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14 reviews in total 
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7 out of 16 people found the following review useful:
All this buildup leads to nothing., 3 November 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I hate this movie. There, I said it. I watched it in theaters and came out mildly entertained but disappointed, and I re-watched it again recently, only to hate it. This is a poorly written mess whose awful writing has somehow gone unnoticed by everyone I know. To all those people who haven't seen this movie yet, let me spare you the trouble: Marvel's The Avengers, sucks.

For starters, out of the five movies made before this, I only saw three of them, and of those three, only one was actually good (Iron Man). Iron Man 2 was a boring mess, and Thor was more of the same, only with Natalie Portman, so that made it worse. The Avengers takes all these superheroes, most of which I never heard of, and throws them all together for the first time in cinematic history. An impressive feat; but if the Harry Potter movies were any indication, just because it's an interesting idea, doesn't always mean it is good. Usually it means it's total c***.

The good: the actors look the roles. Whoever cast Chris Hemsworth as Thor deserves a raise because he looks perfect. Robert Downey Jr. looks like Tony Stark, Chris Evans is Captain America, and so on and so on. The acting isn't all memorable, with Downey just doing what he does in every single movie he is in, i.e. play the annoying guy. Zodiac (great movie by the way), Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (another fun movie), and the Iron man films, there is not one character who could not be swapped out for another and make any difference.

The Bad: basically everything else. Joss Whedon, in my opinion, is a straight up hack. Never mind the fact that he wrote the god-awful Alien Resurrection, but in this movie his writing is just lazy. So many things that make no sense happen and the feeling I get is that those are things that I should overlook because "it's a comic book movie." No, why can a shield developed in the 1940s withstand the full force of a Norse God!? If this stuff was so lightweight and powerful, why didn't Iron Man make his suit out of it? Why does Loki want to take over the world when, in Thor, he explicitly stated he never wanted power? There are so many other things that make no sense, but this reviews got to end sometime

The final battle in this mess takes place in New York, and it is the most boring, least engaging battle since the battle of Chicago in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Yes, this movie is on par with Transformers. None of the characters are likable, none of the action scenes are thrilling, the humor comes of as cheap and fails, Loki's army is the most useless army out there, etc. etc.

This movie is a disaster, a titanic failure of a film. Not just because its a boring horribly written piece of s***, but because to me it represents Marvel's laziness. They know their films make lots of money, so they keep cranking out one awful movie after another. First it was Iron Man 2, then it was Thor, now it was the Avengers, and, not deciding to wait a year, they released the awful Amazing Spiderman. These guys take less time to wait for their next product than Activision does with Call of Duty.

With the announcement of the Avengers 2, Spiderman 2, Thor 2, Iron Man 3, Captain America 2, and probably Hulk 2, I gotta ask, when does this end? When will Marvel finally just kill their entire business and stop making awful movies, or at the very least, don't hire Joss Whedon.

*Side Note: No I am not a DC fanboy writing this scathing review simply because it is a Marvel film. I am writing this because I truly detested this film, the fact that is just so happens to be Marvel is a coincidence.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Great Movie, but it drags towards the end, 8 October 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

2001: A Space Odyssey is unlike any other movie I have ever seen, and I'm still trying to decide whether that is a bad thing or a good thing. It's unique in it's visuals yet the film is also incredibly slow and scenes drag on for a bit too long. Want to see a ship take 5 or more minutes to land? It's here; want to see a weird laser-light show-like thing that still makes no sense? It's here too, and by god is it long! While watching this scene I got sick of the bizarre color filters used, as well as how this scene goes on for like, 10 minutes! If it isn't ten minutes long, well, it sure FELT like ten minutes long! I was taken in by the visuals of this movie but towards the end my attention wandered off. Okay, so David goes past Jupiter, finds another monolith-thing, watches a laser light show for ten minutes, then finds himself in a "Louis XVI" style bedroom. He sees older versions of himself, then another monolith appears, and he turns into a fetus-like thing in space looking at earth.

Confused? So am I.

2001 is not the masterpiece of science fiction cinema I heard it is; it's a intriguing movie that is held back by it's long length and scenes that are drawn out. Anyone willing to spend the time to watch it, give it a shot, but don't be surprised if you find yourself playing on your I-phone towards the end.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
This Film SUCKS!, 3 October 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Oh my god, where do I begin with this movie? To put it bluntly, its the worst, most god-awful movie I have ever seen in my entire life! It's boring, its stupid, its everything that is wrong with adapting a play written hundreds of years ago into a modern setting.

Romeo + Juliet is a travesty, a mind-blowing awful attempt at legitimate cinema. It fails on every level: costumes, drama, characters, excitement, etc. Swords become guns, yet are still referred to as swords, the Capulets become a clichéd Mexican gang (or was that just Tybalt?) and yet somehow Juliet is not even remotely Hispanic. Romeo plays pool while smoking and uttering words like, "thee," "thy," and "thou," which incidentally is one of the worst scenes I have ever seen in a film. It just bugs the heck out of me and I can't take the film seriously.

The story is classic but not here. The film puts the Romeo and Juliet story into a modern day setting, while still retaining the original script. Leading to the infamous scene which I mentioned previously, this also leads to some rather hilarious moments when characters are meant to have a dramatic moment yet still speak in traditional English dialect.

I hate this movie, so very, very much. I hate the idea, I hate the execution, I hate the sets, the costumes, everything. I hate it.

When writing his review of "North," Roger Ebert finished his review with the now famous saying: "I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it." Couldn't have said it better myself.

6 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
It's finally over, and I couldn't be happier!, 16 July 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Up until this point the Harry Potter franchise has been a series of mediocre film after mediocre film, with a vast majority of them being just plain awful. Part I was one of the worst films I ever saw in my life, it was dull, long, and incredibly stupid. I could not have been less excited about this film even if it had been hailed as the best movie of all time. Yet, nevertheless, I dished out the $18.50 for Imax and 3D to see this film with some friends. Does this film transcend the c*** of the other films? Or does this final installment sink lower than Part I did?

(One viewing later...)

Wow...I mean, wow, that has got to be one of the most unintentionally hilarious films I have ever seen. I mean I laughed out loud while watching this s***. On the topic of whether or not it was good, I would say it was average. It's not as god-awful as Part I was but its not as good as Azkaban. The film is just bland, that is really all I can say. Hows the action? Occasionally exciting but otherwise its just okay. Hows the actual comedy? Not funny. How's the plot? God Awful! I cannot believe just how stupid this film is! It is so full of plot holes and things that just don't make any sense. When characters get injured I just feel nothing for them. When the film attempts to be humorous, I cringe. When the film ended, I proudly stood up, and left quickly.

As many of you know, this film has the "climactic" fight at Hogwarts between Harry and his friends against Voldemort and his allies. The actual battle at Hogwarts is by far the best part but it takes up 80% of the damn film! Within 20 minutes already the battle started. There was no buildup, nothing to foreshadow the fight, it just happens. Action scenes are epic and exciting when there is some actual dread to them, like the Battle of Helms Deep in Lord of the Rings. Had the battle started later, maybe like 45 minutes in instead of 20, then things would be better, but it starts early, goes on for too long, loses its intensity, and when it ends, the movie basically ends because there is nothing worth watching afterwords.

There are just too many things wrong with this film to nail down in this one review, but trust me when I saw the following...there is no point in seeing this in 3D, the plot sucks, the action is exciting at first then dull, the characters still suck, the ending sucks, it's unintentionally hilarious, and Harry Potter as a franchise is just not good.

And so, this is how it all ends. With a awful plot and insipid characters, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II is a bland, occasionally exciting film that just has the problem of being bogged down because it's Harry Potter. If you really want to watch this film, wait till it's released on DVD/Blu-Ray.

Good bye Harry Potter, you sucked in the beginning, and you are only slightly better at the end. This isn't the worst film in the franchise, but it is just too average to really be "epic," as others have deemed it. There really is no harm in seeing this film because it really isn't all THAT bad. What is good is really, really good, what is bad, however, is also really, really bad. Hardcore Potter fans will love it, the rest of us, should just wait it out.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Plot holes detract overall enjoyment, 31 May 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, is a film that has no right to even exist. The first three films ended nicely, with Davy Jones dead, Will Turner is the new captain of the Flying Dutchman, Jack Sparrow and Barbossa are both searching for the fountain of youth, and Elizabeth has a son and they live...somewhere and all is well. Even though At Worlds End did leave potential for another sequel, there was no need to make another. The below-average reviews did not help either. It was clear that people were done with the Pirate films, so this one is, for some people, unnecessary and unwanted.

I will admit that going into this film, I though it was going to be bad. The trailers were unimpressive, and I didn't think the film needed to be made. Yet to my surprise it actually wasn't that bad. Sure it fell victim to some poor writing, lackluster action scenes, pointless characters, pointless romances, and unexplained plot points, but Pirates 4 was enjoyable despite all the aforementioned faults.

The story involves Jack on a mission to find the fountain of youth. He is forced into joining Blackbeard's crew because of Angelica, an old flame of Jack's, who are also searching for the fountain, while being followed by Captain Barbossa. Barbossa has become a privateer in the British Navy, who somehow forgot the whole, "he was a pirate who died and was brought back to life" bit. Jack attempts to start a mutiny but it is quickly crushed when Blackbeard whips out his never explained telepathic powers with the ship which is somehow controlled by his...sword? Who knows, but this is a major plot hole because it is never, ever explained.

Anyway, the other major problem I had with this film was the romance between the clergyman and the mermaid. This side story is completely unnecessary and we don't even know how it ends. The last we see of the clergyman is that he is being dragged underwater by the very same mermaid who "loves" him. Is he dead? Where are they going? Is she going to save him like she said or is she going to end his pain by mercifully killing him? The film ends with a showdown between the British, Spanish, and Blackbeard's crew at the fountain of youth. Long story short Blackbeard dies, Angelica is upset because Blackbeard may or may not have been her father, even though he tried to kill her, and Jack strands Angelica on an island.

Pirates 4 is by no means bad, and there are a lot worse movies to see at the moment (*cough* Thor *cough*) but if you want a well written story, skip this, cause there is a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense and is never explained.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Enjoyably Cheesy, 21 May 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Deep Blue Sea is a hard movie to review. On one hand, it's fun, its intense, and some of the acting is good. However, on the other hand, its special effects are laughable, especially the CGI, some of the characters are really unlikeable, and the rest of the acting ranges from just okay to bad.

About the plot, there is actually a pretty good setup. A group of scientists are working to find a cure for Alzheimer's disease by harvesting the tissue of three genetically enhanced Mako sharks. Things quickly spin out of control and the group of scientists have to get out of their underwater prison without getting eaten. Without giving too much away the plot is actually decent for a shark movie. The character's cause is just, though I would wonder why they needed three genetically enhanced sharks when one would have done just fine. Steven Spielberg's classic film Jaws proved that only having one shark is good enough, so why they had three I do not know.

Anyway, the story then turns into your traditional monster on the loose flick with everyone trying to get to safety while avoiding the sharks. Some succeed, most...don't. The moments when a character dies are absolutely hilarious because it is when the CGI kicks in and both the sharks and the people just look awful. You feel bad for the characters but it doesn't make the moment less funny than it is.

As far as the acting goes, again it ranges. Some of the actors, like Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J, and Thomas Jane do the best acting in the film. Saffron Burrows and all the other characters are just okay, either they didn't have enough screen time or just paled in comparison to the three actors mentioned above.

All in all Deep Blue Sea is an enjoyable movie. The occasional stupid moment don't detract from the intensity, humor, unintentional humor, and scariness the film has. For what its worth, it's not bad, but if you are really in a mood for a shark film, go watch Jaws. But if you already saw Jaws, give this a try. Just be prepared for some unintentional hilarious moments and awful CGI.

Thor (2011)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Little Disappointing, 8 May 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Thor is one of those movies that, while not bad, are not that good either. It has great special effects, its occasionally funny, and when there is an action scene, it's not bad. The problem is that there are few action scenes, only three if I remember correctly. Thor is also just, well, boring. Like I said, when there is action going on, it's entertaining, and the writing is also pretty funny as well. But for a film that seems to be advertised as an action film, to be more of a superhero comedy than a superhero action film is a bad sign.

My biggest problem with this movie is the general lack of action scenes. As I said before, there were maybe only three action scenes in the whole movie. I don't want it to be non-stop action but the last two fights in the movie are pretty anti-climactic. At best the last two action scenes are only a couple minutes long. Even the final fight of Thor versus Loki (yeah, who else would have been the villain) only lasts a couple minutes and even then it's still a bit of a bore. I wished there would be more action scenes because the first action scene was actually pretty good and was a good four to five minute run time.

The story also has some problems in it that I found to be irritating. I already revealed that Loki is the villain, anyone who is familiar with Norse mythology would likely conclude that Loki is the villain. But his motivation doesn't make that much sense. It is said that maybe he is jealous of Thor but then he becomes king when Odin spontaneously goes into a deep sleep for some reason. He then plans to destroy their enemies home world which everyone opposes for some reason. I know mass genocide is frowned upon but he's doing what they wanted to have done! Thor wanted to go to war with these creatures, so when they are being destroyed why does he feel compelled to defend them? Loki is also inconsistent when he is deciding on what side to be on. First he is a villain, then he is an ally, then a villain again, then an ally again, just pick already! I also felt that the romance between Natalie Portman and Thor was forced and cliché. You know from the first minute they talk to each other how it will end up, no surprises at all.

For what it's worth, Thor is a mildly entertaining superhero flick. If they spent more time tightening up the script and improving on the lackluster action scenes, it would have been much better than it already is. If you're interested in seeing it there is no harm, just don't see it in 3D, because there is no 3D.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
A hint of the terrible movies Still yet to come..., 6 April 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was, before I realized just how bad this franchise is, the turning point in my thoughts towards the franchise. I thought that this was the last of the "good" Potter films. The last two films improved on the shitty original and they set my expectations a little higher than they would be, but does the fourth movie in this overrated franchise live up to those expectations, or does it suck more than the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (a movie that I think redefined what I view as a "bad" movie)?

On to the Story, things get to a weird start with an old man noticing that a light is on in a building. Frustrated for some reason (maybe it was trespassing or something) he goes into the building where he overhears Voldemort talking with Peter Pettigrew and some random man whose name I don't know. Already there is one big problem, how is Voldemort sitting in the chair if he is supposed to be dead? Last time he was seen he was in teenage form because of his diary, and before that he was on the back of a professor's head, so how the **** did he become the way he is? Who brought him back? When? I'm only 4 minutes in and I'm confused, god this movie's going to suck! Harry awakens because of Hermione, who soon wakes up Ron as well. What is Harry doing at Ron's house? I am happy that we don't see the Dursley's but still, they are his relatives. Harry desperately needs a haircut; in fact, everyone needs a haircut. So Harry and friends gather around a portkey, which teleports them to the Quidditch World Cup, oh boy, the dumbest sport ever conceived and I'm watching the championship games….yay? But then, they are suddenly forced to leave as the festival is being attacked by…who are these guys anyway? After Harry and friends are attacked they are on their way to Hogwarts, which has been chosen to hold the Tri-Wizard Tournament, a particularly dangerous series of events which Harry somehow finds himself to be a part of. Joining him and Cedric Diggory (played by Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame) are girls from some school from where no one knows or gives a ****, and the Bulgarian students form the north, but to be honest these guys are so obviously Russians, they wear the hats and look like Russians so it's fairly simple to say they are Russians. We are also introduced to Mad-Eye Moody, who saves the students from the horrors of the fake lighting over head.

So we get to Round 1: Harry must get a golden egg protected by a dragon. Of course Harry gets the egg but to everyone's surprise the egg emits a painfully loud screeching sound whenever the egg is opened.

Now we get what must be in every movie with teenagers as the main characters, a dance. These scenes are kind of funny and I will admit the scenes are at least a nice gentle rest until the next action-packed round of the tournament. Harry and Ron have trouble getting dates for the dance (no surprise there, these guys are completely unlikeable), but not Hermione, who is going with Victor Krum. At the actual dance Harry and Ron both show up with their respective dates and as expected, it's awkward beyond belief. Well I would comment on how this scene is uncomfortable to watch but I'll be lying if it's probably an accurate representation of how I would be if in a similar situation. Then we're given…..bad rock music. The scene transforms from what a traditional dance would look like into a rave party complete with jumping, screaming, and lots of hands being thrown up into the air. Harry and Ron do what I would do, sit down and not do crap. Ron and Hermione bicker like a married couple (how appropriate) and the scene just sort of stops. It cuts from Hermione crying on the steps to another dream of Harry's.

Round two of the tournament: the participants must dive down underwater and retrieve something that was stolen from them the previous night. Neville gives Harry some weird plant-thing that allows him to breathe underwater, but while underwater the participants are attacked by mermaids. At least they would be attacked by the aforementioned mermaids if they did anything other than float there and do nothing. Since Harry saved two people he is given extra points and moves on to the next round.

And so we come to the final round of the tournament; the participants must go through a hedge maze and reach the trophy in the center to win, it doesn't help that this maze comes alive and will kill you if given the chance.

There is more to go one about the movie but I wanted to get the notion across that this is a awful movie! It is stupid, boring, its too long, annoying, boring (it counts twice!) and the movie is just a mess. I really wished to have one more "decent" Harry Potter movie before things got really bad but no, I was asking for too much.

11 out of 24 people found the following review useful:
Very, Very Bad, 20 February 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Just Go With It is a horrible movie. I laughed occasionally but for the most part this is just your generic romantic comedy.

The acting was bad, really bad. Adam Sandler is the funniest but even he isn't always that funny. His girlfriend's character (I forget the actresses name) was not funny, bland, and an idiot. She literally has no character outside of the "hot blond" character. Jennifer Aniston doesn't have much of a character either. She is just sort of there, doesn't really have much of an impact on the story until the end.

And finally there are the child actors, and these are the worst. Not only are these kids not funny and annoying, but they were generally a bunch of whiny a******s. The little girl was by far the worst, with her annoying voice and her attempts at an accent, god I loathed this character and her performance. The little boy is an idiot and is totally useless, not much to say there.

In terms of plot you could already guess where this is going literally by looking at either the trailer or the poster. So you have this guy (Adam Sandler) who is used to having a series of one-night stands until he meets whats-er-name, and finally decides he wants to settle down. So he has to fake a marriage with his co-worker (Jennifer Aniston) and get a fake divorce so he can marry the hot blond. This plot is paper thin and pulls no punches. You already know how this is going to end. The hot blond with no character is supposed to marry Sandler's character but he instead falls in love with Aniston and they end up getting married.

Just Go With It is a horrible movie. Unless you like jokes with someone getting hit in the crotch (which happens about 2 times, I counted) or slow motion shots of a woman coming out of the water in a bikini (which happens twice as well) then you may like this movie. But if you want a good funny romantic comedy this is NOT for you.

2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Falls Apart Towards the End, 12 February 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Donnie Darko is one of those movies that when I see it for the first time, I have absolutely no idea what is going on. At the time of writing I just saw it for the first time, and by the end I had so many questions that my friend who was supposed to understand couldn't answer in a way that made sense. Which is a shame because this movie does have some great moments, such as the scenes where Donnie talks with his imaginary demonic rabbit friend, Frank. For two thirds of the movie I was interested in what was going to happen next, yet when the finale finally came, things fell apart.

But first lets talk about what is good about this movie. The cinematography and sets are fantastic, the acting is good for the most part, and there are some really funny scenes, like the scenes about "Sparkle Motion".

Donnie Darko is about a teenager named Donnie Darko, who apparently has psychological problems. He has an imaginary friend named Frank, who throughout the movie urges him to do bad things, like vandalizing the school, and burning down a motivational speaker's house. The plot of the movie never quite makes sense, especially towards the end. For a majority of the movie I thought that Frank was really just a part of Donnie's imagination. I thought Frank was just Donnie's innermost feelings coming out, but it turns out that Frank is Donnie's sister's boyfriend. Anyone who is an expert on this movie could explain it to me, but it is a bit too coincidental that Frank (the boyfriend Frank) wears the exact same costume as the demonic bunny, and even shows up at one point and urges Donnie to burn down a house. That makes no sense whatsoever! How can the same person be Donnie's imaginary friend AND his sister's boyfriend at the same time?! Not only that major plot hole, but the whole reasoning for why the jet engine falls into Donnie's room at the beginning also makes no sense. So apparently in this movie, when objects go faster than the speed of light they create a worm hole that somehow transports objects into the past. Confused? So am I. If I am wrong about this it is because I pieced it together form what I remember, so please excuse any incorrect information.

Nevertheless, Donnie Darko is a mildly entertaining thriller. If it weren't for the disappointing ending and some scenes that probably should have been cut, Donnie Darko would have gotten a much higher rating, but as it stands, Donnie Darko is a solid movie.


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