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Anastasia was a peeping Tom
As this XXX version of the mystery of Anastasia opens, we see the royal Russian family watching black and white film footage of the Russian revolution and talking about the disappearance of young Anastasia. But weren't they all supposed to have kicked the bucket during that conflict? Even weirder is that the group includes Milly D'Abbraccio as Katarina the Great, which seems to be historically implausible. However, since Milly later went into politics, I guess it's fitting for her to play this part. The footage itself (which is also used in several other places in the film) must have been borrowed from one of the many other Anastasia pictures or a similar epic out there.
We the viewers soon find out that Anastasia (Lea Martini) is hiding out in a whorehouse in Paris. One of her clients, Sergei, recognizes her by the three distinctive birthmarks on her right buttock and begins questioning her about her royal family. Naturally for this sort of picture, all of her stories involve a lot of fornication. The first of these is probably the most disturbing, as Anastasia recounts being raped by three soldiers (but this being porn, she soon manages to get into it). The second flashback is of a more comedic nature: a young couple has been caught having sex in the royal gardens and are forced to continue in front of the police officials, who also join in.
Most of the remainder of the films running time concerns more flashbacks as told by Ana, who appears to have made a hobby out of peeping on other people having sex. Also her client seems to be paying a lot of money for just listening to her. In one story she watches two maids fawn over the dead prince, who turns out to be very much alive and able to have a three-way. Next up she tells an anecdote involving Katarinova, who had a knack of entertaining the troops in her luxurious bedroom. The last of her stories involves Rasputin. The Mad Monk is seen degrading a countess and of course nobody notices young Anestasia watching it all from just around the corner or on a staircase. After this her benefactor Sergei has run out of questions at last, so they get down to business.
The costumes are quite impressive, for as long as they stay on, as are the sets. There are also a lot of beautiful women involved which is as it should be but unfortunately the story is weak and repetitive. There is also a distinct lack of closure to the main storyline involving Anastasia and Sergei, but then perhaps I shouldn't be asking too much from a picture like this.
6 out of 10
Und sie genießen die Liebe (1976)
When Harry met Claudette... and Katharina.... and Nicole.... etc
Harry Korda (Rainer Peets) arrives back in Germany and his loyal chauffeur Wladimir (Günther Notthoff, looking like a cross between Oddjob and Goldfinger) is waiting to pick him up at the airport. Korda struts around in a large fur coat and immediately visits a restaurant where Ellie works. He claims to have been saving up all his sexual energy for her for the last seven months. However, she's engaged to Eddie now, who attacks Harry in the middle of the intercourse. It turns out Harry isn't as well off as his coat would make you think. He visits his gay pall Alexander to ask for a place to sleep. All the while he is being followed by lovesick Karola (Gilda Gregory), but Harry is not interested in rekindling that particular flame. Instead, he spots another former lover, Christine, walking by and picks her up using his gigolo ways. But when he's making passionate love with her, it turns out her dorky husband Walter is waiting in the bathroom for Harry to butter her up.
Harry decides he has to strike it big soon, and figures the best way is to find a millionaire's daughter and marry her. Back at Alexander's mansion he meets Claudette Frank (Christine Szenetra), who takes him to her flat for a cup of coffee. Again their lovemaking is interrupted when another man, this time her lover Georg Waldenberg (Max Giese). He arrives because he's got an hour to spend with her. Korda escapes by climbing across a couple of balconies, follows Georg and attempts to blackmail him concerning his 'sister' Claudette. When that doesn't work he joins a high stake poker game in the back room of the restaurant where Ellie an Eddie work. Wladimir is knocked out by another tough guy. But this time our Harry is saved out of a nasty predicament by yet another former flame, Katharina. This one is played the enormously bosomed Heidi Kappler, who's motherly attributes compensate for the fact that she doesn't do hard core scenes. Katharina also happens to be married to Georg, so that'll come in handy.
Next, Harry visits Ellie while Eddie is sick with the flu and gets an invitation to a party thrown by George. Before that he puts the moves on Georg's daughter Nicole by pretending to be a masseur. Later on, at the party, Wladimir has fun with a maid (Margarethe Kuske) who is almost as large as he is. So, Harry entertains Nicole Waldenberg while her daddy visits Claudette. Eddie has figured out Ellie is still seeing Harry and forces a confession out of her. He decides to set a trap for the fur coated gigolo. Meanwhile Christine has hooked up with Katharina and together they start bossing Harry around. Obviously he won't take this lying down, so he decides to bribe some cash out of big daddy Georg and split to the Bahamas. Unfortunately for him he hasn't counted on Claudete overhearing his scheme and getting jealous of Nicole...
For a Seventies Sex romp, this film really isn't all that sexy. The story is too convoluted to be funny and yet it certainly cannot be called serious, either. It's just not very good at all. The sex scenes are all quite short and surprisingly, the majority are soft. So it would seem likely that there is a non explicit cut available as well. It all ends with a lot of chases and double and triple crossing nobody cares about. Also, the lead character Harry Korda keeps saying "See You later Alligator" to everyone like he invented the phrase.
5 out of 10
Five down, 74 episodes more to go
This title is an obvious nod to episode 4 (broadcast order) aka episode 2 (production order) aka the second Star Trek pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before". However the story of this adult spoof takes the plot from Mudds Women (1.6) and throws in a bit of Space Seed (1.22) and The Deadly Years (2.12) for good measure. Hows that for a Trekkie opening line? A trio of blond porn stars: Devo, Katie and Malibu are found on a 200 year old spaceship and revived from suspended animation. Also aboard is Harcourt Fenton Balls, who of course could only be played by Ron Jeremy. Capt. Quirk (Randy Spears) has sex with Katie before returning to his one true love, the Starship Intercourse. The other two girls go straight to sickbay for (yes, you guessed it) a check up by Boner McJoy (Steve Austin) and proceed to give him a little private show.
Simultaniously, Katie and Harry get a tour of the ship, and the former puts the entire bridge crew under her spell, so Sperm and Quirk (who is quite jealous) quickly get her out of there. Then the entire crew takes out their sexual frustration on Uwhora (Gabriella). However we only actually see her doing it with an unidentified African American Redshirt (the uncredited J.R. Langdon). This is a good thing too, as the actors playing Jerkov, Squatty and Screwyu are all ugly old men. Soon the quartet of two hundred year old space travelers are cooped up in the brig but since all three of the babes have already had sex once on screen (and also because they are 'like sisters' to Harry), Katie transformers herself into Yeoman Gland (Vicky Vette) and transports Mr. Balls and herself to the cheap planet set for intercourse.
By now Mr. Sperm (Mike Horner) has deduced that the women are actually Cocksuckian shape-shifters. This means anyone who has sex with them has his life force drained and begins to age rapidly. He also identifies Harry Balls as Ron Jeremy, who fled Earth in the early 21th century after Republicans took control of the US. They even watch a clip of Jeremy clad in a white spandex outfit from an as yet unidentified movie. Ron and two of the girls make a run for it while Katie seduces Sperm who as always starts babbling about his seven year Horny sex cycle again. Eventually Quirk maroons Balls and his women on the tiny planet set, guaranteeing a sequel which has yet to surface. It's a shame Cash Markman seems to have stopped producing Sex Treks after this, for next in line would be the aptly titled episode 'The Naked Time'.
Instead, after a grand total of 9 Sex Treks, the mantle passed to 2009's "This Ain't Star Trek" which presents a straight forward remake of Space Seed instead of a spoof. Also of note is that the 'This Ain't' producers thought including an Orion woman in full green body make-up would be too much of a hassle, while a rival company brought out a two part 'Star Trix' spoof at virtually the same time that featured Jayden James decked out all in green.
8 out of 10
Sex Trek: Charly XXX (2007)
Combining the second and last Trek into one
Eight years have past since the last two installments of Sex Trek, but Cash Markman and his cast are boldly back at it again, now looking almost as old as the original Star Trek crew did during the late Eighties and early Nineties. This is probably why Mike Horner (as Mr. Sperm) is now wearing a wig and occasionally a pair of glasses. The set has improved, the CG effects are still the same and Markman picks up right where he left off last time: spoofing episode 2 of the Original series (broadcast order): Charly X.
The Starship Intercourse is approaching Deep Space station 69 to pick up 21 year old hot tamale Charlie Walker (Shay Sweet) and not Charlie Evans, who would be a 17 year old boy. When Jimmy Quirk (Randy Spears) finds out Charly is a babe, he orders Squatty to make sure her clothes aren't beamed over with her. As usual, Charly's first stop is sickbay for the customary examination by Dr. McJoy (Steve Austin, who is really much to chunky to fill DeForest Kelly's uniform). While on the slab, Charly uses her mind powers to transfer her consciousness into Nurse Chapstick (Phoenix Ray). This means the good nurse finally gets to indulge all her pent up lust for Mr. Sperm whether he likes it or not. So for once Sperm gets to have sex first.
Next up, while walking the corridors, Charly notices crew-woman Bubbles (Sophia) and Yeoman Gland (Vicky Vette) comparing notes on Capt. Quirk and gets so jealous she hits Gland in the butt with a lightning bolt, twice. But as Shay Sweet freely admits she doesn't do boy/girl scenes, she seduces Yeoman Gland in the very next scene. Also she blows up the entire space station 69 (no, not that way!). In the TV show, Charlie merely destroyed the unseen spacecraft Antares.
Still only halfway through, Charly then transfers her mind into the Captain, giving Randy a reason to act effeminate and Trekkies to shout out "Turnabout Intruder takeoff". This makes Nurse Chapstick wonder if the video won't end end up one sex scene short (Markman's jokes have gotten better with age). She didn't need to worry, for Girlie Quirk gets it on with transporter babe Bubbles down on the 'Desilu Studios' set. Before Charly leaves the Captain's body, Boner and Sperm (as well as the audience) are treated to some really bad effects of Randy with a female body.
During a contemplative moment, McJoy mentions Hillary Clinton being elected President in 2008. Must have been in an alternate reality. Meanwhile Girlie Quirk transfers her mind into an unnamed female crew member (Shy Love) who wears a blue shirt like it's a mini skirt. This not so shy lover picks navigator Jackoff (Dick Smothers Jr.) to have a go with in the captains chair for the next twelve and a half minutes. Finally Quirk, who has been revitalized after a nap (Randy has been doing this for 15 years after all), deduces that Charly is occupying Yeoman Gland now, so he screws her hard. Sperm does a breast meld with her to find out her back story before they cast her off into deep space. By the way, they also mention her consciousness taking over a part of the ships computer, which episode was that again?
8 out of 10
Sex Trek: The Man Eater (1999)
The Unreal McJoy
The IMDb page for writer/director Cash Markman states he's written over 800 screenplays. Watching his Sex Trek series it becomes apparent that the man must be a life-long Trekkie (or in his case Trekker is probably more appropriate). He keeps coming back to the franchise whenever he can. After 5 Sex Trek films in the early Nineties, Markman revived the series as XXX Trek (subtitle: The Final Orgasm) in the final year of that decade but soon reverted back to good old Sex Trek for this seventh outing, The Man Eater.
With the notable exception of the hastily written Sex Trek II The Search for Sperm (see the trivia section for that film for more details), Mark made up the scripts of the first five Sex Treks based on tried and true Trek gags. By 1999 however, he decided to draw his inspiration directly from the original episodes, though he did still liked to mix and match the spoof titles and elements from several episodes. The Man Eater however is a straight spoof of the first episode ever broadcast, The Man Trap.
Randy Spears and Mike Horner are back as James T. Quirk and Mr. Sperm, not looking that much older and with more appropriate haircuts than before. Their Starship, formerly known as the Plunderer, is now the much more sensibly named Intercourse, like it was in the two Next Generation spoofs. Likewize the exterior shots of the ship are CGI. Meanwhile Spears' take on Shatner-speak has become even more broad and pronounced. Finally the uniforms look to be store bought Star Trek shirts with a crude new insignia stuck over the federation logo (which is still partly visible).
The plot starts off nearly identical to the one from September 1966: Dr. McJoy (now portrayed by Steve Austin, who is neither build like a wrestler nor a six million dollar man) bumps into his former lover Nancy Mooner (instead of Crater, here played by Tina Tyler) and just like her canon Trek counterpart, she has an old nickname for him: 'Winky dinky the one eyed wonder stinky' (instead of 'Plum'). On arrival, Ensign Dunsel (Christian Steel), who's carrying the pizza's the Intercourse is supposed to be delivering, sees Nancy as Nurse Chapstick (Farrah). Soon Nancy, as Chapstick, corners Dunse and in what must be a first in Trek history, the red shirt gets lucky before being sucked dry. And in another shocking twist, he doesn't die from his wounds either, since the Man Eater of the title lives on sperm.
Later on, while being examined aboard the Intercourse, Mooner makes a move on Boner, but Uwhora (Obsession) walks in and sees the alien in her true form: Tina Tyler wearing a hilarious 'Grey' alien mask. Sensing she knows too much, the alien uses her powers to seduce Uwhora as well. Cue threesome. After that the creature turns up as a babe from the planet Horny (the Sex Trek equivalent of Vulcan) as portrayed by Audra Bliss during Mr. Sperm's meditation and finally takes on Kirk as a Dingon woman (Tina Tyler again). Sperm tries the horny nipple clamp on her and just like in the TV show, Boner ends up shooting her. But only after explaining to Quirk that the alien shape shifter is actually a man.
8 out of 10
Sex Trek V: Deep Space Sex (1994)
Almost interchangeable with the last one
Filmed back to back with Sex Trek IV: The Next Orgasm, this installment uses the same cast (with Barbara Doll as Ensign Pussy replacing Anna Malle as Cute), the same crew and almost exactly the same script. This time, instead of having Cute manipulate the crew into exploring each others final frontier's, it is an mysterious power source visualized as some kind of throbbing balloon featuring a picture of female genitalia.
The Sexship Intercourse is orbiting Rigel Omega Beta III to investigate said power source. On beam-down, Lt. Commander Dildo (Jonathan Morgan) and Ensign Pussy (pronounced Pussé by Capt Prickhard) find a visor of some sort. Pussy puts it on and sees Dildo in his underwear wearing bunny ears. Apparently this is enough to make any woman horny and they get down and dirty right there on the appropriately unconvincing alien planet set. Will Dyker (T.T. Boy) soon confiscates the goggles and gives them to Dr. Beaverly Gusher (Sally Layd) to examine. Yes, you guessed it, she puts on the eye-ware and Dyker the bunny ears, leading them to do it in the medical ward. As an added bonus, T.T. tries his hand at reciting a sonnet by Shakespeare. He also raps a dirty limerick.
By now the crew is getting suspicious and Georgie (Sean Michaels) spots the groovy lights energy reading (the throbbing female privates). Dyker thinks it might be the essence of Madonna (what's with all the Material Girl jokes in this series?). Prickhard (Steven St. Croix) promises to take the visor to the transporter room but asks Counsilor Joy (Tera Heart) to join him on the Holodeck first. After all, it is their last season together (a topical Star Trek reference at the time).
Having satisfied himself with Joy at last, the Captain then decides to fight back by giving the creature a sexual overload. The other option, complete abstinence, naturally being out of the question in this kind of picture. He orders every crew member to get it on simultaneously while he and No.1 man the controls. So Beaverly and Whoopi (Jordan McKnight) use a rubber toy on each other in Ten Backward while Joy takes on both Geordi and Woof (Julian St. Jox).
Cash Markman and his co-writer Art Waits seem to have been inspired by the Classic Star Trek episode 'Day of the Dove' with this one, which explains why when Cash returned to the Sex Trek universe in 1999, he went back to featuring Capt. Quirk and Mr. Sperm again (but kept the name Intercourse for the ship).
7 out of 10
Sex Trek IV: The Next Orgasm (1994)
Episode title: 'Too Cute for Comfort'
Having finished their 'Seeman Bob' trilogy with "Sex Trek III The Wrath of Bob", writer Cash Markman and director Mark Stone moved on to The Next Generation (which they had already alluded to in part II: The Search for Sperm). But clearly being more familiar with The Original Series, they asked Robert Kelly to help out with the script. Naturally a lot of the blinking set pieces from the previous Sex Treks are carried over into this new enterprise.
Inspired by the pilot episode 'Encounter at Farpoint', the plot resolves around the all powerful Cute (Anna Malle) of the Cute Continuum having fun while experimenting with the crew of the Sexship Intercourse. Note that they finally came up with a better and more appropriate name for the ship than the Plunderer. Also, the cheap looking CG ship is a big improvement over the flying dildo-and-rubber tit-ship seen in parts II and III.
Other improvements on the previous episodes are a more accurate opening title sequence (compete with all the spoof names on screen which is always handy for IMDb contributers) and the fact that TNG has more developed female characters to offer than TOS. In a way they didn't strictly need to have made Cute a woman (though it is a nice bonus). For even though the crew lacks a porn counterpart for Tasha Yar, Jordan McKnight makes up for it as 'Whoopi', the bartender at Ten Backward.
Cute abducts captain Jean Pierre Prickhard (Steven St. Croix) and claims to be seeking asylum aboard his ship. She starts by giving him the stamina of a 19 year old, including a full head of curly hair. This works as a good joke for most of the picture, though it will leave casual viewers who skip the non sex scenes wondering where Picard has gone.
A beardless Will Dyker (T.T. Boy) soon earns the wrath of Cute by beaming the Captain back on board immediately following the first sex scene. So, she sends Dyker to Heidi's Pleasure planet and tells him to think of the one he desires most. Naturally, Counselor Diana Joy (Tera Heart) appears before him in her underwear. Cute even goes to the trouble of buttering up Diana herself as part of Will's deepest fantasies in preparation for their threesome.
A bit later a horny Joy (obviously possessed by Cute) seduces Georgie La Toosh (Sean Michals) in Ten Backward and insists Whoopi joins in. Following this the Whoopster takes on Lt. Commander dildo (Jonathan Morgan) on the nearly deserted bridge (it's the night shift). Porn films in the Nineties sure knew how to make the most their cast members: it's great to see each of the female characters have two sex scenes in a row.
By now Jean Pierre has had enough, so he tries to draw out that infernal Cute by having a three way in sickbay with Dr. Beaverly Gusher (Sally Layd, who even does a little song and dance number) & Dingon crew member Woof (Jilian St. Jox). It all ends with the customary Deux Ex Machina and some references to Maddonna on Letterman. Oh, and Prickhard loses his hair which causes the rest of the crew to burst out in TOS style laughter. On to the next episode, Warp Factor Sixtynine! (sorry, couldn't resist)
7 out of 10
Director Scotty Fox must have kicked himself in the pants for having to change around the titles of the second and third Trek movie in his Sex Trek series (see the trivia section for more details). But the mix up does give the series a kind of Mel Brooksian vibe. You see, this third part, which was written to be part two, is a direct sequel to the first Sex Trek. Meanwhile back in the actual Trek universe, a recent Paramount DVD release boxed ST 2, 3 and 4 together and billed it as 'the movie trilogy'. So now thanks to Mike Horner free second Sex Trek stuck in between, Scotty's managed to create his own 'Seeman Bob' trilogy by default. Even more amazing is that the Bob of the title is played not by a porn actor but by the guy who provided the audio recording for all of these films.
Each installment was apparently filmed and released within 6 months of one another, as that is the time frame constantly being referred to by the characters (this one taking place a year after part one). Third time's the charm for Boner McJoy (Joey Silvera): he starts the film off boning two alien space babes (Silvera must have had it in his contract that he should have the first sex scene in each episode).
It soon transpires that the Starship Plunderer is being followed by an entire planet, and its a familiar one: looking as it does like Uranus. On beam down, Quirk (Randy Spears), Sperm (Mike Horner) and McJoy (Silvera) find Seeman Bob's grave right where they left it (he died on Uranus in the part one), only it's empty. Then Quirk is abducted by the female leader of the planet, as usual. This particular space babe, Latrina (Shayla LaVeaux) conjures up an illusion of Uwhora (Dominique Simone) for a threesome. This is noteworthy as Dominique is the first African American actress to play Uwhora in this series.
Disturbingly, the two chicks disappear after Quirk sticks it to them and are replaced by Seeman Bob (J.B.) in some kind of harem outfit. It seems the highly fertilized soil caused the not quite dead Bob to metamorphosis and now he has a five foot dong which grants him all sorts of super powers. For instance, he sends Sperm & McJoy to a black hole. Although his genetically altered member has tremendous abilities, it is too unwieldy to be used for intercourse. And that's why he wants to wreak his wrath on Quirk. Makes perfect sense.
Soon Quirk is also send to the black hole, where Sperm tries to contact Uwhora by way of a Horny mind meld. Unfortunately, like all human females (according to Sperm) she has a tendency to misunderstand. Instead of forming an Intercoursal Lock and communicate with Sperm, she becomes horny herself and gets taken advantage off by Squatty (still played by Randy West). You gotta love these old fashioned porn movies in which all the participants get to have sex at least twice.
Despite Mr. Sperm's claim that his Horny sex cycle is still 6 years away, the women of Uranus insist on trying out his organ. After they assure him that he is actually able to perform every seven minutes, his ears begin to grow and you know what that means. All the male actors start a trend of breaking the fourth wall and glancing sideways at the camera in this one. Afterward Mike Horner uses the Horny nipple pinch to escape. The crew beams back up to the Plunderer, but when Bob starts taking potshots at Quirks one true love (his ship), he counters by firing Condom Torpedoes. Seeman Bob drowns in his own semen but luckily Lt. Jackoff manages to beam the entire female population aboard. Don't expect to see imminent orgy in the transporter room though, as there is A: no transporter room set and B: no more time.
Constant references to scripts and the actor's contracts make this a good old fashioned spoof. Also mentioned by name are Ron Jeremy and Roseanne Arnold. One of these two will go on to appear in "Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4" in 2007.
6 out of 10
Squatty gets lucky
Compared to the current slew of parodies that are more like loving recreations of the original series, this long running Sex Trek series that originated in 1990 actually is a spoof. Writer Cash Markham tries to make every piece of dialog into a joke. Most of them are crude and there is so much potty humor that it almost seems to have been written by a teenager, but still. Naturally there are also a log of potshot at well known Star Trek conventions & clichés.
The first installment didn't feature any establishing shots of the Starship Plunderer (unless you count that one shot of a silver dildo being moved by a human hand during the opening credits). This time we get to see uncomfortably large closeups of a cobbled together 'model' made out of several rubber sex toys. As Captain Quirk of the Starship Plunderer, Randy Spears is adequate at copying the Shatner inflections. And as noted in the trivia section, Mike Horner is sadly missing in action in Sex Trek 2, forcing Cash Markham to adapt the infamous 3rd season opener 'Spock's Brain' and spoof the subtitle of Star Trek III.
Just like in the first Sex Trek, the sexual action starts in sickbay of the Starship Plunderer. Here Dr. McJoy (Joey Silvera) gives one of his nurses (Mona Lisa) a thorough examination. This time around however, we simultaneously see Mr. Squat (Randy West) on the bridge doing it with an assistant of his own. She looks like a female Sulu but is later identified as Yeaman Gland (and is played by Miyagi). Both men sport the same early curly perm that looks like the Eighties never finished.
Suddenly time slows down to a crawl on the ship when a mysterious female (Danielle Rogers) appears on the bridge to check out all the men's packages. When the bridge crew awakens, the continuously bad tempered McJoy calls Quirk and Squatty down to sickbay to tell them Mr. Sperm's genitals have somehow been stolen. And even worse: his reproductive organs also house his brain!
After beaming down to planet Dawomb, Quirk orders Seeman Bill (played by sound man J.B.) to pleasure the alien babe Nona (Sharise). Unfortunately Bill is promptly electrocuted by Nona's nipple, just like his brother Bob died a red shirt death in the previous episode. On the fly, Quirk and McJoy make some references to the wimpy crew of the Next Generation waiting in the wings to take over their ship, which indeed they would come Sex Trek IV.
Back on the Plunderer, Squatty pulls his usual trick of disabling the Transporter so he can: A) have the bridge all to himself and B) have another Yeoman all to himself. Meanwhile down below the landing party (Quirk, McJoy and Gland) gets fitted with some nifty dog collars just like in Spocks Brain and in the Wonder Years parody of the same. The leader of the planet of 7000 women (Rogers) takes Gland to her bedroom where Nona is still waiting for some fun. Afterwards the nameless leader freezes McJoy and tries to force her will on the captain, only to become another notch on the bedpost of James. T. Quirk, like everybody knew she would.
James T. and Boner get away from the girls and locate Sperm's meat and two veg - which of course has the ability to communicate with them. And since it is much simpler for McJoy to reconnect the male member to Sperm's body than it was for McCoy to reconnect Spock's brain, the film is over in no time and everybody ends up laughing it up in sickbay (except for the guy doubling for Mike Horner on the table).
6 out of 10
Dirty Books (1993)
I don't see no books
Considering the subject matter of this film (an unsuccessful bookstore is turned into a thriving sex shop), it's funny how this video starts with a long complaint about censorship in the USA which is followed by the surgeon Generals' accepted guidelines for Safe Sex by VCA Pictures (this last part is amusing because of all the extra-marital sex in the picture).
Amanda (Ashlyn Gere) has to sign some documents for her lawyer but finds her bookstore still doesn't generate enough money to get through the month. Then he proposes she starts selling pornography instead. Note that he gives her a couple of magazines (the dirty books of the title) for perusal, but she ends up branching out into videos and sex toys the moment she opens the shop. The magazines turn Amanda on to such an extend that she gets right down on her knees to thank her barrister for his suggestion. She also explains that her hubby Todd (Mike Horner) only feels the urge for sex on Saturdays and Tuesdays, as if that makes everything alright.
That evening in bed she scolds Todd for never selling one of his scripts. And even though it's Tuesday, she refuses to indulge him. Wait a minute, if today is Tuesday, couldn't Amanda have waited a few hours longer? Oh well, a week later her bookstore has been renamed "Center City Books & Novelties" to Todd's dismay. First customer Tiffany Million steps into the previews booth with a tape and a couple of dildo's to has some solo fun. Some time later Todd calls Amanda and wants to make it up to her hard. His words manage to arouse his wife enough for her to rush home, leaving Tiffy still enjoying herself in the booth. Back at home they go at it but Todd objects when Amanda introduces some of Doc Johnson's toys into the bedroom. Will they ever see eye to eye in the bedroom again?
Ona Zee is signing videos at the store as "Vanessa Zanora", the 'biggest star in adult films'. After Amanda introduces the actress to her husband, Vanessa asks Todd if he's ever done any collaborating on scripts. She's got an idea for a mainstream script about a classically trained pole dancer and asks him for some help. While Todd is being seduced by candle lover Vanessa at her place, Amanda hires a blond cashier. This girl, Diane, claims to be doing research for her book on 'Human sexuality in the Nineties'. Naturally her research includes thanking Amanda carnally for the job. Meanwhile, having likewise persuades Todd to listen to her story pitch, Vanessa tells him to be faithful to Amanda in the future. All the characters in this picture speak in contradictions and useless exposition. They should have let Todd look over the script if he's such a good writer. Anyway, as he returns home, his wife and Diane are still busy with each other and insist he joins them for a threesome.
But that turns out to be just what the doctor ordered to get Amanda & Todd's love live back on track: trying out new experiences. With business booming for both of them and a busier love life than ever, we leave the couple happy and satisfied in each others arms.
6 out of 10