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Holyman Undercover (2010)
A beautiful expression of love and humor
I can't believe this move came out so long ago and I never heard of it. This is one of the funniest, healthiest, cutest Christian films to ever come out. It's very realistic. This movie made me think of The Lord every eight minutes. David A R White is a force of nature. He is making history, and changing lives. I don't know why David A R White is not winning the Academy Award yet. The Lord is in every scene, in every shot, in every frame, in every grain of this film. In this film, we see the inner workings of the Hollywood machine and how it is better to love God than to want to be in movies. This movie gives me all of the ammunition I need to do my work converting and witnessing. I just put this movie on, pull out a big "J", and smoke it. Then I fall asleep, and the person who thinks I'm trying to convert them gets confused and then they haul ass.
Satan's Mistress (1982)
Lana Wood's a Lumberjack's Dream
When I'm hungry after cutting down a few hundred redwoods, I often enjoy a large stack of flapjack's. Generally I'll take a large one, lay a sausage patty on top, then put a chocolate chip on top of that. ZOMG! I've just described Lana Wood's tittays! Seriously though, this movie is not just for the woodsmen. It's for anyone who loves slappy flappy floppy sloppy mams, terrible sound work, and long romantic walks on the beach. Lana Wood longs for a "tall dark man" named Calgon® to take her away. She sees him in her shower. She feels him on top of her manhandling her flapjacks. She spends hours in the hot tub waiting for her man. This movie never ends. It goes on and on until you turn it off, or the world ends. That's totally OK with me.
Winter's Bone (2010)
Like watching paint dry. Ugly paint.
I don't care about idiotic moron hillbillies. If the Ozarks were napalmed out of existence, it would be about as newsworthy as a 7-11 in Nebraska running out of cola slurpies.
The only thing worse than a movie about rednecks, is a long, boring, understated movie about rednecks. I spent one hour and 40 minutes of my life waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. I didn't care about any of the wretched losers and couldn't understand why anyone in the movie cared about anyone else. If they all died, it wouldn't matter.
If you want to watch this bleak, self important bucket of molasses drip down the side of a wall, go for it. If this kind of garbage entertains you, you are a very lucky person.
One-Eyed Monster (2008)
Humor in porn is usually stupid as hell. It's almost as bad as fashion peeps trying to be funny.
This was in my netflix queue mainly because a friend has a part, and I wanted to check it out. I live in the middle of nowhere now and wanted to see a familiar face.
Anyway, I expected it to totally suck, but ended up giggling through the whole thing. Kind of reminded me of cabin fever in its silliness. Where it lack compared to cabin fever (among other things) is a real punch line at the end.
I hope these guys keep making movies though. They're clearly smart and funny. Keep 'em coming guys! (forgive the ubiquitous pun)
Naked Ambition: A movie about ME ME ME!
This movie is stupid. I literally had to keep my finger on the mute button the whole time. Every time director/narrator opens his mouth, he starts talking about himself. STFU!!! There's even a part where we look at old pictures of him growing up! WTF?? Then we get a whole bunch of cheesy montages that make the ones in Valley of the Dolls look cool.
All you get from this movie is a pathetic plea: "Please believe me when I say that I'm not only a great photographer, but a FASCINATING person!" Sorry dumb ass, I don't buy it. Do yourself a favor and avoid this movie.. OR at least leave it muted. Why do I have to have 10 lines in my review? That seems kind of Nazi like.
Terrible and boring
I can't believe anyone actually likes this crap movie. Clearly, it was made by a group of bridge and tunnel loser wannabees who thought they had a "clever idea".
This movie is BORING. It's about 10 min. shy of 2 hours but it seems like a 4 hour crawl. It just goes on and on and on and on. They say war is extreme boredom punctuated by extreme terror. This movie is extreme boredom punctuated by bad tits. There is certainly some enticing subject matter: Rape. Tits. Racism. Rape. Drugs. Rape.
How the filmmakers were able to make this boring is really the issue here. It would be like screwing up a bacon sandwich. "Impossible", you say... but I guess not.
The (sort of) lead actress is the most un-attractive beast cow I've ever seen. With her drawn on eyebrows (say no to Sharpy®!) and the bolt-on grapefruits on her chest, I thought I was watching a Frankenstein move at first.
The acting sucks, but most people don't care if there's a parade of tits going by. The girls and the jugs in this movie are so disgusting that young men may find themselves looking at the guys in this film.
Watch this movie to see what the un-inspired, dull-witted suburban "auteurs" who live around the NY tri-state area consider quality.
American Meth (2008)
Terrible, self important crap on an important topic
The first thing that stood out was the credit "A Justin Hunt Project".
... Oh really, now.
Well maybe that other commenter was correct, and this -is- a school "project". A really bad one.
Basically it's yet another misinformed drug documentary that doesn't really say anything new. Meth is bad. No, really?
Lots of typos, and bad information, and restating the same thing over and over and over again: -The before and after pictures. -The shocking testimony of the addicts and the LEOs. -The awful chemicals used in production.
The latter always kind of amuses me. Chemistry isn't pretty. The components used for production aren't consumed, ffs! Chemistry is reaction and extraction. It's not like baking a cake Do people really think that Prilosec is made with flour and brown sugar?
Snakehead Terror (2004)
You have seen this movie before...
It's also called: Jaws Jaws 2 Jaws 3D Kingdom of the spiders Piranha Frogs Alligator Squirm Ants (AKA It happened at Lakewood Manor) Bug Prophecy Snowbeast The Swarm The Bees The Savage Bees Orca Grizzly Dogs
What happens is this. Man screws up the environment, and nature revolts by sending _______ to kick Man's ass. Man is having a big financial crisis, and _________ threatens it. Man summons Scientist to figure it all out. Scientist advises not to have the big _________ celebration. Government Man disagrees, because he's greedy and wants the money. Against Man's better judgment, Man lets the big ________ celebration take place. This causes mayhem and destruction. Man may or may not have romantic involvement with Scientist. Man's kid from previous marriage gets put in a vulnerable situation. Man and Scientist work together to save kid and town, and finally kills ___________. The end.
Waterloo Bridge (1931)
A beautiful tragedy ***SPOILER***
This, like other sound films of the time, is very stagy, with a slightly exaggerated acting style. But don't hold that against this great movie. The pacing is slow, but very natural.
To the folks that keep wistfully comparing it to the 1940's version I have to say, these are really two different films. One is realistic tragedy, the other a tragic romance. There is so much awkward conflict in this film. Myra knows on every level that the relationship could never work in any situation. The scene with Myra and Roy's mother where she keeps saying "I -could- marry him, if I wanted to" is heartbreaking.
I see the people who prefer the 1940's version as naive as Roy in their view of life. To them I say, "dance on a cloud".
Bukowski: Born into This (2003)
OK doc about the greatest American writer ever
The film making wasn't great. I could care less about Boner or Ramona's ex husband, and their designer glasses. And even less about the boring 60's montage over that awful jefferson airsuck song.
He is great though. The movie was pretty long (over 2 hours) but I could have kept watching for hours. It's great just to hear him talk. He's totally honest and charming and sincere. This is a great companion to the book Bukowski in Pictures. Together they probably give you a good picture of what the guy was really like.
I really don't have much to say other than if you like Bukowski, you have to see this one.