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callanvass

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2515 reviews in total 
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If You Can Endure David, You'll Be Entertained, 7 January 2015
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Blanche's belligerent grandson David comes to visit Blanche when his parents keep fighting. The gang isn't too keen on this idea, but Blanche manages to persuade them into letting David stay with them. David starts being recalcitrant and disrespectful towards them. This was a pretty good episode! Not one of the best, but very entertaining. It was an honest look at family issues that rang true. The plot is really ordinary, but executed well. It was really nice to see a different side of Blanche! We saw a vulnerable side of her and we don't see it all that often. That storyline aside, it's Dorothy and Sophia who steal the show in this one. I cracked up a lot at the bed scene between them. I also loved the scene where Sophia cracks a Sylvester Stallone joke and talks about how good- looking he is! Estelle Getty would wind up being in a movie with Stallone called "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!" Blanche has a great scene where she tells off her daughter on the phone like only she can. Your enjoyment of this episode may depend on how much you can tolerate of David! Billy Jayne is fine as David, but the character is a smug little Sh***** that I wanted to slap silly at times.

8/10

One of the worst slashers ever made!, 7 January 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Stupid teens decide to have a party and a killer with a drill decides to be the party pooper. Get the picture?

I hated this sequel! Hated it with a passion. Come to think of it, I hate the first one and this one. The only movie I enjoyed was the campy second sequel. At least that movie knew what it was, and decided to be fun. This movie has none of that! This movie was so boring that I was doing other things at the same time. It goes back to the roots of the first movie, and is deadly serious a lot of the time, possessing none of the cheesiness that I loved from the second movie. This movie is really lazy and dated. At this time, slashers were slowly but surely starting to become less and less popular. This movie is an example why! Even though it's filled with gratuitous nudity and sex, there is no suspense what so ever. I love Nudity as much as the next guy, but it doesn't matter if there is no fun to be had. The violence level is fairly high. There are a lot of drills through chests that are pretty bloody. Another problem I had with this movie is the stupidity of some of the characters. One girl is being stalked by the killer and has a huge chance to survive! In lieu of trying to survive, she yells "F**** You!" and inexplicably hurls herself through a glass window, basically letting herself get killed (!) It doesn't help that the killer is a snivelling little wimp. I'm not even gonna mention the acting! They're all terrible! Sounding like they were reading lines off a cue card.

The first movie has a cult following (Why I don't know!) and the second movie is lots of cheesy fun! I would avoid this sequel like Ebola and watch the first two! I think the first sucks, but others obviously feel differently.

DUD

I Hate Chain Mail!, 7 January 2015
4/10

A random killer is unleashed when they refuse to forward chain mail. I don't remember too much about this one! I saw it when it was first released on DVD, so that tells you all you need to know. I do remember that I thought it was very mediocre and uncreative. The only thing I enjoyed about it was the copious amounts of gore and the lovely Nikki Reed. Unfortunately tons of gore can't make a good movie. If a movie sticks with me, I'll remember it, no matter how many years it's been since I've seen it. I'm probably not the best reviewer to give advice on this movie, but I'd pass if I were you.

4.4/10

For Scooby fans, there is so much fun to be had!, 7 January 2015
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Scooby Doo and the gang get beamed into a video game by someone who doesn't want them to uncover their secret. A "phantom" virus is unleashed, stopping anyone in its path. The gang is forced to play all levels of the game to survive and solve the mystery. This is officially one of my favorite Scooby movies. This one fires on all cylinders, only becoming stagnant near the end. I love Scooby Doo, but I always thought the movies were hit and miss, because it's hard to stretch the material over 30 minutes. I hated how they had to rush some of the levels, but this movie really is cool. This one is for the die-hard fans. There are some great references to the TV series! (Scooby Doo: Where Are You?) They use some infamous villains they had defeated before. The Tar Monster and the Miner 49er are just a couple of examples. I'm not gonna spoil them all for you. The last level is a Scooby Fan's wet dream! Everything you could imagine is in it. The Phantom Virus is an awesome villain! He's very threatening and comes across like a family friendly version of Freddy Krueger with all the great one-liners. There is actually a decent twist at the end that I didn't see coming. I'm usually able to figure out who the villain is, but not this time.

As a longtime Scooby fan, I can honestly say that you should love this one. It has a bit of everything! It's fun, exciting, and ingenious. They hit a home run with this creative film.

8/10

Die Hard 2 (1990)
Overblown, but fairly fun nonetheless, 7 January 2015
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

John McClaine is forced to be the hero again when Col. Stuart (Sadler) devises a plan to hold the entire airport hostage. Stuart has taken over control of all the electrical equipment affecting all the planes that are landing on the runaway. With no lights on the runaway, all planes are in trouble. If that isn't enough, McClaine's wife Holly is on one of the planes. McClaine must rediscover his nose for trouble and the heroics from the Nakatomi situation to save his wife and everybody else.

No matter how hard Reny Harlin tries, this is nowhere near as good as the first movie. The first movie is a groundbreaking action movie that inspired many clones over the years. This movie is inferior like most sequels. Despite the effort, I didn't sense anything else but wanting to make money from everyone involved. It feels disingenuous and I never really bought into it. The storytelling pales in comparison and it just feels there. Sequels are very tricky because you have to make sure that it feels legitimate and not just a money-maker. This is one of those movies. All that aside, I actually do enjoy this movie a fair amount. It's action packed and Renny makes sure there is never a dull moment. The action is really brainless that feature some ridiculous OTT stunts that aren't believable for a second! McClaine escapes situations that make him look like Superman in certain scenes. Luckily, McClaine's character manages to make you feel like it was smarts and dumb luck. Despite my criticisms, it's entertaining all the same. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the action. Memorable moments include some good scraps on the wing of a plane near the end. It does begin to drag after a while, but I did enjoy them for the most part. The performances are pretty good. Bruce Willis is great as McClaine. When he wants to be, Bruce is a fun actor that can easily carry a movie. He carries this sequel for sure. He has some awesome one- liners that he ad-libbed himself. His boorish wise cracking persona is a treat to watch and he's perfectly adept in the action scenes. He doesn't have as much to work with here, but he makes the most of it. He's a perfect everyman that anyone can relate too. Bonnie Bedelia is wasted here. Her screen time is much shorter than she had in the first. She has a couple of memorable scenes, but she's nowhere near as prominent. William Sandler is technically solid as the villain. His performance is kind of dull, though. He lacks spark and the charisma that Alan Rickman had. His intensity makes up for that somewhat. William Atherton's role is shorter as well, but he does what he does best! Play an A*hole. Dennis Franz can do this type of thing in his sleep, but he's so fun to watch with it! He's so good at what he does, it's impossible to fully dislike him. His interactions with Willis were a blast. John Amos is fun in his role. Reginald VelJohnson is limited to a cameo in this movie, which is a shame. His dynamic with Bruce in the first movie is sorely missed here. Franco Nero makes a dull bad guy. Robert Patrick and John Leguizamo show up as well. The violence is typically strong for a Harlin movie. An ice pick in the eye was the highlight, in my opinion.

Even though it's my least favorite of the original trilogy, I still watch this once a year. This movie is fun! Just make sure you suspend disbelief and temper your expectations if you haven't seen it. That's about the best advice I can give you.

Favorite quotes

McClaine: Hey Carmine, let me ask you something: What sets off the metal detector first? The led in your ass or the s**** in your brains?

Sgt. Al Powell: you're not p*** in somebody's pool are you? McClaine: Yeah, and I'm fresh out of chlorine

6.8/10

Are You Afraid of the Dark?, 6 January 2015
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

(Credit to IMDb) A commercial transport ship and its crew are marooned on a planet full of bloodthirsty creatures that only come out to feast at night. But then, they learn that a month-long eclipse is about to occur.

I wouldn't call this movie great, but it's definitely better than the joyless Chronicles of Riddick. This movie is essentially a movie comprised of better films! Alien comes to mind immediately when you watch this film. It does have a mind of its own, and there are things to enjoy about this movie. The production design is very impressive, as are the special effects. The creatures are unsettling and offer up plenty of suspense. They did what they could with the modest budget, and I thought they did a good job for the most part. The movie is pretty serious, but there a few times where the humor shines. My favorite is when the crew keeps looking for Riddick, but Riddick keeps one-upping them. There is gore, but a lot of it consists of CGI. I prefer the real thing. The acting is very solid. Vin Diesel will never be considered a great actor. That being said, he has the presence. Riddick is the perfect anti-hero, and I enjoyed Vin's show. His body language is perfect. He is the main reason why I enjoyed a lot of this movie. He was a blast to watch. Radha Mitchell does fine as the heroine. She showed off toughness when needed, as well as the right amount of vulnerability. She conveyed all emotions perfectly. Cole Hauser does what he does best, play a jerk. He's good at it! Keith David is very awkward as the religious person. He's annoying, preachy and has an awful accent to boot.

I had a decent time with Pitch Black. It's fun in spurts, throwing in plenty of bang for your buck. Those that love the genre will likely find some things to appreciate about it. Not great, but worth a look

Favorite Quote. William J. Johns (Hauser) : Maybe He'll (Riddick) come back and skull F**** you in your sleep!

6.3/10

The Gambler (2014/III)
1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Not bad by any means, but I didn't really care for it., 6 January 2015
5/10

Whalberg has really matured as an actor, so I'll see anything with him. That being said, I wasn't all that interested in this movie. Gambling isn't really my thing and I've never been into it. My friend dragged me to this movie! I had a choice between this movie and The new Hobbit film! I chose this. I will say that this movie was at least interesting. It's a riveting look at the dangers of gambling. I also thought it was a decent character study as well. Mark Whalberg is up to the task, giving a fantastic performance. I did feel his character was unsympathetic and empty, but Mark still gave a wonderful performance. If you're able to ignore that his character is shallow, you should be able to enjoy his performance. He has a great supporting cast around him. Goodman, Lange, Larson, all do well in their roles. My biggest complaint about this movie is that it's far too cold to fully enjoy. There wasn't one person that I "truly" liked in this movie. As great as Whalberg was, I had no sympathy for him. There is nobody to really root for. The ending was completely unsatisfying and I left the theater a bit disillusioned. It's thought-provoking, well-acted, engaging (at times) , but a bit of a mess overall. It's certainly worth a watch, just make sure you wait until the DVD/Blu- ray release.

5.6/10

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The Best Bond Film Ever Made, 27 December 2014
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

(Credit goes to Simon on IMDb!) James Bond goes on his first ever mission as a 00. Le Chiffre is a banker to the world's terrorists. He is participating in a poker game at Montenegro, where he must win back his money, in order to stay safe among the terrorist market. The boss of MI6, known simply as M sends Bond, along with Vesper Lynd to attend this game and prevent Le Chiffre from winning. Bond, using help from Felix Leiter, Mathis and having Vesper pose as his wife, enters the most important poker game in his already dangerous career. But if Bond defeats Le Chiffre, will he and Vesper Lynd remain safe?

I've seen this movie three times! Not only is it my favorite Bond movie, but one of my favorite movies period. It's everything a Bond movie should be! It revitalized the Bond series and made it feel special again. I liked Brosnan as Bond, but the movies were getting mediocre. They needed something to get people talking and inject some much-needed life into it. They decided on Bond's beginnings! as 00. It was an audacious move, one that paid off big time. We get one of the most incredible chase scenes that has ever been filmed in the beginning! I'm not hard to please, I just don't get wowed very often. The chase scene in the beginning is one of the rare times my jaw dropped. It has some death-defying stunts, especially the crane jump. That really sets the tone for what is to come. This movie has almost everything! Twists, action, tons of suspense, treachery, betrayal and a finale that will excite you and break your heart at the same time. This movie reeled in many Bond fans that were tired of sub par quality. They chose great location and the photography is absolutely fantastic. When you're not being wowed by chase scenes, you get some intense no- holds barred fight scenes! The action is spaced out beautifully. Rarely does a movie click with everything! Even the storytelling is damn near flawless. There is one scene in the Casino that was pulsating! They know how to push your buttons. Daniel Craig makes a wonderful Bond. He's suave, charismatic, but he's got a mean-streak in him that hadn't been seen since the days of Timothy Dalton. Craig is pugnacious, impulsive and cold-blooded, but not dispassionately. I enjoyed the man's show and rank him as my second favorite Bond. They also added a human element, which I thought was very touching. You don't see Bond "truly" in love very often. Eva Green knocked my socks off with her performance as Vesper Lynd. Her beauty is one thing...but her mysterious character stole many scenes. Her chemistry with Craig is genuine and their love storyline is one for the ages. These two will tug on your heart- strings, I promise you that. She's the best Bond girl of all time and much different than the norm. Judi Dench is excellent as M! what else is new? Her banter with Craig was a hoot to watch. Mads Mikkelsen makes a great villain! I enjoyed his quirks, such as the bleeding eye, asthma...among other things.

I never get tired of watching this movie! I love it that much. They outdid themselves and set a standard for future Bond films. Skyfall came close, but I don't see any Bond movies matching or outdoing this one. You won't see many action movies that click on all cylinders like this one. If you dislike this movie, seek help! I'm all for opinions, but I can't see how anyone could not like this movie. Thank you Daniel Craig!

10/10

Carrie (2013)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Blah., 27 December 2014
3/10

(Credit to IMDb) A re-imagining of the classic horror tale about Carrie White, a shy girl outcast by her peers and sheltered by her deeply religious mother, who unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.

Why? Why was this necessary? The original is one of the most overrated horror films of all time! The sequel wasn't anything special either. You can only imagine my displeasure when this remake was announced. Being the fair guy I am, I decided to give it a shot. This might NOT be fair, but I stopped watching at the 40 minute mark! It felt like I had seen everything before! The cast was fine, but this reminded me a lot of the Psycho remake. It had no imagination and did everything by the book. It's so hard to get emotionally invested in something that has no ambition. Moretz does fine, but the script lets her down! I didn't buy her as "ugly" either. She is far too cute. Judy Greer is OK, but somewhat miscast. Julianne Moore is solid as the overly religious mother. If you've seen the original, you've seen this one.

3/10

Captain Ocelot!, 27 December 2014
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"Voyage to the Bottom of the Dump"

Ned is absolutely fascinated by an obscure TV show! Ned finds out from his Dad that he was a hardcore Ocelot fan, but his Mom threw away most of the merchandise. Ned's dad leaves Ned with his most prized possession! A rare Captain Ocelot action figure. Ned's mom throws it out the next day, leaving Ned & Newt to search for the figure at Friendly Falls dump. Ned finds much more than just his figure, he finds the real Captain Ocelot. This is a very enjoyable episode! I was able to relate to it in a few ways. We all have our heroes growing up, but sometimes, our moms never understand. There are plenty of funny gags involving Newton! It brings out your inner child, making you smile throughout! The twist at the end is great as well.

Favorite Quote. "Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to reduce me?"

7.4/10

"Happy Blood Alter Ring to You"

Ned's Mom isn't impressed by much, but she fancies a replica of a Peruvian Blood Altar Ring. Newton tells Ned to forget that and get her the real thing! Ned & Newton embark on an Indiana Jones type journey...where many misadventures occur in Peru that puts them in a very precarious position. This episode is extremely imaginative for a cartoon! Not only that, but daring and gutsy, considering this show is for kids. It's filled with action that kids will love, and it pays homage to Indiana Jones! What more could you possibly want?! It's implausible and illogical, but who cares?! It's great fun and who hasn't wanted to get their Mom the perfect gift? These two are kinda like Calvin and Hobbes! You never know what you're gonna get with them. Newton's Fabio impression was fabulous!

9/10


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