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Perkins' 14 (2009)
Zombie film, I'm calling IT! oh i mean infected Americans.
Start off with this, is a grade "D" horror-movie not a Merchant Ivory production of "WINDSWEPT MANOR". So you leave this film be ya-hear it ain't hurting nobody. Start off with the movie jumps around a bit and when it lands you have the dysfunctional Sheriff still grieving the loss of his son and hitting on his daughters friends. His boyz arrest a creepy guy who tries to talk his way out of jail. A further investigation leads him to believe this guy is responsible for the disappearance of his son and other kids. A deputy is sent to do an illegal search of the suspects residence. he releases the now grown son who starts infecting everyone with the crazies. The father kills the creep before he can tell them whats going on. the father won't let anyone kill his son which would've nipped this in the bud. It all culminates in a deadly stand off inside the local cop-shop.
Arn: Tempelriddaren (2007)
Sweden throws their hat in the ring for the origin of KING AURTHER
I watched this Swedish language film with Spanish subtitles. They did speak English American English at that for several scenes during the film, it basically doubled for or instead of Arabic. I liked that and I like the film. It's about a trained warrior who goes to the mid-east to serve out his penance, and earn his pro-card. He comes back and has to help his people free themselves from their oppressors. The ending scroll told how he then went on to unite England. It was a good fill, well choreographed well acted. The romance was good and how she was punished for her indiscretions too, so they can flash back and forth between the stories. The mid-east adventure was lifted almost scene by scene from "Kingdom of Heaven." The same names the same bad-guys including evil arrogant French-knights. He kills some Arabs and gets in good with the Arab war-lord. He's plotted on and against by other Templers jealous of the name he's earning for himself.
The Informers (2008)
A boring outdated movie about Hollywood excess.
Remember back in the late 80's there were thesestr8video films about underground fight-clubs that only the rich and powerful had access to and Lorenzo-Lamas had to go under-cover to expose. Now with every neighborhood having a garage fight-club or back-yard wrestling league they seem outdated. Well between Courtney Cox's show dirt and TMZ this movie is sadly outdated and horribly tame. It advertises itself as a look inside the secret drug and cocaine fueled world of Hollywood's blonde haired bronze skinned chosen ones. Who make million dollars deals all-day and go clubbing all-night and
.Start-off cocaine fueled sex doesn't happen on grammas' old king sized bed. It happens in club bathrooms, fancy restaurants kitchen floors parking lots pools and limos. And it involves a lot more Oral sex. As for the clubbing they go to one club as I remember and they didn't even get into the VIPs room. It s was the main club floor that's it. Characters are introduced by some named older actor playing their handler and screaming at them about their life of excess and how they're going to get themselves in trouble. Thanks mom. One character is chewed out for having sex with a 15 yoa. The show Dirt had an action adventure star caught on a "To catch a predator" type under-cover sting. This movie was supposed to take you inside the secret world tell you something you didn't know. Hell I know more about the secret world of Hollywood VIP's than this writer and director. And there was no suspense or sense of adventure. No-one caught a beating or a dick they didn't want because of a drug debt. Nothing happened nothing happened. Except Mickey Rourke turned in another fine sleazy performance.
Hit and Run (2009)
"STUCK" in the windshield = "Hit and Run".
Its's hard to make a horror movie about the horrific events that surrounded the true story of stuck in the windshield. Registered nurse high on ecstasy runs over a homeless guy who ends up stuck in her windshield. she drives him home and watches as he slowly dies. she gets 50 years for murder. Well these two movies are are worse than the actual event. in both movies the intoxicated "womyn" drivers run down a guy and don't call the police. They call their boyfriends to do clean-up and both boyfriends are killed by the still alive. In "STUCK" the there's a winner, in this movie there's no winners. The victim goes into a pet cemetery deal and attacks his family. he stalks the suspect and it ends badly and bloody. As in STUCK and the actual event itself.
Blood and Bone (2009)
The black version of every other fight movie.
This'll probably be the 5th fight movie I've seen with Micheal Jai WHITE in it. And its the second time I've seen him play the put upon hero (UNDISPUTED II). But this time is the first time I've seen him with an all black cast. All the big brothers you wanted to see catch or give a beaten except the TERRY TATE office linebacker dude, and Adebisi. Hell the movie even had SAID in it. Yes I'v e seen a lot better fight scenes these were maybe around early VAN-DAMME choreographed scenes. But when you're trying to get big lumbering "KIMBO SLICE and Bob SAPP to do hurricane kicks it just ain't going to happen. And yes both are professional fighters who I've seen fight and lose, in the real world, and there real fights were more exciting. But you've never seen "KIMBO" in a love scene B4 have you.
ZOMBIE BABY turns into VAMPIRE BABY!
Say 4 the record I don't like any movie that gives me a woody about two octogenarians getting it on. But when MRS. CRAB-APPLE grabbed Mr. CRAB-ABBLES crank-shaft because she was getting hot and bothered by her swollen boobs, well it is what it is. To start this off correctly, eat it HIPPIES. A happy neo-hippie holistic food/medicine couple are having a baby, it dies due to an accident that kills the husband. They bring the baby to term and breast feeding it brings it back to re-animation. Flies are attracted to the baby and its barely above room temperature. Yes a woman alone sitting on a fat inheritance will keep the house at 94 degrees. the baby won't stop feeding and the woman's nipples are bleeding like a marathon runner. She starts feeding it animal blood and then as the husbands meddling mother, and doctors get involved the forsaken seed goes from one victim to the next. oh you see boobs but not in the way you want to see them.
Blood Trails (2006)
"HITCH-HIKER" on a mountain-bike.
The lead character lives her life the way she drives her bike, fast and furious loose and without rules. UNknown off in the corner a stalker awaits. he pulls her over Identifies himself as an officer. She figures she'll go out with him and has a bad date a horrible date. Shje lets her boyfriend take her out on the woods for a therapeutic bike-ride. And her comes the stalker. Before he cuffed her to a bed, this time he doesn't hold her captive, he just slaughters anyone in the woods who tries to help her and get her to safety. His derangement is proved when he captures her and gives her a bowl of spaghetti witch she wolves down, he thinks she's over on his side. Until she gets her strength back and she comes at him with his own knife. He's quick enough to get it away but there's still more people to kill before this movies over.
Ready or Not (2009)
Unfunny Vegas road-trip bachelor-buddy movie o nudity.
First off you have you're stereotypical college buddies. The tool-cool confirmed bachelor doesn't believe in blood. The whiny loser looking for love. The inconvenient married guy hen-picked looking to cut loose since his over-bearing wife isn't there. They have the strippers come thru and wake-up jumping from one telegraphed cliché to another. The GANGSTERs house who treats him good and betas everyone else. Warn them not to touch his sister, wife, daughter, they do, and are hunted. The come to Jesus moment in the Indian Peyot tent. The ending is stupid and thru-out the entire movie you're thinking thats how its going to end. It's a long way for no pay-off, no comedy, and no nudity.
No more answering the calls for help in space.
Plaguers sounds like an Immature Fraternity knick-name for a disease, and thats exactly describes the production value, script and plot of this film. You've seen this all B4, a space-ship full of renegades and misfits answers the call for help of another ship and either is hunted down on that ship, or brings something aboard their ship that hunts them down one by one. Here they smuggled some energy source that gives off so much energy it can raise the dead. So they answer an S.O.S. call of a ship. The ship is filled with hot young nurses. The nurses turn about to be pirates and roll the crew. Someone dies and is resurrected by the energy source and the (SPACE) ZOMBIE plague starts from there.
Far North (2007)
Worst manage-a-trios ever.
Life in the barren north, is cruel and harsh, and so are the people that eek out an existence in this frozen hell-hole. Upon looking at the cover with MIchelle YEOH (luv-her) and Sean BEAN, and a young Asian actress named Michelle, I couldn't wait for the sex scene with the three of them. Bodies wrapped as one trying to fight off the cold. Well what does everybody want but no-one likes. Getting exactly what you want. I got it alright and wished i never saw it. Anyhoo the movie starts off with the lead character killing one of her sled dogs to make a hearty beefy stew. You then see the harsh existence and life out there. they pass a work camp. Finally an escapee from the work camp or deserter arrives. He brings with him the marvels of the modern world and jealously as the two pine for his affection. In the end your left speechless and no anyone who lives up there has to be crazy.