Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
You are no ape.....
Its ten years after Caesar and his allies took refuge in the woods. After the outbreak of simian flu, the majority of the human race has been wiped out, and only a handful of immune humans are left to fend for themselves.
After an encounter with a group of humans looking for ways to generate power, and after an incident which involved human shooting an ape, Caesar eventually allows the humans to get access in order to help them.
But Koba, an ape who is bitter about being tested on so severely, thinks Caesar has a weakness for humans, and stabs Caesar in the back, trying to take back the titular planet.
A sequel was inevitable, ROTPOTA was a phenomenal achievement, both story wise and technically.
The sequel carries on the narrative from the very last shot of ROTPOTA, and this is a very clever turn from the writers, as it gives the apes the upper hand from the beginning.
One cannot deny the monumental effort WETA has done on the ape effects, they are brilliant and as groundbreaking as Bullet Time.
Serkis is once again king of the Mo Cap, and breathes life into Caesar, making him sympathetic and full of empathy, but at the same time very volatile and unpredictable.
Kebbel though, almost steals the film as Koba, this is the fear factor of the film, and there is one scene, where he is toying with two humans, that is almost unbearable, because you just know something bad is going to happen.
And this is the weak part of the film, the human element. Apart from Malcom, the humans are your stereotypical characters, and Russell is wasted as Ellie, just when you thought her character was going to be fleshed out a little more, she literally disappears.
And then there is Oldman. And while the guy is a fine actor,there was no real need for his character to be in the film. I know it's supposed to balance with Koba, but his character is literally in it for no more than fifteen minutes, and doesn't really do much.
Other than that, its a solid, intelligent movie, that proves that big summer movies can be entertaining, as well as a solid script, and clever narrative.
Transformers: Age Of Exhaustion, take note......
Stage Fright (2014)
Could be my DNA......
The film starts with Minnie Driver being stabbed in the throat several times after a performance of Haunting At The Opera.
Flash forward several years, and her two children are still traumatised by the act, but they are at performing school, which is being run by Meatloaf, and guess what the production is this year?
Yep, it's Haunting, but with an oriental twist......
It's like Glee meeting Friday the 13th by way of Repo! And its a pretty good attempt at something different, albeit very, very odd at times.
But it's been done before, thanks to Repo! And the music was a lot better in that movie, so this, because its trying so hard to be different, seems so old because that film did it six years earlier.
But it's still fun, and its retro feel gives more of a nod to Sleepaway Camp, and Slaughter High, rather than Elm Street an other well known slasher flicks.
The big reveal isn't much of a twist. And the gore isn't a problem, but it's well acted, and never outstays its welcome.
He should have armed himself.....
Big Whisky is full of people trying to lead quiet lives. Cowboys try to make a living. Sheriff 'Little Bill' tries to build a house and keep order.
When a couple of cowboys cut up a prostitute and disfigure her, the other prostitutes put a bounty on the cowboys. The bounty attracts The Schofield Kid, and he convinces ageing killer William Munny to join him.
Munny reformed for his wife, and has been raising his two children in peace, since his wife passed on.
But farm life is hard. And Munny is no good at it. So he calls his old partner Ned, and rides off to kill again, but who is villain, and who is heroic.........
Redemption is the order of the day here, and Eastwood has crafted one of, if not the, finest western ever committed to screen.
Its clear that the four ageing characters William, Ned, Bob, and Bill have all tried to change their ways. William turning his back on the world. Ned the same. But Bill and Bob are different beasts.
Bob tries to sugar coat his past by hiring a writer and putting on a facade, depicting his past crimes as somewhat heroic. Bill on the other hand, is trying to uphold the law, but in a despicable way. Him thinking what he is doing is right because he is doing it for the peace of Big Whiskey isn't just delusional, it's scaring the townsfolk.
And it all comes to a head, and Eastwood is trying to explain that you may turn your back on the past, but it's always there, and it will eventually catch up with you.
And it does, in an amazing final act, that almost comes across as a horror film, and you find it really difficult to side with anyone at the end, because Munny threatens, and you know he is serious, and at the end of the film, has anybody actually done anything positive?.
The only one who is innocent to an extent is The Schofield Kid, but come the end of the film, he is scarred just like every other character, literally and mentally.
Its a brilliant movie, deserved of its critical acclaim, and its awards.
It's one of my favourite films of all time.
Blue Juice (1995)
Time for the Techno remix.....
JC is at the end of his Twenties and is living with his girlfriend Chloe in Cornwall.
Three of his friends from school show up, including Terry who is about to get married. While he is supposed to have the last good time in his life, Josh tries to figure out what type of music he likes, which is odd because he's a music producer, and Dean, who sells drugs on a regular basis, must face the fact that life is not one big party.
But JC has his own problems with Chloe: Will he stay with her and run a surfer coffee shop or travel around the world without her?
It's another Brit movie about life lessons, turning the dreaded thirty mark (which honestly, isn't that bad), and figuring your goal, or aim in life.
But wasn't everything that came out of Britain in the mid nineties about life changes and coming to terms with maturity?
We had This Life, Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, Game on, Cold Feet, and everything Richard Curtis did. This is just another in the long line of this sub genre, but we have the added bonus of a couple of surfing scenes.
Unfairly tagged as a Zeta Jones movie on initial release, Pertwee is brilliant, and outshines everyone else in the film. Zeta Jones is good, but she was still, ahem, riding the wave of The Darling Buds Of May.
Macgregor is as impressive as expected, but hey oh, when the US released the DVD, they tagged it as a film starring Macgregor, and Zeta Jones. Look at the DVD cover, it's blooming terrible.
Its ninety minutes of throwaway stuff, Agutter pops up in a bizarre cameo, and come the end, well, everyone has found themselves.
OK for people who like forgotten Brit movies.....l
She's not touching the floor......
A man kills several of his Business partners, his wife and then kidnaps his children.
After crashing his car, he and his children discover an old hut in the middle of the woods, and seek shelter.
When the man realises he has lost everything, he goes to kill his children, but an unseen force prevents this and the children are left on there own, until they are discovered much, much later.
But who has been nurturing them, and why do they keep climbing the furniture?...
Despite the great premise, and some wonderful mise en scene, it's pretty much more of the same old stuff here.
The film begins with a wonderful opening, proper spine tingling stuff, but after the children have moved in with Chastain, it loses its bottle and goes for the jump scares, and the old CGI ghost.
People get killed because the children look up into the corner of a room, and Chastain has Weird, but beautiful nightmares.
The ending is bizarre, but brave, and it appears that the writers have come up with a cracking opening, pretty cool ending, but just don't seem bothered by the bulk of the middle.
So its a little better than expected, but then, I wasn't expecting much.
You don't have to chew it......
Maurice and Dave sell high-end cuts of meat, but they've hit a patch of no sales, and they're facing being fired.
Maurice needs money to enrol in his final semester of acupuncture school, and Dave needs money for his daughter's birthday.
Their final client, a beautiful woman opens the door, and they are about to seal the deal, but a desperate call from a suicidal friend interrupts her signing the contract.
Still hoping to close the sale, Maurice and Dave offer to drive her to the friend's house, and there, troubles multiply.
Facing guns, hit men, and women's secrets, a sale is the farthest thing from their minds......
A vehicle for two of the biggest names in American TV comedy at the time, it seems like it was a huge Mis-step having them star in a more adult orientated comedy, rather than a cutesy throwaway family comedy that would have at least been successful.
But they wanted to try something different, and while it works to some extent, you can see why the film is a complete mess.
There's no coherency to the plot or narrative, and we have James falling over all the time (because hey! Fat people are funny), and Romano trying to be the charming one, but he comes across as a complete creep.
Reynolds, Coates, and Lewis make up the great support, but all in all its a watchable mess.
What do they call you in bed?......
A successful mod photographer in London whose world is bounded by fashion, pop music, marijuana, and easy sex, feels his life is boring and despairing.
Then he meets a mysterious beauty, and also notices something frightfully suspicious on one of his photographs of her taken in a park.
The fact that he may have photographed a murder does not occur to him until he studies and then blows up his negatives, uncovering details, blowing up smaller and smaller elements, and finally putting the puzzle together........
Although De Palma is my favourite director, the fact that he blatantly remade this as Blow Up, is not only a bit of a cheat, but just changing one word from the title is pretty lazy Brian.
But wow, after seeing this movie, it's pretty easy to see why one would want to remake it, because its a wonderful piece of cinema, and not only does Thomas analyse his photos deeper and deeper as his photos become bigger and bigger, but the self realisation of his shallow life becomes more apparent as the film draws to its wonderful conclusion.
Hemmings is great as the troubled photographer, and his evident unhappiness is a pivotal part of the films narrative, because you sense that he hasn't really a goal in life, as his life is false, and content can lead to boredom, so in a sense he is looking for the greener grass.
The murder gives him a new aim, and not only does it make him look 'deeper', it also makes him realise just how false folk are around him, and the only genuine person in his life is being constantly pushed away by him.
The ending is very sobering, just when he thinks he has reached his first goal, he ends up right back at the beginning, empty and shallow.
A brilliant film.
Merlin: The Return (2000)
Rik had a bad couple of years.....
.....What with his accident, Guest House Paradiso, and this, it was a low point for the funny,an, and after this, the only way was up.
The dark forces of Mordred are pitted against the mythical sorcery of Merlin. Mordred and his mother Morgana have been imprisoned in another world for the past 1500 years while Merlin's magical powers kept them at bay.
However, in the present, a scientist accidentally finds the gateway to the other world and is about to release Mordred into 20th Century life.
Arthur is reawakened from his slumber and together with Merlin, tries to find a way to stop Mordred from re-entering this world.....
To say the film is bad would be an understatement. I have seen some turkeys in my time, but this is below the children's film foundation standards, and seeing the likes of Bergin, Mayall, and even Sheffer, utter an inane script and perform against horrible CGI skeletons.
But that's not the bad part, the child actors are skull scraping lay bad, and Tia Carrere, once brilliant in Wayne's World and True Lies, is the pits, the absolute pits.
But for such a dog of a movie, it must have mystical powers, because I couldn't take my eyes off screen for a second.
On the plus side, it's the best Stonehenge based movie featuring Merlin in the present ever made.
I will give it that.
Under the Skin (2013)
Deeply disturbing and ultimately, depressingly pretentious.....
Johannson plays an alien,who is sent from her planet to harvest Scottish men,because they are the most tasty.
The gimmick Glazer has here, is that some of the men she approaches are actors, and some of them are real life real people!!!
On her journey, she becomes more in the know about humans, and begins to understand our emotions, and misery is the height of the emotion list.....
It's not that I didn't get the film, I did, I understood the connotations of the film, and I enjoyed some of the soundtrack and some of the sublime imagery, but the film is just too darn depressing to give it false praise.
Films are Suppose to entertain, and to challenge the old grey matter, not ruin your day, which this film did, and I'm not exaggerating on this.
Its a dull Scotland through the eyes of Glazer, and its cold, with ironically as much emotion as the alien.
Even though it does spark an emotion from the alien, the scene with the baby is one that doesn't just shock, it offends also, and no amount of stark imagery or psychedelic music could bring me back to side.
The kind of film that makes you sigh unhappily when you think about it.
The Rules of Attraction (2002)
Drank Absinthe in a bar called Absinthe.....
Three disturbed students at Camden college get involved in a love triangle. Sean Bateman is a womanising drug dealer who falls in love with virginal Lauren because he suspects that she is his secret admirer, who is leaving notes in his box.
Although Lauren does like Sean, she is still infatuated with Victor who is travelling around Europe for a semester.
Lauren used to date Paul before he came out of the closet, and now Paul has his eyes on Sean when he mistakes him for bisexual.
Everybody is only looking out for themselves, and are all paranoid of one another.....
It's another marmite of cinema,you either love this film, or detest it with intensity. I for one, love this movie, because of its audacity, its daring, and its wonderful camera work, and use of narrative.
Its in the same world as Ellis' American Psycho, as Sean is related to Patrick Bateman from that movie, and it's as leftfield as that wonderful movie.
To say the movie is complicated, is an understatement. All characters in the film are important, and when you see the film for a second or third time, you will notice subtle things, like Seans admirer popping up in scenes that you hadn't noticed before.
The use of reverse filming is a wonderful inclusion to the narrative, and there is one scene where Lauren and Sean are walking to a class, and the split screen melds into one frame in a wonderfully sublime way.
But the best thing in this film is the travel log of Victor. Its trippy, psychedelic, energetic, and has a wonderful piece of music to accompany it.
Its a shame it didn't have more recognition than it received on release, because this is worthy of cult doom alongside anything Tarantino has done.
It's the antichrist of college movies, and it wears it proudly on its sleeve.....