Reviews written by registered user
ihazhart

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7 reviews in total 
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1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Good Enough for Theaters, 20 April 2012
10/10

I love, love, love this. The Kung Fu Panda holiday special is the only really good holiday special I've ever seen. I thought that it was extremely funny and extremely heart-warming. As always, great plot, great moral, great characters. Another perk was the rabbit chef who kept trying to fight Po to the death in order to reclaim his honor. I can't help but feel that without that rabbit the story would have sagged a bit. It's a truly beautiful short about how Po needs to choose between spending the Winter holiday with his Dad, and whether or not to fulfill his duties as the Dragon Warrior. Really touching. It may not be perfect, but it is nonetheless spectacular.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Decent and Fun, 20 April 2012
7/10

The first thing I feel I must mention is the animation. It was GORGEOUS! Every screen-shot was like a masterpiece and the lighting was astounding. The story also had surprising depth to it, and a great moral. It was also extremely funny. I enjoyed Oogway's role in the story as mentor very, very much. That said, there were a few parts that felt slightly childish--but it *is* meant for children. The whole family can watch it, in fact. While the kids enjoy the general hilarity, the older ones and the adults can sit there and marvel at the story's depth and the beautiful animation. It wasn't *fantastic* but it was surprisingly very good and well done. However, if you're looking for something even better, I'd have to recommend the "Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special." *That* one I give 10/10 stars. Seriously. It could have been in theaters.

10 out of 27 people found the following review useful:
Lovely Animation, But Not Much Else, 27 February 2012
5/10

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore is visually appealing but not much else. The story could have been fleshed out a bit more, and for me, it didn't truly capture the joy that books bring. It did try, however, and A for Effort. It was a bit too expressionist and symbolic for me, but that aside the animation was gorgeous. I'll probably never watch this short again, however, unless it's randomly playing in a room I happen to be in. If beautiful, stunning visuals are all that you need, then you'll love The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore. But if you're more story-driven (like me) you will find that this short could use a bit of work.

Cars 2 (2011)
9 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Oh Dear, 25 January 2012
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I was unfortunate enough to see this while taking car of someone's children. I had heard all the negative reviews, but even I didn't expect *this*.

If it had been any other animation company, it would have been passable by everyone's standards. But this is *Pixar*, the same folks who brought us The Incredibles, A Bug's life, Monster's Inc., and the heart-felt Up. I still can't believe that the same company made this.

The animation was not like Pixar at all. It was so cartoony and had none of that beautiful realism. Though the first Cars isn't my *favorite* Pixar film, there were loads of moments where I ooohed and ahhed as light hit the cars. BUT THERE WAS NONE OF THAT in this movie.

I also think Pixar didn't realize who their audience was. The first Cars was tremendously popular mostly because of the Nascar fans in the South. And guess what? Those same Nascar fans do not give a fig about some European Grand Prix. And nor do those Nascar folks care about going green. Politics in a Pixar movie? C'mon.

Mater NEVER annoyed me in the first film--in fact, he was one of my favorite parts in the first Cars. And yet he bugged me so much in this movie! Congrats, Pixar. You've taken a well-loved character and put audiences against him. You'd think those "intelligent" spies in the movie would have noticed he wasn't a spy. And that's another thing--spies? Really?

I hate to be so negative, but that's how it is.

Now Brave is a much more anxiously-awaited film, because it will either sink Pixar or redeem them.

You can do better than this, Pixar. We know you can.

2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Holiday Spirit? Yeah...for Halloween!, 16 February 2011
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The makers of this movie took a beautiful story, butchered it as violently as possible, and then hung that slab of meat up in the store window and advertised it.

I've always considered this as Dicken's best work. But this...this is a monstrosity. This is a abomination, a Frankenstein that somehow made theaters. Christmas spirit? Puh-lease! Every bit of warmth was sucked from this movie and replaced with the most ghastly, horrifying scenes imaginable.

Here's what happened: it begins with Scrooge taking coins off his friend's CORSPE, only made creepier by the realistic animation. Then he goes home through a gloomy, downcast city filled with wretches. The knocker on his door not only turns into his dead associate, but screams and flings him down the steps. And when Marley confronts him, he is a terrifying being covered in chains and moaning. Then in a very unpleasant manner, his jaw comes unhooked, an unnecessary moment with the only purpose to freak the audience out. And the ghosts! Every single one of them scared even ME! The ghost of Christmas past, shaped like a candle, flickers and groans and shape-shifts his face in a rapid, nightmarish way.

The ghost of Christmas present laughs maniacally while he rots to a skeleton, A clock chiming ominously. And the symbolic children are now skin-and bones, trapped in a straight-jacket and shrieking bloody murder. They make Gollum from The Lord of the Rings look like a cuddly teddy bear.

Then the ghost of Christmas future...You can only imagine. He looked more like a Ring-Wraith than a ghost, but even *they* are less scary than him (sorry, I'm sure the LOTR references are getting old).

If you want a good version of Dicken's classic, try the charming musical "Scrooge". But otherwise, stay away from this if you can help it.

And above all, don't watch it for ANY holiday...except Halloween.

15 out of 26 people found the following review useful:
I Almost Puked, 16 February 2011
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is without a doubt the worst animated movie I have EVER seen. Not only did they butcher the fantastic book, but it was crude, weird, and 5 minutes into it I was begging to leave the theater. Sure the young Flint at the beginning was cute, and the joke of Swallow Falls being "under the A in Atlantic" on the map was sorta funny.

But for a movie striving to make you hungry, it only left me nauseated and without an appetite. Everything from the squelching sardines, to fat guy walking around in a diaper (he later turns into a chicken...NO IDEA what THAT was)and the crude-looking *thing* at the end...

It's wasn't a pretty picture.

I find it very hard to believe that adults would waste even a year of their life on this piece of garbage. It seems to be made for 3-year olds, by 3-year-olds.

Don't see it if you can help it. In fact, if someone turns it on, run. Run fast.

119 out of 177 people found the following review useful:
Harry Potter & the Movie of Beautiful Scenery and Not Much Else (also knows as Harry Potter goes Camping!), 13 January 2011
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

*complete spoilers*

The first scenes went something like this: Everyone drinks a nasty potion that makes them look like Harry and they get undressed on camera spouting anti-climatic, fast-paced jokes. Then in what *should* have been an exciting chase-scene, Hedwig plummets to her death. Harry is traumatized. Later he learns Mad-Eyes also died and, not giving him much thought, 'zips Ginny up' in and abrupt oh-so-passionate-scene with as much charisma and heart as a toaster.

Harry then meets a witch who tells him bad things about Dumbledore which he instantly believes even though he's known her for all of, what, ten seconds, and Harry falls into a depression. Kinsgley warns the wedding party (oops, I forget to mention. Ron's brother Bill is getting married. y'know, Bill? That one Weasley child no one ever mentioned or casted? Him.) So, anyways, Voldemort took over the ministry (how exactly we'll never know) and is coming to kill everyone harry cares about (like Ginny. he does care about her y'know. they had their first love scene which lasted five seconds and was witness by George, who had a toothbrush in his ear.)

So Harry, Hermione, and Ron run away because Hermione is a flipping genius who always saves their butts with advanced magic and bottomless purses.

Okay. The action stops here.

Now we are privileged to enjoy stunning landscapes and breathtaking landscapes of famous places all around the UK where the dynamic trio (make that duo: Ron leaves) set up camp. The audience is delighted to be separated from the rest of the plot and action-packed, intense moments happening in the outside world, and instead can focus their attention on the beauty of a certain tree that harry and Hermione are sitting under and discussing the evils of Dumbledore, the man who ruined everything.

Hermione finds a doodle in a book and Harry and Hermione determine it MUST be a hint in a Blue's-Clues like moment of epiphany. Ignoring their new sense of purpose (besides finding lovely lakes to vacation by) Harry risks it all to return to Godric's Hollw and is there (unwittingly) attacked by a snake...lady...thing. They escape (Hermione, cough, cough) and return to their picturesque campsite.

In the middle of the night Harry sees a patronus and, since of course NO ONE wants to kill him, deceive him, maul him, etc. He follows it like a complete nitwit. Luckily his hunch is correct and he arrives at a frozen lake, undresses, and takes a dip. A dark locket proceeds to choke him (why it couldn't choke him above-water, I haven't the faintest idea) but Harry is saved by Ron, who also manages to get his shirt off. With the sword of Godric, the two (still wet) decide to destroy the locket that so fiendishly attempted to strangle Harry (naughty object of darkness and evil).

And then...Ron bears witness to a porn scene between Harry and Hermione who are inexplicably making out naked. (It is a very emotional scene.) Ron, fighting past the ridiculous apparition, smashes the locket to a million pieces and Harry and Ron return to Hermione and Ron spews some nonsense about a bubble of light in his heart.

The three reunited, they reluctantly leave their gorgeous campgrounds to track down a madman in hopes of finding out the mysterious meaning of Dumbledore's Doodle. The madman is only too happy to oblige and tells them it is a very important symbol of a fairy tale, so now that they have this info their problems are over. Next the audience is treated to a Tim-Burton-like animated retelling of said fairy tale that TOTALLY goes with the movie (not). The madman then attempts to capture them but they escape (Hermione COUGH COUGH) but are captured by icky "men" who seem more interested in Hermione than in getting a reward for Harry Potter. The Icky "Men" take the trio to where Voldemort lives but Voldemort is away for the time being and will return momentarily, in the mean time won't you have a seat in this lovely damp prison cell while Bellatrix attempts to torture Hermione by biting her neck or whatever it is that she's doing?

Voldemort doesn't show up (it's a *very* long holiday he's taking and he can't be disturbed) but Dobby does. Dobby's voice has undergone reverse-puberty, but that doesn't matter because Dobby has come to save Harry Potter because Dobby can materialize in and out of places, even the dark Lord's secret hideout.

So Dobby rescues them (Luna and a Goblin in addition to the trio. Her dad was the madman I'm afraid. Yes, sad really how family units are organized.) Anyhow, Bellatrix stands there watching them escape and at the last moment throws a good-old-fashioned dagger into the air where they're disappearing and when they come out the other end Dobby says some lame last words in a girly voice and perishes, with Harry crying unconvincingly. Fade to black and Voldemort pops up (who's taken the failed capture of his worst enemy rather well, given the circumstances) and desecrates Dumbledore's tomb (and Dumbledore is amazingly fresh and un-decomposed) and takes Dumbledore's wand. He shoots a random red flare into the sky that serves no purpose whatsoever and the credits roll. Finally.

Part 2. How exciting!