Reviews written by registered user
|6217 reviews in total|
The immature and cheap douche bag Fábio Clóvis (Fábio Porchat) marries
the pseudo-intellectual Miá (Miá Mello) and they travel in a cruise to
Europe on board of a fancy passenger vessel. Fabio and Miá are invited
to have dinner with the wealthy Beto Assunção (Alejandro Claveaux) and
his gorgeous wife Laura (Juliana Didone) in a VIP restaurant on the
vessel. Soon Fábio discovers that Beto was Miá's boyfriend and Miá
learns that Fábio had a crush on Laura that was his classmate.
Meanwhile the cynical chamber maid Suzana Mello (Inez Viana) and her
estranged husband, the entertainer Wilson (Marcelo Valle) make a bet
that Fábio and Miá will split before the end of the trip and poison
their relationship. When the ship arrives in Casablanca, Fábio meets
his bothersome childhood friend Cabeça (Rafael Queiroga) that affects
"Meu Passado Me Condena" is a feature based on a popular Brazilian television series with the comedians Fábio Porchat and Miá Mello. The plot is silly, but also funny for the Brazilian audiences. However I am not sure whether most of the jokes that are based on the Brazilian stereotypes and culture would work for overseas audiences. My vote is six.
Title (Brazil): "Meu Passado Me Condena: O Filme" ("My Past Condemns me: The Movie")
When the intelligent criminal Erwin "Doc" Riedenschneider (Sam Jaffe)
is released from prison, he seeks a fifty thousand-dollar investment
from the bookmaker Cobby (Marc Lawrence) to recruit a small gang of
specialists for a million-dollar heist of jewels from a jewelry. Doc is
introduced to the lawyer Alonzo D. Emmerich (Louis Calhern) that offers
to finance the whole operation and buy the gems immediately after the
burglary. Doc hires the safecracker Louis Ciavelli (Anthony Caruso),
the driver Gus Minissi (James Whitmore)and the gunman Dix Handley
(Sterling Hayden) to the heist. His plan works perfectly but bad luck
and betrayals compromise the steps after the heist and the gangsters
need to flee from the police.
"The Asphalt Jungle" is a fantastic film-noir by the legendary director John Huston and with magnificent performances. The brilliant story of bad luck and betrayal in a heist was nominated to four Oscars, three Golden Globes and nominated and winner of several other prizes. Marilyn Monroe is sexy and gorgeous in a minor but important role. My vote is nine.
Title (Brazil): "O Segredo das Jóias" ("The Secret of the Jewels")
In Alaska, the veteran police detective Jon Koski (Jon Voight) is near
retirement and is a specialist in missing children. Koski is troubled
by a failure in his past and is haunted by nightmares with a woman and
the little girl Aurora. When the seven year-old girl Amy Noble (Chloe
Lesslie) is abducted, Koski is assigned to the case by his chief Jack
Musker (Dermot Mulroney), who is the uncle of the child. Amy lives with
her parents, Musker's sister Sarah Noble (Teri Polo) and her estranged
husband Jim Noble (Ben Crowley), who is an executive in oil business
and former DA, and had an affair with his secretary seven years ago.
Koski interrogates Amy's nanny Megan (Skyler Shaye) and she presents
the psychic Farley Connors (Julian Morris) that is the host of the TV
show Beyond to Sarah. Farley becomes Koski's prime suspect but soon
they team up to resolve the case.
"Beyond" is an average supernatural movie with the usual clichés of the genre. Jon Voight has a good performance, Teri Polo is still a very beautiful woman and the landscapes in Alaska are wonderful. However the lame and unconvincing story associated to the wooden performances of Ben Crowley and Skyler Shaye ruin this forgettable movie. My vote is five.
Title (Brazil): "Do Além" ("From Beyond")
In Smithville, Texas, the teenagers Brian (Stephen Lunsford), Abby
(Aimee Teegarden), Travis (Tony Oller) and Danny (Devon Werkheiser) are
classmates of the Smithville High School and best friends. One day,
they are reading Macbeth for a class and they decide to investigate the
rumors that the house of the mortician Ely Vaughn (Dennis Quaid) is
haunted by ghosts. They see shadows in the upper window and they break
in the house to see what is happening and they see a corpse lying on
the bed; however, they are surprised by Ely that kills Danny, pushing
him to fall off the staircase. Nobody believes in the teenagers since
Ely is a respectable citizen, but Travis and Abby decide to prove that
the undertaker is a psychopath. Will they be successful in their
"Beneath the Darkness" is a totally forgettable and absurd movie full of clichés about a deranged man that lives with the corpse of his dead wife Rosemary. Four teenagers investigating ghosts in the Twentieth-First Century is a lame premise for the story. Dennis Quaid is not a bad actor, but he is awfully ham with grimaces. However Stephen Lunsford and Aimee Teegarden have good performances and show great chemistry. My vote is four.
Title (Brazil): "Além da Escuridão" ("Beyond the Darkness")
Reno Crevice (Lance Henriksen) returns to a casino to challenge his
rival Sam Forney (Kevin Tighe) to a deadly game. First Reno and Sam
play Russian Roulette without winner and then they play cards, where
the loser has one of his finger chopped. Who will win the game?
"Cutting Cards" is a weak and bleak episode of "Tales from the Crypt". Directed by the cult director Walter Hill, the story is deceptive and pointless. Lance Henriksen and Kevin Tighe has great performances in the roles of Reno and Sam but their rivalry has a black humor that never works. My vote is five.
Title (Brazil): "Cutting Cards"
The millionaire Carlton Webster (William Hickey) is infatuated by the
gorgeous and young Linda (Kelly Preston) that does not know that he is
a wealthy man. When he proposes her to get married with him, she tells
that he is too old for her and Carlton becomes obsessed to look
younger. He visits an infamous doctor (Roy Brocksmith) that asks one
million dollars to switch his face with the younger Hans (Rick
Rossovich) that will receive 900,000 dollars. When Carlton visits Linda
again, she tells that his torso is too old and the doctor now asks two
million dollars for a new surgery and his associate Hans again is the
donator. But when Linda sees Carlton's legs, she tells that they are
scrawny legs. Carlton goes to the doctor that asks his last three
million dollars for the surgery. Carlton becomes young with Hans's body
but when he visits Linda, he finds that she has moved for a fancy
neighborhood and soon he learns what she is looking for.
"The Switch" is another episode of "Tales from the Crypt" with black humor and a sarcastic conclusion. Directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, William Hickey is fantastic in the role of a rich man that wants the impossible and Kelly Preston is extremely sexy in the top of her beauty. My vote is eight.
Title (Brazil): "The Switch"
In 1950, the secretary Cathy (Demi Moore) is a gold digger that wants
to marry a wealthy man. When the visits the clairvoyant Madame Vorma
(Natalia Nogulich), she predicts that Cathy will be fired from her job
and find a new job on the same day. Things happen exactly as foretold
by Vorma and Cathy visits her again. Now the medium tells that she will
marry a man that will inherit a fortune and die in a violent way
immediately after. When Cathy meets the repulsive overweight Charlie
Marno (Jeffrey Tambor), she learns that he has a wealthy uncle. Cathy
gets married to him and soon she finds that the prediction of Madame
Vorma was correctcorrect, but not the way she thought.
"Dead Right" is one of my favorite "Tales from the Crypt", with black humor to the best. Cathy is the beauty but also a heartless woman and Charlie is the beast and also a loser. His makeup is impressive and the guy looks like a monster. Madame Vorma is a cynical medium and the result is a funny episode. My vote is eight.
Title (Brazil): "Dead Right"
In Manhattan, the nerd aspirant editor Lauren Powell (Lauren Anne
Miller) is dumped by her boyfriend Charlie (James Wolk) that is
expatriated to Rome. Meanwhile, the manicure Katie Steele (Ari Graynor)
can not afford the raise in the rent of her apartment at the Gramercy
Park. Their common gay friend Jesse (Justin Long) brings Lauren to
share the apartment with Katie, but they are college enemies and have
difficulties to accept each other. Katie also works in a phone sex line
but her income is very low. When Lauren loses her lousy job and is not
accepted in a publishing house, she decides to use her knowledge to
make a profitable business in sex for Katie and herself. But when
Lauren's parents unexpectedly appear in the apartment, their friendship
"For a Good Time, Call..." is an uneven comedy, funny in certain moments and lame in others. The religious fanatic in very unfunny; the slut Katie being a virgin is something ridiculous. But there are many scenes that make laugh. My vote is six.
Title (Brazil): "Para se Divertir, Ligue..." ("For a Good Time, Call...")
Craig Carlson (Alexander Nifong), his girlfriend Tracy Bernstein
(Stella Maeve) and their friend Derek Johnson (J. Mallory-McCree) row
to the Brewster Island in a canoe to spend the weekend camping on the
island. Tracy is not used to go camping and needs to defecate and she
does not absorb the idea of going to the woods with a shovel to bury
the poop. She sees a house nearby and she decides to ask to the owners
to use the toilet. However there is nobody home and she finds the key
of the front door and uses the toilet. During the night, there is a
storm and the trio decides to spend the night in the house. However,
early in the morning, the owners of the house return and they hide in
the basement, where they find two corpses inside a plastic bag. However
they are caught and forced to dig a hole to bury the bodies. Out of the
blue, they are saved by three naked persons that are exactly like
themselves. Soon they learn that they have been cloned and their
duplicates are made of their dark side but more strong and intelligent.
"CLONED: The Recreator Chronicles" could have been a good B-movie with an interesting story. However, there is a total lack of humor, despite the absurd situation that all the characters are cloned from their poops associated to an invention from a scientist of atom bomb and lightning from the storm. Anyway this movie is watchable and entertains. My vote is four.
Title (Brazil): "O Lado Negro" ("The Dark Side")
The entomologist Gina Humphries (Dominika Juillet) travels to Central
America with her best friend and also entomologist Rhonda Guiterrez
(Nikolette Noel) with a hidden agenda: she expects to find her father,
the scientist Dr. Humphries (David Stasko) that vanished in the jungle.
When an acquaintance finds his backpack with a footage inside, Gina
discloses her intention to Rhonda and they travel to search for her
They drive a Jeep and Gina convinces the military John Hammond (Corin Nemec) to help them in their search with his team. Along their journey, they fight against the drug dealer and voodoo sorcerer Jaguar (Gildon Roland). But soon they discover that in the spot there are huge mutant dragon wasps that spit fire but Gina expects to find her father alive.
The lame and corny "Dragon Wasps" is among the worst movies I have seen. The moronic storyline is awful; the acting and dialogs do not exist; and the CGI is ridiculous. It is laughable to see the two wooden scientists wearing shorts in a tropical jungle (and they are not hot). The lines and the attitude of Corin Nemec are idiotic. Hammond seeks out the drug dealer that he and his team have battled a couple of hours ago to ask him to help his pal. He drinks the spirits with drugs offered by his enemy. He lets the soldier shoot the drug dealers with his men tied to a wall to be fusilladed by the criminals. He sacrifices his life to try to save one man that might be dead in the hive. There are so many stupidities in this movie that I would spend too much time and space to list all of them. My vote is one (awful).
Title (Brazil): "Terror Tropical" ("Tropical Terror")
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