ugly mug, he really does have a face only it's Mother could love...mental!!

So are there any plus points?

Well yes.

For starters 'actress' Sara Malakul Lane is super hot, so us guys have some eye candy, but, yes the film is beyond bad, but, it obeys the rules of bad (horror) movies, its truly dreadful. but most importantly,it's entertaining for all the wrong reasons and never dull or boring!
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Red Dawn (2012)
Complete nonsense.
3 December 2012
It's lazy remake time again, lets pick a movie from the 80s the twenty somethings won't remember, update it, stick some pretty faces in it and Bobs your Uncle, cash in the Bank. The original Red Dawn had a bunch of 'kids' defending the good old US of A from those Commies, after a Russian invasion, this time it's those even nastier Commies, the North Koreans who invade.

The whole premise is laughable with no insight into just how North Korea has managed a land invasion on US soil, just where are all the US troops, surely if the US felt an invasion or attack was possible, a nuclear strike would have been threatened?

The whole film is laughable in the wrong sense, utter nonsense, pathetic flag waving BS and a total disregard for any logic whatsoever.
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Hick (2011)
Another mature performance from Chloe
1 December 2012
The excellent Chloe Grace Moretz plays Luli, a Nebraska teen who decides to head to the bright lights of Las Vegas leaving behind her drunk of a father and a mother who has run off with another man, sadly things don't go to plan when she hitches a ride with Glenda (Blake Lively)

The story and performances are all very good, but yet again the stand out is Chloe, her performances in this and other films such as Kick Ass and Let Me In are astonishing for such a young actress (she's barely 15 now!)The movie is gritty as Luli is exposed to the dark under belly of life, drugs, drunks, low life's out to use (and abuse) her.Chloe is well supported by a good cast, Juliette Lewis, Blake Lively and a cameo from Alec Baldwin and I was astonished at the films poor rating on Rotten Tomatoes of 5% fresh, critics eh!?

A mature adult drama well worth a look.
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Stolen (2012)
The view from
30 November 2012
Another day, another Dollar for Nick Cage as he reunites with 'Con Air' director Simon West.Cage plays Will Montgomery, a big time thief who is captured by the Feds pulling off a multi-million dollar bank heist, he burns the money to reduce his sentence, but one of his co-horts doesn't believe his story and wants his cut of the loot.

Nick Cage um, is Nick Cage, bug eyed and slightly manic, the bad guy has six fingers and one leg (the character is a mad mix of the Family Guy's pirate and Bobcat Goldthwaite!) there's car chases and explosions as you would expect, 90 minutes of nonsense and instantly forgettable.

Nick, bar Kick Ass your cv really is going down the tubes in the past few years....
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V/H/S (2012)
Outstanding horror
30 November 2012
A bunch of misfits are hired to rob a house, they're told to steal a video tape from the property, "which one" they ask when confronted by stacks of tapes, play the tapes and "you will know" they are told......

We are then treated to five short stories by five different directors and there's not a duffer in sight, each one brilliantly shot, in your face, modern no nonsense horror.

I've watched this twice in a few months and it's really is one of the best horror movies of the past decade and easily one of the movies of 2012.

Outstanding film-making.
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The Bay (II) (2012)
Almost Cronenberg in style
30 November 2012
A mysterious flesh eating virus hits a small American community, initially the symptoms are boils and skin rashes...soon though things deteriorate as the towns folk start dying as they are literally eaten from the inside!

The movie is filmed 'mockumentary' style and the build up of suspense and dread is well staged as you would expect from someone with the pedigree of veteran director Barry Levinson (Rain Man, Good Morning Vietnam)

Gory, tense,Eco-horror, the type of film you might have expected David Cronenberg to deliver.

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Remember Red Dawn?
30 November 2012
Remember Red Dawn back in the mid 80's? Thought not, well this was a bonkers movie about the invasion of the USA by the mighty Soviet Union and a group of High School kids single handed battle with those damn Commies, daft silly fun but entertaining.

Well fast forward nearly three decades and we get this, which is very similar but is actually based on a series of books and the action and oppression is now set in Australia.A group of school friends go on a weekend trip away from it all, when they return they realize the Country has been invaded by an un-named Country (North Korea?) and their family and friends have either been killed or 'imprisoned'

Minus points first, well this is one cheesy movie, the end credits in particular, the dialog's pretty wooden, but on the plus it's quite humorous at times and the action is as good as some Hollywood blockbusters.

Likable, but largely forgettable.
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Let Me In (I) (2010)
A thoughtful remake
30 November 2012
I Spit On Your Grave, Last House On The Left, Dawn Of The Dead, Quarantine, Halloween, Friday 13th,the list of Hollywood horror remakes grows by the year, and if they're not remaking an 80's 'nasty', they're doing the same to a foreign language film, be it Japanese (The Grudge, Ringu) or Spanish REC,now to add to the list, is a remake of the excellent Swedish vampire flick 'Let The Right One In'.

Instead of a Stockholm suburb the film is relocated to New Mexico but the 1980's setting is wisely kept.The two leads Kodi Smit McPhee (The Road) and Chloe Moretz (Kick Ass) are both superb, this adaptation is pretty faithful to the original in plot, tone and pace, but again the question with theses remakes is '"why?".Is it because film-makers feel we can't watch a foreign film and read subtitles, or is it because Hollywood lacks original ideas and finds it easier to plunder the back catalog of films we might not have heard off or have probably forgotten about?

Yes to all the above I feel.An excellent film as it stands but please make sure you find the time to watch the haunting original.
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127 Hours (2010)
Another classic from Boyle
30 November 2012
Director Danny Boyle's no stranger to producing ground breaking movies, stylishly shot, pounding soundtracks, involving plots and great characters, and '127 Hours' adds to his great resume.

The incredible true story of climber Aron Ralston (James Franco) who whilst exploring the isolated canyons of Utah, slips and find's himself pinned to a canyon wall by a boulder.The hours go by, these turn to days, his water is running out, he come's to the realization that the only way to escape will be to cut his own arm off....with a blunt pocket knife.

There are similarity's to the excellent 'Buried' but this is a different kind of film as we experience flashbacks into Aron's past, how he became a selfish 'loner', he makes a video diary, expressing his regrets at not caring for others as much as he should have.Franco is excellent, the scene when he films an imaginary talk show with himself is brilliantly acted and also a great comedy moment.

Don't let the subject matter put you off (yes it will make you wince-the sound effect when he cuts through a nerve!!!!) this is a great film, finely acted and beautifully shot, and in some sort of sense, a feel good flick!
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The view from
30 November 2012
Well Christmas is coming, just a month to go so here you go folks, a nice big ripe Turkey for you.Released back in the first quarter of the year I thought I'd give this 21st Century remake of the popular US TV series and subsequent films (only in America eh?)

I never liked the original shows, give me Laurel And Hardy, Harold Lloyd or Will Hay any day, these three idiots just annoyed the life out of me, and guess what? does this pathetic excuse for a comedy.

Stupid does not equal funny, "Dumb And Dumber " was stupid but there's one big difference, likable characters, plot, funny scenarios etc.. something this car crash atrocity is more than missing.One pathetic scene follows another, I lasted about 30 minutes of this bore-fest before hitting the 'off' button.

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Grabbers (2012)
Great B-movie monster fun
30 November 2012
Aliens invade an Island in um...Ireland, the only way to survive is get me a flight!!!

I had slightly low expectations, hopefully mildly amused at best, but how wrong was I.

Utterly engaging characters, dry,witty dialogue, a real fun B-Movie horror flick so reminiscent of such 'classics' as Tremors and Deep Rising, with even a knowing nod to the drunken exploits of Gremlins towards the end.The special effects are on the cheap side but this is a tiny criticism.

Great Balti & a Beer Saturday night (or any night) entertainment.
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The Imposter (2012)
A truly bizarre story
30 November 2012
A 13 year old boy disappears from a small town in Texas, three years later Police in Spain alert authorities in the US, against all odds it appears that child has been found....or has he?

I watched this 'movie' not knowing very little about it, and after 10 minutes or so I was puzzled, is this a mocu-mentary or based on a true story? surely it couldn't be as the story was so bizarre!!

Filmed in the same style as the TV show 'Banged Up Abroad', part interview clips with the real people, part reconstructed key moments with actors, this is a quite astonishing story and well worth a viewing.
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A bad 'bad' movie
30 November 2012
I vaguely remember the first movie back in the day starring the 'action hero's' of that day, Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lungren, never bothered with parts 2+3 (who would?) so why on earth did i bother with part four? No idea.

Well its total rubbish, painfully 'paced' (i.e dragged out) for 110 minutes, we get a fight/action scene involving both bad and good guys who can't shoot straight, a big, long dawn out brawl in a sports shop where weights and base ball bats are used as weapons, lucky it wasn't a Greggs or they'd have to resorted to steak bakes and sausage rolls!

This is followed by some awful dialog ("I keep seeing things...things that aren't real") and cliché upon cliché, every male character is a macho fighting machine, women are all strippers and/or sluts, we get the obligatory 'bar scene', the place is rife with angry men drinking, playing pool or ogling strippers...and the bouncers chuck 'our man' out of the joint...literally.

Both Dolph Lungren and Claude Van Damme are given some bucks and Sanatogen to show up, Dolph resembles Popeye's Grandpa, CVD has gone a bit Marlon Brando/Apocalypse Now/'Psychoville's' Mr Jelly.

Utter nonsense.
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