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Godzilla (2014)
4 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
A Godzilla sized turd, 20 May 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've never really understood the point of Godzilla movies. It's just such a dumb idea. A giant monster lizard thing that lives in the sea and fights other monsters and is somehow a warning about nuclear weapons? Right. I guess a 9 year old might be interested, but even when I was 9 I couldn't see the point.

Anyway I went to this because of some good reviews and I had a couple of hours to kill.

Well the film is a giant Godzilla sized turd.

Here's what you need to know:

1. Script is appalling. What is wrong with Hollywood scriptwriters? The writers should be ashamed of themselves. The film is full of almost every clichéd line and trope you can think of: "mommy mommy I love you", "there are civilians on the bridge!", "daddy don't die!".

2. Acting is beyond bad. These actors are paid millions to ponce about in front of the cameras for a few hours once or twice a year while the rest of us have to work our asses off. So you'd expect these overpaid professionals might actually do some acting, but no, they don't. The lead guy is totally forgettable. The usual silent tough guy who has to save his family. I was rooting for Godzilla to sit on him.

3. As usual it is America that is being attacked because in these kinds of films, America Is The Most Important Country in the World and the rest of the world can go to hell but we gotta save South Central LA or wherever.

4. The parasite things are lifted straight from Starship Troopers.

5. I'm not sure if anyone said at one point "ok people let's do this", or "lock and load people", but they probably did.

6. There is no tension at all. Zero. Mainly because I had no interest in any of the characters. The only character I cared about was the dog running from the Tsunami. God I hope that dog made it.

7. They hot wire a boat. Seriously.

8. There's a scene with kids on a school bus stuck on a bridge. Are you kidding me?

9. There's a scene where they use music from the film 2001. It's just pretentious, and this film is definitely not 2001.

10. The hero saves the day single handedly as usual, although unfortunately not by defusing the bomb with only 1 second left, or by clipping the red wire (or is it the blue one?!) while drops of sweat trickle down his macho brow.

For a while now I've felt that Hollywood has run out of ideas. This film confirms that.

93 out of 172 people found the following review useful:
Avoid like the T-virus plague, 14 September 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

There are so many things wrong with this film that it's difficult to know where to begin, but let's try:

1. It's confusing

2. It's confusing

3. Did I say it's confusing? Well, it's confusing

4. The acting. The acting in this film is so bad I'm sure it will be shown in acting school as a warning. One exception is the big monster thing, who I felt brought a sorely needed subtlety and pathos to the character

5. Someone says: "Synchronize watches"

6. Someone says: "OK, let's do this"

7. Almost every idea is an unoriginal one: the clones (Matrix), the simulated environments (Truman Show), the angry zombies (Twenty Eight Days Later), etc

8. The gunfights. In a world of endless violence, do we really need another Hollywood film with a fetishistic display of guns?

9. It has a car chase in it...yawn

10. It has females dressed in latex suits and fighting each other...yawn

This film pretty much sums up the state of Hollywood in 2012: it is a tired, unoriginal and ultimately cynical attempt to get your cash.

2012 (2009/I)
74 out of 115 people found the following review useful:
Abhorrent, 16 November 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I was really looking forward to seeing this movie because I was hoping to see all of humanity wiped out. Considering what we've done to each other and the Earth, this is the least of the many punishments we deserve.

Unfortunately, we get the predictable plucky group of survivors overcoming their differences to save the human species. I didn't care for anyone in the film, and the more that died the better in my opinion.

And as usual most of the action happens in America. LA is destroyed. Yawn. Vegas is destroyed. Do we care? The White House is destroyed. Yesss! But this film gets a rating of 1 for a scene that is so overtly racist it really beggars belief: on board one of the Arks, Dr Adrian Whatever is confronting his boss about how people obtained tickets to get on board, and is astounded when he's told that tickets were sold for 1 billion Euros each, 'in order to save the human species'.

The camera then cuts to some (presumably rich) people walking into the Ark, and finishes with and lingers on a group of Arabs dressed in Hollywood-cliché Sheikh and Burka costumes. Dr Adrian then asks incredulously: 'This is the gene pool we want to save?'.

If this had been a race other than Arabs, I wonder what people would say. There would of course be a huge outcry. This type of snide and disgusting racism is the kind of attitude that was prevalent in 1930s Germany, and look where that led to.

Absolutely shocking.