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Låt den rätte komma in (2008)
Excellent beautiful little details - For those who hate the "twilight" vampire
Vampires have become ridiculous. The "twilight" vampire, a term honoring that laughable saga made for shallow teenagers, permeates the entertainment industry, and it's hard to find one of these creatures not affected by it.
Luckily, we have films like this Swedish piece; full of little details which give credibility and overall "coolness" to production, it dwells in dark areas of the mind, away from the corny and cheesy spotlights of pre-pubescent fanbases.
It is not in-your-face explicit, while being more clear and straight than others, perhaps because of that.
Tired of sissy vampires and their ridiculous stories? Detox with this great movie.
(Oh, I don't think the English version was bad, but the original is clearly superior)
Where to Invade Next (2015)
Interesting and enlightening, although misleading
I was excited to see Moore, from the beginning, aggressively tackling the corrupted American system. Even when The United States were colonized by European people with little scrupulous and a lot of bloodlust and greed, the founding fathers had some good ideas about how to do things properly, and it'd be great to have them back instead of having this travesty of political and social system that is North America nowadays.
Unfortunately, not far into his "invasion", Moore disappoints extremely with his praise of the menu served in the French school. How in the world can a meal containing dairy, and in such ridiculous high amounts, be something to admire?? I'm just not talking here about what the dairy industry does to non-human animals, not even what it does to the environment, but how unhealthy is in any diet. Giving that amount of cheese and other dairy products systematically, in a daily basis, to children should be a crime. But, hey, it is not only the American FDA that is corrupted to the core, but also your average officially approved nutritionist anywhere in the world. After all, the dairy industry is powerful everywhere. Their propaganda doesn't know of cultural barriers or languages. Perhaps Moore should get his hands dirty with that issue, affecting millions all over the world, instead of saying that the menu of that French school is brilliant. Hm, maybe it doesn't suit him to do that, for personal reasons.
Anyway, I'm not one of those haters from Hollywood who wants Moore dead. I'm also not one of those trendy revolutionaries who think that Moore is the saviour of the world. I'm only an informed citizen as far as certain issues go (nutrition and health, in this instance).
Alas, after that incident, I watched the rest of the 2 hours documentary with a bit of suspicion, and opinion I read years ago about Moore manipulating facts came to mind.
In any case, the film is interesting and, somehow, inspiring, even when it only takes the real good stuff into account (Moore confesses this at the beginning), and doesn't really look at the big picture.
Anyhow, it'd be indeed great to have some (or all) of the ideas implemented in most countries, not only U.S.A. Without the lactose, please.
Zoolander 2 (2016)
Glad I decided to ignore people's opinions, again
When I saw Justin Bieber's face first thing into the movie, I was afraid that all the bad comments about it were true. Fortunately, it was just one of the many little cameos. Then, straight comes Penelope Cruz, and she stayed during the whole movie. However, this over-glorified actress/celebrity doesn't damage the film too much, and she becomes bearable once you get into it.
For the rest, I was not once disappointed or bored during the hour and forty minutes I well spent watching this, an excellent satire of social standards and the superficiality and stupidity of the world we live in.
I love how it makes fun of the laughable fashion industry and its ridiculousness, similarly to "Bruno", although the latter wins if only because real models and designers (what fancy words for such talentless people) prove themselves how dumb they are. That tiny phone ipadwhatever joke, BRILLIANT! I've thought so many times that people will end up using something as big as their heads just to be "cool".
The whole ridiculing of the hipster-slash-trendy world, so close to fashion, is also brilliant. Take that "All" person, portraying how people are forced to accept transsexuals, pansexuals, and other -sexuals just because you must do it, without having the right to ask for explanations, particularly in the world of being cool and modern, where is so trendy to accept all forms of sexuality (and everything else!) regardless the little understanding of them or even real acceptance ("I really hate you guys, I'm so happy you are here", hahaha). And so, you will be stared down until you admit that any and A/all sexuality is good, destroying personal opinion in the process, just to make them feel better with themselves ("All is done here").
Stiller and Wilson shine again with this big joke, and the amazing Ferrell is WOW! It seems to be the reality check of the movie, and I love how he screams truths about the stupidity of fashion. Even that kid who looks like Beakman junior does a good job.
Oh, a note: the fact that you only laughed 5 times during the whole movie doesn't make it not funny. Your opinion is still that, a subjective vision, not an undeniable truth, pillar of all objective reality. Don't be so darn egotistic.
Once again, deciding to ignore people's reviews on IMDb paid off and gave me the chance to witness a funny expression of the idiocy of reality with all its silly big little made up worlds. Now go tweet that you Instagramed a picture of your new man bun fitting your manicured big hobo beard. Go on, faecebook it with your laptop size phone!
Lost Tapes (2008)
This is bad
Being a fan of found footage, I was excited to hear about this. Man, was I disappointed.
First of all, the stories involved to present the episodes are utterly rubbish, clichéd, written by talentless and uninspired people. Secondly, the people involved in presenting the script (it'd be an insult to real actors and actresses to call them anything else) do a job beyond terrible in their attempt to give any credibility.
Furthermore, the special effects are virtually non-existent; noise, mostly, some recycle grunts and growls which, honestly, are laughable at times. The visual effects are found in the form of half of a second blurry shapes or extremely poor CGI of something that could be anything, so undefined they are (and I suspect is due to the fact that they are bad effects, not an effort to make everything more mysterious).
I didn't find this scary at all, but quite boring. It is pretty simple: the show contains no visual stimuli which could create fear, and the noises are ridiculous, as I previously said. Perhaps little children could get scared. The atmosphere and/or psychological factor are both nonexistent.
Finally, the real mystery and scary thing here is how in the world this trash can have a score of more than 6, and even individuals giving it a 10!!!! Seriously, the top score! They are comparing this show to the best possible works of art ever created for both the big and little screens. Although considering certain comments such as "the acting isn't always great" or "this show blew me away", we seem to see what standards viewers relay on. Coming back to "the acting isn't always great"... Well, no kidding! To say that the acting isn't always great is to claim that a pile of manure isn't always a divine vision.
It is pitiful that Animal Planet created and aired this, and even worse that they didn't even bother with a proper budget (any!), at least average actor/actresses or interesting plots.
If I have the strength, I'll continue to watch pass the couple of eps that I suffered, since perhaps the show could get better (wouldn't be difficult!), and in the hope that people's opinions still have a minimum of decency left.
Open Grave (2013)
Not bad, not particularly good either
We have here yet another pandemic scenario, this time narrated from a somehow different point of view.
The movie itself is not bad: the acting is OK, the story is alright... That said, I don't find that it builds up tension enough, and the pace is too slow for my taste. There's not much happening.
The female characters are portrayed as weak and victims; women might not have the overall physical strength of men, but creating a strong female character would have been interesting.
The ending is kind of open for a sequel, although I hope they decide to focus their efforts on something else.
Then we have the use of expressions like "they are not animals!", "that's inhumane"... Firstly, humans are animals. Secondly, if we understand that you are differentiating between non-human and human animals, are you implying that it is OK to treat other species inhumanely? Those expressions are, nevertheless, not only a sign of speciesm, but clear evidence of how much suffering we inflict on non-human animals, since they become a measure for what it shouldn't be tolerated. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that most of you don't care about this, since the vast majority is accomplice to the massacre. And, well, this is an opinion about reality, and who cares about that when you can discuss fiction, right?
Alas, watchable movie, but you can skip it and will miss nothing.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
So because I don't share your opinions I'm a hater...
...right? I have to like clichéd, predictable movies targeted for that niche audience of female rebel wannabes and male who likes it dirty but still want to keep a corny soft spot...
So I am a hater because I don't find De Niro particularly funny, even if he's a good actor. I am a hater because I know how this movie ends within 15 minutes into it, once we are presented with the superficial and snobbish soon-to-be bride and her counterpart the rebel and independent chic who knows the groom from old days, when this poor actor, who is supposed to be somehow the main character but next to De Niro looks like a muppet, was still a dreamer who wanted to roam the world looking for adventures, something the grandpa doesn't take long to remind us within that first quarter of an hour, before the kid was pushed by his father and high class society to follow a more "down to Earth" career. It also doesn't take long for the alternative and open-minded chic to meet again this awesome boy now turned a leashed boyfriend, just when they are about to start their trip... Well, there you have it; the predictable ending is served.
And so I am a hater because I don't find the supposedly dirty jokes funny, but by-the-book "Along came Polly" humor copycats (at least I find Ben Stiller funny, as well as a competent actor).
Alas, this movie is unbearable, clichéd to the limit, and no amount of R-rated simple and easy jokes can change the fact of its null originality. Yet another run-of-the mill romantic "comedy" trying to be something that is not.
It's a pity that De Niro is recruited for these movies in shallow roles with the kind of acting that is not his forte. It is clear, though, that he was cast for this trash as bait.
Yeah, I am a hater; it's what hateful movies breed.
If you want well made R-rated humour with a pinch of real romance without being cheesy, go watch "Deadpool". Although that might be too much for female rebel wannabes and their suffering boyfriends...
V/H/S Viral (2014)
Terrible acting. And special effects. And plot...
I kind of like found footage movies. Granted, any idiot with a bad quality camera (and there are plenty of both) can release more trash to the world, and so the genre is full of rubbish, although, let's be honest, movies with ridiculous high budgets are also trash, mostly. Anyway, I've followed the VHS series and the franchise just gets worse with every new movie. The first VHS back in 2012 was some sort of new concept, and it was somehow interesting. The second followed the same guidelines, although it was worse than its predecessor, in all aspects. Some stories were laughable and the CGI was going down. Viral is just too bad. The acting is poor beyond words, particularly in the first/main plot (that girl, Iris, jeeeesus. Go back to acting school, will ya?), the CGI is shareware quality and the story is way too stupid. Likewise, the magician part is a show of (bad) amateur acting and it fails in the same points as the main one, basically. I'd say that the Spanish part is actually not bad, original and interesting enough, plus the acting is OK (in all fairness, both the actress and actor worked in a good few movies before). This Spanish section is the only reason why this is getting 2 stars rather than 1. Still, it doesn't redeem the rest of Viral; it'd have been better off as a separate short movie rather than being included here. The skaters' story is not 100% bad, but it is too long for its repetitiveness and the boys are annoying. The rest of the movie is pure garbage.
This is not even found footage anymore. That feeling is all but gone, even when they follow the "homemade" concept in most of the movie.
Another particularity is that, even though the sexual innuendo is still present, it has been dramatically reduced and, contrary to the nudity festival that were the previous films, there're no really breasts, vaginas or penises in the movie. Not saying that this is bad, or good, simply stating a fact.
Overall, a completely missable movie, even if you liked the previous ones.
Oh, and using Beethoven's 9th Symphony doesn't make it any better.
Jigureul jikyeora! (2003)
I don't know if I was expecting anything, but it wasn't quite this
Starting as some sort of wacky comedy, the movie gets a bit dull for about 30 or 40 minutes, catching interest once again and more or less staying like that until the DEPRESSING ending. Sorry, I don't mean to give away any spoilers, but people should know that, regardless the humour in the movie, the ending is depressing. Until the end, it is one of those movies that combine comedy, drama, thrill and a few other genres.
It reminds me a bit of "Platillos Volantes", particularly the end (which I didn't find so depressing in the Spanish film). And, well, the big difference of "P.V." being based on actual real events.
A watchable movie, although nothing really special about it (the plot itself is somehow original, but there's not so much brilliance once it is put into action).
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
It has been done before, but this is funnier!
The premise of a mockumentary about vampires living together in a home in an urban environment is not new: the Belgian "Vampires" presented this to us back in 2010, also from a, somehow, humorous perspective.
However, I found this 2014 movie funnier and, overall, better (from a comical P.O.V., at least). It has got nice special effects, used mostly for humorous purposes, and the actors speak English with a funny east-European accent, something "Vampires" missed (well, I guess, since they spoke French and all vampires seemed native...).
So, "What We Do in the Shadows" is definitely not 100% original, but it contains more physical humour, more goofiness and overall more laughs than the 2010 release. And comedy is all this movie seems to aim for; mission accomplished!
Upstream Color (2013)
"Oh, wow, so hip and alternative"
This movie represents what is wrong with the whole hipster scene. It's the type of movie that those people visiting modern "art" exhibitions and wearing fur consider so intellectual and great.
"Hey, let's have little dialogue, shake the cam and sacrifice some flora and fauna for the sake of a stupid movie, we will have all the trendy bunch praising us".
And, guess what, I couldn't care less about your opinion, so go crying to your elite friends about it. You'll feel better after discussing it over some expensive wine.