Reviews written by registered user
John_Mclaren

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71 reviews in total 
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1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Neither funny nor naughty, 4 April 2013
3/10

One of those 1970s Italian sex comedies that is sadly neither erotic nor funny. An Italian businessman, Lando Buzzanca, travels to Copenhagen and falls in love with a cute blonde who happens to work in blue movies. He doesn't know this and after various disasters with Danish local women, ends up marrying her. Escapades ensue.

If you are watching for the nudity, then there is a smattering of topless stuff, but that is all. The comedic quality is stilted and predictable. The plot promises much- but simply fails to deliver.

Whilst the film's rescue by RetroMedia from obscurity is to be applauded, this scarcely qualifies as a hidden gem ....

Soggy soft core, 20 August 2009
3/10

OK. Here's the deal. You put a bunch of great looking German fraulein into an institution (school, university etc- preferably in the country), adopt a crummie plot line and give them pointless things to do. Then add a dose of unfunny Teutonic humour. We then all agree to go and watch it because the aforesaid shapely gals all get nekkid during the film in unrealistic but cute scenarios.

That's what is supposed to happen. Sadly in Monika, a 1974 Charly Steinberger production, the crummie plot line and dodgy humour exist without the compensating nudity. Sure there is some T&A, but not much (and no real FFN for example). What the point of the whole thing is, I dunno. The gals run around a lot. They all seemed happy at the end.

Have to say I wasn't. How it made the "Erotic Classics" label with an 18 rating I have simply no idea....

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Death Row Viewiing, 27 July 2009
4/10

This WIP flick is an odd one. The marketing and title would make you believe that this is a Jess Franco meets Pink Cinema type of exploitation flick.

Sadly that it ain't. Yes there is some nudity (mainly in one shower scene), but otherwise this is very tame (the gals sleep in their clothes for goodness sake)- and the violence is pretty limp. Indeed it seems to be hinting at a rehabilitationary theme with our not-so-intimidating-but-would-like-to-be-so chief warden.

I really don't know what market this is aimed at. Production values aren't bad, and the inmates are pretty cute- but then it simply fails to deliver after teeing all of this up. Maybe I missed the point. Maybe I've been watching too much Franco ....

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Carry on Up the Rhineland, 22 February 2009
7/10

Classic 1974 German softcore, with our two "heros" travelling up the Rhine and managing to convince innocent German fraulein to disrobe at the drop of a toothy grin.

Sure, we have seen it all before (indeed it had a regular run on German TV's SAT1). The two main male characters are a Bavarian Abbott and Costello, whose antics we wouldn't bother watching were it not for the women whom they inexplicably seem able to attract. Sure some of them are a bit big in the Bumdestag, but what you see is all real.

With plenty of FFN and some gorgeous shots of the Rhine Valley, it is the perfect setting for a harmless bit of erotica. Sure, it's no more than the standard fare, but that is kinda why we watch this stuff.

Girls (1980)
2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
So much promised but so little achieved, 19 February 2009
2/10

What with a title like "Girls", the involvement of director Just Jaeckin and the presence of a youthful Anne Parillaud, this should be a softcore dream. The Jaeckin name is usually enough to get me to view any piece of celluloid given that the "Story of O" is possibly the most erotic softcore film ever made.

Sadly this is no return to those sultry heights. It is a story of a group of teenage French madamoiselles who find boys both interesting and irritating. They play occasional and silly practical jokes and get chased by a few older pervy men. They ride around in an assortment of cars and bikes. They plead innocence to parents. Etc etc ...

Although released on DVD in 2009 under the German "Erotik Classics" label, it is neither. Why it is classified as an "FSK 18" I have no idea at all. It just about rates above PG. There is occasional topless nudity but that it is it. Anne Parillaud looks gorgeous, but we don't get to see enough of her. If that is enough for you, then great. Frankly though, I just wouldn't bother.

The Worst Seventies Softcore Film Ever?, 4 February 2009
1/10

I love German seventies softcore. Mufftastic real women, lots of innocent fun and plenty of Bavarian stereotypes to boot. However this stinker must surely rank as one of the worst examples of the genre.

Peter Steiner leads a group of hapless Nazi recruits in some form of rural training camp (a couple of farm buildings). The first 25 minutes has various shenanigans occasionally involving one chubby local fraulein. 2 other skanky maidens turn up a bit later (OK one ranks above skanky)and entertain the recruits (not us). Then the whole thing ends after 69 minutes.

Tedious and terrible. Was it the Nazi setting that made them determined to make this unfunny and unerotic? Dunno. Anyway my firm recommendation is don't buy it, don't rent it and don't watch it.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
An everyday story of Ruhr Volk, 2 February 2009
6/10

W. German seventies softcore tried all sorts of scenic landscapes to keep the genre fresh, and in this little outing they tell a tale of the horny handed menschen of the Ruhr valley and their lusting for the local frauleins. All the men are coal-miners and all the women are willing. But in this stuff, they always are- ready to strip for action at the flicker of a moustache.

Anyway, the Ruhr valley is not quite the Alps, and gives it a bit of a dull backdrop (sun and mountains don't half beat slag heaps and rain...). That said, the women are all natural and deliciously mufftastic, and at least the director had the basic understanding that softcore works best when it is not all bump and grind.

So plenty to feast your eyes on, plenty of FFN, not much plot but a reasonable example of a well-worn oeuvre...

8 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Slave to Franco, 30 January 2009
6/10

We all the know the Jess Franco template for this mid-period run of his films: plenty of nudity, over use of Lina Romay (who must always be nude), re-used vaguely tropical sets and an element of blatant sexploitation.

Well Die Sklavinnen fits all those requirements. If you think you have seen the film before, then you probably have. We have seen it all (with the same cast) in Ilsa the Wicked Warden, Women in Prison or Barbed Wire Dolls.

There is in fact only one slave, Martine Stedl, who is taken hostage and sexed and drugged up by Romay. Drama is provided by her implausibly fat father who apparently wants her back. Romay is the baddie and gets tortured a little, but it is all pretty tame. Reasonable amount of FFN, but we wouldn't like it any other way.

So, one of the lesser Franco outings. Don't expect wall to wall confinement or an outbreak of mass slavery. But hey, I still don't get bored of these early films, so who cares?

5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Despite title, not a particularly special film, 30 January 2009
5/10

Karin Schubert and Jean-Marie Pallardy star in this rather bland piece of late 1970s exploitation. It is one of those softcore flicks that gets re-circulated under different titles, in Germany going by the name of "Aus liebe weg vom Stoff" and most recently (courtesy of Audi Film) "Liebesrausch".

It tells the tale of Yasmine (Schubert) who is the eponymous heroine (and heroin addict) who is pursued by a bunch of not very serious seeming hoods to somewhere in Greece. She finds love and tries to get off the skunk.

It is a standard piece of Eurotica. Schubert looks good and is naked in Pallardy's clinch for several scenes of the flick. Most of these scenes are rolling beaches/water exercises which we have seen before. There is too little of the other women in the film as almost all of it is a platform for Schubert (which is not necessarily a bad thing).

The best scene remains when one of the hoods grabs the unmatchable Brigitte Lahaie (woefully under-utilised here) and her naked friend by the hair. Sadly we don't see anything of them after this which is a real downer.

So a mid-range effort that you wont regret seeing- but which I wouldn't go out of my way to secure.

6 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Magnificent addition ot the genre, 17 December 2008
9/10

Clearly in the top 3 of all WIP flicks, my main addiction to this 80 minutes of celluoid is born of seeing Brigitte Lahaie and a bevy of other beauties parading around naked in bright daylight. "Gefangene Frauen" (Caged Women) is one of Dietrich's finest softcore achievements. He has taken the WIP genre and added a twist of his own.

The girls are kidnapped from a brothel and taken to an island prison. There they undertake a modest degree of insubordinate behaviour which triggers obligatory punishment. This consists of having to strip and walk around naked in the prison for the rest of the film. And what can you say against that? What with nude wrestling, nude whipping and a nude escape project, it's all a go-go.

Sure the acting is weak and the plot rattles, but that is not what we are here for. It delivers what it says on the tin. Big time.


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