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Surprising Bad. Paid over $11,000,000.
I like to watch Amy. I have seen every one of her specials and every TV episode. I think she is disgusting and crass but to me it's like rubbernecking past a highway crash. We keep looking as long as we can to maybe get a glimpse of gore. There is no gore here. As other reviewers have accurately detailed, this is a super unentertaining show on every imaginable level. I paused it at about the 40 minute mark thinking she was just getting warmed up. Unfortunately, it only had 12 minutes to go. Amy is dressed in a truly awful tight leather outfit. By the way, I don't care about fat or overweight or body type or whatever. I think all women are awesome no matter their shape or weight. But this outfit is just so distracting and misplaced. Was the outfit funny? No. Retro? No. Sexy? No. Flattering? No. It's just tight-fitting, very poorly designed, and bad. You'll have a hard time keeping your eyes of her face instead of her distended belly under the skin tight leather. OK, enough on the outfit already! The show is unlike any other performance of hers I have seen. The one word that came to mind as the credits rolled was "Lazy." This was exceedingly lazy writing and preparation, combined with an even more exceedingly lazy performance. She talks a lot about how bad her vagina smells and gives extreme details about her diarrhea. Her transitions between subjects are very stilted and unnatural. It was almost like she wanted to get to something important and was biding her time. And guess what? She was! Without warning, she switched gears from talking about how she has to make a "hand shelf" after her boyfriend does his "business" on her breasts to the two women who were shot and killed during a viewing of her movie "Train Wreck." She then spends an inordinate amount of time talking about restricting gun rights for certain classes of people. No problem with this. But she then gets into blind gun owners and other things where she seems to completely lose the audience. Tough to get back to humor after that but she tries - and fails. Then the show is over.
She was paid a minimum of $11,000,000 for the show and some say more. Wow. I suggest you watch it as it's interesting to see someone who was so entertaining lose their mojo. I hope she gets it back.
Altered Minds (2013)
WOW. What a find.
I almost didn't watch this and passed it by on my On Demand options many times. You like amazingly acted thrillers? You like complete and intelligent story telling with excellent character development? You like nail biting drama with a severe and sharp cutting edge. Then watch this movie. It stars the criminally underutilized and underrated Judd Hirsch along with Ryan O'Nan and a stellar cast. Get your popcorn, grab your ice-cream and your sweetie, turn the lights low and watch without distraction. Why can't all movies be so entertaining and fulfilling?
Jekyll Island (2017)
The names of the characters in this movie are actually enough to make you mad. Let me explain. The movie is about the stock market. The top gov't lady has the last name Schwab. Yes, like in Charles e Schwab. Is there a connection? No. The top gov't guys last name is Del Banco. Enough said. But the most upsetting name is of the main characters daughter. Her name is "Creason." Yes, i spelled it right. Pronounced "KREE-son." At first i didn't know what they were referring to. I had to rewind to understand. Creason. I have a few better names the writers my have considered: Lawper, Cealton, Vantava, Wiltor, Anclavia, Phopiah, and Kalcinda. But they chose Creason. Has there ever been a person with the name Creason?
The Condemned 2 (2015)
In the Top 25 Of All Time Bad - Watch for Fun!
Many of the other reviews here have done a great job of summing up how monumentally awful this movie is. To say it fails on every single level is old news. Nothing at all like Condemned which was a great movie. Condemned 2 virtually typifies many of the least entertaining things a movie can deliver. It's so far beyond bad. No one in the movie does anything a normal person would do. Not one. Randy "The Viper" just walks about shuffling his feet mumbling his lines putting inflection on all the wrong words. It's almost surreal. Then it's frown, fake smile, frown for no reason.
Many drinking games can be developed on various bad traits in this movie - How many times a clear shot misses, how many times characters get 25 rounds out of a 12 round clip, how many times bets are made by the nameless gamblers yet NOTHING has happened to preface the bets - There is literally nothing to be betting on. Another great one would be to do a shot of beer (not the hard stuff - you'll be too wasted) each time Randy unnaturally pauses before progressing through a scene or delivering a line. These are not normal pauses, folks. This is Randy (who doesn't seem too bright and may have CTE from all that wrestling) trying his earnest to remember what his cut-rate acting coach tried to teach him in his week of classes. . . . "Now Randy. Remember how you learned on Monday that you have to stare at the phone for 3 seconds after a call has ended, right? OK, so today we're going to go over 'Unnatural Pausing for Dramatic Effect'? Now these pauses will happen completely unannounced and have no relation to reality -- BUT it will show your dramatic range and truly make the scene!"
Barrio Tales (2012)
Super low rent "Tales From The Hood" - AWFUL
I know others have said the same before but there is no other movie to compare this to than the excellent low budget "Tales From The Hood." I expected something as good or even close but what a piece of garbage this is! It is very well filmed and I was excited in the first 15 min to see a good gory, fun movie. Instead it just misses opportunity after opportunity to scare, entertain, present fun plot twists or anything else that makes a movie like this worthwhile.
What surprised me the most was not how poor the story telling was (bottom of the barrel) but how well done the editing, cinematography (ok, filming), lighting and set design was. Such a shame that an investment of time and money was put into this when it lacks so much in writing and creativity.
Zero plot twists, zero screen play, zero fun!! Don't waste your time. If you're a fan of amazing low budget movies (like me), then get a hold of the movie "Favor". Wow. See my review on this if you want but either way, track it down and watch it.
Truly amazing movie.
I am very, very critical of most movies. Especially these type of indie flix where the 2-bit actors recite their barely memorized lines one after another after another with little emotion. Or overact using the f-word to show their "range." Or act in ways no normal person ever would.
You won't find this in Favor, my friend.
I caught Favor on Comcast Xfinity Streampix last night and its the best movie I've seen in 5 years. Maybe 10. The casting, acting, script writing, character and plot development, and entertainment value are all 10 out of 10. I put it up their with Blood Simple, one of my top 10 of all time. The main character (Blayne Weaver) acts exactly like you would expect a man to act in his predicament. His wife (Cheryl Nichols) was amazing and it was hard to believe she was acting. What a star, and what a gorgeous woman. And the bad guy - Patrick Day. Wow. Maybe the best acting I have ever seen, and I mean ever.
Yes, there are some flaws. The policewoman and her smart alec demeanor was over the top and a throwaway part. The plot had a few minor holes, but so did The Departed and The Godfather. But even with these minor flaws, I still cannot recommend this movie more. It's low budget indie look and style add so much to the realism. Compare this to the piece of indie trash called "At The Sinatra Club" I saw the night before or the ridiculously stupid waste of celluloid (or video tape) "Iron Doors" I saw the night before that and one can see what a true masterpiece this is.
To all involved with this movie: Well done! BRAVO! Please make more just like it and this time get a major release so I don't have to catch your fine work two years later on Comcast.
Iron Doors (2010)
So much promise in this movie. It looked like one of those gems that you accidentally discover and are excited to watch. You know the ones with the "Best of Berlin Film Festival 2010" or some other cool sounding awards. These awards are always surrounded with the two laurel leaves on the bottom. So you say, "Hey! This thing has a bunch of these darn tooting awards lining the front cover. Matter of fact, it's a veritable forest of laurel leaves up there! Honey, get the weedwacker and let's watch this thing!!!"
I guess it was a very slow year with little competition when they gave those awards out as this movie only deserves one: Biggest Disappointment of Any Movie I Have Ever Watched for Free on Comcast Streampix®.
Looking at the cover and reading the description, one might think it is like the Cube, or Saw or even that indie 2008 Russian movie "Elevator" (find it if you haven't seen it - great flick). But you would be wrong. Iron Doors (Iron Bores?) is a sorely misconceived, poorly acted, very poorly cast, silly, pretentious slog that takes itself far too seriously. At least half the movie consists of one foul-mouthed main character swearing in his German-lite accent about what he is going to do to whomever put him behind these "damned Iron Doors!" Though he is supposedly an "investment banker," he's just as stupid as they come. I'm talking "scream at your TV" stupid. As an example, he is given a professional-grade two-part welder's torch able to cut through many inches of solid steel. "Great, this movie should be over very soon," you might say. Not so fast. Even though he supposedly puts together $100 million dollar business deals, he doesn't understand that a blue flame (one with lots of oxygen from the oxygen tank) is hotter than a yellow flame (too little oxygen). So he tries to cut through the Iron Door with a yellow flame. Of course, it only creates a carbon mark on the door. Duh. I believe the truth behind this is that the cheap-o producers knew that a blue flame would actually cut through their set door so they had to keep the character artificially dumb and have him keep the flame yellow. OK, fine. BUT . . . within a few minutes, he finally figures out how to get a blue flame and is slicing through steel rebar like it's margarine. Let's see now. Blue flame + steel rebar = cut rebar. So: Blue flame + iron door = Freedom! Sorry folks. That takes an intelligent character and professional writing. Only amateurs here. HE NEVER GOES BACK TO CUT THE IRON DOOR! Really? I could go on and on with this character's stupidity.
Poorly conceived, poorly written, no back story, no connection or empathy to actor, no character development, poor understanding of the most basic tenets of the Christian faith (along with heaven, hell and sin) that it is supposedly based on.
Don't waste your time. Watch Cube, Saw, Elevator (2008) or almost any other movie for more entertainment.
Synecdoche, New York (2008)
Sickening Beyond Belief
Minus 10 out of 10. This is not a movie. It's a hallucination. I was so eager to see this movie that I drove three hours to a special viewing in NYC in 2008. I'm a huge Hoffman fan (at least I was before he overdosed) and count 'Before the Devil Knows You're Dead' and 'The Savages' as two of my favorites. I also dig crazy mixed up flix like 'Memento.' But this movie Wow. This movie was ultimately so disgusting, vile, pointless and worthless.
The first hour is good. We have established characters and a layout for what you anticipate will be a tough but ultimately fulfilling slog. But it turns really bad really fast and when it does, it will likely turn your stomach. So painful to watch. Lacking even a trace of a redemptive quality on any imaginable level. Such a huge disappointment.
One critic described the experience as two hours of a five year old smearing dog feces in your face. I would say it was only one hour of this treatment but you get the point.
Under no circumstances or state of mind should you watch this movie. You've been warned.
Speechless - KAPAYA!
Out of the 1000's of movies I've seen in my 42 years of life, this is the worst acting and worst script writing I have ever seen. Without question, the worst. The timing, the character reactions, the way the lines are delivered. It left me and will leave you speechless. Characters switch reactions repeatedly to suit the "plot" and act aggressive and passive at will. They get excited or depressed at the same issue. The Queen Of Bad Scenes is the shakedown of a debtor. The characters laugh as they shake the guy down and so does the debtor. BUT when they confront the same man 15 minutes later, his reaction is completely and totally different. He's afraid for his life yet laughed at the same threats 15 minutes earlier! No explanation whatsoever and no reason whatsoever EXCEPT the need to push the dumb plot along. Now for the King of Bad Scenes: The Leo's Rule Scene. O.M.G. It is so silly, so over the top, so poorly written, so out of place, and so poorly acted that it belongs in any actor's training of "How Not To Act 101." These type of events happen over and over. And poor David Proval. It's very difficult to explain how bad his acting is and how poorly written his lines are. The crying scene with his mournful voice-over will leave you . . . speechless. And wait until he feels up the tranny. He grabs the "chick's" breast and screams at him, "WHAT'S THIS! WHAT'S THIS! WHAT'S THIS!" The tranny replies, "It's my breast." Proval's answer? "IT'S A LIE! IT'S A LIE!" In a later scene, the sexually confused Proval delivers what may be the single worst line in this sea of bad lines: "I have a right . . . to my degeneracy." How David got cast for the Sopranos after this movie is very surprising. By the way, he was excellent in the Sopranos. I just wish Janet Soprano was in 'Flipping' to off his ace early on. Gene Mitchell as "Shot." Wow. So very, very bad. And the number of F-words in this movie as these truly horrific actors try to sound tough "like they saw in Goodfellas" is appalling. In many scenes, it's every third word. Superb writing!
I could go on, and on, and on. Truly a Tour De Force of bad acting and amateur scriptwriting. How this thing didn't sweep the Razzies, i don't know. Bravo for a truly bad movie!
The Set Up (1995)
Will Make You Sick to Your Stomach
I wonder why are there so few reviews and so little discussion about this movie? At first, it's seems like a typical 1995 b-movie with the exact feel from that era. It started off great. Nicely filmed, starring Billy Zane (normally an excellent actor), James 'freaken' Coburn! How can it go wrong? Oh, man does it go wrong.
I caught it for free on Amazon Prime and I should have been paid to watch it. I suggest that you get together with a group of friends with your remote handy. Every time someone in the cast does something that is completely foreign to what a normal human who lives on earth would do, take a shot of beer. By the end of the movie, you and all your friends will be rip- roaring drunk and projective vomiting on each other between fits of laughter. For extra credit, have a bottle of jack Daniels handy. Every time one of the characters makes an unfulfilled threat such as: "You have (fill in blank) seconds to (fill in blank) or I'm going to (fill in blank)" and then doesn't do ANYTHING, please take a shot. It will add to the the hilarity. Examples: "If I don't see her in five seconds, I am going to kill you!" 1-2-3-4-5. Nothing. "If you ever touch me again, I'll kill you!" The guy touches him again, and doesn't get killed. This happens over and over and over again. All kidding aside, who is the writer of this movie? There is no way he has ever written a movie.
Horrific writing, truly absurd plot twists, a serious gem of stupidity and cliché movie-making. Should most definitely be part of any bad movie aficionado arsenal!