Reviews written by registered user

7 reviews in total 
Index | Alphabetical | Chronological | Useful

Android Apocalypse (2006) (TV)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Finally! Something that doesn't suck!, 19 September 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've seen a lot of SyFy channel produced crap and by "a lot", I mean.. A LOT!I know how bad they can get, I've seen the worst SyFy could do and you know what... "Android Apocalypse" may be the best they can do.

We all know that when the SyFy channel makes a movie, it's either so bad it ends up being hilarious or it's so bad it makes you want to gouge your own eyes out with the TV remote.

This movie, on the other hand, managed to be interesting, funny because it was supposed to be funny, have good acting, have overall good CGI and just be entertaining!

There are the unavoidable flaws that every SyFy-movie has: 1) The crappy CGI. (As good as the overall CGI was, some parts... were really bad!) 2) The originality. (We've all seen this robots-revolting-against-humanity type of movie before)

On the other hand, the acting! There is no other SyFy-movie that has actors that are this good! I'm not saying that ALL of them are perfect, but compared to "Annihilation Earth" they pretty much deserve an Oscar each and every one of them.

My point is: Yes, it's not a great movie. But unlike about 98% of the SyFy-movies, this one will not make you feel like you've just wasted an hour and a half of your life. If you feel like you're the type of person that can appreciate or even enjoy a B-movie, then I definitely think that you should see it!

Puppetmaster (1989) (V)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Skip a few.., 31 August 2011

I've seen all of the Puppetmaster movies! All 11 of them! This one is actually pretty decent, if not slow. It has the upsides of being original, having great F/X for its time, being pretty damn interesting overall and just being a good watchable movie.

If you have never seen this movie before and consider watching it, then watching all of the sequels; take a tip from someone who's seen them all - skip a few movies!

I'm not the cynical type. I'm actually the rare breed of people who can appreciate and actually enjoy a low-budget film. Or even a B-movie. Or even a D-movie! I've seen a lot of so called crap and some of it I loved. So I'm not saying this because I'm bitter and cynical - no. I'm saying this to save you those hours of your life that you'll never get back: Skip the following sequels. 1)"Puppet Master II" 2)All of the "Dollman" movies. Seriously. Just ignore them. 3)"Curse of the Puppet Master" 4)"Retro Puppet Master" (Unless you don't mind the screwed up time line this movie provides) 5)"Demonic Toys: Personal Demons" 6)"Puppet Master: Axis of Evil"

And to see what you've missed from not watching those movies, watch "Puppet Master: The Legacy". But you seriously wouldn't be missing a lot if you skip those movies. As a matter of fact, not watching those makes the entire series better! I wished I had done so when I was told to...

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
I'd rather be watching "BloodRayne: Deliverance"!, 31 August 2011

Okay... So this is, by far, not the worst Puppetmaster movie I've ever seen. The worst one was, and still is, Puppetmaster... ehhmm.. 5? "Curse of the Puppet Master". That one was also directed by David DeCoteau! I've said it before, I'll say it again: David DeCoteau sucks! "Curse of the Puppetmaster" was an insult to the series!

But "Axis of Evil" is just... bad. As pretty much any DeCoteau movie; it's bland and boring. The actors are awkward in their parts, the plot holes are all over the place and DeCoteau used the footage from the very first movie. For that I just want to slap him and go "No! Just.. no! You do not deserve to use that stock footage!"

On the other hand, the... Japanese woman's (I can't remember her name. That's how memorable her character was.) performance brings out the giggles in me every time she's on screen! Danny's Oscar-clip-crying-moment made me laugh so bad I had to pause the movie 'cause I couldn't focus. It was so hilarious I had to re-watch it over and over again! Jenna Gallaher's (Beth) acting went from decent to bad to horrible to just so bad it's funny in under 45 minutes. Taylor M. Graham's (Don) acting... how hard is it to play an asshole? Seriously? If you can't play a part that demands you to be all around annoying, then you might want to consider a career-change!

And the biggest plot hole of them all, for me personally is: If Danny took the puppets to L.A., how in the firetrucking ("Firetruck" starts with the letter "F" and ends with "uck". You figure it out!) hell did they get back to the inn for the second movie?!? I mean come on! Establish that! Have Danny take them or something! Anything! Don't just leave it with a "To be continued" ending! I forbid you to make sequels! I forbid you, damn it!!!

This movie is bad. It's just bad. Danny's crying, Japanese woman's and Beth's acting makes it all worth while though, so... a 3/10 just for that!

Seriously, if you've seen all of the sequels up to this one then there's nothing I can say that will make you not watch it. You, like me, just want to get it over with. But if you've never seen any Puppetmaster movies: Go away! Save yourself! Go watch... Go watch "House of the Dead"! Because.. seriously.. some of these sequels make Uwe Boll look good!

And lets all pray for no more sequels, shall we?

Get Smart (2008)
4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Better than I thought it would be!, 28 August 2011

I remember watching the TV series as a kid. I don't remember a whole lot, but I remember this show being stupid, ridiculous and completely hilarious! I seriously thought that the movie would just simply be stupid and wouldn't do the series justice, but you know what... it was a good movie!

They added much more depth to 99, which I love! Now she isn't just the brain of the partnership who gets Max out of trouble, she is also someone with a background and a story.

Overall, I found this movie to be funny with great action, with great visual effects, with great acting, with wonderful jokes and with a great ending! I honestly couldn't have asked for more!

I recommend this movie to anyone. Even if you haven't seen the TV series, you should still see the movie just because it's a great comedy all on its own.

One negative thing I have is that, even though they used a lot of Max's and 99's catchphrases from the show, they forgot about the (as an example) "Max: Don't tell me I fell off the horse. 99: You fell off the horse Max. Max: I asked you not to tell me that!" catchphrase. That one always got to me as a kid and I didn't hear it in the movie. :-/

Nevertheless, it's still a great comedy! :D

The Raven (2007) (TV)
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Why does David DeCoteau feel like turning all of Edgar Allan Poe's novels into soft-core porn?, 27 August 2011

So far I've seen 6 movies directed by David DeCoteau and I'm starting to sense a pattern here... The movies that were loosely based on Edgar Allan Poe's novels are pretty much soft-core porn and two out of three Puppet Master movies are an insult to the franchise. So the pattern here is that David DeCoteau sucks!

His later works, "The Pit and the Pendulum" & "The House of Usher" were soft-core port too, but at least *those* movies had a somewhat good story. Sure, these movies are based on Edgar Allen Poe's novels, so the story was already provided, but "The Raven" has something that the other two movies do not: bad execution! I mean... come on! The acting was weird, the plot holes were many, the story overall was full of clichés and the editing of the so called "sex-scenes" was a joke! Looping footage over and over again to make the scene last longer, doesn't mean it'll make the scene better! And as for the ending... You know... a quote comes to mind: "There's plot convenience, there's Deus Ex Machina, and then there's just pulling stuff right out of your ass!"

"The Pit and the Pendulum" & "The House of Usher" were not good movies! Nowhere, at any point, were they good movies. They too had pretty much the same flaws as "The Raven", but at least they weren't as boring! I have never been so bored watching a movie before! Never!

Final thoughts: If you want the usual soft-core porn that David DeCoteau does so "well", got watch "The Pit and the Pendulum" instead!

6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
You know what....? I like it!, 23 April 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I watched this movie for the first time about a month ago. I got it, watched it, and as with any not so good movies, I was about to delete it from my computer when I suddenly changed my mind. I then read all the reviews a few days ago and thought to myself that that's not what I felt about this movie. So I watched it again last night and I came to a conclusion: I like it! But then again, I am the rare breed of people that can actually appreciate and sometimes even enjoy a B-movie, no matter how bad. Sure, "The Dead Undead" isn't what I would call a good horror/zombie/sci-fi/fantasy flick, but compared to a whole lot of crap that's circulating out there - it's really not that bad. And in all fairness, it's a pretty decent action film.

The big downsides are the F/X. The kinda off. Just the sync between the shots fired and the actual impact. Once a ZV (as they call the mutated vampires) actually gets shot, the blood looks like red paint just suddenly vaporized on the creature. But I have a way of seeing past that because "The Dead Undead" has good sides that, the way I see it, outweigh the bad sides. For one, we get three flashbacks which are actually interesting. The dialog features some jokes that completely cracked me up at times. There are scenes where I actually jumped a bit 'cause... I got scared. And it's completely and utterly trigger-happy! There were bullets flying, stuff exploding, sword fighting, ass kicking, more shooting and even more shooting. What else can you want from an action movie than shooting and explosions?

Now don't get me wrong, just 'cause I giggled here and there doesn't mean that I'll ever watch this movie again. I just feel that someone has to put in a good word for this better type of B-movie because all the reviews and the ratings do not do it justice. I mean, just read the plot! It pretty much screams "Hi! I'm not a very good movie". But if you, just like me are completely into this type of film, you should watch it. If you however crave all your movies to be (not saying that it's a masterpiece, but I can't think of a better example) "Avatar", you should probably just leave this page and forget about the existence of "The Dead Undead" because you will be disappointed and only add to this movie's bad rep.

But what I really don't like is the ending.(HUGE spoiler coming up!) As in any classical vampire movie, the guy turns the girl and becomes strong from her blood. So there Jack (Luke Goss) was, kicking ass and outta nowhere – he gets backup who scare away all the ZVs! And then the movie ends in a dialog. Sure… the dialog reveals something that makes you wonder for a while about what happened after the movie had ended which makes the movie more interesting. Yeah, well… Interesting shminteresting! I'd rather had watched him kick ass longer than a minute and a half!

Bottom line here is: If you feel like you can appreciate an action flick that happens to have a few vampires in it – watch it! If you have no sense of humor – go watch something else!

(And at the end of the day, it's still better than "Twilight"!)

Dragonquest (2009) (V)
4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Eragon + Lord of the Rings + Dragonball + Windows Movie Maker, 10 January 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

My reviews always contain spoilers, I just can't seem to avoid them. So if you don't want to know about the most dumbest things that happened in this movie, I would suggest reading someone else's review. I'm sure that they will all say the same thing.

First of all, I'm really glad that I didn't pay to see this movie because it would have been a complete waste of my money. I wouldn't say that it wasted 1,5 hours of my life because I got a few great laughs!

The beginning starts and there's immediate drama about how Arkadi isn't ready for his "quest". 5 minutes later he is the only one that can save mankind and he goes out on this so called "quest".

The whole thing surrounds 6(?) stones that Arkadi has to look for and collect to be able to gain power after his dead grandfather, who was an old keeper of harmony, told him that he was the "keeper". Arkadi then locates an old warrior who helps him, but then the old guy dies at the end. But not before finding a pretty girl to accompany him on his quest. (Anyone seen Dragonball Evolution? Yeeaah...).

The dragon looked a little good for a while there, but then it started flying... Who ever made the special effects clearly had no idea what he/she was doing.

The fight scenes took the price! 2 huge armies (of 10 people) battle, the king dies and everything goes still. The entire war just stops and the king's servants do the epic "Nooooooooooo!"

Basically, this is what Lord of the Rings would have looked like if they would have had the budget of a 10yearold's allowance. One positive thing is that Dragonquest had that one thing that Lord of the Rings didn't. A pretty female warrior. The negative thing... she was a Mini-Xena in a tube top and hot-pants...

And what really bothered me was that Arkadi kept sounding British and then not British. His accent kept popping up all the time and then it disappeared again.

All in all, the story was kinda good. I just wish it was made better 'cause then it would have been a good movie.

But if you feel like watching a girl in hot-pants swing around a pair of sticks and a plastic sword... then please, watch it!