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Paranormal Activity (2007)
Maybe if I wasn't rooting for the demonghostmonster to kill them..
Let me start my review by giving you a little background on myself. When I was 20, I had to have my neighbor walk me down to our shared laundry room for 6 straight months because the ending of The Blair Witch Project turned me into a quivering, scary pants wussy. I cannot hear the music from the movie Halloween - we're talking a commercial in broad daylight - without getting immediately creeped out and double - checking my locked doors. I'm still waiting on evidence that the closet monster doesn't really exist. I'm that person.
Knowing this about myself and seeing the trailers, I was prepared to be really, REALLY scared by this movie. I even went to the bathroom while my boyfriend was putting the DVD in so I wouldn't have to make that scary, dark hallway trip during the movie if nature called.
Initially (as in, the first 5-10 minutes), the movie seemed on track. Creepy sounds and doors creaking aplenty. Then the characters started having these long, boring, stfu conversations and, at that point, I realized that I hated them both. I then zoned out for awhile to decide which one I hated more...
Sometime around night #8 (#18? #49?), I zoned back in and decided that I hated the guy more because he was an idiot and an all around dbag. Then after a few more minute decades of watching them sleep and have even more stfu conversations, I switched my vote to hating her more. Mostly, this was due to the hilarious way dbag guy kept running around that 700 square foot townhouse in the dark and yelling like a professional wrestler at the ghost demon. Yes, because I'm sure ghost demons are terrified of dorks with cameras shouting the f word at them. That earned Dbag the only comedy points in this movie. I ended up playing the "who do I hate most" game the next 30 or so minutes. Dbag just went against whatshernames wishes and brought in the Ouija board anyway? Wow, that's a jerk move, I hate him most. Whatshername has been haunted by a demon ghost (that specializes in slamming doors) all her life and, at age 30, it's just now becoming a major problem? And her solution is to whine about it with no real plan and not to have the bazoombies to call the demonologist herself because Dbag laughed at her? Now I hate her the most. Why doesn't Dbag get worried that whatshername is standing at the side of the bed, making crazy murder eyes at him, at 3:00 in the morning? Oh, because he's a moron and I hate him most.
It was right about this time that I started actively rooting for the demon ghost to kill them both so I could catch the end of South Park. Unfortunately, this didn't even happen until 25 boring minutes later.