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Absolutely Terrible & Completely Misleading
The tagline for this movie is good - a real attention getter: FEAR IS REBORN. And, yes, folks, fear has been reborn. What the directors & producers fail to tell you is that, while fear has been reborn, it's mother must have given birth to it in in another movie, in a different theater, apparently way... way across town.
I had three reasons to want to see this movie:
No 1. Walton Goggins. I have been a tremendous fan of Walton Goggins ever since Season 1, Episode 1 of "The Shield" premiered on FX back in 2002. I loved him in "The Shield," I loved him in Rob Zombie's "House of 1000 Corpses," I think he is just a great dramatic-cum- comedic actor and I love to watch him work.
No 2. To see the predator again. Just about six months ago I revisited the original on it's two disk special edition DVD and, while a lot of the technology in the movie is IN.CRED.IB.LY dated, it's still a pretty kick-ass science fiction/action movie and that monster is friggen iconic.
And No 3. Because of that one scene in the trailer - the scene that grabbed me, that made me say "Don't wait to rent it. Don't wait for Redbox. See it in the theater and see it right away." A jaw-dropping scene where Adrien Brody steps into the jungle and has one of the predator's trademark 3-prong laser scopes on him. And then a second laser appears. And then a third and finally cuts with like ten of them pointed in his direction. THIS was the draw for me.
Well, guess what... Walton Goggins? Barely in the movie and doesn't talk a whole lot. So there ruins reason number one. The old-fashion predator? They show him for two minutes in the middle, four minutes at the end. Why? Because he's been replaced with a new, bigger, faster, darker, MORE lobster like predator. Fantastic, there goes reason number two. And finally... reason number three? The kick-ass scene from the preview? DOESN'T HAPPEN. Nothing even remotely CLOSE to this scene happens.
The previews & trailers for "Predators" mislead you in every way possible and the general public deserves to know that they are lied to in an attempt to draw them into theater without any redeeming factors. I should have known it was going to be terrible just by the presence of Topher Grace. (I'm sorry - he's cute, he seems like a nice guy, but he really couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag.)
So, "Predators." It's dialog is terrible. It's acting is "meh." The violence & special effects were pretty toned down. The story wasn't great. There were plot holes big enough for Schwarzenegger to walk through. They reference and then rip-off the first movie (INTENTIONALLY!). They try to make up for two terrible "Alien vs Predator" movies by featuring a climatic Predator vs Predator fight.... it's just really, really, really awful.
Let me start by imploring anyone... ANYONE who is a fan of the first movie to please, forget that this sequel has ever been made - I beg of you. To call this "movie" a travesty is an understatement. Hell, to even call this two hour mistake a "movie" is an insult to every mili- second of acting ever captured on microfiche in the history of cinema.
If you're a fan of the film "Boondock Saints," be warned that this production not only goes out of it's way to insult and punish you for being a fan of the original, but deliberately creates ways to destroy nearly every aspect of it's mythos - blatantly devising plot holes that suddenly stretch across both films. It's incredibly difficult to believe that this feature was created, written, directed and performed by the exact same people from the first film, as this sequel - due to it's frequent slapstick elements, Troma-esquire style of incessant bad acting and complete unbelievability - it seems more as if the Farrelly Brothers ripped off the concept and cast Jim Carrey to play all available parts, passing off the finalized bowel movement as "All Saints Day."
I have yet to figure out what was wrong with Sean Patrick Flanery twenty minutes into this film. The first twenty minutes every actor looked fine, a little older, maybe a little heavier, but it was still the same crew. And then, it seemed, Sean Patrick Flanery appeared to either suffer from a bad case of the mumps or had been subjected to one of the worse cases of botox I have ever seen; his face swelled, his skin looked airbrushed and he seemed to lose the ability to completely close his eyes. His appearance changed so drastically at one point, I had to jump onto Internet Movie Database just to check if it was, in fact, him in this movie.
The three cops from the first film, who provided some ironic (if not, iconic - "symbology?") elements of comic relief before, were regretfully transformed into The Three Stooges for this project and the addition of Julie Benz seeming to play an F.B.I. parody of Kyra Sedgwick's character on "The Closer" made the scenes NOT focused on the MacManus Family almost as nauseating as the ones that were.
Judd Nelson as an ethnic Godfather-type character (which was a bit like watching Gary Coleman attempting to play "The Hulk") and Clifton Collins Jr. as the brothers' new third (which was like replacing Rocco in the first film with "Pest" era John Leguizamo) were the perfect cast choices to round out this production of "My God, What Were They Thinking?"
Troy Duffy, the "director" here attempted to multiply everything of the first movie by a hundred: the caricatures of the mob bosses are a hundred times more unbelievable and the tongue-in-check, goofy expressions are a hundred times more overly dramatic. With all of these and, so much more, the overall feeling of "Boondock Saint's 2" is, at minimum, a hundred times worse than the original - and that's being kind.
This sequel, this "movie" is unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable and the experience of watching it is nothing less than painful. I was in a car crash last week (I actually was!) and it was honestly more enjoyable than this picture, in at least it was over quicker. And if all my words still don't dissuade you from checking this out from your local Blockbuster, I end with two things:
1. It is my personal opinion that all people involved in this movie, including writer/director Troy Duffy, Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus and Billy Connolly should be taken to court and tried for war crimes against cinema.
And 2. I am seriously considering cracking my copy of the original "Boondock Saints" in half, solely on the fact that I cannot imagine a situation where I could ever bring myself to think about this sequel ever, ever again.