9 ReviewsOrdered By: Date
Stay Alive (2006)
Good god why are people so stupid?
28 March 2006
"warning" this review may contain spoilers.

Contrary to the name of this review, i actually enjoyed this movie. I went in with typically low expectations, and they were surpassed. My title refers to most of the other people that reviewed this flick. Oh how little we like to admit when confronted by our own culture my friends. I myself am a gamer, and i laugh at those who complain about the cheesy dialog of the twenty somethings in the film. Well, i have news for you, sadly, the dialog is mostly accurate for our age group and demographic. Granted it's not my chosen way to speak, but i know far too many others of like minds who would fit in well with the characters in this movie. I've also read complaints about the effects of the movie, which i noticed as intelligent movie goer, weren't supposed to be realistic, as they were characters from a GAME. The casting in the film was fair, although Adam Goldberg was under utilized, the script was fair with some original ideas but also a strange moving of the Bathory tale to New Orleans, and the movie as a whole was at least a good beginning of the season offering. My own opinion on the way this film has been received was that our generation for some god awful reason has become obsessed with those horrid Japanese horror remakes like "the ring" and "the grudge" and if the movie isn't plodding with a little blue freaky kid coming out of television, or a movie that literally has ten lines of dialog in the entire movie and makes any intelligent viewer wish that Sara Michellle Geller had nuts so you could kick her in them for making a damn turd like that! But that's another review altogether. Give "stay alive" a chance, keep your expectations low, and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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Dark Water (2005)
Excruciating pain
5 March 2006
I have long been angered by films who pass themselves off as one thing in their advertising, and upon seeing the film it's something completely different. Dark Water is one of those films. Dark Water claims to be a horror/supernatural thriller with ghostly over tones. In actuality, it's a long, boring, painfully unexciting story of a ghost who isn't in the least menacing or unfortunately interesting. Dark Water is NOT a horror film. Dark Water is definitely NOT a supernatural thriller. In fact the only thrill i had while in the theater was when the end credits started to roll. The acting in the film is solid, but with precious little to do the actors seem bored, mirroring the reaction of the audience no doubt. The direction is plodding at best, trading long bits of of silence for any actual plot furthering information. I felt no connection to the characters, therefore i didn't care what happened to them. The bright spots were few, a wasted role for Tim Roth a brilliant actor who was woefully misused in a small forgettable part as Connely's lawyer. John Reilly was fantastic as usual, but he also had very little to do. The films pacing was also horrible, it was over two hours long, but i swear i felt like i was watching a nine hour documentary on how not to make a horror film. I must however thank the makers of Dark Water for one thing. Now when i see a bad film i can say, "That was bad, but it wasn't half as bad as Dark Water." Dark Water: The benchmark to which all other awful films will be compared.
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what the hell is wrong with you people?
17 November 2003
Must we forever hear of the genius of the first Crow movie, you know as much as i like the film, would it have been nearly as popular if Brandon Lee hadn't died making it. Has anyone watched his other movies? They are horrible! He was not some prolific actor, he was a b-movie action star, who died making a b-movie comic adaption, that only got buzz, after he died. no offense to Branon at all, but it's just an honest observation. the second Crow film would have to be on my list of worst movies of all time, bad acting, bad direction, no point, and over active cinematography. so my expectations for Salvation were kind of low. And it blew me away, Eric Mabius consumed the character and came out with an irreverent, funny, dark and totured performance. veteran character actors Dale Midkiff and Fred Ward placed well within the lines of the story, putting in great performances. Also worth mentioning are solid performances by Kirsten Dunst, and Grant Shaud whom i have missed since the end of Murphy Brown. The plot of the film works, the direction is capable and the acting is top notch. do yourself a favor, watchThe Crow(1994), take a dump on The Crow City of Angels, and enjoy Crow: Salvation.
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Bad Moon (1996)
Clarifications, and virtues
3 November 2003
Bad Moon 1996, is NOT a straight to video movie. This flick about a reluctant werewolf actually hit theatres in late 1996 to dismal box office and dismal reviews. I personally enjoy bad moon for several reasons. I enjoy Micheal Pare's performance, although erratic at points, he carries the lead well. The size of the werewolf, too many times in werewolf flicks, the wolves are more like men than animals in stature. But in this movie, there is a perfect blend of human and animal size and movement. And finally, he's a white wolf, i repeat a white wolf. I love this movie for going against the grain and showcasing a white wolf, if the rest of the movie was completely awful, watch it once to see the white wolf. There are also elements of this flick i hate. Mariel Hemingway is stiffer than Gray Davis in this movie, not to mention the dog. Okay don't get me wrong i like dog's, the dogs performance, but to me it's an insult to horror fans and werewolf fans alike that a damn german shepard can kill a full grown werewolf! I hate to say it, but it's just not realistic. That goes way beyond suspension of disbelief. two and a half stars
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Route 666 (2001)
i was not aware an entire script could be one liners
2 November 2003
don't let my tagline fool you, i like route 666. as far as straight to dvd flicks go it's above average. it actually reminds of drive in style scary movies of the 50's and sixties. Lou Diamond is a solid lead, Lori petty works, i hate to say it but i liked Dale Midkiff. The plot had some merit, it was an original take on a unoriginal concept. However, the script, is one liner, after one liner after one liner. i laughed through the movie, though i'm not sure it's intended to be funny. the lines are enough to make the movie worth while and the make-up effects are a nice refreshing change from the cgi laden horror flicks of late. watch route 666, it's a fun ride, no doubt.
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If you don't like this movie, you aren't thinking clearly
23 October 2003
This movie is pure genius. Chris Coppala's direction is adequate, but the real secret to this movie is perception. If you go in looking for a movie that is a bubble gum, popular, theater movie with a big cast, big budget and top tier talent, go watch fricking Men In Black. This movie is great for so many reasons it's difficult for me to list them all. But here goes.....The acting is great, the characters are written in a tounge in cheek, deadpan style that is difficult to nail as a actor. Fortunately, the cast is comprised of accomplished character actors including Bill Forsythe, and his performance is dead on, somewhere between Tommy Lee Jones in MIB, and Warren Beatty in Dick Tracy. Tate donovan as the leering wannabe ladies man, Mike Mattress. Gary Busey makes a small but massively entertaining part as a gay cop. "I am a sadistic,leather clad homosexual!" Busey screams into the face of Zach Galligan. For that line alone it is worth whatever you pay for it. Trust me. The script is deadpan genius, the one liners and the dry humor permeates the entire movie (if you like this flick, watch Invasion! with Campbell Scott) But i would have to say, Robert Goulet as the devil is the scene stealer in this one. Goulet's deliverey of the "Tsk, Tsk, Tsk" line is camp gold. Sure the production values are low, sure it's got some interesting scenes, and if you don't like comics don't bother. But if you love comics, or even just Mike Alred comics, and deadpan humor, then G-Men from hell is the movie you must watch. If you get the DVD make sure you watch the interview with Mike Alred, it'll convince you if i can't. Evil must perish!!!!!
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People expect too much from this film, but it's good
17 September 2003
This film is a far better example of a sequel than a lot of other straight to video sequels. Although this is not "Citizen Kane" by any means it is an entertaining and well acted movie, in most respects. Personally, i was impressed by the performance of Michael Trucco playing the human face of the Djinn. His voice in several scenes was an interesting tribute to Andrew Divoff. His performance far surpasses Chris Connery from the third installment. The female lead is sexy, and not untalented. And for the first time since the original, the story is different. What people fail to realize is this is an anthology film series, the others who reviewed this flick keep comparing John Novak's Djinn to Andrew Divoff's original performance. He is not the same Djinn, he is not meant to be the same Djinn. The Djinn both singular and plural are a race of beings created after the angels but before man. There are more than one of them out there. Another factor to consider is that this is the fourth installment of the series, as a writer, director and actor in this film, you inherit three films worth of storyline and baggage, and with the shrunken budget, you have very little to work with. The story has originality, the film is fast paced, it contains some humor and interesting wish fullfillment, and it has new characters and a new dimension to the Djinn mystique. It's a good flick, and i suggest it to all Wishmaster fans. Just keep an open mind.
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The Gardener (1998)
watching flowers grow is more interesting!!
19 August 2003
I got this flick at big lots for two dollars. and after watching it, i fell as if they owe me twenty. This movie is like a study in bad acting, scriptwriting, acting and sets. First off the casting was atrocious. Grieco looks as if he doesn't belong within 500 feet of this movie, playing the lieutenant, a role that seems to have been written for a much older actor. Everheart has no range, no emotion and is as stiff as richard simmons staring at stone phillips. malcolm mcdowall, well he looks as if he has to keep repeating in his head, "i'm being paid for this, i'm being paid for this." Poor malcolm, he has so much talent and spends all of is time in awful movie after awful movie. the dialoge seems as if it was written by a group of spider monkeys on payotee, lines seem to be thrown in grabastically without rhyme or reason. the worst thing though, has to be the directing, actually the complete lack of direction, Greico's character stays angry through the entire flick because he's not sure about the point of the character. Everheart is pointless, and francis ford coppala couldn't drag a decent performance out of her. there is a complete lack of connected storyline, and because of that, the bad acting is all the more evident. there is really nothing i can say that can relate the awfullness of this movie. i'm afraid that to understand you will actually have to watch this poor excuse for a film. i almost forgot about the cheaply done and completely out of the blue cgi effects. i apoligize, the movie has fried my brains.
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a rare gem
14 August 2003
This is by far one of my favorite flicks. Broderick is very funny but i really enjoyed his look. Meg is great, and i don't generally enjoy her stuff. but the real scene stealer is Tchéky Karyo as anton. his rape your skull line is priceless! this is a rare kind of romantic comedy and kudos to director griffin dunne for a quirky and offbeat love story. 10 out of 10
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