Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
People would have you believe there’s more to the world of film than this list has to offer. Those people should die and burn in hell where sexy devil midgets torture them sexually because they are lying. This list offers up murder, sex, mutants, strippers, drugs, torture, exposed pubic hair, alien rape, regular rape, badassery, chainsaws, explosions, guns, horrific deaths, pornography, necrophilia, evil undead midgets, mutilation, breasts, death, gun fights, exploding heads, killer robots, killer babies, killer homeless people, fat people, dead babies, racism, a guy using a severed head to blow himself, and other cool stuff.
Watch these films with your whole family and beat them if they look away from the screen.
Nothing like the cartoon. Childhood ruined.
Birdman is incredibly unfaithful to its original 1967 source material. The characters and their world don't even bare a passing resemblance to the iconic Hanna-Barbera cartoon we all know and love.
Birdman himself no longer possess his original super powers (he uses telekinesis instead)and is a stage actor for some reason. Zach Galifinkininsissis is disastrously miscast as General Stone. Other characters such as, Birdboy and Number One do not appear.
This movie also lacks a compelling conflict. There's two brief gunfights (one of which is between birdman and himself, obviously under some sort of mind control) and a handful of explosions. Maybe the director was taking a slower approach like Nicholas Wending Refgnygf did with Drive Angry or something. Anyway, famous villains such as, Morto the Marauder, Mummer, Dr. Shark, and Zardo do not appear. They seem to be replaced by a person who writes mean stuff about Birdman's play. Speed Racer, Transformers, Ninja Turtles, Gi. Joe, Scooby Doo and now Birdman have all been ruined. Our childhoods have dragged out from us and beaten death once again.
A Good Marriage (2014)
A Thriller for Grandma
This is a thriller for your grandparents. "A Good Marriage" moves slower than molasses on the shell of turtle on the back of a glacier. "A Good Marriage" also makes sure there isn't any thrills, horror, loud noises, or much of a plot. This way it doesn't give the target audience (80+) a heart a attack or confuse their decrepit, addled brains. It's starring elderly, boring, not famous actors.
This movie doesn't even have a soundtrack in case loud music offends the aged.
"A Good Marriage" would remind me a little of "Gone Girl" if "Gone Girl" was slow, boring, lacking any significant plot twists, and starring somebody's grandparents.
Most of this movie consists of some old lady (Joan Allen)wandering around her own home looking confused with her mouth hanging open, like she has Alzheimer's or something. After discovering her husband (some old guy) is a rapist/murderer she is forced to continue in her marriage like nothing happened. Otherwise, her families name will be tarnished or something. "A Good Marriage" actually manages to make this premise boring. Grandma Allen is surprising good at pretending like her marriage hasn't changed in any way.
"A Good Marriage" is like a joke in which the punch line is simply that there is no punch line. At least there was a PG-13 old people sex scene full of grunting and saggy old people faces contoured in pleasure. Wait, no that was awful.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
A black stain on American cinema.
My hatred of this film manifests itself in physical pain. I am sorry to report that I was unable to finish this pathetic excuse for a motion picture. The director, writers, and actors make up a talentless collection that proves lethal. The dialog is excruciating, the story a travesty, and to top it all off, the director's chair belongs to non other than Stephen Sommers. In fact, from start to middle (that's as far as I got anyway)it's offensive in every possible way. I will admit that I am a fan of the toy series, but that doesn't mean I would oppose changes to the characters or the story. However, Rise of Cobra is so drastically removed from it's source material, it's practically unrecognizable. Nobody expected a masterpiece here, but they could have at least tried. I wanted to enjoy this movie, but I'm just not dumb enough. If you're a fan of good movies or the original toy series, then avoid this at all costs. If on the other hand your diet regularly consists of lead paint and your parents used you as a dodge ball during infancy, then I whole heartily recommend this abortion.