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A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
A good remake, but it's lacking something
Remakes have become commonplace in the last few years and unsurprisingly the genre that gets the remake treatment the most is horror. Some of these remakes are excellent (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ring, Dawn Of The Dead), some are horrible (Halloween, The Hills Have Eyes, My Bloody Valentine, Friday The 13th) and some are simply in the middle. The last is exactly were ANOES lands.
While the film is by no means bad there's plenty to dislike. I loathe the new back story and the film just has an un-finished, rushed feeling too it.
Freddy (as far as I'm concerned) is still creepy as ever, the actors are quite good, the cinematography is awesome and the film is one of the most creepy in recent years.
It has it's big flaws, but it's fun. What else is a horror supposed to be? 7/10
Friday the 13th (1980)
The Weakest The 80's Has To Offer
A hit, a classic.....a piece of crap.
Going into F13 I had been told by numerous people that it was the best slasher ever made. I beg to differ and consider it one of the worst. Not only is the acting awful, characters completely devoid of interesting characteristics and the kills bland, but we never get to see the killer until the end.
I understand the reason we couldn't see the killer was because it would have given away the lame ending by showing who the killer was early, but the could have covered that horrendous actress with a cool costume.
Speaking of the final confrontation, it's rather weak and extremely lame.
The sequels are certainly worth the effort, but the first chapter is easily the worst. 2/10
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
The Best Horror I've Seen
This won't actually be a real review, except to say this is simply the most amazing horror film I have yet to see.
And now, in defense of my favorite horror film ever, I will lay to rest some of the questions that have been posted on the message boards.
"Why don't we see the Creeper's weapons before the police car scene?"
Simply because he didn't need them before that. The reason you couldn't see them before was probably because of that long cloak he wears. He probably had the weapons inside it.
"Why are the characters so stupid?"
I honestly don't get anyone asking this one. These were simply some of the most intelligent characters I have seen in a horror film. Much more intelligent than the excuses for humans in popular horrors such as Saw, Hostel, Paranormal Activity or Insidious.
"What does the Creeper do with the boy's body? Why are his eyes missing?"
If you weren't listening to the dialog in a movie you're watching you must be pretty stupid. The Creeper wants eyes. He won't take a person's eyes unless he likes them.
"Why is it never explained what the Creeper is?"
Unless you're so socially withdrawn that you only go on the internet to make fun of great movies you'd know there was a sequel and another on the way. Director, Victor Salva probably wanted to finally explain everything in the third movie, that way he could make more movies in the series and not have them simply be sequels, but films with a purpose, moving up to the big finale. The third movie, where everything will probably be explained.
Now a question from me.
"Why do you have to analyze everything?"
Movies were made to watch for pleasure. They're supposed to be fun and a way to pass otherwise useless time. Why can't we just enjoy these movies and stop thinking so hard about things that don't matter. I supposed if you analyze movies like this, then you also think about why you need to eat food for 25 minutes before you take a bite of your cheeseburger as well, jackass.
Midnight Movie (2008)
Making A Teen Slasher Scary Is Hard, But Midnight Movie Pulls It Off Like No Other
Sure, it's B-Grade, the killer's costume is awful and the acting isn't particularly good. But why do we need any of that in a slasher? Since the days of Scream the slasher has been my favorite sub-genre, and finding fresh new entries can be hard. That's why I was delighted to discover Midnight Movie.
The film takes it's time establishing characters and showing off it's creepy story. Speaking of which is quite interesting.
When things do pick up, they never stop coming. The gore is delightfully over-the top and the slightly stupid characters make for speedy, fun deaths. Unlike many others, I had no irks with the killer's weapon and thought the setting was brilliant.
However, MM is not for the feint of heart. Beforementioned gore and a helping of scary atmosphere and set pieces make things rather horrifying for the typical slasher fan. So proceed with caution, oh weak stomached viewers.
All in all, MM is fresh, inventive and delightfully insane. Everything you could ask for in a slasher.
Black Christmas (2006)
Even If You Go Into This Film Open-mindedly, You'll Still Be Disappointed
Being directed by Glen Morgan, director of the wonderful 2003 horror remake "Willard", I knew BC couldn't be taken seriously. It's about a grown man, who lives in walls and has yellow-skin that butchered his abusive family on Christmas Day. Now his old house is inhabited by prissy sorority sisters and he still resides in it.
After hearing all the negative press I was slightly skeptical of the film, and with good reason.
It's not the story or acting I dislike. It's the style.
From the beginning, the film is told in such a way, that it's difficult not to fall asleep. The kills are bland with few highlights and EVERYONE is so annoying you'll be rooting for the killer.
BC had potential, but it turned out to be stupid and boring. Don't dare watch it. 3/10
Chilling, Original and Scary. One Of My Favourites.
Done in the same style as breakout 90's hit, "The Blair Witch Project" and directed by the creator of "Lost", Cloverfield may seem like a risky proposition. But you can be assured that this one is worth any time or money you invest in it.
I'm not such a big fan of the mockumentary style, that is quickly becoming common-place in the horror genre, but no film before has handled the style like Cloverfield. The camera style is not only used to create a more realistic feeling, but is also strategically used to build up tension and scares.
The characters and special effects are top-notch and the non-existent storyline only makes things scarier. We never truly discovered the truth of what that "thing" was and personally I hope we never do.
My motto for horror is, "The less you know, or the less sense it makes, the scarier it is." No film has carried that philosophy better than Cloverfield. 8/10
Scream 2 (1997)
The Definition Of A Sequel Done Completely Right
Having seen neither the first or third Scream's in all 14 years of my life it seems weird to most folks that I've started from the middle of the series. However with a little back story help from my Mother I can honestly say that Scream 2 out-does the original in every aspect. It's scarier, bloodier and more tense and clever.
As always the star-studded cast delivers a great performance and the final unmasking of the killer is done excellently.
The characters are quite likable as well, with great script-work and interesting chemistry thrown in.
All in all it's a great film and fans of the original certainly won't be disappointed. 9/10
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Slick, Enjoyable and Intense. One Of The Best I've Seen
After several weeks of being too scared to pick this one up at my local rental shop I finally got the nerve a few months ago. Let me just say, it's a good thing I did.
TTCM is incredibly intense and sprinkled with likable characters and a rather invovlving killer. Never before have I been so afraid or awed by a serial killer as I am by Leatherface. He doesn't even need a back-story to be awesome.
The film starts off rather boring, but quickly picks up. Once the scares start, they don't stop. The ending is also one of those that has stuck with me since my first viewing.
Every horror fan needs to see this one. 9/10
Black Swan (2010)
One Of The Most Utterly-Awful Movies To Come Out Recently
Black Swan is over-hyped, overrated and doesn't deserve no stinking award.
The film focuses a socially awkward young girl who wants to be a professional dancer/ballerina. Her teacher asks her to kiss him and then masturbate when she gets home and thus she begins to go crazy.
First off, who the heck goes crazy because the got a funny tingle between their legs? The characters are unlikeable and Natlie Portman was the only one to turn in a good performance.
But it's depiction of going crazy is completely ridiculous. It's nothing but sex. And as I've said before Masturbation doesn't make you go insane. Awful film. 0/10
My Bloody Valentine (2009)
A Severely Mediocre Remake Of One Of The Finest The 80's Has To Offer.
The original MBV is one of my favorite horror films, so I had rather lofty hopes for the remake. And while not, awful it's certainly not very good.
MBV is one of THOSE kinds of slashers. The ones with a big-budget, terrible acting and an un-scary killer. It mediocre but slightly enjoyable. However not anything I'll ever view again.
Directed by the awful Patrick Lussier (whom we can thank for 2000's Dracula 2000) MBV is surprisingly badly acted for having such a big budget. It's like all the actors and actresses have boils on their tongues and it's hard for them to talk. The 3D is pretty cool, but nothing more than a little gimmick that hurts your eyes. No too mention the awful dialouge and horrific nude scene. (Sorry, I ain't a nude loving prick like most male-horror fans.)
However things ramp up towards the end and the movie almost becomes good. I have to admit the twist is also handled better than in the 80's original as well.
I can't bring myself to give MBV a bad score. But I don't really like it either. If you're a slasher fan like me, give both versions a watch. You'll see what I mean. 6/10