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I really wanted to like this movie
I went to the cinema expecting to watch a pretty decent film with stunning visuals, a pretty weak story and the liberal adjustment of Greek mythology. What I got, however, was a rubbish film with a few visually stunning sequences, a hopeless story, absolutely awful acting and the rape of Greek mythology.
A brief plot summary would be the following:
Peasant boy, Theseus, who is bizarrely one of Greece's greatest warriors, loses his mother and village to King Hyperion's army. Said peasant boy is enslaved, meets virgin oracle, and swears revenge on Hyperion. Peasant boy finds legendary bow which he later loses to Hyperion, and falls in love with said oracle. King Hyperion seeks to release the so-called 'titans' using said bow. Big, underwhelming siege/battle ensues, Hyperion releases titans. Some very camp gods descend to earth and get wasted by titans, but Zeus saves the day and peasant boy, and Hyperion is killed. Peasant boy joins the pantheon of one remaining god and the former virgin oracle has his child. The end.
OK... at least the weak story is out of the way. The 3D visuals were probably the best I've seen for any live-action film, but the campy, cheesy nature of the costumes (particularly laughable) and sets were, at times, almost vomit-inducing. The titans were pathetic - white-painted, crusty zombie men... come on! Had they been portrayed anywhere near the way they appear in Greek mythology, the movie would have been all the more awesome. The few fighting sequences varied between tired and unexciting to truly awesome: slow-motion dismemberment and flying brain matter definitely need to make an appearance in more films. Unfortunately the positively entertaining fight scenes were few and far between. I am extremely glad that I saw this in 3D, as I may have been compelled to leave the cinema had I not.
The acting was quite horrendous and insanely cheesy. This is highlighted in the first five minutes of the film, and carries on quite happily from start to finish. Henry Cavill, as Theseus, is utterly uninspiring and even Mickey Rourke was unexpectedly unimpressive as Hyperion (and should be ashamed of having acted in this flick). The characters' accents were whatever accents the actors naturally use, and that in itself was rather annoying... not to mention that Freida Pinto plays the oracle. Sorry to say, but actors of Indian origin do not belong in films about ancient/mythological Greece... and neither do actors of African origin. Not racism, just sensible (how appropriate would a white actor playing Shaka Zulu or Mansa Musa be?). I would prefer not to mention the so-called gods (the handful that are present), as they look like prepubescent tweens and, frankly, very camp. We all know the Greeks were famed pederasts, but this is just taking it to a whole new level. I can't even bring myself to discuss the film's deviation from real Greek mythology.
I've already dedicated too much time to this aberration of a film, but I really needed to vent. Some people will enjoy Immortals, I'm sure. It's mindless, camp and visually stimulating, to some extent. I just never, ever, ever, want to watch it again. To conclude, I can say two things: 1. At least I saw it on the big screen in 3D (otherwise I would have died from disappointment and boredom). 2. It's still infinitely better than Clash of the Titans.
3/10 for the 3D.