Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
1313: Boy Crazies (2011)
That is the best way to describe this movie and all the other teaser films that De Couteau has released in recent years. His hero is forever wandering a mansion around in a pair of white briefs so padded in the rear as to conceal every possible trace of a cleavage. His hunky house mates seem to favor square cut trunks as swim wear. It is long since time for Couteau's actors to graduate to skimpy Speedos as swimwear and bikinis or better thongs as underwear and please, nude in bed.
And why when you have a young male in four point bondage would you allow him the dignity of briefs and even conceal his feet with socks?
More skin please. For instance, once the lady of the house comes upon the young hero naked in the shower, what is the point of his continuing to wear shorts. Might as well go around naked full time, especially in bed and around the pool to work on his tan.
Blue Lagoon: The Awakening (2012)
Way Too Tame for a Blue Lagoon Movie
No nude scenes like in the 1980 semi-classic. An audience expects a lot more skin in a Blue Lagoon movie. Too bad. The male and female leads were both quite photogenic and sexy. They could do nude scenes without any need for body doubles. The premise of the existence of a reasonably large and well-watered but completely uninhabited island next door to Trinidad is preposterous. Sure there are flat muddy alluvial islands in the delta of the Orinoco where nobody lives, but these glorified mudflats and sandbars are not volcanic islands like the one they were on. Spoiler: Clueless parents don't realize how much the young lovers have bonded while in exile. They don't even ask if the horny teenagers had engaged in sex during their more than three months on the island.
The Gun That Won the West (1955)
Slow moving but OK account of Red Cloud's War 1866-68
Despite the summary above, this events that this movie depicts happened during Red Cloud's War happened in 1866- 1868 not the late 1880s. Also, the Secretary of War depicted in the movie, Edwin Stanton left office in 1868. The introduction of the Springfield rifle helped the Army win some battles. Peace came after a change of policy that lead to the Army's abandonment of the Powder River Country and its forts along the Bozemann trail. Settlers were channeled to the Transcontinental Railroad then nearing completion. It's route ran farther south.
Red Cloud was the only major Indian leader who really won a war against the US Army. The peace treaty did not last long thanks to white treachery, greed for gold, Custer's thirst for glory, etc.
Overly controlling friends drive vulnerable kid over the edge
Entertaining film for the "I suddenly have super powers" genre. Combine with teenage angst and pretty good special effects, the picture holds the audience's interest. I thought the two other boys kept backing the vulnerable kid into a corner so he had to strike back. The black kid just would't back off during the T-storm. He should have just waited for the other kid to get hungry or have to take a dump or something and try talking to him later. Similarly the white friend kept resorting to physical force. Or he insisted on rules without explaining why or giving anyone a chance to debate them together.
Even as kids all three should have realized that they had to keep their powers a secret, lest they wind up as lab rats in a government laboratory, or names on a hit list, as potential threats to humanity, or targets for religious fanatics for the sin of exercising powers only their deity was entitled to. If only the sensible kids had cited reasons like this for the rules. They should also have put their heads together on how to use their powers to become rich and famous without giving away their secret. Then the bad boy would not have tried to shake down neighborhood toughs for chump change. Just go to a gold mining region and pull all the gold you need out of the ground. Note to impressionable kids on apex predators. Maybe the lion is an apex predator, but do elephants and rhinos care?
Not recommended for feminists
Dumb dumb dumb. Bad as it was over all, the worst aspect was the silliness of the female characters. Only the geologist had occasional moments of lucidity and common sense. The other two were charter members of the "Help I've fallen and I can't get up" club. For instance, they are forever screeching their heads off whenever they see the monster's tentacles, when they should have kept quiet. The blond bimbo see something trying to burst through the cliff face. Instead of getting the hell out of there she stands there petrified till a giant tentacle emerges. Only then does she thing of escape. On the way off the mountain, she stops frequently to hug herself and to emote and chat with her boyfriend who should have left her behind. Then there are the scenes where the gals try to help the guys climb either a mountain slop or a ladder. Instead of getting to one side, they block the man's way and hold a hand out for the guy to grab. The black haired one thinks she need help going up a painter's ladder through the hatch in the ceiling. Then there was the dispatch of the monster. Even though the US government knows that Lincoln Mountain is ground zero, they dispatch a single team with a small shoulder fired rocket with a couple of tiny warheads. The whole missile is about the size of a small fire extinguisher. Why did they not just drop an atomic bomb on the beast? Or a bombload from a bunch of B-52s.