Reviews written by registered user
kevjohn

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16 reviews in total 
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1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
I couldn't do it...., 29 June 2003
1/10

DIVINE SECRETS came on HBO the other night. I hadn't seen it in the theaters, though I wouldn't have minded catching a Sandra Bullock flick. I started watching this film in earnest. About seven minutes into it I could take no more. The Southern Belle cornball accents and attitudes were more than I could endure. Well not really; but more than *cared* to endure. So I changed channels and began thinking of how much money I'd have to be paid to get me to sit through this movie. The figure I came up with? $450.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
a guilty little pleasure, 4 June 2003
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I know, I know. This movie had a silly little plot, and some rather "iffy" acting. And that's being generous. But still, I loved Super Troopers. From the opening sequence with the drugged-out college kids, to the closing sequence with uhh...the drugged-out college kids, this movie was hilarious. I especially enjoyed the running joke of the other characters making ignorant comments about not knowing Thorny's ethnic make-up. The local police think he's Mexican, his own Trooper captain thinks he's an Arab. Not highbrow stuff to be sure, but oh so funny.

There's no point laying out the film in any detail. You'll either like it or you won't. It is in the vein of "Ace Ventura": paper-thin plot, paper-thin characters, funny gags. I consider it a guilty pleasure that I'm almost ashamed to admit I loved. Almost.

Rating: 8/10 for pure silliness.

*MINOR SPOILERS* DVD: the DVD contains 3 different audio commentaries that are all pretty funny. There's also the obligitory Deleted Scenes and Outtakes reel that shows the pancake syrup the Troopers were guzzling was actual pancake syrup, and the scene of Farva throwing up was the real actor throwing up. Neat.

4 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
tries not be just another T&A exploitative movie, but it is anyway, 3 June 2003
4/10

"Blue Iguana" is yet ANOTHER 'serious drama' about a group of females working at a strip club, but fails as nearly every attempt before it has. If the filmmakers claim they set it in a strip club for any other reason than to get some T&A up on the screen, they are lying. There is NO other reason to set a film in a strip club other than for some T&A. As an earlier reviewer noted, they could have set this film in a hospital or restaurant and kept the same characters and storylines. Not that that would be a good thing. "Blue Iguana" features the standard stripper characters as a dozen other strip club movies; the only difference is that they are being portrayed by B-list semi-stars as opposed to C-list nobodys.

As MLDinTN notes, "we got the dumb stripper, the tough/sensitive stripper, the wild stripper, and the young/naive stripper." That's pretty accurate. Then there's the stock stripper movie plot elements: there's the abusive boyfriend(s), the strung-out stripper(s), the gold-digging stripper hoping to meet the Knight-in-White-Armor that will carry her away from all the madness, and the owner who cares far more about making a profit than about the dancers who make the profit for him. Not that all of these characters don't exist in real life, it's just that we've seen them so many times before. MLDinTN also notes, "And none of them do much." I agree so wholeheartedly with that statement that I won't even bother attempting to sum up the "plot" any differently. I've seen at least three different documentaries on strippers that have a hundred times more going on in their lives than the characters in this film. They should have just made another one instead of this weak take on a seedy industry.

Sandra Oh was good as the intellectual stripper. Robert Wisdom was good in his small role as the Blue Iguana's owner. All the other actors are amateurish at best. Jennifer Tilly and Daryl Hannah seemed to be doing impersonations of a manic-depressive Anna Nicole Smith, with Tilly being the manic half and Hannah being the depressive half. Both were ditzy druggies with whiny voices and a total lack of the powers of higher reasoning. None of the other dancers stood out.

Finally, I've been to strip clubs before and I must say that the atmosphere in the Blue Iguana is far too downbeat and moody. Slow music and depressing, lethargic dancers do not mix well. None of the dancers would make more than $10 a night, and the Blue Iguana would be out of business in two weeks. So much for realism.

RATING: 3/10--for doing the same old thing in a somewhat different way.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
VERY lame attempt to cash in on Amer. Psyco 1, 21 May 2003
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"American Psycho 2" just came on HBO, so I am currently writing this as I watch it. The only question I have about the movie thus far is if I can even stand to watch it til it's inevitably horrid conclusion. So far I've subtracted 2 points from my rating for the opening sequence, an amazingly bad tie-in to the original "American Psycho." Might as well go ahead and subtract another 2 points for the terrible acting displayed thus far. And let's just go and subtract another 2 points for the absurd plot. I enjoyed the original "American Psycho"; shame they've destroyed any chance of a quality sequel. The way they attempt to link this movie to the first one should be a crime.

**SPOILERS**

The movie itself is about a college student with aspirations for working at some special division of the FBI. An almost guaranteed way of getting into the program is by becoming a Professor's teacher's aide. The problem is that this is a much-coveted position and the competition is fierce. She figures the best way to land the position is by killing off all her competitors. Uhhh, right.

Mila Kunis (from tv's "That 70's Show") stars as the murderous college student. She does a truly excellent job of showcasing the fact that she has NO acting skills whatsoever. Her voiceover narrative is sub-par and rather grating. This may be the most unconvincing portrayal any actor has given in a role since Freddie Prinze Jr. played a fighter pilot in "Wing Commander." She should be a role model for pretty girls though. No woman has gone as far as she has on looks alone since Pamela Anderson made her meteoric rise to the middle. And Mila didn't even have to take her clothes off for Playboy.......yet.

William Shatner is the Professor of Criminal Profiling or whatever. He gives a...Shatneresque performance for the film. I happen to think Shatner is a talented actor whose career has been hindered by playing iconic roles in a couple of television shows, not that he or his accountant have been complaining. In recent years he has been reduced to playing caricatures of himself (the Priceline.com commercials, "Showtime"). Here, he does as fine a job as ever doing just that. In fact, he is the only watchable person in the movie. At least he's still working.

The rest of the cast is disposable, much like their murder-victim characters.

An hour and 10 minutes into the movie I'm prepared to give this a 2/10. If you get a chance to check this out for free, and there's absolutely *nothing* else on television, you may want to give it looksie. If nothing else you may get a kick out of seeing Mila Kunis in her jogging outfit and low-cut dress.

"Lucky" (2003)
4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
We are Lucky to have this show. Rating: 10/10, 16 April 2003

In the words of Dan Hedaya's character, "Motion is life. Standing still could be fatal." After watching this series' first two episodes of "Lucky", I realized how much most of television programming was standing still. We allow ourselves to grow accustomed to bland, lifeless shows such as "Will & Grace", "Friends", and "Everybody Loves Raymond". And run-of-the-mill dramas like "The Practice", Law & Order", "CSI: Miami". Then when something new and refreshing comes along we realize what great tv is capable of. What "The Shield" is to cop shows, "Lucky" is to tv comedies. John Corbett plays Lucky Linkletter, a compulsive gambler living in Las Vegas trying to overcome his addiction. That he lives in Vegas is not inconsequential. The show plays up the fact that Lucky and his cohorts reside in the gambling mecca of the Western hemisphere by featuring several scenes inside of casinos. In fact, the premier episode begins and ends with Lucky sitting at a poker table. In between these scenes we meet the great cast of supporting characters, see Lucky attempting to go straight (including having joined Gamblers Anonymous), and we learn that he's feeling guilty over the unexplained death of of his newlywed wife. In short, there's a lot of show packed into this half-hour. The question is which Lucky will prevail, the good or the gambler? Can they coexist? Can Lucky even BE Lucky without the gambling? More importantly, will "Lucky" still be "Lucky" without it?

It'd be too cliché to give this show an 11 out of 10 rating, so I give it 10 out of 10--and will reduce my ratings of all other tv shows by one.

The Core (2003)
5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
The Bore, 29 March 2003
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie is all setup and no payoff. You know it's bad when an "action" movie stretches the final five minutes worth of action into 30 minutes worth of screen time. But why start at the end? This film has cheese in it from the get-go.

*Spoilers aplenty*

It starts off wobbly, but in a way that looked to be perhaps as promising as Stargate. Drs. Aaron Eckhart and Tchéky Karyo are brought in by the government to offer up their expert opinions on a series of unusual phenomena. After being dismissed by the feds, Eckhart does some research of his own and, based on bird and whale migration patterns, determines that the earth's core has stopped spinning and the world is doomed. After going on a bender, the good doctors alert the feds of the earth's impending destruction. The feds pull out all the stops and assemble a team and plan a mission to tunnel to the center of the earth and restart the core's rotation.

This is all well and good. The problem I had with the film is not the plot, but the execution. About 30 minutes into the movie, the audience has a choice to make: either walk out mid-film, or stay seated and watch as cliché after cliché are thrown at us by the oh-so-inventive writers. (I am currently unemployed, but there are people making 6 and 7 figures to write crap like this??) First, the science is lousy! I'm no good at the science a mission like this would entail, but even I know without a doubt that the science featured in The Core is crap. Next, the characters had about as much depth and substance as the giant Core cutout that dominated my local megaplex's lobby. The characters were so flimsy that, I swear to you, I not only knew who would and wouldn't survive, I knew the exact order in which they would die. That's a first for me. The standard confrontation between the bullish Army brass and the ship's crew was right on cue. The climax is fairly tedious, just a series of small special effects explosions that were less exciting than whether the lady at the concession stand would overfill my medium fruit punch and spill it all over the counter. To make matters worse, the climax takes place a good 20 minutes before the end of the film. What follows is the ludicrous escape from the center of the earth. The ship, having shed a few sections in the execution of the mission, is now as agile as a Porsche, dodging mountain-sized obstructions with ease. Then the Navy sends what looks like half the Pacific fleet out to look for them in a very tight search pattern, but they give up after 10 minutes. "We'll never find them. Let's call it off." Then...well, then it goes on for another yawn-inducing 10 minutes.

What a waste of an opportunity to make an good sci-fi action movie. What a waste of Delroy Lindo and Hillary Swank. What a waste of time.


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