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kylehaines96

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Mars Needs Moms(2011) Film Review, 28 August 2013
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: * Out Of **** Rated PG For Sci-Fi Action And Peril.

1hr 28min/88min.

Wow, this is one of the most misguided movies I have seen. It's heart is in the wrong place. This movie wants to tell children that they should be nice to their parents or else a spaceship is going to blast them off to mars.

Milo(Seth Green) is an 11 year-old boy who doesn't like chores. His mom(Joan Cusak) and him get in a huge fight, and when Milo goes to apologize, he sees his mom being put on a spaceship and being whisked away to mars. He stows away on the ship and finds out that the martians want to erase the memory of the mothers so they could learn how to be mothers.

This movie has an all too complicated plot for a children's movie. Halfway through, it starts to lose focus. The voice acting is incredibly off. We have wonderful actors and actresses behind the microphone, and they do nothing with them. This also has to have some of the most ugliest animation I have ever seen. It's not very well done and feels poor. The motion capture is awkward. The characters have a floaty movement about them.

However, Dan Fogle as Gribble in the film gives a charismatic, and at one point, Heartbreaking performance. But it's overshadowed by the awful performances, awkward motion capture,terrible animation and very pointless story.

5 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
Pain & Gain(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: **** Out Of ****.

Rated R For Bloody Violence, Crude And Sexual Content, Nudity, Language Throughout And Drug Use.

2hrs 10min/130min.

159 uses of the F-word.

In 1995, Daniel Lugo, Adrian Doorbal and Jorge Delgado banded together to become The Sun Gym Gang. Daniel was a body builder who felt that he should have a wealthier life because he's so fit. One day Marc Schiller, who was a rich family man, walked into the Sun Gym and was introduced to Daniel. Daniel, together with his friends Adrian and Jorge, they kidnapped Schiller and extorted him for everything he had. Schiller enlisted the help of Private Detective Ed Du Bois II who, at first believed the story to be outlandish but eventually caught on that it was real and promised to catch the guys behind this.

Since The Sun Gym Gang thought that their first job went so well they would do it again. They decided to go after phone sex line operator Frank Griga and his girlfriend. However, the plan goes awry when Adrian purposefully kills Griga and his girlfriend. To cover up the murders, they bought power tools and decided to dismember the bodies and but them in barrels to dump into the lake. The bodies were found and the gang was sentenced. Lugo and Doorbal received death sentences and Delgado received 15 years but only served 7. Lugo and Doorbal are sitting on Death Row and Delgado is currently free.

Now you might be asking yourself, "Did he just spoil the film?" The answer is both yes and no. Yes meaning I did just spoil it and no meaning that the film is based on true events and in all honesty, it's history so you should know what happens. This story of The Sun Gym gang fascinates me every time I see it. 3 body builders doing time for extortion, kidnapping, torture and murder. Now obviously they do take Hollywood liberties in the film. The actual story is Much more brutal and grisly. This story is horrifying and disturbing to me and it should be to you. Now, on to the movie.

Daniel Lugo(Mark Whalberg) is a troubled man who takes over the Sun Gym and triples it's member ship within 6 weeks. Over that time he meets a man name Victor Kershaw(Tony Shaloub), a rich tycoon who wants to get buff. Daniel wants to have a rich lifestyle like Kershaw and finds that the only way to do that is an extortion scheme. Lugo, along with his buddies Adrien Doorbal(Anthony Mackie) and Paul Doyle(Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) kidnap Kershaw and take him to a warehouse. There, they proceed to torture him until he signs away almost everything he owns over to them. This plan works but Lugo fears that Kershaw will tell the cops of what happened. Lugo then plans to have Kershaw consume a ton of alcohol and drive his car into a pole. He survives this and the gang then sets the car on fire. They ignite the car and it explodes. Oddly Kershaw survives this and being run over twice by and SUV.

Kershaw enlists the help of Private detective Ed Du Bois II(Ed Harris) to take down the Sun Gym Gang. Meanwhile the gang wants to do another job and decide to extort Frank Griga and his girlfriend. Griga is a Rich phone sex operator and they have meeting almost immediately. However, the meeting goes sour quickly when Griga and Lugo get in a heated argument. Then, in the scuffle, Griga is accidentally murdered by Lugo when a weight set impales him. In order to clean up the mess, the gang dismembers the bodies, and grills the dismembered hands of the couple to erase fingerprints. They then put the bodies in barrels and are eventually caught shortly after. The rest, as they say, is history.

The first thing to discuss is the casting. Mark Whalberg Fits the role of Daniel Lugo, a man who wanted the rich lifestyle and would go to any lengths to get it. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is perfect as Paul Doyle(name changed from Jorge Delgado), a man who didn't really want to go through a whole extortion scheme but wanted a ton of money. Anthony Mackie breathes the role of Adrien Doorbal who in real life was a sadistic sociopath who went too far for money.

Now the biggest problem that people have with the movie is that this real-life story, is turned into a dark comedy. People say that you shouldn't;t sympathize with these characters. Personally, I don't care. If the comedy works, it works and here, I think it does work. This movie is here to give you a true story and entertain you. Now be warned, this film gets incredibly intense in the last 45 minutes, so be cautioned. I think that this is the best film of the year so far. Will it win any awards, No, but to me, it gets Best film of the year so far from me

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Scary Movie 5(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: **1/2 Out Of ****.

Rated PG-13 For Crude And Sexual Content Throughout, Language, Some Drug Material, Partial Nudity, Comic Violence And Gore.

1hr 26min/86min.

1 use of the F-word.

Let me give you my quick opinions of the first four Scary Movies. Scary Movie Was a smart and original concept that was extremely funny. It was a huge hit with audiences and critic's so a sequel was made. Scary Movie 2 was a movie that was not as good as the first but still had a lot of fresh ideas. Scary Movie 3 is my personal favorite with Scary Movie 4 trailing on it's heels. So with talks of a Scary Movie 5 has been in the talks for a few years, and now that we have it, was it worth the wait? Well.. Yes and No. Yes meaning that it is nice to see a new installment in the franchise and No meaning that it doesn't feel like the first 4 due to the absence of The original cast members. That being said, this film isn't terrible, just not as good as the others.

The film starts with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan in bed together when they are suddenly interrupted by spiritual/ Paranormal activity going on in the house. Charlie and Lindsay are eventually killed. The story then moves to Jodi(Ashley Tisdale) replacing Cindy, who goes looking for Charlie's three missing children. Her and her husband(Simon Rex) Take in the children who claim that they can make contact with the spirit of their dead mother. In order to vanquish the spirit they need to acquire The Book Of The Dead o reverse the curse that brought their mother up from the dead.

Scary Movie 5 Has gags that work(Hence, the thumbs up rating) but some gags that fall flat on their face. When a gag doesn't work in this type of movie, it really doesn't work. This movie isn't going to be the next Ben-Hur, It is strictly meant to entertain. Yes it does have childish gags but once you get past that, It's stupid humor that's their to entertain. The only reason why you wouldn't want to see this is because you didn't like the first 4. That said I would Recommend this as a rental but nothing higher.

3 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Olympus Has Fallen(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: *** Out Of ****.

Rated R For Strong Violence And Language Throughout.

1hr 59min/119min.

48 uses of the F-word.

Olympus Has Fallen Seems like it could be a summer blockbuster and a really well done action movie. However, the film plays like a mediocre yet fun action film. The film is directed by Antoine Fuqua who also directed 2001's Training Day and 2010's Brooklyn's Finest, both films are riveting well made films. Olympus Has Fallen has a lot of opportunities that Fuqua makes and many that he doesn't. Instead of a smart film, it plays off as a fun Die Hard Clone.

Mike Banning(Gerard Butler) is the bodyguard to President Ashby(Aaron Eckhart) who is fired after an accident in which the President's wife dies after a car accident on a snowy road. 2 years later he returns when the White House is taken over by a group of terrorists and hold the President hostage which leaves Speaker Trumbull(Morgan Freeman) as acting president. Mike decides to take matters into his own hands and fights his way through the White House and save the President before it's too late.

The acting is how you would expect in a film like this; not very good. The performances are sub-par with only 2 standout performers, Morgan Freeman and Aaron Eckhart. However even though Eckhart is credited as the main performer, he is only in the film for 25 minutes, which is not enough time to develop a strong President. Why is Banner fighting for him? Why do the terrorists care the most about him? We never know. Morgan Freeman is good in any movie he is in but only in it for 15 minutes. Gerard Butler plays the typical bad-ass in an action film and Dylan McDermott plays a typical villain. But I will say that it has a very diverse assortment of actors.

The story is what redeems the film. I will say that they had some serious balls to make a movie about a national monument being attacked which might provoke images of 9/11. You also have some terrific action scenes and some great special effects. However we do have he stereotypical foreign terrorists, but they are surprisingly More brutal then the usual movie terrorists, Is the film worth seeing. Yes. I would say that I would buy it on Blu-Ray when it comes out because it was fun even though we have not-so strong performances.

The Call (2013/II)
5 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
The Call(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: **** Out Of ****.

Rated R For Violence, Disturbing Content And Some Language.

1hr 34min/94min.

6 uses of the F-word The Call is the new Thriller from Brad Anderson, Who directed The Machinist, and stars Halle Berry and Abigail Breslin. Watching the trailer for the film, I was expecting a typical but entertaining thriller film, about a 911 operator. What I got Instead was the most nerve-wracking, Intense film I have ever seen. The trailer for this movie does not do it the least bit of justice, you have to go see this film for yourself. The film features great performances, an original story and a break-neck, intense pace that I have not seen in a film yet. The film was so intense that I was shaking 30 minutes after I left the film, it is that good.

Jordan Turner(Halle Berry) is a 911 operator, who is having a normal day at work. A call comes in from a 17-year-old girl who is calling of a man who is intruding on her home. Jordan devises a plan to have the girl open the window and hide under the bed to trick the killer into thinking she has left. The plan works but as he is about to leave, the phone disconnects. Jordan makes the mistake of re-dialing. The man hears the phone and finds the girl upstairs. The next morning, the girl is found dead in a ditch in the middle of a field.

Six Months Later, Jordan has now quit as a dispatcher and is now training new recruits. A call comes in of a 17 year old girl named Casey Welson(Abigail Breslin) who has been kidnapped and put in the trunk of a car. Jordan takes the call and speaks with Casey to calm her down. However when Jordan Hears the voice of the killer, she realizes that it is the same voice of the man who killed the other girl six months earlier. Jordan decides that she should take matters into her own hands before the man kills Casey.

The characters are very well developed in the film, but what brings these characters to life are the performers. Halle Berry is the perfect choice to play Jordan. Berry brings to life the character who is going through a rough patch, and is still tormented by that horrific call six months earlier. Halle Berry is so good that when I was watching her on-screen, I didn't see Halle Berry, I saw The character of Jordan Turner who has been haunted and quit her job due to it. I will admit, I was skeptical of Abigail Breslin, but she was also very good. Her first scene is with her and her friend at a mall and the dialouge between them is what you would hear between to teen girls. When she is abducted I really felt like she was being kidnapped. The killer who is portrayed by Michael Eklund is truly frightening as this mentally disturbed, monstrous being. Why he is doing this, I can't say because it reveals the ending.

The story is very original. I thought this was going to be a generic and clichéd thriller, but I never expected a film this original. The film moves a very break-neck speed. This film made me jump many times and made me tense up. I was still shaking 30 minutes after the film was over and I had left the theater. If a film can get me to do that, than that means that it earns a spot on my best of the year list. This is a film that everyone should see, however if you are easily disturbed than this film is not for you. This does have an intense and disturbing tone. But hey, if you love movies like that, than this is for you. Judging by the box office totals, everyone is loving it.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Identity Thief(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: **1/2 Out Of ****.

Rated R For Sexual Content And Language.

46 uses of the F-word.

1hr 51min/111min.

Identity Thief is being pushed as one of the funniest comedies of the year due to the star power behind it. The real question is, "Is the film funny?" Well yes, but people might have anticipated a fun comedy with Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy. Instead they will get a midly funny and occasionally hilarious movie wit Bateman and McCarthy. The film falls into the perfect example of movies showing 75-80% of the funny parts in the film trailer. That's not me bashing the film. **1/2 is a decent rating given from me. It means I like the film, But it is it something you have to rush out and go see. The answer is no. While the movie is funny, there isn't enough strong material to warrant you going to the theater to see it. It's good popcorn entertainment, but that's all this film really is.

Sandy Bigelow Patterson(Jason Bateman) is your typical, normal everyday working man. He has got a lovely wife and two, soon to be three daughters. Also, he's got the same birthday as me, May 18th so that's a plus. One day, he gets taken down to the local police station to come to realiztion anyones worst nightmare: his identity has been stolen. By who you may ask? A woman named Diana(Mellisa McCarthy) who has stolen a lot of peoples Identities. Patterson's job is on the line and in order to keep it, he has to travel down to Florida and apprehend Diana. Diana however, unexpectedly has two narcotics dealers show up at her door(Genisis Roderiquez and T.I.) and demand money for their deal. All the while they are being chased by Robert Patrick. His motive is a little unclear but hey, he is entertaining to watch.

The film has only one thing going for it. Her name is Melissa McCarthy. She is extremely Funny and the whole reason to watch the film. It also has another thing going for it and thats Jason Bateman. The chemistry between these 2 is brilliant. The film is a road movie and instantly Planes Trains And Automobiles came into my mind quite a bit while watching. These two have incredibly written dialouge. However not all of the writing hits. About 70% of it does. The script could have definitely been reworked in certain parts. The film also runs too long. You could have cut 20-25minutes out of the film and it wouldn't make one bit of difference.

The subplot with The two drug dealers and Robert Patrick could have been completely cut out. They serve absolutely no purpose to the story and I would have done a lot better without it. So if you cut out all of the things I mentioned, you would have a film that only runs 80 minutes. Maybe that's what they should have done. However, I won't stop you from seeing this film. That's why I am going to say that you should just stick to renting Identity Thief. I'm glad I saw it, but it's more like a one and done movie for me. I don't really have the desire to see it again anytime soon but maybe, in about 2-3 years, I'll check it out again.

Movie 43 (2013)
3 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Movie 43(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: **** Out Of ****.

Rated R For Srong Pervasive Crude And Sexual Content Including Dialouge, Graphic Nudity, Language, Some Violence And Drug Use.

1hr 37min/97min.

73 uses of the F-word.

What is it that makes critics turn away in disgust at Movie 43? Is it because it's not funny? Is it because it's vulgar? Is it because it's tasteless? Yes. Critics turn their noses at this film because they can't have fun. I went into this film expecting nothing but pure garbage. When I came out I was pleasantly surprised. The film is a sketch comedy film. People often compare it to The Kentuckey Fried Movie, Amazon Women On The Moon and The Groove Tube. However the way critics are treating it remind me of a terrible sketch comedy film from 1999 called The Underground Comedy Movie. That film had terrible sketches that felt like work to sit through. This film makes me feel joy-us that I sat through it. Is it a perfect movie? No. But it is a fun movie to sit down and have a good laugh.

The film has a wraparound story to tie all of these sketches together. This is called "The Pitch". Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid) is an aspiring screen-writer. He takes his new script to Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear) and pitches him his script which are the sketches in the film. When Griffin doesn't want to listen to his script anymore, Charlie pulls out a gun and threatens to kill him unless he listens to the rest of his script. If you live outside of the United States, then you got a sketch called "The Thread". This features a group of three teenage boys who want to search for the most banned film ever made, following the 43rd rule of the internet which is, "You can find anything you are looking for as long as you keep looking". The first sketch is called "The Catch". Beth (Kate Winslet) is going on a blind date with the city's most eligible bachelor Davis (Hugh Jackman). Ther's only one problem. Davis has a scrotum hanging from his neck, to which only Beth acknowledges.

"Homeschooled" has a group of parents (Naomi Watts and Leiv Scheiber) Who feel that their homeschooled son (Jeremy Allen White) is not in a normal high school environment unless he has all of the negative aspects rolled right in. "The Proposition" Features Anna Faris who wants her boyfriend (Chris Pratt) to defecate on her because she is a coprophilliac. "Veronica" has Veronica (Emma Stone) having a loud, rude and vulgar conversation with her ex-boyfriend Neil (Kieran Culkin) over the intercom of Neil's store. "The Proposition", By the way has a very ending, if you know what I mean.

In "iBabe" Richard Gere plays the head of a company that makes a music player in the form of a naked woman. However they have problems with it when boys try to have sex with it and get hurt due to a fan in the womans (whistles). They decide to move the vent to the ear. "Superhero Speed Dating" has Batman (Jason Sudekis) and Robin (Justin Long) are at a speed dating event to try and defuse a planted bomb. "Middleschool Date" Has a boy (Jimmy Bennet) and a girl (Chloe Grace Mortez) on their first date. But the date goes awry when the girl starts having her period and neither the boy, his brother (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) or his father (Patrick Warburton) Know the proper thing to do. In "Happy Birthday" Pete (Johnny Knoxville) gets a leprachaun (Gerard Butler) for a birthday present to his buddy Brian (Sean William Scott) But alls not well when the Leprachauns brother (also Gerard Butler) shows up.

In "Truth Or Dare" Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant are playing a game of Truth Or Dare to make themselves more comfortable, but the game rapidly gets out of hand. "Victory's Glory" Has a basketball coach (Terrence Howard) coaching his all black team to victory in the year of 1959. The last sketch is called "Beezel" which has a 2D animated cat getting in the way of the relationship of Elizabeth Banks and Josh Duhamel. The film has a lot of jokes that hit but the humor in the film is questionable. I love films that take risks and is a big, giant "Screw You" to Hollywood. Actors can get stereotyped. This film proves that actors can be vulgar yet funny while doing it.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Broken City(2013) Film Review, 27 May 2013
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: *** Out Of ****.

Rated R For Pervasive Language, Some Sexual Content And Violence.

1hr 49min/109min.

111 Uses of the F-word.

Mark Whaleberg may not be the best actor in Hollywood right now, but he does turn out some fun and entertaining films. In 2012, he turned out films like The fun and thrilling Contraband and the hilarious Ted, but with Broken City, it seems like he's playing the typical tough, pretty boy with some of the most clichéd back-story I have ever heard. But it somehow fits in a movie like this. It seems very odd pairing him up with a big time, Oscar-winning actor like Russel Crowe. But they actually work together. If you couldn't tell from the trailer, you would know that Mark Whaleberg is the good guy and Russel Crowe is the bad guy.

Billy Taggart(Mark Whaleberg) is stripped of his duties from the FBI Due to an incident whether he murdered someone due to self-defense or just straight-up murder. He is then appointed as a Private Investigator and is hired by the Mayor Nicholas Hostetler(Russel Crowe) who wants to find out if his wife(Catherine Zeta-Jones) is having an affair or not, all the while, Hostetler is trying to get re-elected.

The plot is something we have seen before with all of the generic and predictable plot twists, but this film has the right actors playing the part of these characters. Mark Whaleberg is good as the tough, pretty guy, and Catherine Zeta-Jones is decent as the rich girl who can get anything she wants. But the standout performer is Russel Crowe as the two-faced Mayor. He gives out a tremendous performance however the only downfall is that this film runs 109 minutes and Crowe is only in the film for about 25 minutes. He disappears many times throughout the film and leaves you feeling a little cheated.

Is Broken City worth your time and money. Yes and No. Yes because you will see great performances by the two lead actors and No because it just feels like all of the political thrillers out there. Even though I said this film was good I would just say either rent or buy this film when it comes out on DVD or Blu-Ray. It's Good Popcorn entertainment.

2 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Pitch Perfect(2012) Film Review, 27 May 2013
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Rating: 1/2* Out Of ****.

Rated PG-13 For Sexual Material, Language And Drug References.

1hr 52min/112min.

Pitch Perfect is a great contender for the most overrated film of 2012. This film is astonishingly bad. I went into the film with an open mind and had actually heard really good things. What I eventually thought of the film after watching it was that not only was it overrated but it was jawdroppingly bad. The film has absolutely bad jokes, horribly written dialogue, no memorable performances and surprising to vulgar for a PG-13 rating. The film was of course slapped with a PG-13 rating so that way 12 year old girls can watch 500 times and annoy everybody with renditions of The Cup Song Anna Kendrick does in the film. Let me take you through all of the problems I had with the film and why I think it's overrated.

The film follows Becca(Anna Kendrick) who wants to go to L.A. to be a full blown record producer. Instead she joins an accapella group called The Barden Bellas who, four months ago, had a tragic mishap in which the lead singer vomited all over the stage. Among the group is Fat Amy(Rebel Wilson) Chloe(Britney Snow) and much more. They go up against an all male acapella group called The Treblemakers led by Nicholas(Adam DeVine) in a tough competition to see who is the best acapella group on the campus.

First, there are two things that save the film from a Zero Star rating. They are Adam DeVine and Rebel Wilson. They have the smartest and best and funniest written dialouge in the film. DeVine is best known for his performance on the extremely funny Comedy Central TV show Workaholics and transfers to this film quite well. Rebel Wilson is sweet and funny but I feel like she is just the predictable comedic relief with the typical fat person jokes but she does it well. That's about all I liked of the movie. But they are not in the film enough to warrant a 1 star rating. Half of one star is all this movie is getting. Also the acapella singing of the Universal Pictures logo was a nice touch.

First off, this movie has a fascination with vomit. It's gross and also wants to make me vomit. The dialouge is poorly written filled with some of the worst puns I have ever heard. "Aca-scuse me?" "We are gonna be Aca-Awesome!" ENOUGH! If I hear one more "Aca" pun I'm gonna shoot myself in the foot! Anna Kendrick performance is surprisingly boring and is the least interesting character which surprises me since her performance, albeit a small one, was fantastic in End Of Watch. Here, it looks like she could care less. The MPAA should be closely evaluated. I think this film should been given an R Rating. They give Bully, a really good film an R for language(Later re-rated to PG-13) but this film has drug references and sexual references galore to warrant an R but Because 11-12 year girls want to watch BOOM, PG-13. The joke are really bad. The only one I laughed at besides the ones said by Wilson and DeVine is the Rape whistle joke. This movie should be banished to depths of Cinematic Hell. Before I go I just want to say that shame on you the people that told me that this movie was good and funny. This is a great case of over-hyped cinema. Talenteed actors like DeVine, Wilson and Christopher Mintz-Plasse are wasted in this pile of Garbage. To quote the Schmoes of Schmoes Know, this movie STOINKED!

0 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
The Worst Film I Have Ever Seen(BOMB/0 Out Of ****), 24 January 2013
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

*This is my last review on IMDb. You can now find my reviews on Cinemasickness.com/Teamsickness.

I take it upon myself to re-watch movies to see if they are worse or better than I remember. I reviewed this film as my 200th review. Consider this a rewrite. Since then I saw reviews saying that this was a film to see and it was some peoples favorite film, which is weird but I am not one to judge people. I am here to judge this film. Is it better or worse than when I reviewed i?. Well believe it or not, it somehow manages to be worse than before. There is no other film that has made me more disgusted and has made me angrier than Meet The Feebles. This movie is so bad that I could analyze and nitpick every single thing wrong about this film but I'll spare you the time. When I revisited this film I saw at least 15 things that I left out of my original review. So let's get started.

Heidi The Hippo is upset because, during rehearsal, Trevor The Rat insults her. Heidi Runs to her lover Bletch The Walrus (Which provokes interesting thoughts) and Bletch comforts her. Beltch is secretly having an affair with Samantha The Siamese Cat (and shows you all of their Interactions). We also have Harry The Hare who gets sick after "Little Bunny Froo Froo" went hopping through the forest. Also a hedgehog who is in love with a poodle, a chicken married to an elephant, a drug addicted frog and the walrus doing drug deals. This I can not make up.

Well the story is a good place to start. The main story itself is buried under so many ridiculous subplots it's awful. Also the movie does not know which story to go to because the film keeps jumping around like I just opened a can of Jumping Beans. The stories are terrible, every single one of them. Now all of the plots I mentioned are only half of what is in the film. The rest are either not worth mentioning, or I can't put them in this review or else the wonderful folks over at IMDb Would kick me off forever. We wouldn't want that now would we?

The characters... are the most disgusting and vile creatures I have ever seen. The Hippo is star hungry, The walrus is money hungry, The frog is a drug addicted wreck, The rabbit likes to go hopping without protection, The rat is an adult film director and plus there is an Indian running around with his head up his own Rectum! What the hell is going on here? I feel like someone was taking a ride on the LSD train while writing this. These Characters Are Mean-Spirited and soulless. You want investing characters? HA! Don't be ridiculous! There are no characters that you can invest in. Well there are 2 but to be honest they only have 4 minutes of screen time each. Thats not Good.

This movie also tries to pass itself off as a musical. I find that hard to believe because there is not a single song in this worthless piece of trash that you can remember, and if you do remember the songs, they stick in your head until you want to put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. The soundtrack includes such classics like, "I got one leg missing", "The S***** Song" and the always classic "Garden Of Love". Meet The Feebles does not pass as a musical. A comedy that does pass as a musical is the 1999 film, South Park Bigger Longer & Uncut. That movie was also a satire, and it worked. This does not. Oh, and by the way, Just what the hell is this movie trying to be a satire of, because I'm not seeing it. Apparently, My intelligence is no match for this film.

The Ending. This movie features, without a doubt, the worst ending in a feature-length motion picture I have ever seen. There will be spoilers but in all honesty you should stay away from this film. The ending starts with Heidi Trying to commit suicide by hanging herself but due to her being fat(Ha-Ha), she falls down to the basement. She then grabs a gun and decides to go on a shooting rampage. By this point in the film I wanted strangle myself, but I pushed on because there was less than 10 minutes left. She literally kills everybody but 6 people. The Hedgehog and the Poodle have kids(I'm Not sure how that would work), The Elephant and his son live a quiet life, And the worm retires. The next moment made me so mad I wanted to punch the screen I was watching. The Hippo gets only 10 years and then goes to work in a supermarket. Are you kidding me?!!? "Have you had any criminal history". "Oh nothing big, just that I went on a big shooting rampage and killed over 50 people". "Your Hired!".

This is the most Abysmal, Appalling, Asinine, Atrocious, Awful, Broken, Clumsy, Coarse, Cold-Hearted, Confused, Corrupt, Cruel, Despicable, Dirty, Disgusting, Disheveled, Dishonorable, Dreadful, Evil, Filthy, Foul, Ghastly, Gross, Grotesque, Harmful, Horrendous, Horrible, Immature, Inelegant, Insane, Junky, Lousy, Malicious, Mean, Misshapen, Monstorous, Nasty, Negative, Objectionable, Offensive, Painful, Questionable, Repulsive, Repugnant, Revolting, Rotten, Rude, Ruthless, Sad, Savage, Shocking, Sickening, Sinister, Slimy, Sorry, Spiteful, Stupid, Terrible, Ugly, Unapolegetic, Unfavorable, Unpleasant, Unsatisfactory, Unwanted, Unwelcome, Unholesome, Unwise, Vice, Vicious, Vile, Villainous, Vindictive, Wicked, Wortless movie I have ever seen. I have never seen a movie so shallow that people would actually say it's supposed to funny. This movie gets nothing right. The only thing that this movie succeeds at is pissing me off! This is without a doubt the worst film I have ever seen.

Not Rated.

1hr 33min/93min.

BOMB/****


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