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Quite an adventure.
Boy, do I have quite the story on my search for this movie. I first saw this on late night television around 2000 when I was about 14. I loved the movie, but I didn't know what the title was and my parents didn't have cable or a TV guide. So I took it in my own hands to find the movie, no matter how long it took or how I got it. I searched every video store in my town. And I mean everything. Every blockbuster, Hollywood Video, every back section of a grocery store, everything. After five unsuccessful years of searching, I gave up. But two years later, in 2007, I got back into it. Nothing again for two years. So after giving up on that, I decided to use Yahoo Answers. I finally got it.... after three tries.
To be finished at a later date.
A freaking mess of an anime.
Do I seriously have to review this show without cursing? I do? Seriously? You're joking. Fine. But I won't like it.
Boy, where do I even start with this pile of sh...trash? From the god awful plot line(s), stupid/useless/unnecessary characters, countless fillers, unoriginality, and its overratedness, this show has absolutely no good qualities whatsoever. I'll talk about these right now, as I can no longer take the torture of not ranting about this show as I've been holding it in for several years.
First off on my list is the plot line. You have this annoying twelve year old named Naruto, who like many other anime characters, is named after food (Gee, how original). Anyway, this loudmouth little a-hole is a ninja (a really bad one(not that everyone else here is either)) and wants to become the leader of his village, or Hokage. The first time I watched this, I already knew that the main character would be absolutely unlikable as he's jumping around yelling insults to his superiors after defacing statues faces of his town's previous Hokages (bad influence much?). Anyway, as it continues, he is assigned to a squad with his love interest (Ms. Sqeals and Useless) and rival (Mr. Cocky, yet Sullen Action Guy). Oh, and his love interest hates Naruto and just drools over Mr. Rival (how original!). As that progresses, he must do orders from his superiors in order to slowly climb the ranks and become a Hokage. Sound good? Well it ain't. 'Cause under that is a subplot. And another under the subplot. And another. And another. Eventually, you'll completely forget the main storyline for some bulls... B.S arc line that is no way related to anything on the show.
Second on the list are the characters. I already went into full detail on the main man Naruto, Sakura (Useless love interest) and Sasuke (Rival). I'll also add that they're all arrogant and annoying. And cocky. As for character development, I'm not B.S.'ing you when I say that there is none. Like another fellow reviewer said, all they have are TRAGIC PASTS that force us to like them. He is not joking. I honestly think that this show is a competition to see who had the worst past. Only one character that I can think of didn't have a bad past. ONE. Anyway, this show is like Pokemon. Not because it's a dragged out mess that should be stopped, but because it works that way. Each new plot line (see above) is like this: They go to a new town, meet some new person, make friends, fight evil, save day, and leave. No joke. And those are just the minor ones, the major ones are just people that show up, do things, and nobody cares. Oh and they all have TRAGIC pasts.
Third on the list is by far the wors... Scratch that. Second to worst. The filler. Oh dear god, the filler. Naruto is infamous for this. And you're probably thinking, "Oh, you're lying, the stuff you said in Second is the filler." Some is. SOME. And the worst part? Over half of Naruto is filler. No joke. People bag on Dragonball Z for having filler, but at least it doesn't have nowhere near Naruto does. Hell, even the most hardcore fans started to hate Naruto for it. Because it went on for over a year. Yes, people, a FULL YEAR. I've got nothing more to say.
Fourth, definitely the worst, the unoriginality. Naruto is just full of it. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke ate blatant and obvious rip offs of other famous characters. Any true anime person can easily tell that Naruto is Goku (orange jumpsuit, blonde hair, big appetite, super form, and is stupid in public, but serious as hell in battle), Sakura is Bulma (Loud, useless, always in danger, and completely defenseless), and Sasuke is Vegeta (arrogant, narcissistic, and is always in a bad mood). Naruto and Sasuke have no friends or family in the beginning (Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker). The special moves are just obvious as the Rase-whatever is the Kamehameha Wave and that Chi-something is Vegeta's Galic Gun.
And finally, the way this show is treated. To the brainwashed fanboys and fangirls who spend their entire lives around this show, it's the best anime in the world and anyone who says otherwise should be treated as trash. To people who can see what this show is, it's completely overrated, over-hyped, and a dead cow that is still being milked when it never had any to begin with. Whenever I read that this show is called "The Best/Most Popular/Influential anime of all time" I just want to run toward the first living thing I see and kill it. The only anime that deserves this are Dragonball Z, Bleach, One Piece, and Original Pokemon. The only thing that Naruto deserves is a title of "The Anime That Caused Toonami to Be Cancelled And Caused The Decay Of Cartoon Network".
Don't waste your time with this. Go watch anything else. And if you'll excuse me, I have to make some phone calls to brain surgeons to remove the memories of this show.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
The mutants didn't sign the press release.
I first came upon this movie while watching late-night television some Saturday night. I pressed the info button to know more about it, but the dreaded "people lost in the woods getting killed of one by one" caught my eye. Nevertheless, I watched it, thinking that it would put me to sleep. But sleep was something I didn't get that night. Why? Because this horror/gore and action movie is the best thing I've seen so far. And I've seen it four years ago.
Just from the gory death in the *very* beginning is a taste for the things to come. The plot of the movie is a goes: a reality show that is very similar to Survivor but has a post- apocalyptic theme, with contestants playing against each other for a cash prize. But unfortunately, the murderous family of mutants start hunting them down. The cast has the great Henry Rollins as Colonel Murphey, the host of the game show (called The Apocalypse), and the contestants (I'm too lazy to put them all here).
The contestants do have the cliché characters that all horror movies have. There's the jock, the whore, the funny guy that doesn't know how to shut up, the tough girl, the nice girl, the quiet and mysterious girl, and the tough guy. Unlike all the horror movies that just throw the characters in and expect us to feel sorry for them, Wrong Turn 2 has done what no other movie has: given them back-stories. One has come on the show because she needs the prize money to pay off huge debts that her cheating ex piled on her, another used to try out for the NFL, but he broke his shoulder and his dreams were crushed, so he would use the money to become a medic for the NFL players, and the last one I'll spoil is my favorite: he'll use the money to throw the biggest beach rave of all time.
The gore and action mix together perfectly. You don't know when the mutants will jump out and attack and never know will happen next. You think you know who will survive? Guess again. The big Tough Guy and Tough Girl do not come out of this. In fact, they die in the worst way I've seen. The gore is grotesque .....in a good way. Only one scene is CGI, and it's hidden to well, I couldn't spot it until the goofs section pointed it out.
The only bad thing about this movie is that Henry Rollins doesn't make it through. He had the highest kill count and turned into a killing machine that makes Schwarzenegger look like a baby. After killing his share of the mutants, he gets arrows to the kne...I mean to the heart...three times. The remaining contestants must fight for themselves and for each other.
Finally, this movie is great. It may not be the best movie ever, but it sure is a roller coaster of a ride of action, horror, gore, suspense, funny parts, and even some drama in it. Check it out if it's available in your nearest store, Netflix, redbox, etc.
***** outta ****. And yes, I know I gave five out of four stars.