Reviews written by registered user
lalaloveya

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7 reviews in total 
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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Really mediocre., 12 August 2013
5/10

I just finished watching this so called documentary. It looked very promising in the beginning. You see names such as Jerry Only and Sid Haig in the opening credits, then it quickly falls short as it unravels in this assemblage of flat and dull interviews that looked like they were randomly put together but had no connection to anything whatsoever.

I've seen several interviews with Vampira & it's easy to tell Maila was not even looking her best in here. She even looks annoyed at some point. However considering the content of her stories & the way she told them I think it's safe to say the director had plenty of material he could have worked with. but he didn't.

The music is distasteful & awful to say the least. Basically all you listen to, soundtrack wise, is a techno like music left in repetition mode in the background. very irritating.

I've seen another documentary on Vampira called 'Vampira, about Sex, Death and Taxes' & the director of that one managed to create a much more entertaining and touching movie with only one beta camera. You don't really all that technology if you are creative. so just one word, creativity. something Kevin Sean Michaels doesn't seem to have.

I was going to watch another documentary that this person did on Ingrid Pitt, but now I don't think I'll ever watch it.

1 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
So bad it's good! (an unoriginal title for an unoriginal movie), 30 October 2011
1/10

Although so bad it's awful would be more accurate. Considering the whole time I could't stop wishing the thing finished for good.

The problem was that I didn't think the movie knew what it was, or what it wanted from me. Was it expecting me to laugh or to scream? Either way, the poor thing lacked the boldness and decisiveness to get any reactions from me. In other words it remained very unclear whether the movie was going for comedy or horror. It wasn't funny enough to be a comedy. Neither was it camp enough to be a good horror-comedy. and it certainly wasn't scary enough.

You see, good horror usually manages to give you the creeps without showing you that much. Texas Chainsaw Massacre style. This, however, shows you way too much and in a rather stupid context. Porn style. So the only proper label for it would be "bad horror" I don't understand why this is so overrated. Both in real life and on this site. Acting is unimpressive and forgettable. The soundtrack's a rip-off. And it just gets worse.

"Charmed" (1998)
0 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
fast food TV for the brain can be damaging if consumed frequently, 7 August 2011

I tried really hard to like this. Mainly because of the hype -I confess. and then because it was my ex's favorite show for a while. So I gave it many, many chances to prove it worthy of my time, and I watched quite a few episodes.

The more I watched the more I felt I was wasting my life. Anyway. At first I had noticed that the main idea (the idea of having 3 young modern women who have a lot of fun practicing witchcraft and all. or wicca. or whatever) was blatantly stolen from the 'The Craft' -and the opening credits support this theory- and I hated that. They allegedly ripped off other TV shows and movies as well. Namely Buffy the vampire slayer and Harry Potter. I wouldn't know since I never watched Buffy. The point is, taking some elements from other existing works, movies or shows is actually okay (everyone's done it to some degree and they just said they were inspired) as long as you can come up with something interesting. and still somewhat original and styled. Nobody likes copycats who can't be bothered with offering anything but LAME LAME LAME final products. Which is exactly the case of this show.

Very mediocre plots and half assed scripts. The only people who I can think of that might like this, are pre-adolescent and teen girls. And this would be chiefly because they may feel drawn by the glamour and hype. Because I doubt this show could get anyone's attention for its brightness.

Faces (1968/I)
painfully senseless & pretentious, 1 August 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It's actually quite laughable how Cassavetes, a.k.a the self-proclaimed American Fellini, refers to his work as the American 'Dolce Vita.' I promise, it did make me laugh when I finished watching this "astonishing" piece of nonsense.

You see, Fellini was known for his ability to transform any ordinary scenes or circumstances into genuine entertainment, and he still somehow managed to keep the magic real. What he created was never boring. While 'Faces.' Well. It just looks like a failed attempt to portray some wealthy middle-aged characters and some pretty hookers in a classy glamorized environment and make it somewhat entertaining. It's like they wanted to make 'Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf' but failed.

The dialogs are unrealistic and the script is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it unintentionally looked like a comic book -Particularly, that scene where Chet jumps out the window half-naked escaping John's grasp or the bit where Maria is resuscitated by Chet and starts breathing again and coughing as she's just returned back from hell and Chet shoves a cigarette down her throat and starts a presumptuous monologue about his existence like she's his damn analyst or something- And that would be the best of it.

The worst. Well, the worst would be the teeth grinding boredom, the layer of misogyny, and the excess of fake laughter. The latter would be particularly annoying. The important thing here to learn is that there's nothing original or remarkable about this film.

Tank Girl (1995)
Not an accurate portrayal of Tank Girl., 30 July 2011
5/10

Something went obviously wrong when they were making this movie -if you've ever read the comic books before viewing the movie you know this- and I don't mean just Lori Petty. yes, she was dreadful to say the least. but was it all her fault? I usually just want to believe that they do what they can.

Poor Lori does physically resemble TG (in her 40's), and that could be very useful if you plan to enter a Tank Girl look alike competition (for middle aged women) but looks could hardly be the be all and end all of acting, so -to be completely blunt about this point- if you're just not talented enough to re-create TG. a.k.a one of the most violent characters in the history of comic books, just don't go on with the damn thing. Lori did it and made a good fool of herself, presenting the Muppet's version of Tank Girl. or something like that. Point is that she was just way too goofy to pull off a proper tankgirl-ish performance. In the end she just comes across as an annoying lame-o Gwen Stefani. When really what they needed is someone who could pull off a fckn Mallory Knox. Gimmie Juliette Lewis. or Fairuza Balk. Anything but Pity.

Something was definitely lost in the movie. and that is the feeling of real. The original comic strip was basically the comic version of the Sex Pistols. It's in-your-face tits and blood. and anarchy. and bombs. so you do the math.

They stripped Tank Girl of her favorite weapons: the black humor, hardcore lines and blatant nudity and turned her into a Disney princess or something. The whole things looks like a Disney movie. The damn script. everything.

They should have hired Quentin Tarantino. and I'm not even his fan. but Kill Bill is closer to being a cinematic version of Tank Girl than this poor bastard of a TG movie.

Now, having said ALL that. I'm gonna go and say that the soundtrack is actually very listenable. Especially the song in the end which is Joan Jett's cover of 'Let's do it, let's fall in love'

and another good thing about it is. well, Malcolm McDowell.

So it's not really the worst movie in the planet, you see. and it was actually a tad fun. Tad being the key word here. but you should always keep in mind that 'Rebecca' IS NOT Tank Girl. so if this movie got on your nerves and made your teeth grind. Don't take it out on Tank Girl. Hate the people that made this film. and Lory Petty

The Craft (1996)
1 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
We do not know what our nature permits us to be, 26 March 2011
10/10

Angst, hidden seething jealousy, impulsive reactions and recklessness. The feeling of alienation and the longing to belong. Of course there's much more to 'The Craft' than meets the eye. This isn't just about witchcraft and karma, but a depiction of human nature covered in teenage self-righteousness and glamour. However some viewers clearly took it at face value and thus failed to see the substance that lies subtly under the apparently not so original script.

Don't expect to see some supernatural witches fighting against demons ala 'Charmed.' This movie feels much more real than that.

It's meant to be taken seriously. This is why none of the characters -with the exception of Nancy's mother- are one dimensional. All very well played by the four actresses who fit perfectly their roles. Delivering epic/witty lines loaded with attitude and good acting. We are the weirdos, mister. This movie is a definite 7/10. Underrated, of course. But because people are way too used to labels, like "horror" and "witches", always expecting flat sketched characters and plots. Caricatures. So they don't quite know what to make of a movie that doesn't try to be anything, like this one. Yet movies like 'Night of the Living Dead' are rated 8/10.

I suggest not following the hype and watching this great film without prejudices.

4 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Vincent at his *yawn* worst?, 20 March 2011
1/10

Yes, this flick is a classic. A classical example of what an overrated movie on IMDb is. But you do get to see Vincent Price languishingly walk around a deserted town for an hour and a half, and half-heartedly bury some people. A real must for action movie lovers.

Now don't get me wrong. I usually enjoy old black and white films. And by that I mean that even silent films can be fun to view when they're good. But "fun" is the last word I'd use to describe this plot less boring excuse of a movie. There's just absolutely nothing remarkable about The Last Man on Bleh. Watch 'White Zombie' instead, that's an old horror classic too, and a good one at it.