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Full House (1987)
Never Knew TV Could Get This Bad
Oooh boy. Now, I know this was the 80s. Corny, obnoxious TV shows were at their highest, with shows like "Roseanne," among other shows, but this is just terrible. Not since "Leave it to Beaver," have I seen such unrealistic family life. At least that show had decent writing. The characters are completely unlikable. First, there's the dad (famous for "America's Funniest Home Videos, and telling the Aristocrats joke) who apparently has some form of Asperger's disorder. Then there's Joey, a grown man who has dedicated his life to doing cartoon impressions to make people "laugh." Not since Carrot Top have I seen a bigger insult to comedy. Then there's Uncle Jesse, a greaser who tries to be a famous musician, he's a poser, but a try-hard nonetheless. Then there's the kids. The kids are the most annoying things to walk the face of the planet since God-knows-when. There's bimbo DJ, somewhat normal but later meth addicted Stephanie, and the youngest, Michelle who somehow is the smartest out of all these blockheads. Here's how an episode goes. Smart mouthed remarks from one to another, they all love each other, and a bunch of other feel-good crap. It may have been loved so much since it was considered a positive show for the family, but really, if you want my opinion, if you want a positive, family friendly show, turn on "King of the Hill"
A bizarre, surreal show with the best animation I have seen in a long time
When I first saw this show, I noticed that it had AMAZING animation, but was still sick, twisted and bizarre.I loved it!!! Superjail is so trippy it makes Yellow Submarine look like an anti drug PSA. The show is set in what else but a jail? But it's a SUPERjail, a weird facility the size of a city that houses the most vicious inmates. It's located inside a volcano that's inside a volcano. Just a warning to protective parents, the animation is very lively, colorful and psychedelic, and the animation looks amazing, so it may end up attracting younger children. Don't let it fool you though. While it is a hilarious show, it is also very violent.Most of it is comical, but it's still really gruesome. Entertaining,but gruesome.
Even though there's only been 21 episodes as of today, there's still been time to grow fond of the characters. Every episode starts with a criminal called Jackknife committing a crime, and being captured by Jailbot during the opening theme. Jailbot is a robot that does the wishes of the Warden, and is often shown dealing with the inmates. The Warden is the owner of Superjail who likes Alice, and reminds me of a hilarious, deranged version of Willy Wonka. Almost every episode revolves around his latest schemes to improve Superjail or get what he wants, which usually results in hilarity. Alice is the the security guard. She is obviously a transvestite, very masculine, and violent. Jared is the lovable, short, panicky accountant who is recovering from almost every addiction imaginable and is often seen helping the Warden. The weirdest characters are probably the Twins. While this is more out of playfulness than out of evil, they serve as antagonists to the Warden. Most of the time they are seen messing up the Warden's plans, which inevitably leads to more violence. Although it turns out that they are in Superjail on vacation.
So basically an episode follows this format. The Warden comes up with a plan for Superjail, Jared complains, the Twins mess it up, extreme brutal violence, credits. It's simple, it's shocking, and it's hilarious. I highly recommend it to anyone who's looking for something weird.
When I was your age, MAD was still a magazine and we watched real TV.
Don't believe me??? Just read my review.
Okay, first of all, i know that this is a kid's show, but it doesn't mean it doesn't have to be funny. Now, I'm a child of the 90's, so I grew up with Nickolodeon before it became a sellout channel. We had "All That," "Kenan and Kel," "Invader Zim," etc. We also had "Beavis and Butthead," "Daria," "Futurama," "Greg the Bunny," and "King of the Hill." Now, I realize that this is a show aimed towards 7 to ten year old kids with the intent of being a more kid friendly version of one of my favorite shows: Robot Chicken. Only problem is, it's not funny. It's pretty much nothing but bad puns and lowbrow crude humor. I mean, the puns are REALLY bad. I mean, come on CSiCarly?! That's just pathetic by my standards. Now, for the toilet humor, I mentioned Beavis and Butthead, who were actually quite funny. But most of the humor came from their stupidity and their love of heavy metal, nachos, and chicks. 60% of the jokes in MAD involve zits, farts, poop, burps, blood, vomit etc. Crude humor can occasionally be funny, but if not properly executed it just makes you feel sick and disgusted, instead of making you laugh. Also, the voice acting is so freaking annoying. I mean, with Family Guy and Robot Chicken and the Simpsons, the voice actors are great and can do several voices. With MAD, the male announcer is basically a pompous sounding, annoying moron. The female lead is real annoying because, while she only has one voice which isn't really that remarkable, has done some pretty good stuff for some other shows such as Futurama and Family Guy (She was Brian's girlfriend) it's nothing new. It's the same voice and it gets real old real fast! With Seth McFarlane, Alex Borstein, and Nancy Cartwright, Mike Judge and Seth Green, they have such a repertoire of great voices. Now I've . I understand that this is kid's humor, but if you really want the truth, I think if I had a twelve year old son, I would much rather let him watch robot chicken than MAD, because dark comedy is better than toilet humor in my opinion, whether it's appropriate or not.
The Middle (2009)
Really awesome show
Okay, I was watching TV this one time and I checked the TV guide and I saw that this was playing and I read the description. I thought it would be just another sitcom, but I watched it anyway. Sure it's generic, but it's funny. THere's a generic cast of characters, but they are so funny.
There's Axl, the rebellious football playing teen who walks around the house in his boxers, Sue, the socially awkward weirdo, Brick, the cute kid who's the smartest but the biggest procrastinator, Mike, the goof-ball dad, and Frankie, the struggling mom.
Anyways, there's a lot of different comedies, but I like this one the best 1. Full House, an unfunny sitcom about a single dad, a wannabe Elvis uncle, an idiotic man child, and three unfunny kids
2. South Park: I freaking love South Park, but the swearing every other second gets old 3. Family Guy: People are gonna hate me for this, but I think its an unfunny rip off of the Simpsons 4.The Simpsons: Pure genius 5.The Middle: Pure Genius The show is just plain funny and i highly recommend it to anybody who liked Malcom in the Middle before its untimely cancellation. THe reason I like this better than South Park is because this is smart humor where you don't need to swear every 2 seconds to be funny
Who the heck would direct such an awful movie?
When I first saw this movie. I knew that James Cameron didn't direct this. Why?, you may ask. James Cameron makes GOOD movies. I was expecting this movie to be awesome, and since it was a Terminator movie, it had a lot of potential. I'm not really surprised, though. 3rd movies are always the worst. For example, Godfather 3, Poltergiest 3, Alien 3, Back to the Future 3, and Karate Kid 3. The only good 3rd sequels I can think of are Goldfinger and Return of the Jedi. I was expecting an action movie with a good plot line and character development and good acting. The robotic Terminators in the first 2 movies also were kinda realistic because terminators are cyborgs. But here's how this one was. There was no good acting, there was only running and screaming, Arnold wasn't as awesome as he was in the first 2 films, and they replaced all the special effects from the first movies that are realistic because of terminators being cyborgs with CGI. I mean, why not replace robotic looking robots with computer animation? To make it look better?! CGI looks awful. I'm real mad at James Cameron for not directing this movie. Maybe then it would be decent. However, the first two movies are so good that I almost forgive James Cameron for not directing the latest ones. James Cameron, I forgive you because you've made too many good movies to slander your reputation.
Le cinquième élément (1997)
One of my favorite movies
I saw this movie on opening day when I was ten, and I LOVED it! It combines the action of the matrix, the awesomeness of Bruce Willis before he went bald, the surrealism and odd humor of the Book "THe Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." The only thing that I didn't like was that the "Diva Dance" song that the blue lady that looked like she was straight out of Star Wars sang was too long. I laughed at a lot of parts like when Zorg choked on a cherry and when Leeloo and Korben were having sex in the resurrection chamber(only because I have a twisted sense of humor). And my favorite lines were "Negative... I am a meat Popsicle, and "Multipass". I did like when the Diva got shot and revealed that the stones were inside her though. Ruby was on sh-rooms, and Korben's mother was a bitch. THe movie combines what made the Matrix, and those books I mentioned great, and multiplies it by a whole lot. I still love this movie. Always have, always will. I strongly recommend it to anyone in search of a bad-ass Bruce Willis flick, or a Sci-fi epic. Possibly the best cult movie I have ever seen.
Barney & Friends (1992)
My Kids Will Never Watch this Garbage
When I have kids, and when they're very little, I will let them watch stuff like SpongeBob, Mickey Mouse, Elmo, and other shows like that. I will never let them watch this vomit inducing piece of crap. Here are the reasons Why:
1. The way the kids and Barney interact with each other. I don't want my son/daughter/both to learn the wrong definition of love. This show teaches false love
2. One episode "A Stranger is a Friend You Haven't Made Yet" caused millions of children to fall victim to infanticide, kidnappers, and pedophiles. 3. The message that cheating is good. In one episode, one boy bent the rules and was awarded for his creative thinking.
4. His shows do not assist children in learning to deal with negative feelings and emotions. As one commentator puts it, the real danger from Barney is denial: the refusal to recognize the existence of unpleasant realities. For along with his steady diet of giggles and unconditional love, Barney offers our children a one-dimensional world where everyone must be happy and everything must be resolved right away.
5. I was watching something on the history channel about the Nostradamus effect and the first two false prophets being Napoleon and Hitler, but that the third and most dangerous may be among us today. Here's something that relates this to Barney:
a. Barney is well-described with the following phrase:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
b. The old Latin alphabet used the letter 'V' in place of 'U', therefore the above phrase is modified to: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
c. Letters that do not represent Roman numerals are removed:
CV-- -V--L- DI----V-
d. Add up the Roman numerals of the remaining letters:
C + V + V + L + D + I + V = 100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666
Yes, that purple bastard may be the third false prophet. And before anyone accuses me of devil worship, I want everybody to know that I am a Christian. If I ever saw Barney in person, I would do what Jesus would do. I would say "Begone Satan! I condemn thee back to Hell!" and then I would kick him in the balls so hard that his scream would be heard by astronauts on the moon.
6. The creator was probably a schizophrenic. Why do I say this, because in an interview with the creator, she says "All I can remember is him teaching me.
7. Hippie parents think this is a good and educational show and that by letting their kids watch real movies like Star Wars, the parents will think "Oh no, this movie has guns in it. If I let my kid watch this, they'll think that it's okay to go shoot people." Let me ask you something. Where the hell is a kid going to find a gun. I saw Star Wars, Terminator, Alien, The Temple of Doom, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Terminator 2, and Silence of the Lambs before I turned 10, and I turned out fine. I'm an Eagle Scout, I was on Honor Roll from 6th to 12th grade, I was the star of my High School football team, I was class president, I'm going to college to be a graphic designer, I'm engaged to a beautiful girl that I love dearly, and I have two nephews who's pictures are on my desk in my house. How did I turn out like that? With good parenting. Those movies didn't make me think it was okay to shoot people. What the hell are you stupid hippies thinking?!
Also, this show gives the wrong definition of imagination. you don't need magic to use your imagination. Like in that one SpongeBob episode where SpongeBob and Patrick were goofing around and pretending to race cars in that box. I mean, they were having fun with a cardboard box. They didn't need magic to use their imagination. And I'm 20 and I watch SpongeBob with my 5 year old nephew, Connor, whenever he visits, and SpongeBob is actually a good show. It's actually pretty funny and the only good show still on Nickolodeon.
I would have rated this movie half a star, but I'm saving that rating for "Catwoman". This one has earned negative ten stars. My nephew, made it up when he saw Aliens in the Attic, and he said to me, "Uncle Jamie, this movie deserved negative ten stars. That's the worst rating you can give." Yeah, he's a pretty awesome kid. He's really smart and creative for a five year old. In fact, he was reading the abridged version of "Moby Dick." No bull!
This show has earned negative ten stars.
The Dark Knight (2008)
What were they thinking?!
Okay,first of all, I would like to thank Warner Brothers for making the most overrated movie ever made. How Can people compare this to the Burton Batman movie or the Godfather? Or Fight Club? Those are some of the best movies ever made. This is what it's come too. After watching good movies (Terminator, Total Recall, BTTF, Star wars, and the Godfather etc.) and god awful movies (Catwoman, Batman Begins, Toxic Avenger, Troll 2, BTTF 3, Alien 3, Terminator 3 and 4) I had to watch the worst, most overrated piece of crap to hit the big screen. Let's compare some of the elements of the Michael Keaton Batman and this piece of crap that i'm reviewing: The plot holes: 1989 Batman: the story of how Bruce Wayne became Batman, how Jack Naiper became the joker. Both of which were plot holes, but interesting none the less. The Dark Knight: bland side stories of stuff like Batman and Rachel Dawes's relationship, the the creation of two face, etc.
The Clown Prince of crime himself: In "Batman," the Joker (Nicholson) was a psychotic, yet funny villain who had creative methods i.e. Smylex (the Joker Gas), that hand buzzer thing, and the acid squirting flower. He was the best part of the movie. In the Dark Knight, the Joker is some psychotic anarchist who just blows up stuff. Big freaking whoop. And the only reason people like the Heath Ledger Joker is because Heath Ledger died after the movie was finished.
Batman: In the batman movie I liked, Michael Keaton delivered a halfway decent performance in both of the movies he was in. In the dark knight, batman was some queer who was pathetically trying to make a futile attempt at sounding intimidating. It's almost laughable. He always sounds like he's choking!!! And there were none of the batman gadgets used in the 1989 one. Batman in the dark knight was a boring, pathetic queer.
The plot and setting: In the 1989 Batman movie, the way Gotham City was described was very cool. However in the dark knight, it was a generic of Chicago.
If you don't like good movies, and like overrated movies, and like watching shitty films. I highly recommend the dark knight.
A pretty good movie.
I thought the movie was weird, artsy, and surreal, but in a good and entertaining way; you know, like the imagination of Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes." The movie is about a boy named Toby Thompson, and he's considered a loser by his peers. He's bored with his regular life, but when he finds a different colored rock that can grant wishes, his life gets turned upside down. Some of the things the kids wish for (or get) include...
Tiny alien friends A lifetime SUpply of Candy Bars "Telephoneisis" (a play on telekinisis)
A Castle A Super Smart Infant Sister A Pterodactyl A Catapult
The movie is clever, and very funny. I really thought it was a cute kids movie. I am not a fan of some of Robert Rodriguez's more recent kids movies, but I thought this one was good. The movie's plot is jumbled up like 'Pulp Fiction' and cleverly told in a series of shorts. Hence the name. I highly suggest it considering all the other family movies that are currently out are crap. i.e. Aliens in the Attic, and G Force. that cloudy with a chance of meatballs movie looked cute too.
this movie has earned my rating of 9.5 out of 10
The Mask of Zorro (1998)
Anthony Hopkins at His Best!!!
I love this movie. I don't like some of the older Western movies, or western movies in general, but I have never seen a more well written, beautifully acted movie besides Terminator, the Godfather, Star Wars, ET, and Back to the Future. This is my favorite Anthony Hopkins role besides Hannibal. He was perfect for the role of old Zorro. I highly recommend this movie. It's a great movie. It's exciting, clever, it has characters you care about, its a great movie. But this is a type of movie where either you love it within the first 30 minutes, or you hate it instantly. If you're looking for a good, exciting movie, I highly suggest it.