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Geostorm (2017)
Hope destroyed faster than the buildings in this movie
27 February 2018
So I went into this one with merely the knowledge that it was a disaster movie. Okay, so I saw the movie poster. So I was surprised to see Gerald Butler in the beginning and the first real scene (court scene) set the story in a good way, and set my mood equally. And then the first scene reached its end and fear took hold of me.That was pretty poorly written. But then I saw other seasoned actors. Beautiful and talented Abbie Cornish, then Harris and Garcia, this thing just had to improve again. It didn't. It's been a while since I've seen such flat stereotyped one-dimensional characters with zero evolution throughout the movie. It's been a while (20 years or so) since I've seen such obvious fake fights. It has not been a while since I stopped rooting for seemingly good guys to bite it but this time, it really should have happened. No excuse guys. I could have easily written better dialogues myself. I could have easily presented better and more believable scenes that would cost less special effects. I probably could have acted better and be more credible as a scientist/engineer/ special agent/... Some looked down on '2012' but I now I really know I loved that one. Go figure.
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Och, Karol 2 (2011)
A comedy worthy of a theater near you
23 November 2011
No need to bash on this movie because it's similar and probably better than what Hollywood throws at us. When I take a look at comedies like The Change-Up or any Steve Carrell movie, I see the same lack of credibility that I find here. And I like these comedies for the most part, so I like this one as well. In my opinion the actors deliver as they should, and I couldn't find any really weak links among the cast. The movie doesn't offer gratuitous nudity, nor does it need to. The dialogues are fluent and at times really funny. Sure, it helps when you speak Polish, but any good translation should offer the same result. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a large pool of decent translators out there, and Polish movies really do suffer from that shortcoming. They would be much more popular and known if only the business would make some effort. Try buying a DVD there that includes subtitles, you'll know you're not in for a treat. I give this movie an 8, not because it'll make your day or because it's original, but because it will set you in a good mood. That, and the song used in the movie is addictive as hell ('you love yourself').
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Dragonquest (2009 Video)
Not much of a dragon, not much of a quest
20 October 2009
Marc Singer, hero of the legendary movie Beastmaster, is back with more of the same. The only difference is that this movie appeared to be made 20 something years before the Beastmaster instead of 20 something years after.

I react the same negative way as many others reacted, but maybe I have some alternate views. Maybe I think that the actors and the writers were paid for the amount of words that were used. Almost none, so sticking to a low budget must not have been a problem. There were a couple of facial expressions though, as thoughtful as from a b-rated soap opera. For sure nothing was spent on special effects on neither dragons nor quests, so I guess it all went to the outfits or to the appearance of the characters. A few rags here and there, a few piles of mud to roll into before playing your part, that must have been expensive.

Was there a lack of character development? I think they rather developed really well from single cell organisms to two-footed Neanderthals.

Of course, if all else fails, you have naked women and fierce fights. Wait, they didn't have naked women (almost though, in the beginning, but that should have been warning that it wasn't going to happen). And they didn't have fierce fights. Well, nothing that my dead grandfather couldn't have won. You should enjoy the abilities of the army (I mean the five soldiers) during the final fight.

A negative experience, for sure. I'm sorry for anyone who spent money on this. My advice, take your copy of Beastmaster from under the dust.
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I don't love these men
12 August 2009
After all the positive reviews that this movie is getting, the good IMDb rating, the brown-nosing policy of some people, I think I'm entitled to post my opinion too. And it's not a positive one, or at least not an entirely positive one.

The good things include the actors, playing their roles to perfection. Now here's immediately the downside too. The characters lack credibility, and I won't go as far as to blame this on the actors, but then the writers must have been on something when fabricating this. I found it hard to sympathize with any of them, least of all with the BFF. I was a player before, but never to the point of being antipathic towards other people. Be it true that man is an animal, it's even nicer to feel superior to that, which I suppose is what this type of person should go for. He fails.

The beginning of the movie was very good and promising, and then something happened. It made me check what time it was, and how long this was still going to last. Not a very good sign, and the nicknaming thing made my stomach turn. The flick picks up towards the end, where some of the credibility is restored, and of course more feel-good moments will help you along.

As far as comparison goes, Forgetting Sarah Marshall was way better. A lot of movies are.
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Princess Protection Program (2009 TV Movie)
So typical Disney, it might have been animated
4 August 2009
Adults be warned: if you don't have kids, or if you don't enjoy yourself when they do, then you need not watch this movie. If you want to feel young again, go watch Star Trek or something.

This is Disney in its lightest form, without pain, just some bullying at most. This goes for the school environment as well as for the international political environment. Sure, Mr. Evil himself is about as scary as the lion Alex in Madagascar. He did a good job though, learning from cartoon characters, which I'm sure is a Disney trademark.

Also, don't focus on the international part. I speak both French and Spanish, and it hurts me to see them massacred so much. On the other hand, it makes me think I'd make excellent royalty. Apart from the caring part, that is.

The acting is not as bad as described by others. Actually, everybody seems to be having a good time, hoping it wears off to the audience. It works, sometimes. I liked the camera-work, the attention paid to dressing details, the displays of dignity and style. Also, when I said that it was a light movie, I also meant that there's no scenes at night. Vampires abstain.

Nah, it's not like this movie is advisory entertainment, but when they throw all these kid musicals on your plate, it's nice to have something else for dinner. But, again, be in the right mood, or with the right (very young) people.
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Garrison (2008)
Somebody shoot me too
3 August 2009
I've read prior comments concerning the character development, the musical score, and more good reasons to kill time with this movie.

I heartily disagree.

The music is good, but it's sometimes overwhelming and unnecessarily hard. The characters, apart from the investigating sergeant, are cardboard characters, deprived of intelligence. I found it really hard to care about any of them, and I was continuously hoping that they would all end up in freakish accidents. Even the newbies deserved to get it up the rear end. I especially consider here the staff sergeant who goes AWOL. This guy is giving orders, and he's a total basket case. If this is an accurate description of the American army, then by God, the world is in peril. The pace of the movie is slow, to say the least, the dialogues are simple (suitable for a redneck military audience), and did I mention that the characters are despicable?

I suffered through the movie, and wish all the people who think this is good and realistic all the best. I fear a society where this is your standard drama, and I advise military leaders to also select their officers based on a psychological profile, and not only on the badass crazy percentage.
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Accepted (2006)
Surprisingly good
14 July 2009
You're not going to gain any knowledge by watching this movie, but you won't be bored. More importantly, this movie doesn't contain any embarrassing moments like so many others of its kind, where you know that something is about to happen that makes you want to leave the room. Usually this happens when the plot reveals itself, and the secret is out. In this case, I'm happy to say that it's solved quickly and flawlessly, without exaggerating (like usually the main character works up an over-sized IQ and suddenly has connections everywhere). Nothing as drastic as that, and nothing as incredible as that.

I will however never understand the educational system in the States. Here in Europe you cannot get rejected, and the yearly costs of studying (including living costs) are nowhere near the amount there. And it doesn't bring down the level, I can assure you of that.

Anyway, this movie works if you just want to pass your time in a relaxed way. The actors don't overdo it, and it's a feel-good movie all the way.
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It may be a secret, but nobody seems to care
2 July 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I generally like mystery along the lines of "person goes home after a long absence, just to unlock a sh*tload of village/family secrets". This movie made me think I was up to the usual, and with some fantasy background, it sounded even better.

In my opinion it didn't deliver. The beginning was good, setting the atmosphere, creating the secret, placing everything in a nice setting. Let me add also that the costume department did a splendid job too. But then the girl actually arrives at the location where loose ends flew in her face. Okay, so she's supposed to make stuff happen to lift some curse that endangers life in general, cool. You would expect a little help from someone, from either side, good or bad. But no, these people enjoy facing doom, and never did seem too interested in changing the course of events. Not the uncle (emotionless, uncaring, basically not a nice type of guy), not the archenemy (not too bright, inactive), not even the people who might actually know things. Actually, no character is worth my sympathy. Even the girl is your typical annoying child.

Acting credit, on the other hand, does go the girl. The rest just plays their role, and I've seen all of them doing much better. Especially Tim Curry, whose proved potential isn't even remotely used.

Sour feeling at the end. 5 out of 10 for the setting in general.
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The boys won't be part of my history
29 June 2009
I saw this one holding a firm belief that the British film industry is far superior to the American one. In a certain way, it didn't disappoint, because the acting was top notch, and the conversations witty.

The problem was with the story, if ever there was one. Starting or ending with the premises that basically everybody is gay or has no problem pretending to be so, is a bit incorrect in my eyes, and doesn't do the whole movement any good. Also, for being gay, they were pretty bad at it. Secondly, are they trying to make me believe that young boys with an interest in history, take English literature (by far not the best in the world) as their prime source of ideas or witty come-backs? Sad, really, especially when you see what writers pass the reviews.

As far as the French part is concerned, I was surprised. In a good way, partly, but with pain in my heart as well. The conversations and the accent remind of why some people can never master a foreign language.

This movie is worth seeing, especially the first half, but then it's just more of the same. My girlfriend dozed off, I persisted. Not sure why.
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The Unborn (2009)
Jumpstart Jumby
25 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
First, I'll admit that this movie gave me the necessary scares, and I don't mind the bad reviews of how Hollywood redefines horror using the same means as decades ago. Even Oscar related movies sometimes fall under this category, and they are praised to the skies anyway.

The story is about some ancient demon that predates everything, and wants a human body to get back into the world. Interesting, though weird. Is it really so difficult to find a suitable host, after all this time? Okay, ignoring this, is it really so terrible? I mean, according to the story, he's been there before, surrounded by Nazi's, and his sister killed him. How? More importantly, why? If it's so easy to kill (by a kid, no less), why bother trying to exorcise it, thus jeopardizing everyone around you. Don't be selfish, just give up, woman. Think about the others for a change.

The special effects were decent, the first half of the story was good enough, but as soon as they introduced grandma, I felt uncomfortable. If the girl was so obsessed with her mother's death, I would assume she'd find this person ages ago. I guess not. I was also uncomfortable with the fact that all these youngsters live alone in huge houses. Rich kids? Being alone by the way, is a sure way to get killed. Any movie can tell you that. If you're indeed selfish enough to put other lives at risk, be consequent with this decision. Have a party. Maybe you can intoxicate the demon.

Criticism put aside, I don't regret spending time watching this. Some forgetful day in a far future I could watch it again, not like some Oscar movies, where once is already pushing it.

For the effects, the scares, a 4 out of 10. The acting is neglectable, the script probably workable.
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18-Year-Old Virgin (2009 Video)
For sure not like my childhood
19 June 2009
I want to write something intelligent, but I assume that I should choose another movie for that. Oh well, I've seen this one yesterday, so let's see what my inspiration brings me.

I could write about the actors. There's not that many of them (low budget; the same people appear in different places of the house all the time), and they generally don't display much talent. This being said, it could also be the script, making them speak or behave in a very unnatural matter. However, I did like the fact that at least the leading ladies were capable of facial expressions. I truly regret that some highly acclaimed actors miss out on this field. It's one thing to passionately say the lines, but it's another thing to express it visually. I refer to that horrible thing called Zoolander, and the 'look' that means everything (actually the best part of that movie).

I could write about the plot, and then one sentence should do the trick: a girl wants to get some, and for some strange reason it's problematic. No plot worth mentioning, but hey, if you see this movie, it's probably because of the title, not because of the contents.

I could write about the setting. It's a house, and it's a damn big one. Amazing how many bedrooms are allegedly in there, and how many people manage to make out undisturbed. And only one tiny bathroom. As a European I always wondered ... do people actually go to someone's house and soil every bedroom? For sure they don't do that here.

I could write about the camera-work. Not HD, more like a professional attempt to use a handycam, but it only disturbs in the beginning.

I could write about the nudity. Ah, here's the thing, the girls look good. Again I refer to the two leading ladies, who are hot. They should seriously be offered chances in bigger productions, and not only because of their physique, but also because I believe that there's actual talent present. As for the guys in this movie, please don't bother.

Okay, I had my fun writing this. I watched the movie, didn't find it good, but I kept watching because of the leading girls. Also, I admit that in the second half, there were some good funny scenes. I don't regret seeing it, but I would advise the use of alcohol and male friends as company.
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If he's not into you, he's right
16 June 2009
I was looking forward to seeing this movie. My girlfriend saw it with her friends and said it was good, and a nice relationship comedy with that many established stars and starlets really got my hopes up. It's not because I'm a man that I cannot enjoy this type of movie. So one evening I sunk down in my couch with a snack and a drink, and I gave it a go.

It took two nights to sit through the whole thing.

The movie started out the way I hoped it would: good interaction (even chemistry), good introduction of the characters, flawless acting, and the very good documentary parts where John and Jane Doe express their opinions.

So what happened? Where to start? First off is the deeply psychotic aspect of the leading lady, strengthened by her emotionally challenged friends. As a man, I would stay clear away from them. Secondly, the men were depicted as stereotype dumb-asses, unable of change, stuck into straight-line thinking, thus feeding the mood swing attitude of the women. The men are the passive people in the story, who just let things happen, and allow to be changed. Do you expect me to believe that every woman craves a phone call, that he's just not that into them? Here's a stereotype for you: a straight man is into anything that has tits and breathes. I know thousands of men who make the described phone calls, only to be turned down. Women are far more cruel and picky than portrayed here. Sad.

It's not that I don't believe these individual stories. They do happen. I can identify with the character of Alex, which pretty much sums it up for me. I've seen examples of all the other stories too. But here's the thing: there are far more interesting aspects of relationships and break-ups. When you have actors who can take it, why don't you explore those? People who start relationships with former partners of friends, long-distance issues, family issues, children, ...

Finally, everybody is linked in Baltimore. Must be a true inbred community over there. If they ever have a big get-together, sh*t would really hit the fan. Maybe that's an idea for a sequel: all the same people in a 15 minute short-story about how they decide to completely abandon their lifelong friends. Because that at least is credible.

Very disappointing. 4 out of 10, mostly thanks to the actors, especially Johansson and Cooper.
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On the expressway out of here
9 June 2009
I notice that a lot of reactions involve references to real life. Being Belgian (that's next to the Netherlands - you know, Amsterdam - where soft-drugs are legal) I must say that I've never seen this kind of behaviour. Sure, I've seen people waste parts of their life like this, but they still managed to prioritize. Being chased and possibly killed, would count as a priority in my book.

That's the first weakness of this movie: the plot relying on decisions by stoned protagonists. Hell, I wanted to shoot them at some point. Second weakness must be the script. I'm used to better and wittier stuff from these people (writers and actors). No, I wasn't laughing here, at all, and I was in a good mood when I started watching.

Are there good points? Well, I guess some of the characters, with little screen time, actually did do well. They did provide some comic relief, and were at least consistent in their actions. The fat cop and the two bullies come to mind. Also, the camera-work didn't fail.

This didn't save the experience. Overall a bad trip, and I would advise this movie to people with lacking brain function caused by alcohol or drugs, or just normal mentally challenged people.
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Went in for the title, went out with a smile
8 June 2009
This is one of those titles that make you expect the worst, but make you have to watch it. So I took some time on a weary afternoon, and I gave it a shot.

The first minutes I was happily surprised. Settings and costumes chosen with care, good camera-work and effects (none of the vague stuff that surrounds low-budget flicks), and some witty dialogues. Typical British, yes, but that's a positive remark. The main characters, and their main philosophy, was much to my liking. What follows is more of the same, and I never felt the need to fast-forward or to hide my face and ears in shame. My eyes definitely could appreciate the displayed beauty, whereas in England, these girls should actually be harder to find.

Okay, so the critics will bash on the plot (no sh*t, Sherlock) and the overacting in some cases (again, it's not a candidate for the Oscars). True, no need to expect the best either, but if that's what you're going for, then why choose this movie.

A good time, with true laughs ... I got what I came for.
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The title is good for most of my stars
4 June 2009
Let's face it, you watch this movie basically because the title intrigues you. It's just one of those things, like Snakes on a Plane, or the Attack of the 50 foot Woman. You know everything if you know the title, so you're in for a search where the title explains itself in the movie.

The actors, if you can call them that, are probably paying to be in this movie and get their minutes of fame. The soldiers were so incredibly unrealistic that it makes me believe they're the comic sidekicks. It works, every now and then. The scientists are even more over the top. I wouldn't trust them to mix even a vodka with juice. Finally, the protagonists, two overweight fishies, come straight out of the seventies or the eighties, where they survived previous movies.

So what's good? Well, it's kind of nice to look at Gibson when she makes her seductive face. It's kind of nice to look at Lamas constantly wondering what he's doing there. It's kind of nice to see some actors actually trying to say their lines without bursting into tears.

Special effects are missing, shots are reused, the plot is like Swiss cheese, but I'm happy that I watched it. Really. And even if only for the title, this movie deserves a place in my collection.
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Dzien swira (2002)
Painfully true
2 June 2009
I'm not Polish, but I had the pleasure of visiting most of the country on multiple occasions, I studied there, I dated there. To all the critics who despise the use of profanity, the vulgar approaches of the protagonist, or the economical background, I invite them to take a closer look around Poland. If the described situations are unrealistic, then this is only half true. There are much worse and true facts that are either not mentioned or unexplored in this movie, like the feeling of unsafety, the neediness for capitalism and the exploitation hereof, and the careless and emotionless attitude of the young (men).

Apart from that, this movie nails it. I saw it during a screening in my classes on Polish culture (braught by Polish teachers). I laughed out loud after the first words were uttered when the main character woke up. How sad, but how true his words were. Of course this is satire. What happens here to one person could at most be the combination of a hundred people involved. Still, the pain is real. It's not an easy life out there if you're a local. Everyday is a struggle, the English language is an unrealistic necessity, money is a key word.

Keep an open mind when you watch this one. Seek out the good parts (I enjoyed all the dog references, since I'm not a big dog fan), and know that politically, economically, and privately, this does represent a part of Poland. I love that country though, with all its flaws. It's just not always easy.

The movie gets a 10 from me. I haven't seen anything like it, and I've seen most.
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A true Hollywood adaptation
2 June 2009
It's truly amazing to see everybody obliterating this movie. Some first-timers just registered on IMDb to be able to express their disgust about this film adaptation. Of course, most people who react are die-hard fans of the original manga.

Look, when I was a kid, I used to read all those Marvel comics, presuming they would be available in my little village in Belgium. On TV I was addicted to all those manga series on the French channels. I am also a die-hard fan! My closet is filled with both comics and manga series.

Here's the thing. Let's take the X-Men, Spiderman, Batman, and God knows what other recent film adaptation, and they're in several cases nowhere near the written holder of the name. Let's get to the manga field, and take Fist of the North Star, with several 'big' names. What was up with the guy playing Kenshiro here? Dragonball Evolution is doing basically the same as movies mentioned above: it takes some elements from the original story, usually elements that cover several years of that story. It tries to make a whole. It fails, as expected (the final fighting scene is indeed terrible), but delivers in some way (the main character had potential).

What would be good? Some kid with a tail running around naked, turning into King Kong, fighting childish monsters from the Red Ribbon army? No, you need adolescents, but then you must change the story. The whole idea of the dragon balls has to be introduced, so they integrated it in the change. They try to use the relevant characters from the original: a tech girl, a skilled thief, an old pervert martial arts expert, a dead grandfather, a chick that will hold the love interest of the protagonist, and of course a monster to fight with.

No, it's not the same as the manga. No, the actors probably didn't all check out what it's all about, which makes them seem sometimes bad. No, the hardcore fans will never be satisfied. But yes, it's entertaining for a clueless crowd, and it can be entertaining for people who keep an open mind. The movie industry is all about commercialization, not so much about tradition. I would take my kids to see this. I'm happy I saw it. I can see myself watching it again.

I'm sorry if many will not agree with this point of view. I didn't expect much, and I got more than I expected. That's a passing grade in my book.
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Hallettsville (2009)
A painful evening
31 May 2009
Well, some will find this a horror flick straight out of the books. Sure, it has the typical ingredients: a group of youngsters with individual characters and problems, an abandoned house, ghostly legends, policemen that are there just to be slashed, women that are just there to scream, that kind of stuff. So hey, if you're into this, please see this movie. But be warned: the acting is off the charts horrible, the story makes no sense whatsoever, and the character development and/or description failed in every way.

Since I'm not an entirely evil person, I will add some positive remarks. I liked especially the special effects inside the house. They were not innovating, but they do give you the necessary scare. Secondly, the story could be workable. I believe a better writer (and better actors) could have pulled off a much better story.

3 out of 10 for the positive remarks, which are then only based on the effects. As for the whole experience: don't torture me again!
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My time may not be precious, but it's wasted anyway
22 May 2009
The advertisement for this movie left me with a pretty clear idea of what it would be about. A slasher movie, but with a twist (and 3D - quite daring). The presence of not-all-that-unknown actors should take it up a notch.

The movie started, and though the first minute made me hopeful, the second minute reminded me of those movies from the seventies and the eighties. Especially when I saw the sheriff, a familiar face from some creature movie. "Thrill me", I believe he always said. Okay, so thrill me. I have nothing against those old slasher movies.

As the story sets its boundaries, I was still interested. Could they make something original out of it? A hilarious nude scene later, I decided it wasn't going to happen. Hope faded by the minute, and the presence of horrible horror stereotypes killed my mood. How often can you stumble and fall while being chased and/or how badly can you defend yourself? It ruined the experience, so a low rating from my side. 4 is fine.
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