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matteotiberia

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Battleship (2012)
196 out of 321 people found the following review useful:
"It's an action movie" is not an excuse!, 13 April 2012
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I ate 4-cheeses tortellini for lunch and then went to see "Battleship". guess which one was cheesier. This movie is terrible and I'll tell you why, but first let me say one thing. This is not how action movies should be made and it is not fair to make bad movies just to cash some money because "hey, it's an action movie!" I don't believe in low class genres: is not a sin to enjoy an action movie, but it should be a good movie anyway! Battleship has an horrible plot, actually nothing happens but it does it in more than 2 hours. God if it was boring! I don't understand how you could ever make a movie with explosions and fast-paced editing sooo boring. There are elements that make to sudden apparitions and too much plot holes. There are some TERRIBLE comic scenes, like the one where the guy is stealing a burrito for his bigtittied trophy. In that moment it becomes American pie, the family guy, epic movie. There's a LOT of FAKE lens flare. I don't understand why, is it a fad now? In super8 they had a meaning, but in battleship there are even more and they really make no sense. Every single clichè, you can find it in here. well, we live in a postmodern period so that's okay, we are used to see old clichés. The problem is that they use them like it is 1980 and it's the first time. If you care about that, the aliens are really a bunch of pussies. They invade earth and the humans have to struggle a little to fight them. Yeah, just because they use only THREE American ships (actual war ships, not space ships) and a couple of airplanes. It's the lamest alien invasion ever! Don't watch this movie because is really really bad. What could I expect from a movie inspired by the eponymous game? The premise seems a parody from youtube actually.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Tim Burton's Alice?, 3 October 2010
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This was supposed to be "Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland" but what I saw was not Alice neither Tim Burton's. I usually need a couple of days to formulate my opinion on a movie, and the few hours after the end I usually pretend to myself that I have (at least mildly) enjoyed it, just not to think it was a waste of time and money. With "Alice" I started to think "what a bad movie" probably after the first half.

I must say I never read the original books, but my personal image of Alice was made by the Disney classic and that movie is what I compare Burton's one to. The cool thing of the old Alice was that it lacked a proper plot, it was just Alice wandering around in a magical and strange place encountering strange creatures. You followed her and it was like being in the trip (defintely the appropriate word) with her, wonderful! Now this movie wants to add a plot using that universe, making it look like a Narnia setting. Why? probably Burton didn't want to risk making a movie without a plot. Using a grown up Alice was a bad idea, Alice is a metaphor of a childhood which is going to end soon, a 20years-old Alcie doesn't make sense. I didn't see anything of the onirical vision of the first movie and the bad thing is I didn't see almost anything of the Burton wonderful imaginary. When I heard about Burton's Alice I was expecting a dark remake of the classic story, but what I saw is more a boring fantasy film with no particular ideas. You can say it was made by Tim looking at the usual actors, his wife and Johnny Depp. God how I hated Johnny Depp here! Im definitely not a big fan of him, but this time I think is the worst acting he ever made. He play the mad hatter, but that wasn't a mad hatter, he wasn't even mad! He was smart and just a little bit clowny, he was JOHNNY DEPP, saying "look at me, I am johnny depp!".

There is no reason to see it, especially now that it is no more in theaters and you can't enjoy the stunning visuals (of course it has stunning visuals...its 2010, a lot of money on cgi and you have it).

2012 EDIT: I have now read the two Alice's books. The film is even worse than I thought.