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Mission: Impossible II (2000)
The great cost of stupidity
This is a moronic, illogical film that will dull the senses and dim the mind. Woo seems enthralled by Tom Cruise. It seems that the Cruiser walks everywhere in slow motion the camera lovingly following his every move. In fact there is a lot of slow motion on screen. And loud bangs. And pointless cameos. And an endlessly foolish plot. All in all, a gigantic waste of time.
More boring than George Lucas's check shirts
Considering the effort and technical expertise that went into making this film, it's exceedingly bad. But what else can we expect from a man who, at this stage in his career, clearly doesn't want to make worthwhile films anymore? When the screen isn't filled with beautiful CGI, it's graced by some of the most wooden acting seen, well, since The Phantom Menace. Natalie Portman is her usual pallid self. The young Darth Vader (Hayden, stop frowning so hard! You'll hurt your face!) has all the menace and presence of character from 'Dawson's Creek'. Ewan MacGregor seems lost in his role and his accent is an utterly stupid attempt to mimic Alec Guinness. On the plus side Christopher Lee wanders in an blows the rest of the cast off the screen. He doesn't even need to speak. Unfortunately, he soon has to make way for some interminable 'action' sequence and the computerised juggernaut comes back to life. What is the point of this film? To give Star Wars fans closure? To add to the sum of human happiness? To demonstrate that computers are indeed very powerful these days? Or is it merely a tedious, shallow money-making exercise designed to strip mine the wallets of the unwary worldwide. Do yourself and the world a massive favour: avoid this vacant marketing ploy. They are trying to steal your money.
The nadir of comic/movie adaptations has finally been reached. I thought 'Batman and Robin' was bad. 'Daredevil' bored me. But this vile waste of the world's precious resources makes those two look like the pinnacle of Hollywood film-making. Some people might be tempted to stick this dross into the 'so bad, it's good' category but that would do so many terrible films an injustice. Martin Sheen disgraces himself in a part that requires no acting skills whatsoever. Hell, it appears, is presided over by badly rendered, jerky mutant rat creature that booms commands in a hilarious growl. Back on Earth, various cardboard cutouts grimace there way through ludicrous plot situations, menaced by film history's worst villain-a demonically unfunny clown played by John Leguizamo. Todd McFarlane must have despaired when he saw the finished product. Get behind me, Satan!