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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
A black stain on American cinema.
My hatred of this film manifests itself in physical pain. I am sorry to report that I was unable to finish this pathetic excuse for a motion picture. The director, writers, and actors make up a talentless collection that proves lethal. The dialog is excruciating, the story a travesty, and to top it all off, the director's chair belongs to non other than Stephen Sommers. In fact, from start to middle (that's as far as I got anyway)it's offensive in every possible way. I will admit that I am a fan of the toy series, but that doesn't mean I would oppose changes to the characters or the story. However, Rise of Cobra is so drastically removed from it's source material, it's practically unrecognizable. Nobody expected a masterpiece here, but they could have at least tried. I wanted to enjoy this movie, but I'm just not dumb enough. If you're a fan of good movies or the original toy series, then avoid this at all costs. If on the other hand your diet regularly consists of lead paint and your parents used you as a dodge ball during infancy, then I whole heartily recommend this abortion.