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10 reviews in total 
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7 out of 64 people found the following review useful:
Jumped the shark or writer's strike?, 7 February 2008

This episode is not funny. I don't care if it is offensive; that almost made it funny. It's just... not funny. I've watched it three times and even the parts I know are funny just aren't making me laugh. It seems like the show has degraded into Scary Movie syndrome where one joke is taken into a room and beat to death in front of you. Yeah, it was funny at first, then they show it to you for the next minute fifty seconds and you want to kill yourself.

Even a guest appearance by Khan himself was TOTALLY WASTED. He made exactly one joke, or at least one joke was remotely clever (my... beloved wife) and even that was hammered into the ground. The episode just spirals into a flatspin of crap at this point and the writers must have known they'd failed by this point. All of Montalban's dialogue is just FILLER. He doesn't say anything remotely interesting or memorable. Then, just to celebrate their failure, the writers make Montalban do a speech that isn't a speech, just filler material in front of a crowd! AMAZING.

Easily my least favorite episode of Family Guy. Beyond terrible.

Prime (2005)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Pointless, 24 November 2005

A movie about a relationship. Who cares? A movie is a tool in which you can do anything. Everyone has relationships, they aren't that interesting. I may be bias as I think relationships are fruitless and stupid, but regardless it is obvious this movie is a waste of time. It's like going to the moon in a ship that can fly to alpha centuri. Why stop in such a small, stupid place everyone sees and knows? Good question.

Avoid if possible.

Don't take a group it's not interesting enough.

Might be OK for a date movie.

Versus (2000/II)
5 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Awful, boring, and over-hyped, 13 May 2005

This film screams "independant." It's not so much the low budget, or the terrible dialogue, or the awful translation, or the complete lack of direction. It's the stress on western cinema. Every. Single. Fight. Starts with a standoff between two people. A guy could be pointing a gun to another fighter's head, the fighter would then bring his gun up and the man with the gun ALREADY READY TO FIRE would do nothing. There's even a stand off between a sword and an assault rifle. One-sided? Very. Retarded? Exactly.

The director tried, but the over-acting was just too terrible. Wonderful gore effects, A+ for those especially with such a limited budget. But it can't help a guy acting like a zombie acting like a spider complete with creepy crawler sound effects. The comedy relief is annoying, the characters are annoying, and if I hear: "What are you talking about" one more time I'm going to scream.

Overall: Annoying, I don't get why everyone likes it. Last time I checked fight scenes were only as good as the glue of plot that held them together.

17 out of 21 people found the following review useful:
The Greatest rendition of Spider-man there Ever will be., 17 April 2005

Spider-man and X-men. There was nothing more a kid needed in the time of the 90s. Between Uncle Ben's sage-like advice and Nightcrawler's Piety, it's a wonder we all didn't revert back to the 1950's.

This show was a marvel of animation when it came out. In the spirit of Hollywood, cartoons coming out now are much blander and boring than what once was good, like this. The blended CGI which it was famous for was unique, and really helped to show New York in a "real" fashion (to us kids.) The story line can't be beat. While the comics go much deeper and have much broader character ties, this cartoon does the same thing as X-men and brings it to a realistic level that you can watch, and understand, without having to dig through comics to see what the hell just went on and who's who. Whereas the movies of both franchises have simple stories and characters (but big special effects), and the comics have HUGE stories and unlimited characters, the shows are a perfect zen of the two.

The best part of the whole series is easily the voices. The voices brought this show from the comic pages to the small screen. Christopher Daniel Barnes will always be Spider-man to me. Edward Asner (JJJ) and Jim Cummings (Shocker.) The absolute best is Roscoe Lee Brown as the Kingpin. The role was made for him.

The end of this show was really perfect, they redid the clone saga (which caused a HUGE upset in the comics) and gave it a much, much happier (and plausible) ending. Scarlet Spider is still there and he still kicks, along with Madam Web and the Beyonder. Spider-Carnage is also there, as evil as ever. Spider-Carnage's character represents a lot of hatred and malice that can be found in each and every person. The end of the series always gives me a sad/happy nostalgia.

This is one of the greatest shows ever made. Hands down.

5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
A masterpiece, 10 December 2003

Too long have I seen this movie get bad ratings and reviews for the tie-in it has with an 80's fad. Sure, the Turtles are pretty much dead and buried, but as this movie taught us; "Death comes for us all...."

Firstly, I'd like to see everyone who bad-mouthed this movie make their own Ninja Turtles movie, especially one in 1990 with no CGI. The suits are great, the props even better, but what really shines is the cinematography. This is a dark movie, and it's perfectly dark. Dark moments in the film often precede or follow a sad or violent part of the movie. We see kids steal things for a local gang of thieves, then immediately thereafter we see the kids running away from home in the darkness to a warehouse where the gang hides out. When Master Splinter is kidnapped, we get one of the greatest moments in the film; The camera rotates around Raphael as his emotions overtake him and he bursts into scream. The scream echos and the camera dissolves to a broken sewer grate and echos into the city.

Good camera, light and prop work, what about the writing? Well for one thing this follows the comics, so you know a Triad-War-like plot will follow. It's mainly an origin story, and leads up to the Turtles saving the city (4 people saving New York was another fad for the eighties.) The best part of this movie are its hybrid qualities, it combines the dark storytelling of the comic but somehow the cartoon wit of Mikey got in there. Classic moment; The enemy Ninjas attempt to hit Mikey on the floor with axes. Donny shouts: "I'm guessing these guys aren't lumberjacks!" Mikey: "No joke! The only thing safe, would be the trees!!" Wit and humor with delivery, it makes for a good run.

Lastly, the best part of the movie, the music. Although it contains 90's rap, it's ingeniously used to associate with the kids, the runaways, the thieves. And the rap song at the end is one of victory and holds many memories. The sad music in the turtles defeat, the powerful music of their finding their 'Father', and the best of the movie; the final battle music. It's all wonderfully done. I give it a 9.95.

One thing I forgot to mention; Shredder makes a truly great villain. His first entrance is great; all we see is his shadow and he slowly comes into view. The mask distorts his voice in such a way it makes him more menacing, and the helmet is a true symbol for fear and anger and power. He severely beats the turtles, and mocks them, playing with their emotions saying Splinter (their surrogate father) is dead. He does it in such an evil way it has to be seen to be felt.

In my book, it's one of the greatest movies ever. 10/10, A+ **** whichever rating system you use.

Seabiscuit (2003)
I Told you Hollywood could still make something good, you didn't believe me did you?, 14 August 2003

Truly great, that defiantly describes this movie. Seabiscut boasts great, great cinematography, music that works perfectly with it, humor that works (and doesn't force you to accept it works,) with a great cast and interesting style. The narrative keeps switching back and forth from the story of Seabiscuit and his Jockey, and Black-and-White pictures and story of the Great Depression. This makes a parallel to the need for the underdog Seabiscuit to win.

This movie needs, NEEDS, to be seen in the theater. The excellent sound and music just need a deluxe theater sound system. When Seabiscuit wins his first race, the camera and music work in sync to make a totally amazing few seconds of film. I actually got goosebumps from that.

Great performances, the breaking-the-typecast-curse Toby Maguire, the breaking-the-underappreciated-curse Chris Cooper, and the breaking-the-special-effects-movie-curse Jeff Bridges. Somehow, someway, they got the horse to act, you see it lose and gain fire in it's eyes as it stares at you with sadness and determination.

See it now, or you'll kick yourself later.

16 out of 32 people found the following review useful:
Truly Awful, 5 June 2003

This film is without a doubt one of the worst ever made. It doesn't try at all, the scenes are all filler material to get to the amazing special effects. Special Effects can make or break a film, but they can't make it when it's 95% of the movie. Some things that are CGI are upsurd, like Yoda. I'll admit there's no way Frank Oz could have controlled Yoda during his battle scene, but the rest of the movie there is NO excuse for making Yoda CGI. Lucas has developed Gates syndrome, in which he burns money in a fireplace to keep his cats warm.

The acting is very bad, the only people shining are Obi-wan, Mace Windu, and Yoda (Ewan McGregor, Samuel L. Jackson, Frank Oz.) Of those three, Obi-wan sometimes has trouble making eye contact. Possibly because he's talking to a pole with a red dot painted on it. Star Wars was built on Puppets, they looked real, they made atmosphere, they acted real. CGI just can't do that. Some acting in this movie is REALLY bad. Hayden Christenson has successfully done the impossible by turning the most badass villain of all-time into a wimp, a whiny teenage wimp. He shows SOME rage, but just not enough for a young Darth Vader. Anakin's mother has a dying scene worthy of 1st graders acting.

The action scenes are slightly redeeming, but some are just so atrociously impossible it ruins it. Example: How is it POSSIBLE to mathematically calculate where the ship you are chasing is when you are going the wrong way, losing track of it, dodging traffic, going 9000 MPH, and 1000 feet in the air?

The romance is a complete and utter joke. This dialogue is MST3K worthy, at best. This movie holds no rewatchability. If you own it, watch only the special effects. Never see it twice in theaters, as I can tell from experience, it is a fate worse than death.

RocketMan (1997)
14 out of 19 people found the following review useful:
A true testament to what you can do with a low-budget, 21 May 2003

It's low-budget, but superbly written and perfectly acted by Harland Willams. From the way he cocks his head at random points, to the greatest impersonations ever, "Commander, are you sure we're heading for Earth it looks an awful lot like the sun..." "Ah, Magoo, You've, Done it again Sir!" and some really great lines "Why don't you just say 'thanks for the cool coin, Bud. It really means a lot to me.'" "Oh sure, thanks for the cool coin Bud it really means- what was the rest?" "Now the French! Pour do, ze de Chanele Number 5!"

This is probably one of, if not the, most overlooked movies of all time. About a thousand times more laughs than recent comedies (Goldmember, Master of Disguise, Mr. Deeds.)

The only real problem was the trailors, which included little funny aside from the (ONE, mind you) fart joke. This made it seem kiddy, but was necessary to not spoil the funny.

Ignore this IMDB rating, and go see this, dare I say? Masterpiece film.

5 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Whoever gave this project to Anderson should be shot, 20 April 2003

No, Anderson should be shot. First he screws up Mortal Kombat totally, and now his horrible directing skills have made it here to Resident Evil.

First off: This has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GAME! Ok there are three things: The virus, there ARE zombies, Lisa Trevor is in there somewhere - But she's a computer not a mutated freak.

Anderson has never played Resident Evil. There are simply so few references to the game it's scary. Examples: No shotgun (the survival horror's weapon of choice) or Grenade launchers (because every female alive uses one.) And no crate pushing! CRATE PUSHING!

The biggest disappointed is easily the fact that none of the infamous bosses appear. No 50 foot long snakes, no 30 foot long sharks, not a single spider, or plants the size of houses. What an idiot to not see that people would hate this. What an idiot with his budget.

Oh and automatic weapons are for WUSSIES! You're not a man if you can't take down a zombie with a combat knife! Shotguns, pistols, and grenade launchers will protect you forever, trust me.

Daredevil (2003)
It's better than Spider-man!, 2 March 2003

Dark, desperate, heroic, mysterious, awesome, kick-ass!! One amazing movie right here, it's a true dark setting and it gets right to the point: Kick-ass action and, surprisingly, acting. Ben Whofleck actually acts good! And all the other characters are right on. Some people may hate Micheal Clark Duncan for taking the Kingpin role, but once the end fight scene comes you know it's right. It also pulls off the right scene cut here, camera change here, zoom there to look like a real comic book. And without the rather awkard moments of Spider-man, but it does lack a little enemy-good-guy rivally and dialouge that Spider-man had with Spidey and the Goblin.